And so, this long weekend comes to a close.
I spent part of my time preparing for and eventually performing at the concert on Sunday, and other parts of it were spent just being away from work-related matters. I caught up on sleep; played some HoloCure to unlock more weapons, collabs, and items; did some reading; day-dream/rant; complete Fallout 4 to be ready for Fallout: London (I couldn't get Fallout: London to work, so I'm just going to bail out for now); and sort out some more new music from either game OSTs or stuff from the various VTubers.
Other than that... I don't really recall doing particularly productive, as it should be.
There was an intention to go for yet another long-ass cycling trip on the Friday that was ``Wellness Day'' by the organisation that is hosting my work place, but I ended up just chilling at home to avoid giving my body additional physical stress before the concert on Sunday.
And today being a public holiday meant that most parts of the cycling route are going to be flooded with ``tourists'' (i.e. park connector network users who are so casual to the point that they become a nuisance due to not doing the bare minimum of keeping to the left).
I don't think there's anything else I want to talk about. I do feel a bit more rested from before the long weekend, but there will be new things/pains that are coming up that need to be dealt with.
So I suppose I'll just stop here and call it a day for now.
Monday, March 31, 2025
Sunday, March 30, 2025
Flow
And so, the end is near---
Wait, this is not a lyric post. Anyway, I just completed yet another performance with the King's Flute Choir today, this time as a guest player on The Big Flute for a concert under the Emerging Flutists programme. And now, after everything is over, I sit in front of Eileen-III, contemplating about how I'm intending to spend my day for tomorrow's public holiday, and hitting upon a rather simple question.
Why is it that we perform music in front of a live audience?
I mean, for many (not necessarily of the King's Flute Choir), it's their livelihood as entertainers/musicians. But what about us hobbyists, the kind who spend lots of money on gear, lessons, travel, just so that we can perform in front of a live audience?
I think I might have found an answer: the addiction to the feeling of being in a flow state.
For those who are unfamiliar, the ``flow state'' is a moment where one is simultaneously hyper-focused yet hyper-relaxed, with information coming in fast and furious, yet without any form of chaos, as though one is, at that moment, literally One With The Universe, with near omnipotence, capable of handling anything and everything that is coming in, and to deliver the necessary actions/activities/outcomes that go out, all without falling into fear, uncertainty and doubt. One is ``in the moment'', yet with enough cognizance to have an objective perspective on all that is happening, and thus keeping the ability to make quick and accurate decisions even as the rest of the self continues on with the actions that are needed within the flow state itself.
``MT, you sound like you're high.''
No, I'm not; it's hard to explain without using metaphors. It is one of those things that one must experience at least once in their lives, and hopefully be able to regain that feeling in the future when the stakes are high enough, just so that the outward outcomes are not jeopardise by fear, uncertainty, or doubt.
More concretely, I find that when I am playing on my musical instrument on stage and in front of a live audience, I tend to be in the flow state, which leads to outcomes that are better than what I might expect.
And I felt that today, with some verbal confirmation from a third party too. There are a couple of pieces in the setlist that required one to do flute beatboxing, something that I had (1) never done before, and (2) found it quite hard to pull off on The Big Flute due to the need for even more breath to cover for the larger inner diameter. Throughout all the rehearsals, and even during my own practices, I just couldn't do it well enough to sound, let alone be ``correct''. It was to the point that I had to work something out with one of the other players to help with the percussive beatboxing sounds on the regular concert flute.
Yet at the actual concert, somehow I managed to scrabble through, as was the other bass flute player. That player who was helping us with the additional beatboxing support was the one who pointed out that it was the first time that he had managed to hear the beatboxing stuff from the bass-line flutes.
And I know that it was due to being the flow state because if you asked me to replicate it right now, just after the concert, I would likely fail.
Now that we have ``flow state'' defined and understood, let me explain why it is an addictive feeling.
To paraphrase from 《巨婴国》 again, all of us have an innate omnipotent narcissism that some of us eventually learn to acknowledge and tame, bringing us the kind of psychological stability that makes us appear the more matured one. Many of us don't really learn about this, and end up being the kind of self-entitled jerk that everyone loves to hate on the 'net.
But who can blame the for not wanting to acknowledge and tame this innate omnipotent narcissism? It's seductive, it makes one feel powerful. But it is also very unhealthy in the long run, since it becomes the default state of being, which can contradict what the real world may have to offer in return.
Conversely, acknowledging that omnipotent narcissism, and then correcting one's behaviour to avoid triggering that means that one is more comfortable with the world's non-determinism. But acknowledgement and taming is not the same as complete nullification---latent remnants still exist, and as something from the Id, it has a tendency to continuously lurk in the parts of the mind that we aren't paying too much attention to.
Which is why when one is in the flow state, it becomes addictive. Because it is a safe way to satisfy that latent omnipotent narcissism without the negative effects. It is a type of power that is summoned only on occasion, and is therefore considered superior in terms of reactions compared to just living out the omnipotent narcissism fantasy.
