Ah, it's now February. Well actually, more than a week into February proper.
What a luxury!
Anyway, what's there to say?
I think the main thing to talk about is how the modern world is increasingly unstable in its nature. Not a day passes without some major news from the Great Powers that can affect SIN City, and not a week passes without some news from SIN City itself that makes one stare very hard into the sky and wondering out loud: why.
But through it all, there's always this glimmer of hope from God knows where. In the bits of gloom and doom, people are still getting married, some are having children (that's plural), and many others are still planning for the future, what with their own goals, ambitions, aspirations, and even thinking about things as far ahead as retirement.
Me? Not so sure about that. World's too bleak. My own mood waxes and wanes---there'll be a week where I feel like I should just go kill myself, and then there'll be a week where I feel like I am a Champion who can thrash anything that comes my way. In between, life just happens, and a day passes without much to crow or complain about.
But through it all, I just find myself flying solo. Technically, God is also there, but even as Jesus is my personal saviour, He mainly guides through the Holy Spirit who indwells me---I still need to live through the life itself. Flying solo has its features: I am almost always with my own thoughts.
For many people, this can be a scary thing, and that is true even for me, even when I'm actually used to being with my own thoughts. The thing is, while it can be quite comfortable to be aware of what one is thinking at any time, it also loses quite a bit of the comfort-ing when one is in distress, which is usually the times where I get a little envious of how some folks have that significant other who can hold them and comfort them, telling them in a visceral way that things are what they are, that they are still safe-ish, and that they are there for them.
I don't really have that. It can be tiring at times to not have that, but well, it's a life that I have chosen. Do I hope that I will be ``found''? Maybe, but it has the same amount and nature of hope that I have in winning the lottery, considering that I do not partake in it.
------
These days, my vexations revolve around the general thoughts that the so-called ``career'' that I have chosen is fast reaching its natural end of life in terms of exploitable usefulness.
For the confused, allow me to explain.
I love computers---these machines are fun to work with, and the ability to wield such powerful computational devices through careful programming to solve difficult problems. Accidentally or not, I have made working with computers the manner in which I make myself useful in society as a whole.
But lately, I've been getting signals/vibes that this is no longer something that can be viable in as short as five years. The reason that most people will toss about is ``AI'', but the reality is that I think we have reached a saturation point on the types of [useful] computer programs that we can write.
No one needs yet another social media platform, nor do they need another customer management system.
The saturation of software engineering now is no different from the saturation of electrical engineering or civil engineering---there is never a need for even more companies to do all these.
But problem solvers---we're always in need of more of them. And before I was playing with computers, I was a problem solver. And so that's where I am starting to veer towards.
Maybe I will not have much of a ``career'' left, and it's time to move on to do something that only an older, more jaded man can handle.
------
In other news, Clair Obscur: Expedition 33 has been a blast to play. As an RPG, it plays like a cross between the typical JRPG and some simplified version of Elden Ring with the dodge and parry mechanic. The save points have just enough distance between them for that perfect bite-sized game play that I seek these days as an older gamer.
I think that's about it for now. Chinese New Year is coming up, and I look forward to the break that comes. Maybe I'll have more to talk about then.
Till the next update.
Monday, February 09, 2026
Friday, January 23, 2026
Not Quite Stream of Consciousness
Well well well. Here we are again. Shall we begin [the storytelling] then?
I started the day loading up my slim hip flask with Maker's Mark, and discovered that it was leaking. I then went on to have the best sushi that I can find, and 750 ml of sake. Then I made my way down to check out New Bahru, and found it a little too bougie for my taste. I had a coffee there with a breakfast set and a big pitcher of water, never likely to return because it demanded I pay by entering my payment information in the web browser from which the orders were made. I headed off to Sentosa, intending to have dinner there, but was told by the folks there that it was ``take away only''. Annoyed, I just went to Siloso Beach, and sat on the sand in my jeans and boots, just staring out into the sea, sipping out all that was left in my hip flask, and listening to the lapping of the waves. As the sun started its journey down, I walked back from Beach Station first to the Lego to ogle at the Concorde and Space Shuttle transport, before heading to VivoCity via the causeway on foot, and ended up at Brotzeit, where I had a 0.5 l of bier, a negroni, and chicken-cheese wurst with mashed potatoes and sauerkraut. And at each point where I stopped to eat, I played tangrams with the pocket tangram puzzle from Shire Post Mint, or read Foundation & Earth. The day ended as I finally took the train back home from Harbourfront.
