And I now have yet another reason to avoid imbibing too much caffeine and alcohol. I swear that my demeanour changes pretty drastically when either concoctions are taken beyond a certain level, and more often than not, it is one where I become more morose and maudlin. Well, it is not to say that my usual manner is very jovial (it isn't that jovial), but at least it is something that is passable as being vaguely humanish.
Anyway, caffeine quantity. Well, it was an experiment of sorts---I ordered the ``kopi gao upsized'' option from the Ya Kun shop downstairs of my office at around 0800hrs, and finished it by 0830hrs. A big mistake, it seems, since it made me much loopier than usual; I believe a more appropriate word is ``drugged''. But it had some good outcome of course---I managed to get past writing some really ugly looking Python code involving inspection, iterative tools and functional tools, all in the name of science (you monster). It was done to avoid having to write my own parser and grammar for my research---it looks a little ugly for a piece of Python code, but it is probably as clean as it gets given what it is intended to do.
So now, it's late at night, I'm still somewhat awake. Time to deal with some of the administrative mumbo-jumbo prior to entry into graduate school.
Till the next loopy time. =P
Monday, May 30, 2011
Huh..?
I think that my tolerance to caffeine is at an all time low. I'm actually pretty light-headed at the moment, considering that I had only taken about 200ml of strong coffee at around 8am in the morning, which is a good five hours ago. I'm not sure if this is a good thing, but it seems to have the same effect on me as alcohol, in the sense that my brain feels less grounded in reality and more ``up there'' with whatever there is.
Can this be considered as a type of drug-induced escapism? Granted, it is not something of an illegal nature (last I checked, caffeine isn't on that list of prohibited substances), yet it seems to give roughly the same euphoric/carefree effect that the ``usual'' recreational drugs give. Escapism---it seems that my life is fast becoming one that is largely based on this idea, with things that I do seemingly to avoid the drudgery, to avoid the discomfort, to avoid the overall fakeness of frienship and camaraderie.
Why so cynical, one might ask. I have no answer, no answer at all. Cynicism has always been a part of my nature; it is only at those unguarded moments that I permit myself to be less so and to exude a certain contentment with the world that seems baffling to some, including myself. Cynicism is what makes me me, and perhaps that is one reason why I am starting to develop ever stronger negative emotions towards people in general.
People. Hard to live without them, hard to live with them. I wondeer why this is so. Is what I'm experiencing a cry for help that I don't quite realise, or is it something that everyone goes through at one point or another in their lives? Questions, questions, questions, but no answers are forthcoming---to whom may I address all these questions to? Is religion an answer to these vexing questions about life, humans and reality, or is there a more rational perspective that requires little of the whole ``leap of faith'' assumption? More questions that I cannot seem to answer, and I hate questions that I have no answer to.
I think the caffeine is really affecting my brain now; I can't seem to figure out just what point am I making here---it appears that I'm just content typing and typing and letting those words out of my head as though they were part of some water hosereel whose tap had just been released. So many words, so little explanation and coherence---maybe that's what I am in real life; all theory and no coherence whatsoever. No wonder my life feels like an escapism fantasy as I live from one dream to the next in reality while discarding the real dreams that I have when I sleep, the ones that supposedly reflect my true innermost needs and wants.
Needs and wants. What is it I need, and what is it I want? Am I really as fearless as I think I am, or is there something that will make me tremble in my soul? Questions, questions and more questions, and none of the answers. No more support group from now on, it seems---all those people who were a part of my so-called support group have disappeared, each doing their own things, busy with their own sordid lives, and no one has time to listen to poor old me belly-ache and to offer alternative viewpoints and solutions. Some have diverged to the point that my mere presence is enough to cause a rather vitriolic response, warranted or not. I suppose I could just damn those people, but that would be unnecessarily cruel and irrational, would it be not?
I think that now, more than ever, I really need to start to become that island that no one wants to be. To be self-sufficient in thought, to be self-perpetuating, to be self-aware. If that turns me into some sociopath/psychopath, too bad---blame it on the society, our favourite whipping child for everything that is wrong. A pity that my upbringing makes it nearly impossible for me to cause any serious harm to others---I'm sure that it would be quite an interesting if not liberating experience, and all the harm that I can do is to think myself to death. So morbid... heheheh...