But that said, being in flow state from performing on stage and in front of a live audience is not the same as being attention-seeking---the flow state describes an internal state of being of the person, which does not deal with the externalities directly. Thus, when one is in a flow state, one might not even notice the audience, especially if they are the passive sort and are therefore irrelevant anyway. By nature, attention-seeking demands an active audience, and with that, the need to use feedback loops to control one's behaviour to control that of the audience.
And I think that's about it for now. I'm tired---playing The Big Flute ``seriously'' has a tendency of knocking me out because of the need for deep belly-level breathing, which causes too much relaxation despite the obvious efforts needed to actually perform on the music instruments.
Till the next update then.
Wait, this is not a lyric post. Anyway, I just completed yet another performance with the King's Flute Choir today, this time as a guest player on The Big Flute for a concert under the Emerging Flutists programme. And now, after everything is over, I sit in front of Eileen-III, contemplating about how I'm intending to spend my day for tomorrow's public holiday, and hitting upon a rather simple question.
Why is it that we perform music in front of a live audience?
I mean, for many (not necessarily of the King's Flute Choir), it's their livelihood as entertainers/musicians. But what about us hobbyists, the kind who spend lots of money on gear, lessons, travel, just so that we can perform in front of a live audience?
I think I might have found an answer: the addiction to the feeling of being in a flow state.
For those who are unfamiliar, the ``flow state'' is a moment where one is simultaneously hyper-focused yet hyper-relaxed, with information coming in fast and furious, yet without any form of chaos, as though one is, at that moment, literally One With The Universe, with near omnipotence, capable of handling anything and everything that is coming in, and to deliver the necessary actions/activities/outcomes that go out, all without falling into fear, uncertainty and doubt. One is ``in the moment'', yet with enough cognizance to have an objective perspective on all that is happening, and thus keeping the ability to make quick and accurate decisions even as the rest of the self continues on with the actions that are needed within the flow state itself.
``MT, you sound like you're high.''
No, I'm not; it's hard to explain without using metaphors. It is one of those things that one must experience at least once in their lives, and hopefully be able to regain that feeling in the future when the stakes are high enough, just so that the outward outcomes are not jeopardise by fear, uncertainty, or doubt.
More concretely, I find that when I am playing on my musical instrument on stage and in front of a live audience, I tend to be in the flow state, which leads to outcomes that are better than what I might expect.
And I felt that today, with some verbal confirmation from a third party too. There are a couple of pieces in the setlist that required one to do flute beatboxing, something that I had (1) never done before, and (2) found it quite hard to pull off on The Big Flute due to the need for even more breath to cover for the larger inner diameter. Throughout all the rehearsals, and even during my own practices, I just couldn't do it well enough to sound, let alone be ``correct''. It was to the point that I had to work something out with one of the other players to help with the percussive beatboxing sounds on the regular concert flute.
Yet at the actual concert, somehow I managed to scrabble through, as was the other bass flute player. That player who was helping us with the additional beatboxing support was the one who pointed out that it was the first time that he had managed to hear the beatboxing stuff from the bass-line flutes.
And I know that it was due to being the flow state because if you asked me to replicate it right now, just after the concert, I would likely fail.
Now that we have ``flow state'' defined and understood, let me explain why it is an addictive feeling.
To paraphrase from 《巨婴国》 again, all of us have an innate omnipotent narcissism that some of us eventually learn to acknowledge and tame, bringing us the kind of psychological stability that makes us appear the more matured one. Many of us don't really learn about this, and end up being the kind of self-entitled jerk that everyone loves to hate on the 'net.
But who can blame the for not wanting to acknowledge and tame this innate omnipotent narcissism? It's seductive, it makes one feel powerful. But it is also very unhealthy in the long run, since it becomes the default state of being, which can contradict what the real world may have to offer in return.
Conversely, acknowledging that omnipotent narcissism, and then correcting one's behaviour to avoid triggering that means that one is more comfortable with the world's non-determinism. But acknowledgement and taming is not the same as complete nullification---latent remnants still exist, and as something from the Id, it has a tendency to continuously lurk in the parts of the mind that we aren't paying too much attention to.
Which is why when one is in the flow state, it becomes addictive. Because it is a safe way to satisfy that latent omnipotent narcissism without the negative effects. It is a type of power that is summoned only on occasion, and is therefore considered superior in terms of reactions compared to just living out the omnipotent narcissism fantasy.
But that said, being in flow state from performing on stage and in front of a live audience is not the same as being attention-seeking---the flow state describes an internal state of being of the person, which does not deal with the externalities directly. Thus, when one is in a flow state, one might not even notice the audience, especially if they are the passive sort and are therefore irrelevant anyway. By nature, attention-seeking demands an active audience, and with that, the need to use feedback loops to control one's behaviour to control that of the audience.
And I think that's about it for now. I'm tired---playing The Big Flute ``seriously'' has a tendency of knocking me out because of the need for deep belly-level breathing, which causes too much relaxation despite the obvious efforts needed to actually perform on the music instruments.