Folks came out of the woodwork to wish me happy birthday, and for the most part I was thankful. I wasn't really expecting anyone to do that, and even for one I lapsed back to my usual refrain of not really wanting to remember when it was that my birthday be. Because realistically, while I have turned a slightly different attitude ever since my odometer rolled over to begin with a four, some habits just die hard. But the damage was done, and I see no reason to try and salvage it since it is minor at best.
And I remember it all as it was yesterday.
------
Cycling. Went for it. It's been nearly half a year since I last did my cycling. Three things stood out as to why: I was rudely propositioned by a man while I was cycling bare-chested due to the heat; my usual cycling time of Wednesday lunch time was rudely disrupted when someone decided to cancel the flexible one-day-work-from-home due to some rumoured pettiness; I had a weird chest pain to the left of my sternum that I had been monitoring and have concluded that it was costochronditis and not something relating to my heart---it got better once I started to switch the way in which I was lifting my stupidly heavy bag [with my left arm]. Of the three, I do not know which was the worst.
The tyres were deflated, and my pump was also a bit messed up with its own gauge---I filled up the front tyre, saw the gauge losing pressure even as the tyre felt turgid, got afraid, emptied it all and refilled it back to the 100 psi that it was to be. Thank God, it worked well, and I went back to the usual North-East Riverine Loop, albeit with a course correction to avoid the still-in-progress construction just before the entrance into Punggol Primary School. Pacing was fine, and there seems to be nothing unusual to report. I did have to take a nap, but that was normal given the circumstances.
And now I'm writing short entries here.
------
Gjb qnlf ntb, V gnyxrq jvgu Cnfgbe. V cvatrq uvz n qnl rneyvre gura ng fvk va gur zbeavat, tvivat uvz n ebhtu bhgyvar bs jung jnf tbvat ba abj, naq nfxrq vs ur unq gur gvzr bire gur arkg srj qnlf jura V jnf ba yrnir gb zrrg, pung, naq cenl gbtrgure. Jr zrg, naq gnyxrq n ybg nobhg jung vg jnf gung jnf ohttvat zr. Gur fvghngvba ng jbex jnf n gevttre, ohg vg jnf abg gur pnhfr---V jnf ybfg nf gb jurer vg jnf gung V fubhyq or urnqvat. Cnfgbe'f nqivpr sebz gur Ovoyvpny crefcrpgvir jnf gb svefg xrrc va zvaq fgrjneqfuvc znggref, naq gura or jvyyvat gb rkcyber orlbaq jung vg jnf gung V jnf pbzsbegnoyr jvgu. Sbe V zragvbarq gur tenqhny qvfvyyhfvbazrag bs gur pbecbengr raivebazrag, naq jnagrq gb frr vs gurer jnf n jnl gb gnc vagb jung vg jnf gung Tbq tnir zr gb uryc crbcyr. Abg gung jungrire V jnf qbvat jnf abg urycvat crbcyr, ohg gung V jnagrq gb frr vs gurer jnf fbzrguvat ryfr bgure guna orvat sbeprq gb pyvzo gur pbecbengr ynqqre gur jnl gung n erprag zrrg hc jvgu nabgure crefba bs n zber pbecbengr-fynag jnf fnlvat. Cnfgbe tnir zr znal guvatf gb guvax nobhg, naq V guvax V fubhyq ernyyl guvax nobhg gurz frevbhfyl. Bar bs juvpu jnf n phevbhf dhrfgvba nf gb gur angher bs zl perngvivgl: jnf V n perngbe jub eriryyrq ng znxvat guvatf narj, be jnf V na nffrzoyre jub chg guvatf gbtrgure va perngvir jnlf gb fbyir ceboyrzf (nyy grezf zl bja).