Of course, in times like this where my mind is not as it is (under the influence of caffeine here, for example), I start to wonder about some other questions that I have no answer to: am I really that hard to talk to/communicate/be with? This is of course a flipping of some of the questions around---instead of blaming society like every other human does, I start blaming myself. Maybe the people of the support group left because I have turned into something that is cantankerous and hard to talk to. Memories of situations where niceness is shot down come to mind---I don't want to think about it anymore. Let 'em all perish in a conflagaration---I should just be yet another selfish person on the planet.
*sigh*
Hate, hate, hate... what's there to like about me? Everyone seems to have some form of hatred for me, be it small or gigantic. I think I'm starting to hate myself a little too, for being that pushover sort of person. Sometimes I wish this were an ancient setting, where being a hermit is actually a realisable dream. Unfortunately, with the consistent lure of modern amenities (and my current training (curse you!)), that is just not so possible.
Maybe the answer lies in complete misanthropy, dealing with people only when it is the only way to deal with the matter on hand, and having a general despise of people in generaal. That actually sounds pretty cool, but again I blame my upbringing for not being able to pull this off nicely.
Why am I so contrary today?!
Can this be considered as a type of drug-induced escapism? Granted, it is not something of an illegal nature (last I checked, caffeine isn't on that list of prohibited substances), yet it seems to give roughly the same euphoric/carefree effect that the ``usual'' recreational drugs give. Escapism---it seems that my life is fast becoming one that is largely based on this idea, with things that I do seemingly to avoid the drudgery, to avoid the discomfort, to avoid the overall fakeness of frienship and camaraderie.
Why so cynical, one might ask. I have no answer, no answer at all. Cynicism has always been a part of my nature; it is only at those unguarded moments that I permit myself to be less so and to exude a certain contentment with the world that seems baffling to some, including myself. Cynicism is what makes me me, and perhaps that is one reason why I am starting to develop ever stronger negative emotions towards people in general.
People. Hard to live without them, hard to live with them. I wondeer why this is so. Is what I'm experiencing a cry for help that I don't quite realise, or is it something that everyone goes through at one point or another in their lives? Questions, questions, questions, but no answers are forthcoming---to whom may I address all these questions to? Is religion an answer to these vexing questions about life, humans and reality, or is there a more rational perspective that requires little of the whole ``leap of faith'' assumption? More questions that I cannot seem to answer, and I hate questions that I have no answer to.
I think the caffeine is really affecting my brain now; I can't seem to figure out just what point am I making here---it appears that I'm just content typing and typing and letting those words out of my head as though they were part of some water hosereel whose tap had just been released. So many words, so little explanation and coherence---maybe that's what I am in real life; all theory and no coherence whatsoever. No wonder my life feels like an escapism fantasy as I live from one dream to the next in reality while discarding the real dreams that I have when I sleep, the ones that supposedly reflect my true innermost needs and wants.
Needs and wants. What is it I need, and what is it I want? Am I really as fearless as I think I am, or is there something that will make me tremble in my soul? Questions, questions and more questions, and none of the answers. No more support group from now on, it seems---all those people who were a part of my so-called support group have disappeared, each doing their own things, busy with their own sordid lives, and no one has time to listen to poor old me belly-ache and to offer alternative viewpoints and solutions. Some have diverged to the point that my mere presence is enough to cause a rather vitriolic response, warranted or not. I suppose I could just damn those people, but that would be unnecessarily cruel and irrational, would it be not?
I think that now, more than ever, I really need to start to become that island that no one wants to be. To be self-sufficient in thought, to be self-perpetuating, to be self-aware. If that turns me into some sociopath/psychopath, too bad---blame it on the society, our favourite whipping child for everything that is wrong. A pity that my upbringing makes it nearly impossible for me to cause any serious harm to others---I'm sure that it would be quite an interesting if not liberating experience, and all the harm that I can do is to think myself to death. So morbid... heheheh...
Of course, in times like this where my mind is not as it is (under the influence of caffeine here, for example), I start to wonder about some other questions that I have no answer to: am I really that hard to talk to/communicate/be with? This is of course a flipping of some of the questions around---instead of blaming society like every other human does, I start blaming myself. Maybe the people of the support group left because I have turned into something that is cantankerous and hard to talk to. Memories of situations where niceness is shot down come to mind---I don't want to think about it anymore. Let 'em all perish in a conflagaration---I should just be yet another selfish person on the planet.