Till the next update then.
Saturday, March 29, 2025
Homo Rationalis?
(sighs)
Principles, loyalties, looking out for oneself, looking out for one's loved ones---where do all these lie?
Are we living in a world where even the alleged rationality of a transactional relationship gets usurped by the ritualistic chanting and chest-thumping of the loudest person in the room?
Why do people make decisions that, with just a little bit of thought, will end up with them being in a worse position than before?
And no, I am not referring to the US. There are many out there who have bled enough words to criticise, and to complain, and to call for action. I am just thinking out loud about the situation throughout the world, of which the US is just one of the more recent examples.
In many ways, the idea of homo rationalis ought to be considered dead by now. No one, not even me, can truly make decisions that are rational (defensible, logical, consistent). I would go as far as to misquote The Matrix and claim that we've already made our damn decisions---the difficulty then is to understand why we made them.
I have no answers. I never do---not smart enough, and not wise enough to provide answers, and perhaps not even to myself.
One point of solace is that this too, shall pass. For this world is not my world---I'm just passing through before I hopefully end up in God's Kingdom. But instead of the easy inaction that some might advocate, I try my best to steward what has been given to me by God to steward, be it talent, resources, or even relationships with other people.
It is not fatalism; I like to think of it as a type of realism, one that has outcomes consistently grounded in reality, with the actual aims/goals going much further beyond reality.
I suppose this is what philosophers like to call ``hope''.
If we place our hope in the material world, the fact the material world is one that everyone can access means that the same hope that we place can also be touched, and perhaps destroyed, with or without malice.
If we place our hope beyond the material world, then it is less clear who can touch it. The believers of course believe that they can reach that world beyond this one, while the non-believers are a little more heterogenous in thought, with some of the more vociferous ones declaring that since such a world is ``beyond'' the material world, it must therefore not exist, and is a complete delusion that people use to escape the current one where they are losers.
Which in some ways is both funny and sad. Funny in that these folks are themselves deluded enough into discarding a concept that isn't provable within the generally accepted framework of empiricism built around falsification, with the use of the scientific method. Sad because they cannot accept that they may be wrong, for if they were, they would look much dumber than the losers that they decried.
I don't condemn them; I just pray that they find their own peace. I cannot hope to help anyone beyond myself, and even then, I can barely help myself in this messed up world.
All I can do, is to do my best given my locus of control, and let God handle the rest. What I do in this material world, both God and society can see; what I intend in this material world, only God knows, and He will judge me the way He will.
But back to the point (was there a point in the first place?).
I have trust issues. Not sure if I have talked about it before, but I will talk about it now. I have trust issues. If I choose to trust someone, I trust wholeheartedly, considering them as part of the axiomatic inner circle within the context of the trust, where there is little to no boundaries of what we can/cannot say. If I choose to not trust someone, they will know nothing more than what I am required to state by statute.
At work, I trust my folks to do what they are supposed to do. I trust my bosses to make the best damn decisions they can with the information that we provide, and I trust my subordinates to deliver what they say they will. I trust my clients in terms of what they want, but not in the way that they want it. I trust my organisation to follow the law and deal with us fairly, and I trust my infrastructure partners to be the same.
So far, that has gone great.
Away from work, I feel less inclined to trust people as much nowadays.
Primarily because at a personal level, agenda are less structured (as compared to the professional setting), time horizons are less constrained, and few are ready to think/act like the adults they are.
That last point is what is most depressing. For some damn reason, people seem to develop this... immaturity when it comes to things unrelated to the professional setting. It is as though they put their best foot forward ``for the Company!'' but are shoddy when it comes to ``themselves''. The hard-driving business person who makes millions for a company is the same one who is stuck in a divorce proceeding; the caring nurse at the hospital is the same one who shows neglect for their own child at home.
``MT, that's vague af.''
Okay. Here's something similar in concept: personal projects are often managed much more shittily compared to stuff for work, even though there is no functional difference between the two. A project is a project, and formal project management is a solid framework for ensuring timely delivery of a project with good stewardship of resources. Yet the same people whose day job is a project manager, are failing to handle their own projects at home.
Similarly, a line manager is more willing to fire subordinates that are under-performing despite counselling, yet the same line manager somehow refuses to acknowledge that their parents are providing a toxic environment at home.
In that sense, I have trust issues. How can I bring myself to trust someone at a personal level, if statistically, most people are just plain bad at honouring that trust at a personal level?
``MT, statistics is a population thing; you're not a population but an individual.''
Fair statement, but without any evidence/measurement, the a priori assumption of using what the descriptive statistics are saying is as good as any (hello Bayesian inference!). Naturally, once enough evidence/measurement (in the form of interacting with said someone(s)) happens, the a posteriori distribution must change, and that is when the true inference of whether to trust someone or not ought to be made.
But that takes time and/or greater cadence (i.e. intensity) of interactions. I'm middle-aged now, and am not getting any younger. Sometimes, it just feels like too much effort for too little pay-off.