I picked up The Big Flute from WindWorks, who had been praised to be of a good make. Mechanisms were cleaned, re-oiled, and adjusted, and the tarnish has been made gone. Played with a modified aluminium dizi in F too, and that was fun. Aurelia had her footjoint tenon looked at due to roughness, and that had been resolved too. Had dinner at Collin's at Woodleigh Mall, and then home I went.
------
Four days earlier, I heard the confirmation that some folks were leaving, and just felt a pang of sadness. It was normal, and nothing to be too worried about, I think. Other machinations were happening beyond my control, but I have done what I could within the ambit of my control, and now into God's hands I leave them.
------
Three days ago, I was finishing up with the follow-up of various things that I needed to do before I embarked on ``I'm forty-one bitches!'' break. I treated folks to lunch with some of the fun money I had set aside, and they reciprocated with a troll-y and ironic cake that featured gold and money on it. We all had a good laugh, and had good cake. Dinner was at Brotzeit, where I had two 0.5 l of bier, shared a wurst platter, and eventually downed whatever I had left of my 18-year Glenfiddich (probably 4 to 5 shots).
------
Five days ago, I was serving in the Music Ministry, and as I cleaned out Aurelia at the end of the worship service, a Brother came up to thank me for playing, saying how much he liked the sound of the flute. It gave me a soft glow that I could not understand, but it pleased me.
------
Nine days ago I was asked when was the last time I was happy, and got confused, saying that I don't remember being happy for quite a long time, but had been contented. I was pressed a bit more, and then I realised that the last time I was truly happy was six years ago, and ever since then nothing has ever been the same.
------
Gjb qnlf ntb Cnfgbe gnyxrq jvgu zr, naq n jbexvat qvntabfgvp jr unq jnf gung V jnf qbvat pngrtbevfngvbaf bs eryngvbafuvcf hapbafpvbhfyl, cbffvoyl nf n ernpgvba gb gur fpnef gung jrer cerfrag sebz fvk lrnef ntb. Gur bgure nqivpr jrer tvira haqre gur pbagrkg gung vg jnf abg n ynpx bs pncnpvgl gung jnf ubyqvat zr onpx, ohg gung bs pubvpr.
------
Guerr qnlf ntb, V pbasvqrq jvgu fbzrbar gb gryy gurz gung V unq pbagnpgrq Cnfgbe ng n gvzr jura V jnfa'g shyyl oenvavat whfg fb gung V pbhyq fgneg haqrefgnaqvat gur pubvprf gung V unq znqr, dhbgvat sebz gur Benpyr bs Gur Zngevk gung V unir nyernql znqr gur pubvpr(f), ohg V arrqrq gb haqrefgnaq jul.
------
Five days ago, Golan Trevize chose Galaxia over Foundation and Second Foundation in Foundation's Edge, and he's trying to find out why he made that choice in Foundation & Earth.
------
Today I sit here, thinking back what transpired before, and trying to put things down here as a glimpse of what happened, while trying to leave enough out so that I can have a peace of mind. I remember the conversations, the thoughts, the few dreams that came up these few days, the connections that occurred here and there. I know not what else to talk about, and this is then where I stop before I head on to continue my playthrough of Persona 5 Royal, having completed Mad Max nearly a week before.
Till the next update.