*sigh*
Hate, hate, hate... what's there to like about me? Everyone seems to have some form of hatred for me, be it small or gigantic. I think I'm starting to hate myself a little too, for being that pushover sort of person. Sometimes I wish this were an ancient setting, where being a hermit is actually a realisable dream. Unfortunately, with the consistent lure of modern amenities (and my current training (curse you!)), that is just not so possible.
Maybe the answer lies in complete misanthropy, dealing with people only when it is the only way to deal with the matter on hand, and having a general despise of people in generaal. That actually sounds pretty cool, but again I blame my upbringing for not being able to pull this off nicely.
Why am I so contrary today?!
Huh?
I'm not much of a fan of sleeping a lot, but there are times where I actually appreciate a good night's rest just so that I can feel a little more rested than usual. Of course, one of the side effects of having enough sleep is that I dream, and we all know my views on that matter (I don't like dreaming since I can remember most of the dreams that I have, and since dreams represent to a degree one's subconscious/unconscious desires, it is not something that I want to remember), so it is often with great reluctance that I partake in such an activity.
Sleeplessness takes its toll on the human body, for sure---one is mostly functional at a low level that requires little insightful thinking and that's about it. But I find that as time goes by, and as I slowly get acclimatised to the fact that I'm largely sleepless, the ill effects sort of go away.
I realise that I'm not much of a morning person. True, I can get up and out early in the morning, but my brain isn't actually ``awake''---I can absorb information well in the morning, but I can't process them till much later when the sun is up. Afternoon is my ``hard core thinking'' time, where I can devote energies to unravelling just what is going on. And when night time comes, that's when the coding streak comes out. Ideally, the said coding should be done with some hard liquor on hand for the best results, but liquor is expensive and sometimes clashes with some of the random medication that I need (read: it clashes with every damn thing that can be counted as medication, from antihistamines to everything else), but one cannot be too picky at times.
It is at times like this that I wish I could be fully operational/functional with only 4--6 hours of sleep. That NZT-48 drug would have been a godsend should it actually be real (read: it isn't real; only appears in the show Limitless, a nice film along the lines of Flowers for Algernon, but with a more Hollywood-esque ending, i.e. everyone lives happily ever after), but of course such good things almost never appears in real life---gotta make do with what we have.
Anyway, I think that life has a much simpler question to answer than what many people think. It is not so much as ``what is life'' but ``how do I deal with whatever life throws at me'' that we need to seriously consider. I find that even the best of plans that one may have for one's life can be and will be marred by events that one has little control over, and thus it is actually more useful to know how to react than to be completely proactive. The concept of being completely proactive suggests some level of control, which is not wrong on its own, but many people misunderstand that the [limited] control that they have over matters are somehow complete. That is of course dangerous and is the chief reason why people get pissed off when things don't go their way. I think I've been hit with enough of this crap that I'm starting to understand the whole ``make plans but be prepared to react accordingly'' perspective of life.
Alright, I think this is starting to get a little too heavy for a Monday morning, so I shall stop my belly-aching here. Till next time.
Sleeplessness takes its toll on the human body, for sure---one is mostly functional at a low level that requires little insightful thinking and that's about it. But I find that as time goes by, and as I slowly get acclimatised to the fact that I'm largely sleepless, the ill effects sort of go away.
I realise that I'm not much of a morning person. True, I can get up and out early in the morning, but my brain isn't actually ``awake''---I can absorb information well in the morning, but I can't process them till much later when the sun is up. Afternoon is my ``hard core thinking'' time, where I can devote energies to unravelling just what is going on. And when night time comes, that's when the coding streak comes out. Ideally, the said coding should be done with some hard liquor on hand for the best results, but liquor is expensive and sometimes clashes with some of the random medication that I need (read: it clashes with every damn thing that can be counted as medication, from antihistamines to everything else), but one cannot be too picky at times.
It is at times like this that I wish I could be fully operational/functional with only 4--6 hours of sleep. That NZT-48 drug would have been a godsend should it actually be real (read: it isn't real; only appears in the show Limitless, a nice film along the lines of Flowers for Algernon, but with a more Hollywood-esque ending, i.e. everyone lives happily ever after), but of course such good things almost never appears in real life---gotta make do with what we have.