And now that I have bitched about what I think/believe the situation is out there, and how bad it is, I am going to make sure that I live up to my own expectations, and apply the kind of thinking that I think is so sorely missing out there.
``Cool MT... so what's the point of this blog entry again?''
Since when did my nearly sixteen-hundred blog entries had any point other than me dumping my armchair observations/thoughts?
Principles, loyalties, looking out for oneself, looking out for one's loved ones---where do all these lie?
Are we living in a world where even the alleged rationality of a transactional relationship gets usurped by the ritualistic chanting and chest-thumping of the loudest person in the room?
Why do people make decisions that, with just a little bit of thought, will end up with them being in a worse position than before?
And no, I am not referring to the US. There are many out there who have bled enough words to criticise, and to complain, and to call for action. I am just thinking out loud about the situation throughout the world, of which the US is just one of the more recent examples.
In many ways, the idea of homo rationalis ought to be considered dead by now. No one, not even me, can truly make decisions that are rational (defensible, logical, consistent). I would go as far as to misquote The Matrix and claim that we've already made our damn decisions---the difficulty then is to understand why we made them.
I have no answers. I never do---not smart enough, and not wise enough to provide answers, and perhaps not even to myself.
One point of solace is that this too, shall pass. For this world is not my world---I'm just passing through before I hopefully end up in God's Kingdom. But instead of the easy inaction that some might advocate, I try my best to steward what has been given to me by God to steward, be it talent, resources, or even relationships with other people.
It is not fatalism; I like to think of it as a type of realism, one that has outcomes consistently grounded in reality, with the actual aims/goals going much further beyond reality.
I suppose this is what philosophers like to call ``hope''.
If we place our hope in the material world, the fact the material world is one that everyone can access means that the same hope that we place can also be touched, and perhaps destroyed, with or without malice.
If we place our hope beyond the material world, then it is less clear who can touch it. The believers of course believe that they can reach that world beyond this one, while the non-believers are a little more heterogenous in thought, with some of the more vociferous ones declaring that since such a world is ``beyond'' the material world, it must therefore not exist, and is a complete delusion that people use to escape the current one where they are losers.
Which in some ways is both funny and sad. Funny in that these folks are themselves deluded enough into discarding a concept that isn't provable within the generally accepted framework of empiricism built around falsification, with the use of the scientific method. Sad because they cannot accept that they may be wrong, for if they were, they would look much dumber than the losers that they decried.
I don't condemn them; I just pray that they find their own peace. I cannot hope to help anyone beyond myself, and even then, I can barely help myself in this messed up world.
All I can do, is to do my best given my locus of control, and let God handle the rest. What I do in this material world, both God and society can see; what I intend in this material world, only God knows, and He will judge me the way He will.
But back to the point (was there a point in the first place?).
I have trust issues. Not sure if I have talked about it before, but I will talk about it now. I have trust issues. If I choose to trust someone, I trust wholeheartedly, considering them as part of the axiomatic inner circle within the context of the trust, where there is little to no boundaries of what we can/cannot say. If I choose to not trust someone, they will know nothing more than what I am required to state by statute.
At work, I trust my folks to do what they are supposed to do. I trust my bosses to make the best damn decisions they can with the information that we provide, and I trust my subordinates to deliver what they say they will. I trust my clients in terms of what they want, but not in the way that they want it. I trust my organisation to follow the law and deal with us fairly, and I trust my infrastructure partners to be the same.
So far, that has gone great.
Away from work, I feel less inclined to trust people as much nowadays.
Primarily because at a personal level, agenda are less structured (as compared to the professional setting), time horizons are less constrained, and few are ready to think/act like the adults they are.
That last point is what is most depressing. For some damn reason, people seem to develop this... immaturity when it comes to things unrelated to the professional setting. It is as though they put their best foot forward ``for the Company!'' but are shoddy when it comes to ``themselves''. The hard-driving business person who makes millions for a company is the same one who is stuck in a divorce proceeding; the caring nurse at the hospital is the same one who shows neglect for their own child at home.
``MT, that's vague af.''
Okay. Here's something similar in concept: personal projects are often managed much more shittily compared to stuff for work, even though there is no functional difference between the two. A project is a project, and formal project management is a solid framework for ensuring timely delivery of a project with good stewardship of resources. Yet the same people whose day job is a project manager, are failing to handle their own projects at home.
Similarly, a line manager is more willing to fire subordinates that are under-performing despite counselling, yet the same line manager somehow refuses to acknowledge that their parents are providing a toxic environment at home.
In that sense, I have trust issues. How can I bring myself to trust someone at a personal level, if statistically, most people are just plain bad at honouring that trust at a personal level?
``MT, statistics is a population thing; you're not a population but an individual.''
Fair statement, but without any evidence/measurement, the a priori assumption of using what the descriptive statistics are saying is as good as any (hello Bayesian inference!). Naturally, once enough evidence/measurement (in the form of interacting with said someone(s)) happens, the a posteriori distribution must change, and that is when the true inference of whether to trust someone or not ought to be made.