I started the day loading up my slim hip flask with Maker's Mark, and discovered that it was leaking. I then went on to have the best sushi that I can find, and 750 ml of sake. Then I made my way down to check out New Bahru, and found it a little too bougie for my taste. I had a coffee there with a breakfast set and a big pitcher of water, never likely to return because it demanded I pay by entering my payment information in the web browser from which the orders were made. I headed off to Sentosa, intending to have dinner there, but was told by the folks there that it was ``take away only''. Annoyed, I just went to Siloso Beach, and sat on the sand in my jeans and boots, just staring out into the sea, sipping out all that was left in my hip flask, and listening to the lapping of the waves. As the sun started its journey down, I walked back from Beach Station first to the Lego to ogle at the Concorde and Space Shuttle transport, before heading to VivoCity via the causeway on foot, and ended up at Brotzeit, where I had a 0.5 l of bier, a negroni, and chicken-cheese wurst with mashed potatoes and sauerkraut. And at each point where I stopped to eat, I played tangrams with the pocket tangram puzzle from Shire Post Mint, or read Foundation & Earth. The day ended as I finally took the train back home from Harbourfront.
Folks came out of the woodwork to wish me happy birthday, and for the most part I was thankful. I wasn't really expecting anyone to do that, and even for one I lapsed back to my usual refrain of not really wanting to remember when it was that my birthday be. Because realistically, while I have turned a slightly different attitude ever since my odometer rolled over to begin with a four, some habits just die hard. But the damage was done, and I see no reason to try and salvage it since it is minor at best.
And I remember it all as it was yesterday.
------
Cycling. Went for it. It's been nearly half a year since I last did my cycling. Three things stood out as to why: I was rudely propositioned by a man while I was cycling bare-chested due to the heat; my usual cycling time of Wednesday lunch time was rudely disrupted when someone decided to cancel the flexible one-day-work-from-home due to some rumoured pettiness; I had a weird chest pain to the left of my sternum that I had been monitoring and have concluded that it was costochronditis and not something relating to my heart---it got better once I started to switch the way in which I was lifting my stupidly heavy bag [with my left arm]. Of the three, I do not know which was the worst.
The tyres were deflated, and my pump was also a bit messed up with its own gauge---I filled up the front tyre, saw the gauge losing pressure even as the tyre felt turgid, got afraid, emptied it all and refilled it back to the 100 psi that it was to be. Thank God, it worked well, and I went back to the usual North-East Riverine Loop, albeit with a course correction to avoid the still-in-progress construction just before the entrance into Punggol Primary School. Pacing was fine, and there seems to be nothing unusual to report. I did have to take a nap, but that was normal given the circumstances.
And now I'm writing short entries here.
------
Gjb qnlf ntb, V gnyxrq jvgu Cnfgbe. V cvatrq uvz n qnl rneyvre gura ng fvk va gur zbeavat, tvivat uvz n ebhtu bhgyvar bs jung jnf tbvat ba abj, naq nfxrq vs ur unq gur gvzr bire gur arkg srj qnlf jura V jnf ba yrnir gb zrrg, pung, naq cenl gbtrgure. Jr zrg, naq gnyxrq n ybg nobhg jung vg jnf gung jnf ohttvat zr. Gur fvghngvba ng jbex jnf n gevttre, ohg vg jnf abg gur pnhfr---V jnf ybfg nf gb jurer vg jnf gung V fubhyq or urnqvat. Cnfgbe'f nqivpr sebz gur Ovoyvpny crefcrpgvir jnf gb svefg xrrc va zvaq fgrjneqfuvc znggref, naq gura or jvyyvat gb rkcyber orlbaq jung vg jnf gung V jnf pbzsbegnoyr jvgu. Sbe V zragvbarq gur tenqhny qvfvyyhfvbazrag bs gur pbecbengr raivebazrag, naq jnagrq gb frr vs gurer jnf n jnl gb gnc vagb jung vg jnf gung Tbq tnir zr gb uryc crbcyr. Abg gung jungrire V jnf qbvat jnf abg urycvat crbcyr, ohg gung V jnagrq gb frr vs gurer jnf fbzrguvat ryfr bgure guna orvat sbeprq gb pyvzo gur pbecbengr ynqqre gur jnl gung n erprag zrrg hc jvgu nabgure crefba bs n zber pbecbengr-fynag jnf fnlvat. Cnfgbe tnir zr znal guvatf gb guvax nobhg, naq V guvax V fubhyq ernyyl guvax nobhg gurz frevbhfyl. Bar bs juvpu jnf n phevbhf dhrfgvba nf gb gur angher bs zl perngvivgl: jnf V n perngbe jub eriryyrq ng znxvat guvatf narj, be jnf V na nffrzoyre jub chg guvatf gbtrgure va perngvir jnlf gb fbyir ceboyrzf (nyy grezf zl bja).