Anyway, I think that life has a much simpler question to answer than what many people think. It is not so much as ``what is life'' but ``how do I deal with whatever life throws at me'' that we need to seriously consider. I find that even the best of plans that one may have for one's life can be and will be marred by events that one has little control over, and thus it is actually more useful to know how to react than to be completely proactive. The concept of being completely proactive suggests some level of control, which is not wrong on its own, but many people misunderstand that the [limited] control that they have over matters are somehow complete. That is of course dangerous and is the chief reason why people get pissed off when things don't go their way. I think I've been hit with enough of this crap that I'm starting to understand the whole ``make plans but be prepared to react accordingly'' perspective of life.
Alright, I think this is starting to get a little too heavy for a Monday morning, so I shall stop my belly-aching here. Till next time.
Saturday, May 28, 2011
Tired Rant
It's late at night, and looks like it just me, an imaginary tequila, and my trusty Eileen with which I use to write all these things here. To be had, I have actually been doing a lot of observing in between all these posts, and I suppose it is time to just unload the entire barrage of words here to cleanse it out of my mind.
V guvax V nz fgnegvat gb unir n cubovn gbjneqf gur ragver pbaprcg bs vagvzngr eryngvbafuvcf. V qba'g zvaq unatvat bhg jvgu crbcyr, pbzcyrgr fgenatref rira, ohg jura vg pbzrf gb npghnyyl orvat jvgu n pbhcyr bs crbcyr V xabj jryy rabhtu, V fgneg gb ybfr sbphf ba jung vf ng unaq, naq fgneg gb eha bhg bs guvatf gb fnl, juvpu, vs lbh unir xabja zr sebz n cerivbhf yvsr, vf fbzrguvat gung vf dhvgr vzcbffvoyr gb fdhner jvgu. V'z abg ernyyl pregnva jul guvf cubovn vf pbzvat hc, ohg nf hfhny, V unir n srj gurbevrf.
Gurbel ahzore bar vf gung vg vf n qrsrafr zrpunavfz gung V unir orra erylvat ba gb xrrc zr fnar rire fvapr zl rkrf oebxr hc jvgu zr arneyl n lrne cyhf onpx (jbj, vg fher vf ybat ntb). Fgnegrq gb abg frr gur arrq sbe gung fb-pnyyrq ``fvtavsvpnag bgure'', naq gung cebonoyl genafsbezrq vagb n trareny ncngul gbjneqf guvf jubyr zrff.
Gurbel ahzore gjb vf gung V nz fbzrjung nssrpgrq ol gur crbcyr naq gurve eryngvbafuvcf nebhaq zr, naq ernyvfr gung na vagvzngr eryngvbafuvc vf whfg fbzrguvat gung V pnaabg or vaibyirq va. Zbfg bs gur crbcyr jubz V frr jub ner va fgnoyr eryngvbafuvcf graq gb unir gur birenyy srryvat bs bireg obevatarff---gurer vf uneqyl nal rkhorenag ernpgvbaf, yvggyr fcbagnarbhf npgvba, enaqbz urnegl ynhtugre naq gur yvxr. Abar, anqn. Vg'f nyy fb... dhvrg naq nqhyg-yvxr---rirelbar frrzf gb or fb frevbhf nyy gur qnza gvzr. Vs lbh nfx zr, vs guvf vf jung orvat va n eryngvbafuvc vf nyy nobhg, V guvax V'q engure or qrnq guna gb or pnhtug va fhpu n ynpxyhfger fvghngvba bs snxr znghevgl; V nz ol angher zber vadhvfvgvir naq fcbagnarbhf, naq vs lbh jnag zr gb or punvarq gb n dhvrg yvggyr yvsr, vg whfg vfa'g tbvat gb unccra.
Gurbel ahzore guerr vf gung V unir fgnegrq gb frr ubj nyy gurfr vagvzngr eryngvbafuvcf pna tb jebat, naq gur nsgrezngu gurl oevat. V haqrejrag n pbhcyr bs oernx hcf ba zl bja, fb V'z jryy njner bs gur xvaqf bs fvqr rssrpgf gurer. Ohg gura gurer ner gubfr jub qvibeprq nsgre fbzr gvzr va zneevntr, naq gurer ner gubfr jub frrz gb unir ceboyrzf va gurve zneevntr qhr gb n fhccbfrq ybfvat bs gur fb-pnyyrq ``fcnex''. Frrzf gb zr gung guvf jubyr vagvzngr eryngvbafuvc guvat vf whfg n snepr bs fbegf.