But that takes time and/or greater cadence (i.e. intensity) of interactions. I'm middle-aged now, and am not getting any younger. Sometimes, it just feels like too much effort for too little pay-off.
And now that I have bitched about what I think/believe the situation is out there, and how bad it is, I am going to make sure that I live up to my own expectations, and apply the kind of thinking that I think is so sorely missing out there.
``Cool MT... so what's the point of this blog entry again?''
Since when did my nearly sixteen-hundred blog entries had any point other than me dumping my armchair observations/thoughts?
Thursday, March 27, 2025
``It All Begins with a Teacher.''
``It all begins with a teacher.''
The line that I saw stencilled on the back of the internal shuttle bus that triggered an innate rage that prompted this entire tirade that you're about to read.
The words ``honourable'' and ``noble'' floated in my head. That somehow, everything in life is due to the nobleness of the teacher who taught, the ones who made a difference in the lives of many so that they too can be productive members of society.
Sounds wonderful, right? Except it deceptively downplays several important realities.
Firstly, I just finished reading 《巨婴国》, and as a result, I have a slightly stronger sensitivity to actions that feed into the narcissistic self-importance construct. Call it recency bias.
Secondly, not to disparage teaching as a whole, but there isn't truly any specifically ``honourable'' or ``noble'' jobs out there, for the simple reason that society as a whole is a game where all who are a part of it, play their individual parts to uphold it as a whole. Calling any particular job ``essential'' or even with weasel words like ``noble'' dampens this team-play aspect of society that I suspect is an important contribution towards the increased number of class warfare activities that we are observing. The irony is that we all knew and deeply understood this from the very tender years of our lives, what with all the silly (in the eyes of an adult) declarations of children wanting to be soldiers, trashmen, postmen, and the like, only to be ``corrected'' in our thinking later on.
And finally, while the sentiment of teaching being noble in context is implied, many who teach do so for the same reasons why we do whatever we do for our day job---to get paid to pay the bills as part of being in a society. Thus, inasmuch as we have folks who do the [bare] minimum to fulfil their job's requirements, the vast majority of teachers are just doing the bare minimum to be considered as doing their job of teaching. This means less of that emotional labour of being inspirational, or to act as a surrogate parent when the ``true'' parents of the child have failed in their basic duty of care and values inculcation. Therefore, to market that ``nobility'' of being a teacher, is false advertising at best, and a fig leaf to cover for abuse practices of squeezing additional [emotional] labour without the commensurate compensation, a most disingenuous thinking.
``But MT, why so butt-hurt over a single line of advertising on a role that you don't even play a part in?''
It's less about that ``single line of advertising'' but the realisation that we are all proponents of various propaganda without our own realisation, spreading misinformation and disinformation without a care. As I age out, I seem to be gaining an increased awareness of the kinds of narratives that we are taking for granted and spreading as through they were fact, without ever stopping to question ourselves about the veracity, and definitely without considering if the buck should stop with us. Many have said that the rise of the globally accessible Internet would herald a new age of enlightenment, where anyone can learn anything with a much lower barrier of entry as compared to before.
But reality has proven otherwise, and my cynical self is feeling exasperated at the ever-record-breaking levels of stupidity that are occurring. How much of it is just an exposure the so-called background rate of stupidity, and how much of it is due to deliberate agent provocateurs, no one truly knows.
What I do know is that we are truly fucked in this timeline.
The line that I saw stencilled on the back of the internal shuttle bus that triggered an innate rage that prompted this entire tirade that you're about to read.
The words ``honourable'' and ``noble'' floated in my head. That somehow, everything in life is due to the nobleness of the teacher who taught, the ones who made a difference in the lives of many so that they too can be productive members of society.
Sounds wonderful, right? Except it deceptively downplays several important realities.
Firstly, I just finished reading 《巨婴国》, and as a result, I have a slightly stronger sensitivity to actions that feed into the narcissistic self-importance construct. Call it recency bias.
Secondly, not to disparage teaching as a whole, but there isn't truly any specifically ``honourable'' or ``noble'' jobs out there, for the simple reason that society as a whole is a game where all who are a part of it, play their individual parts to uphold it as a whole. Calling any particular job ``essential'' or even with weasel words like ``noble'' dampens this team-play aspect of society that I suspect is an important contribution towards the increased number of class warfare activities that we are observing. The irony is that we all knew and deeply understood this from the very tender years of our lives, what with all the silly (in the eyes of an adult) declarations of children wanting to be soldiers, trashmen, postmen, and the like, only to be ``corrected'' in our thinking later on.
And finally, while the sentiment of teaching being noble in context is implied, many who teach do so for the same reasons why we do whatever we do for our day job---to get paid to pay the bills as part of being in a society. Thus, inasmuch as we have folks who do the [bare] minimum to fulfil their job's requirements, the vast majority of teachers are just doing the bare minimum to be considered as doing their job of teaching. This means less of that emotional labour of being inspirational, or to act as a surrogate parent when the ``true'' parents of the child have failed in their basic duty of care and values inculcation. Therefore, to market that ``nobility'' of being a teacher, is false advertising at best, and a fig leaf to cover for abuse practices of squeezing additional [emotional] labour without the commensurate compensation, a most disingenuous thinking.