I picked up The Big Flute from WindWorks, who had been praised to be of a good make. Mechanisms were cleaned, re-oiled, and adjusted, and the tarnish has been made gone. Played with a modified aluminium dizi in F too, and that was fun. Aurelia had her footjoint tenon looked at due to roughness, and that had been resolved too. Had dinner at Collin's at Woodleigh Mall, and then home I went.
------
Four days earlier, I heard the confirmation that some folks were leaving, and just felt a pang of sadness. It was normal, and nothing to be too worried about, I think. Other machinations were happening beyond my control, but I have done what I could within the ambit of my control, and now into God's hands I leave them.
------
Three days ago, I was finishing up with the follow-up of various things that I needed to do before I embarked on ``I'm forty-one bitches!'' break. I treated folks to lunch with some of the fun money I had set aside, and they reciprocated with a troll-y and ironic cake that featured gold and money on it. We all had a good laugh, and had good cake. Dinner was at Brotzeit, where I had two 0.5 l of bier, shared a wurst platter, and eventually downed whatever I had left of my 18-year Glenfiddich (probably 4 to 5 shots).
------
Five days ago, I was serving in the Music Ministry, and as I cleaned out Aurelia at the end of the worship service, a Brother came up to thank me for playing, saying how much he liked the sound of the flute. It gave me a soft glow that I could not understand, but it pleased me.
------
Nine days ago I was asked when was the last time I was happy, and got confused, saying that I don't remember being happy for quite a long time, but had been contented. I was pressed a bit more, and then I realised that the last time I was truly happy was six years ago, and ever since then nothing has ever been the same.
------
Gjb qnlf ntb Cnfgbe gnyxrq jvgu zr, naq n jbexvat qvntabfgvp jr unq jnf gung V jnf qbvat pngrtbevfngvbaf bs eryngvbafuvcf hapbafpvbhfyl, cbffvoyl nf n ernpgvba gb gur fpnef gung jrer cerfrag sebz fvk lrnef ntb. Gur bgure nqivpr jrer tvira haqre gur pbagrkg gung vg jnf abg n ynpx bs pncnpvgl gung jnf ubyqvat zr onpx, ohg gung bs pubvpr.
------
Guerr qnlf ntb, V pbasvqrq jvgu fbzrbar gb gryy gurz gung V unq pbagnpgrq Cnfgbe ng n gvzr jura V jnfa'g shyyl oenvavat whfg fb gung V pbhyq fgneg haqrefgnaqvat gur pubvprf gung V unq znqr, dhbgvat sebz gur Benpyr bs Gur Zngevk gung V unir nyernql znqr gur pubvpr(f), ohg V arrqrq gb haqrefgnaq jul.
------
Five days ago, Golan Trevize chose Galaxia over Foundation and Second Foundation in Foundation's Edge, and he's trying to find out why he made that choice in Foundation & Earth.
------
Today I sit here, thinking back what transpired before, and trying to put things down here as a glimpse of what happened, while trying to leave enough out so that I can have a peace of mind. I remember the conversations, the thoughts, the few dreams that came up these few days, the connections that occurred here and there. I know not what else to talk about, and this is then where I stop before I head on to continue my playthrough of Persona 5 Royal, having completed Mad Max nearly a week before.
Till the next update.
Friday, January 02, 2026
Quick Summary
So, a quick summary of what I had written in 2025:
That's an average of 0.200 pieces of writing a day, compared to 0.123 last year.