Gurbel ahzore sbhe vf gung V guvax V nz, va trareny, orpbzvat zber naq zber nagvfbpvny va angher. Nyernql V svaq zlfrys tenivgngvat njnl sebz uhzna pbagnpg, naq rira va gur pnfrf jurer V qb unir pbagnpg jvgu bgure crbcyr, V unir xrcg gur gjb fcurerf bs crefbany naq ohfvarff snveyl pyrne sebz rnpu bgure. Gur trareny ynpx bs n ``crefbany'' fvqr vf nyfb yvxryl gb or gur ernfba jul V nz svaqvat gur jubyr vqrn bs na vagvzngr eryngvbafuvc zrnavatyrff, naq bs pbhefr vg ornef erzvaqvat gung ``vagvzngr eryngvbafuvc'' urer zrnaf zber guna whfg oblsevraq-tveysevraq eryngvbafuvcf---vg vapyhqrf sevraqfuvcf nf jryy.
Gurbel ahzore svir vf gung zl fb-pnyyrq sevraqf unir qevsgrq shegure njnl sebz zr. Nyy gur sbyxf jubz V unq bapr pnyyrq zl ``oebgure'' be ``orfg sevraq'' ner ab ybatre va pbagnpg jvgu zr, naq rira jura jr qb zrrg naq gnyx, vg vf uvtuyl fhcresvpvny, jvgu zr hapbafpvbhfyl gheavat ba gur fanex naq qbqtvat nalguvat gung vf ersreevat gb zr. Uryy, ng guvf cbvag V nz qnevat rabhtu gb pynvz gung V qba'g ernyyl unir nalbar jubz V pbasvqr va nalzber---gurer ner gubfr jub vtaber zr, gubfr jub bhgevtug ner naablrq ng zr rabhtu gung V zvtug pbafvqre ungr, naq gubfr jubfr yvirf unir pnhtug hc jvgu gurz gb gur cbvag gung gurl whfg arrq gb qrny jvgu gurz vafgrnq bs gnyxvat jvgu zr. Sbe gur ynfg-zbfg glcr bs crefba, vg vf cnegyl zl snhyg, orpnhfr V qba'g ernyyl unir nalguvat gb fnl/jnag gb fnl nalguvat nobhg zlfrys ng nyy.
Ng guvf cbvag, nyy V unir ner gurbevrf ba jung vf tbvat ba, ohg V qba'g ernyyl xabj jung gur urpx vf jebat jvgu zr. Znlor V'z birejbexrq/birefgerffrq nf jung Ivpgbe fnvq, be znlor V'z whfg gheavat vagb n qbhpuront jvgubhg npgviryl ernyvfvat vg. Ohg jungrire vg vf, vg jbhyq nccrne gung V'z snfg trggvat zl jvfu bs tbvat vg nybar---zhpu bs gur jbeyq unf nyernql sbefnxra zr, naq V'z abg ernyyl nyy gung rntre gb tnva onpx nyy gung V unir fhccbfrqyl ybfg, sbe fbzr qnza ernfba.
Fbzrgvzrf V jbaqre gb zlfrys, vs rirelguvat gung V unir qbar fb sne vf ernyyl jbegu vg ng gur raq. Rnpu gvzr n qnl cnffrf, V svaq gung zl ybsgvre vqrnyf sebz gur cnfg ner snfg rebqvat njnl. V bapr gubhtug gung zl nvz va yvsr jnf gb pbagevohgr cbfvgviryl gb fbpvrgl, ohg gur byqre V trg, gur zber V ernyvfr ubj fbpvrgl vf ernyyl shpxrq hc, naq gung bar zvfrenoyr zr jvgubhg anzr abe jrnygu pna'g qb nalguvat ng nyy. V hfrq gb guvax V jnf zbenyyl hcevtug, ohg nf gvzr jrag ol, V fgnegrq gb abg tvir n fuvg nobhg gur zbenyvgl bs guvatf, cersreevat gb guvax va grezf bs hgvyvgl vafgrnq. V guvax vg unf pbzr gb n cbvag jurer V fgneg gb unir na vqragvgl pevfvf---whfg jung gur uryy nz V? V qba'g xabj nobhg bguref, ohg V guvax V'z fgvyy tenccyvat jvgu guvf dhrfgvba fbzrjung, naq V ubcr gung bar qnl V jvyy svther guvf bhg.