``But MT, why so butt-hurt over a single line of advertising on a role that you don't even play a part in?''
It's less about that ``single line of advertising'' but the realisation that we are all proponents of various propaganda without our own realisation, spreading misinformation and disinformation without a care. As I age out, I seem to be gaining an increased awareness of the kinds of narratives that we are taking for granted and spreading as through they were fact, without ever stopping to question ourselves about the veracity, and definitely without considering if the buck should stop with us. Many have said that the rise of the globally accessible Internet would herald a new age of enlightenment, where anyone can learn anything with a much lower barrier of entry as compared to before.
But reality has proven otherwise, and my cynical self is feeling exasperated at the ever-record-breaking levels of stupidity that are occurring. How much of it is just an exposure the so-called background rate of stupidity, and how much of it is due to deliberate agent provocateurs, no one truly knows.
What I do know is that we are truly fucked in this timeline.
Monday, March 17, 2025
Mumble Mumble
So π-day came and went---Classic Pecan Pies and a Banana Almond Brittle pie was obtained from Windowsill Pies, and everyone loved it.
I'm playing with the King's Flute Choir again, and this time it is a concert that is happening at the end of the month. Rehearsals are happening, and I've discovered that given the gruelling work week, my body simply refuses to handle the non-stop flute/dizi action that starts from 1800hrs on a Saturday and ending at around 1600hrs on the Sunday following as it physically needs rest/activities that are less... cranial in nature.
And I think that's about that on ``updates from the life of MT''.
------
As I was sitting in a taxi moving from church to the rehearsal space with The Big Flute, I realised with a new level of clarity and appreciation on just how each of us are a part of the society that we live in, no matter how isolated we may feel at times. All the rules and laws are arbitrary, and we all contribute our part to society because it is only through the actions of the individuals who do something (hopefully productive/useful) that allows the society to exist in the first place.
There aren't any ``universal'' rules that are set down in stone for the average person---when we are first introduced into the society, we do so from our parents, be they the birth ones, or the foster-equivalent. We accept tacitly the roles that need to be played to keep things working well enough for everyone, and then as time evolves, we develop our own sense of what is right, what is wrong, what should be banished, and what should be preserved. And at the end of our [working] lives, our job as direct contributors to the running of society is done, and society thanks us through the retirement process, where the burdens and responsibilities are lessened for us to allow some time and space to cherish the moments made possible through the effort we expended for the forty to fifty years of [working] life that we put in.
That is, until greed kicks in, and some people realise that with everyone conforming to the rules of society (both written and unwritten), they can be non-conformant to extract some benefit. Some might even realise that the more preposterous their actions taken to be non-conforming, the more likely they are to get away with it, for the simple reason that society as a whole has no idea how to correct for deviations beyond the small, where regular censure and perhaps incarceration (i.e. adult time-out) are sufficient for the vast majority of people.
And that is the problem we are facing worldwide.
The US might just be a more... recent and highly visible version of it, but throughout history, we see these behaviours popping out here and there. Society is seemingly tolerant of the aberrant behaviour... until it suddenly doesn't, leading to an uprising from the masses, either in the form of large amounts of disruptive civil disobedience (i.e. the intentional stoppage of playing their roles in society), or even violent confrontation like revolutions/guerilla attacks/assassinations.
The old me would be more pro-establishment and think that all these people who went on strikes, or demonstrated civil disobedience in general, or even go for armed uprising are just not seeing the big picture---in terms of utilitarianism, they are causing vast negative expected values due to grinding the machinery of society to a halt. The old me would say that the establishment may have its faults, but really it is all that stands between the the chaos of anarchy, and the order of society that allows it to function properly.
Present-MT thinks otherwise---the establishment is no better nor worse than the people that they are meant to help instil order. The establishment is yet another role that is being played by people who want to help society set up order, to make the rules of society a little more explicit to better integrate the much larger population sizes we see now than in the past, all without degrading into a bureacratic navel-gazing exercise.
In other words, the establishment exists because the population wills it into existence, and not the other way around. This is what it means when sayings like ``the government serves the people'' and ``servant-leader'' comes into play.
``MT, what about feudal systems where the feudal lords rule over the people?''
The feudal lords only ruled over the people because the latter allowed them to do so, either implicitly by allowing matters of state (i.e. wrangling territorial boundaries, defense) to be handled by the lords, or explicitly by joining the lords' establishment to contribute labour of any sort (like clerical duties, soldiering, diplomats). If and when the feudal lords fail in their primary role of establishing safety and stability of the territories, the people under them do eventually overthrow said lords, sometimes with drastic outcomes.
But that's deviating a little from what I was grokking on that taxi ride.