Like before, there is no NaNoWriMo entry, and this time, it is because it had imploded completely in 2025-04. So there will never be any more NaNoWriMo, ever.
What's there to reflect on the year past?
Honestly, nothing that I haven't ranted on and on throughout the whole year. I hoped that 2025 wasn't going to be a too much of a shitstorm at the end of 2024, but it has turned out to be quite the shitstorm, and I don't even mean it in a vague-ish sort of way.
The world economy is finally showing its true colours of the malaise and decadence of a plutocratic hypercapitalism involving klepto-kakistocracy with shades of various levels of geronto-autocracy as a form of fig-leaf. And like always, the middle class (or what is left of it) is being crushed from above and below.
``MT, that's a lot of big words!''
If you're new here, it is best to find out what each of the terms I just used mean---I tend to choose my words very carefully in the attempt to bring out the specific nuance that I am going for, all without the use of Generative AI.
Not because Generative AI is bad, or that I am too curmudgeonly to use it, but that I find it much more effective and pleasurable to literally use my own words. After all, I did spend a long time reading and using them---it'd be a shame to allow myself to be waste away for the sake of a little convenience, however little that may actually be.
Also, all human parts have this weird ``use it or lose it'' energy-optimisation strategy built-in, and to ensure that my mind is not completely mush from laziness, I do need to exercise it just like how I never skip leg day [from having to run up and down the stairs, as well as to wherever I need to get my commute from].
The year 2026 is already here. I think this is going to be a major turning point for many people, just like how the original COVID-19 was one too. But unlike the global epidemic, I think that this turning point is wholly man-made, and therefore where we end up heading in history is still in the hands of the people who are making the decisions.
I have nothing inspiring to say---I just don't feel inspired. I just want to pass the upcoming year quietly, and without incident.
But I think that it might be too much to ask for.
- 2 poems posted here
- 68 essays/rants posted here
- 1 prose/stories posted here
- 2 pieces of compositions/rearrangements posted here
That's an average of 0.200 pieces of writing a day, compared to 0.123 last year.
Like before, there is no NaNoWriMo entry, and this time, it is because it had imploded completely in 2025-04. So there will never be any more NaNoWriMo, ever.
What's there to reflect on the year past?
Honestly, nothing that I haven't ranted on and on throughout the whole year. I hoped that 2025 wasn't going to be a too much of a shitstorm at the end of 2024, but it has turned out to be quite the shitstorm, and I don't even mean it in a vague-ish sort of way.
The world economy is finally showing its true colours of the malaise and decadence of a plutocratic hypercapitalism involving klepto-kakistocracy with shades of various levels of geronto-autocracy as a form of fig-leaf. And like always, the middle class (or what is left of it) is being crushed from above and below.
``MT, that's a lot of big words!''
If you're new here, it is best to find out what each of the terms I just used mean---I tend to choose my words very carefully in the attempt to bring out the specific nuance that I am going for, all without the use of Generative AI.
Not because Generative AI is bad, or that I am too curmudgeonly to use it, but that I find it much more effective and pleasurable to literally use my own words. After all, I did spend a long time reading and using them---it'd be a shame to allow myself to be waste away for the sake of a little convenience, however little that may actually be.
Also, all human parts have this weird ``use it or lose it'' energy-optimisation strategy built-in, and to ensure that my mind is not completely mush from laziness, I do need to exercise it just like how I never skip leg day [from having to run up and down the stairs, as well as to wherever I need to get my commute from].
The year 2026 is already here. I think this is going to be a major turning point for many people, just like how the original COVID-19 was one too. But unlike the global epidemic, I think that this turning point is wholly man-made, and therefore where we end up heading in history is still in the hands of the people who are making the decisions.
I have nothing inspiring to say---I just don't feel inspired. I just want to pass the upcoming year quietly, and without incident.
But I think that it might be too much to ask for.
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