*tears hair a little*
Most days I just feel tired. Tired of the drama, tired of the rat race. Tired of having to deal with people, both the smart and the stupid, tired of dealing with machines, both working and not. Tired of dragging my rotting carcass to work, tired of dragging it back. Tired of unconsciously comapring myself with others, tired of being stood up and pushed around. Tired of being maligned, tired of being yelled at for no damn reason. Tired of being tired all the damn time.
Perhaps the answer I am seeking can be found through another way.
V guvax V nz fgnegvat gb unir n cubovn gbjneqf gur ragver pbaprcg bs vagvzngr eryngvbafuvcf. V qba'g zvaq unatvat bhg jvgu crbcyr, pbzcyrgr fgenatref rira, ohg jura vg pbzrf gb npghnyyl orvat jvgu n pbhcyr bs crbcyr V xabj jryy rabhtu, V fgneg gb ybfr sbphf ba jung vf ng unaq, naq fgneg gb eha bhg bs guvatf gb fnl, juvpu, vs lbh unir xabja zr sebz n cerivbhf yvsr, vf fbzrguvat gung vf dhvgr vzcbffvoyr gb fdhner jvgu. V'z abg ernyyl pregnva jul guvf cubovn vf pbzvat hc, ohg nf hfhny, V unir n srj gurbevrf.
Gurbel ahzore bar vf gung vg vf n qrsrafr zrpunavfz gung V unir orra erylvat ba gb xrrc zr fnar rire fvapr zl rkrf oebxr hc jvgu zr arneyl n lrne cyhf onpx (jbj, vg fher vf ybat ntb). Fgnegrq gb abg frr gur arrq sbe gung fb-pnyyrq ``fvtavsvpnag bgure'', naq gung cebonoyl genafsbezrq vagb n trareny ncngul gbjneqf guvf jubyr zrff.
Gurbel ahzore gjb vf gung V nz fbzrjung nssrpgrq ol gur crbcyr naq gurve eryngvbafuvcf nebhaq zr, naq ernyvfr gung na vagvzngr eryngvbafuvc vf whfg fbzrguvat gung V pnaabg or vaibyirq va. Zbfg bs gur crbcyr jubz V frr jub ner va fgnoyr eryngvbafuvcf graq gb unir gur birenyy srryvat bs bireg obevatarff---gurer vf uneqyl nal rkhorenag ernpgvbaf, yvggyr fcbagnarbhf npgvba, enaqbz urnegl ynhtugre naq gur yvxr. Abar, anqn. Vg'f nyy fb... dhvrg naq nqhyg-yvxr---rirelbar frrzf gb or fb frevbhf nyy gur qnza gvzr. Vs lbh nfx zr, vs guvf vf jung orvat va n eryngvbafuvc vf nyy nobhg, V guvax V'q engure or qrnq guna gb or pnhtug va fhpu n ynpxyhfger fvghngvba bs snxr znghevgl; V nz ol angher zber vadhvfvgvir naq fcbagnarbhf, naq vs lbh jnag zr gb or punvarq gb n dhvrg yvggyr yvsr, vg whfg vfa'g tbvat gb unccra.
Gurbel ahzore guerr vf gung V unir fgnegrq gb frr ubj nyy gurfr vagvzngr eryngvbafuvcf pna tb jebat, naq gur nsgrezngu gurl oevat. V haqrejrag n pbhcyr bs oernx hcf ba zl bja, fb V'z jryy njner bs gur xvaqf bs fvqr rssrpgf gurer. Ohg gura gurer ner gubfr jub qvibeprq nsgre fbzr gvzr va zneevntr, naq gurer ner gubfr jub frrz gb unir ceboyrzf va gurve zneevntr qhr gb n fhccbfrq ybfvat bs gur fb-pnyyrq ``fcnex''. Frrzf gb zr gung guvf jubyr vagvzngr eryngvbafuvc guvat vf whfg n snepr bs fbegf.