The thing is, society is. What it is is largely dependent on what the people want it to be. Our more recent versions of democracy (and democratic processes) are attempts to capture this concept of ``what the people want it to be'' in a way that scales out to the millions of people that make up that society that caters to both the lizard brain (via simplicity), and the human brain (via a reasoning about the sense of fairness).
So when the outcome is different from what ``you'' want from these processes, it does not mean that the other people have ``made a mistake''. It is perhaps that they want something else, and perhaps they value that more than you value that.
``But MT, in the long run---''
In the long run, we're all dead, and believers join God. What is this ``long run'' that everyone likes to appeal to? Five years? Ten? Twenty? One hundred?
Who the hell thinks that far? Who the hell can think that far? Any plans that one can make are bound to require a revisit ever so often, especially at that time scale, since needs and wants always change.
But this is not fatalism. While the society's general direction and wants are guided heavily by those who live/contribute to it, there is still the individual choices that can be made. One does not abdicate one's exercise of free will just because ``the other side made a mistake''. Decide what you want, and then take the necessary action. Live your life the way you want to live it, and bear the consequences of such choices.
Just don't go around doing personal attacks for the different things that others may want.
I'm playing with the King's Flute Choir again, and this time it is a concert that is happening at the end of the month. Rehearsals are happening, and I've discovered that given the gruelling work week, my body simply refuses to handle the non-stop flute/dizi action that starts from 1800hrs on a Saturday and ending at around 1600hrs on the Sunday following as it physically needs rest/activities that are less... cranial in nature.
And I think that's about that on ``updates from the life of MT''.
------
As I was sitting in a taxi moving from church to the rehearsal space with The Big Flute, I realised with a new level of clarity and appreciation on just how each of us are a part of the society that we live in, no matter how isolated we may feel at times. All the rules and laws are arbitrary, and we all contribute our part to society because it is only through the actions of the individuals who do something (hopefully productive/useful) that allows the society to exist in the first place.
There aren't any ``universal'' rules that are set down in stone for the average person---when we are first introduced into the society, we do so from our parents, be they the birth ones, or the foster-equivalent. We accept tacitly the roles that need to be played to keep things working well enough for everyone, and then as time evolves, we develop our own sense of what is right, what is wrong, what should be banished, and what should be preserved. And at the end of our [working] lives, our job as direct contributors to the running of society is done, and society thanks us through the retirement process, where the burdens and responsibilities are lessened for us to allow some time and space to cherish the moments made possible through the effort we expended for the forty to fifty years of [working] life that we put in.
That is, until greed kicks in, and some people realise that with everyone conforming to the rules of society (both written and unwritten), they can be non-conformant to extract some benefit. Some might even realise that the more preposterous their actions taken to be non-conforming, the more likely they are to get away with it, for the simple reason that society as a whole has no idea how to correct for deviations beyond the small, where regular censure and perhaps incarceration (i.e. adult time-out) are sufficient for the vast majority of people.
And that is the problem we are facing worldwide.
The US might just be a more... recent and highly visible version of it, but throughout history, we see these behaviours popping out here and there. Society is seemingly tolerant of the aberrant behaviour... until it suddenly doesn't, leading to an uprising from the masses, either in the form of large amounts of disruptive civil disobedience (i.e. the intentional stoppage of playing their roles in society), or even violent confrontation like revolutions/guerilla attacks/assassinations.
The old me would be more pro-establishment and think that all these people who went on strikes, or demonstrated civil disobedience in general, or even go for armed uprising are just not seeing the big picture---in terms of utilitarianism, they are causing vast negative expected values due to grinding the machinery of society to a halt. The old me would say that the establishment may have its faults, but really it is all that stands between the the chaos of anarchy, and the order of society that allows it to function properly.
Present-MT thinks otherwise---the establishment is no better nor worse than the people that they are meant to help instil order. The establishment is yet another role that is being played by people who want to help society set up order, to make the rules of society a little more explicit to better integrate the much larger population sizes we see now than in the past, all without degrading into a bureacratic navel-gazing exercise.
In other words, the establishment exists because the population wills it into existence, and not the other way around. This is what it means when sayings like ``the government serves the people'' and ``servant-leader'' comes into play.
``MT, what about feudal systems where the feudal lords rule over the people?''
The feudal lords only ruled over the people because the latter allowed them to do so, either implicitly by allowing matters of state (i.e. wrangling territorial boundaries, defense) to be handled by the lords, or explicitly by joining the lords' establishment to contribute labour of any sort (like clerical duties, soldiering, diplomats). If and when the feudal lords fail in their primary role of establishing safety and stability of the territories, the people under them do eventually overthrow said lords, sometimes with drastic outcomes.
But that's deviating a little from what I was grokking on that taxi ride.
The thing is, society is. What it is is largely dependent on what the people want it to be. Our more recent versions of democracy (and democratic processes) are attempts to capture this concept of ``what the people want it to be'' in a way that scales out to the millions of people that make up that society that caters to both the lizard brain (via simplicity), and the human brain (via a reasoning about the sense of fairness).