Gurbel ahzore sbhe vf gung V guvax V nz, va trareny, orpbzvat zber naq zber nagvfbpvny va angher. Nyernql V svaq zlfrys tenivgngvat njnl sebz uhzna pbagnpg, naq rira va gur pnfrf jurer V qb unir pbagnpg jvgu bgure crbcyr, V unir xrcg gur gjb fcurerf bs crefbany naq ohfvarff snveyl pyrne sebz rnpu bgure. Gur trareny ynpx bs n ``crefbany'' fvqr vf nyfb yvxryl gb or gur ernfba jul V nz svaqvat gur jubyr vqrn bs na vagvzngr eryngvbafuvc zrnavatyrff, naq bs pbhefr vg ornef erzvaqvat gung ``vagvzngr eryngvbafuvc'' urer zrnaf zber guna whfg oblsevraq-tveysevraq eryngvbafuvcf---vg vapyhqrf sevraqfuvcf nf jryy.
Gurbel ahzore svir vf gung zl fb-pnyyrq sevraqf unir qevsgrq shegure njnl sebz zr. Nyy gur sbyxf jubz V unq bapr pnyyrq zl ``oebgure'' be ``orfg sevraq'' ner ab ybatre va pbagnpg jvgu zr, naq rira jura jr qb zrrg naq gnyx, vg vf uvtuyl fhcresvpvny, jvgu zr hapbafpvbhfyl gheavat ba gur fanex naq qbqtvat nalguvat gung vf ersreevat gb zr. Uryy, ng guvf cbvag V nz qnevat rabhtu gb pynvz gung V qba'g ernyyl unir nalbar jubz V pbasvqr va nalzber---gurer ner gubfr jub vtaber zr, gubfr jub bhgevtug ner naablrq ng zr rabhtu gung V zvtug pbafvqre ungr, naq gubfr jubfr yvirf unir pnhtug hc jvgu gurz gb gur cbvag gung gurl whfg arrq gb qrny jvgu gurz vafgrnq bs gnyxvat jvgu zr. Sbe gur ynfg-zbfg glcr bs crefba, vg vf cnegyl zl snhyg, orpnhfr V qba'g ernyyl unir nalguvat gb fnl/jnag gb fnl nalguvat nobhg zlfrys ng nyy.
Ng guvf cbvag, nyy V unir ner gurbevrf ba jung vf tbvat ba, ohg V qba'g ernyyl xabj jung gur urpx vf jebat jvgu zr. Znlor V'z birejbexrq/birefgerffrq nf jung Ivpgbe fnvq, be znlor V'z whfg gheavat vagb n qbhpuront jvgubhg npgviryl ernyvfvat vg. Ohg jungrire vg vf, vg jbhyq nccrne gung V'z snfg trggvat zl jvfu bs tbvat vg nybar---zhpu bs gur jbeyq unf nyernql sbefnxra zr, naq V'z abg ernyyl nyy gung rntre gb tnva onpx nyy gung V unir fhccbfrqyl ybfg, sbe fbzr qnza ernfba.
Fbzrgvzrf V jbaqre gb zlfrys, vs rirelguvat gung V unir qbar fb sne vf ernyyl jbegu vg ng gur raq. Rnpu gvzr n qnl cnffrf, V svaq gung zl ybsgvre vqrnyf sebz gur cnfg ner snfg rebqvat njnl. V bapr gubhtug gung zl nvz va yvsr jnf gb pbagevohgr cbfvgviryl gb fbpvrgl, ohg gur byqre V trg, gur zber V ernyvfr ubj fbpvrgl vf ernyyl shpxrq hc, naq gung bar zvfrenoyr zr jvgubhg anzr abe jrnygu pna'g qb nalguvat ng nyy. V hfrq gb guvax V jnf zbenyyl hcevtug, ohg nf gvzr jrag ol, V fgnegrq gb abg tvir n fuvg nobhg gur zbenyvgl bs guvatf, cersreevat gb guvax va grezf bs hgvyvgl vafgrnq. V guvax vg unf pbzr gb n cbvag jurer V fgneg gb unir na vqragvgl pevfvf---whfg jung gur uryy nz V? V qba'g xabj nobhg bguref, ohg V guvax V'z fgvyy tenccyvat jvgu guvf dhrfgvba fbzrjung, naq V ubcr gung bar qnl V jvyy svther guvf bhg.