So when the outcome is different from what ``you'' want from these processes, it does not mean that the other people have ``made a mistake''. It is perhaps that they want something else, and perhaps they value that more than you value that.
``But MT, in the long run---''
In the long run, we're all dead, and believers join God. What is this ``long run'' that everyone likes to appeal to? Five years? Ten? Twenty? One hundred?
Who the hell thinks that far? Who the hell can think that far? Any plans that one can make are bound to require a revisit ever so often, especially at that time scale, since needs and wants always change.
But this is not fatalism. While the society's general direction and wants are guided heavily by those who live/contribute to it, there is still the individual choices that can be made. One does not abdicate one's exercise of free will just because ``the other side made a mistake''. Decide what you want, and then take the necessary action. Live your life the way you want to live it, and bear the consequences of such choices.
Just don't go around doing personal attacks for the different things that others may want.
Wednesday, March 05, 2025
Marching On
Ah... here we go.
It's March now. Life goes on, work goes on, everything marches according to the metronome, even if it is 66 bpm on the minim with semiquavers floating about on The Big Flute.
Aaaanyway, just felt like mouthing off a bit. Because frankly, the ``interesting times'' we are living in are a tad too interesting. I don't wade into geopolitics because it is messy, but I will say that the time of ``gentlemen's agreements'' is effectively over at this point, no matter what the EU and friends intend to do.
Trust is a very fragile thing---the moment it is broken, it can never really be recovered to a form close to its original, even if all the people who were involved in its breakage in the first place are literally no longer in the picture (i.e. everyone's dead). SIN city and other non-superpowers are always at the mercy of the mighty, and it was with the UN that there was some semblence of mutual respect of sovereignty for each self-declared independent nation-state. Before it all, the one with the greater might could declare suzerainty over some puny city/state, and there was little else that can be done---even if allies were to exist, realpolitik dictated that everyone was always looking out for number one.
If you have eyes to see for yourself, ears to hear for your own, and a brain to come to some conclusion based on information from as objective a source as you can get, you might understand what I am driving at.
------
I find my general predilection towards active entertainment to be dwindling as time goes on. Apart from the Nether-rail project in Minecraft, and some random short games here and there, I have hardly thrown myself back into actively playing video games.
And yes, I still remember that I have Persona 5 Royal, The Great Ace Attorney Chronicles, Pillars of Eternity, and Sixty Four to clear.
I just prefer reading for now. No idea why.
In other news, I'm just going to force myself to take time to go back to cycling. I need something physical to help burn off the anxiety that comes from the many different roles that I play, just to ensure that I can keep my cool---I have found that I had been increasingly unhinged, and am running the real risk of going amok. I restarted it today after the false start in January, and thoroughly enjoyed the Northeast Riverine Loop, now that one of the major diversions that required an unnecessary hill climb has gone away.
I think that's really all I want to talk about for now. I'm exhausted in spirit, and am going to go curl up in a ball for a bit, after I shower.
Till the next update or something. Who cares?
It's March now. Life goes on, work goes on, everything marches according to the metronome, even if it is 66 bpm on the minim with semiquavers floating about on The Big Flute.
Aaaanyway, just felt like mouthing off a bit. Because frankly, the ``interesting times'' we are living in are a tad too interesting. I don't wade into geopolitics because it is messy, but I will say that the time of ``gentlemen's agreements'' is effectively over at this point, no matter what the EU and friends intend to do.
Trust is a very fragile thing---the moment it is broken, it can never really be recovered to a form close to its original, even if all the people who were involved in its breakage in the first place are literally no longer in the picture (i.e. everyone's dead). SIN city and other non-superpowers are always at the mercy of the mighty, and it was with the UN that there was some semblence of mutual respect of sovereignty for each self-declared independent nation-state. Before it all, the one with the greater might could declare suzerainty over some puny city/state, and there was little else that can be done---even if allies were to exist, realpolitik dictated that everyone was always looking out for number one.
If you have eyes to see for yourself, ears to hear for your own, and a brain to come to some conclusion based on information from as objective a source as you can get, you might understand what I am driving at.
------
I find my general predilection towards active entertainment to be dwindling as time goes on. Apart from the Nether-rail project in Minecraft, and some random short games here and there, I have hardly thrown myself back into actively playing video games.
And yes, I still remember that I have Persona 5 Royal, The Great Ace Attorney Chronicles, Pillars of Eternity, and Sixty Four to clear.
I just prefer reading for now. No idea why.
In other news, I'm just going to force myself to take time to go back to cycling. I need something physical to help burn off the anxiety that comes from the many different roles that I play, just to ensure that I can keep my cool---I have found that I had been increasingly unhinged, and am running the real risk of going amok. I restarted it today after the false start in January, and thoroughly enjoyed the Northeast Riverine Loop, now that one of the major diversions that required an unnecessary hill climb has gone away.
I think that's really all I want to talk about for now. I'm exhausted in spirit, and am going to go curl up in a ball for a bit, after I shower.
Till the next update or something. Who cares?
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