*tears hair a little*
Most days I just feel tired. Tired of the drama, tired of the rat race. Tired of having to deal with people, both the smart and the stupid, tired of dealing with machines, both working and not. Tired of dragging my rotting carcass to work, tired of dragging it back. Tired of unconsciously comapring myself with others, tired of being stood up and pushed around. Tired of being maligned, tired of being yelled at for no damn reason. Tired of being tired all the damn time.
Perhaps the answer I am seeking can be found through another way.
Friday, May 27, 2011
Koop Island Blues
With little delay:
What drew me to this piece is partly due to the smooth caribbean jazzy feel of the instrumentation, and of course the wistful lyrics. The first time I actually paid attention to the lyrics, I found that it was quite relevant to what I had been experiencing for quite a while. In some ways, we never seem to break out of the mold of our first few lovers---time and time again we end up being attracted to someone of a similar nature as those we've been with before, as irrational as it seems.
Very simple lyrics, but with something a little more deep than the usual ``lost love'' genre songs.
Koop Island Blues——Koop featuring Ane BrunLyrics courtesy of www.lyricsmania.com.
Hello my love
It's getting cold on this island
I'm sad alone
I'm so sad on my own
The truth is
We were much too young
Now I'm looking for you
Or anyone like you
We said goodbye
With the smile on our faces
Now you're alone
You're so sad on your own
The truth is
We run out of time
Now you're looking for me
Or anyone like me
Na na na na...
Hello my love
It's getting cold on this island
I'm sad alone
I'm so sad on my own
The truth is
We were much too young
Now I'm looking for you
Or anyone like you
What drew me to this piece is partly due to the smooth caribbean jazzy feel of the instrumentation, and of course the wistful lyrics. The first time I actually paid attention to the lyrics, I found that it was quite relevant to what I had been experiencing for quite a while. In some ways, we never seem to break out of the mold of our first few lovers---time and time again we end up being attracted to someone of a similar nature as those we've been with before, as irrational as it seems.
Very simple lyrics, but with something a little more deep than the usual ``lost love'' genre songs.
Malignment
If there is one thing in the world that I allow myself to hate, it would have to be the idea of being maligned.
I hate being maligned. I have said this before a good four-ish years ago, but things have a strange way of repeating themselves in cycles, whether or not we realise it. Being maligned is one of the most annoying and asinine acts that people can do to me. I can tolerate anger, I can tolerate hate. But I absolutely cannot tolerate being maligned for something I did not do.
Being maligned is probably one of the worst kinds of feelings to go through, particularly when the incident in which one is maligned was actually something quite benign in nature. Indeed, there is a Chinese saying of ``听者有意，说者无'', i.e. the listener listens with a certain intent in mind while the speaker had no such intention. Humans have a strange way of picking what they want to hear, and most times it does not help when they already have a preconceived notion of what you are, and thus take everything with that prejudiced perspective in mind.
I suppose that's why I've started to not give a damn about other people and their thoughts, preferring to think simple and literal, and to have an overall expression level that is no better than a moron. All the fancy words in the world will not change any person's mental model of who you might be.
I hate being maligned. I have said this before a good four-ish years ago, but things have a strange way of repeating themselves in cycles, whether or not we realise it. Being maligned is one of the most annoying and asinine acts that people can do to me. I can tolerate anger, I can tolerate hate. But I absolutely cannot tolerate being maligned for something I did not do.
Being maligned is probably one of the worst kinds of feelings to go through, particularly when the incident in which one is maligned was actually something quite benign in nature. Indeed, there is a Chinese saying of ``听者有意，说者无'', i.e. the listener listens with a certain intent in mind while the speaker had no such intention. Humans have a strange way of picking what they want to hear, and most times it does not help when they already have a preconceived notion of what you are, and thus take everything with that prejudiced perspective in mind.
I suppose that's why I've started to not give a damn about other people and their thoughts, preferring to think simple and literal, and to have an overall expression level that is no better than a moron. All the fancy words in the world will not change any person's mental model of who you might be.
Thursday, May 26, 2011
SMS Musing #1
One day while waiting for someone, I started writing a fragment on my cellphone using the SMS interface. Here it is:
And some days you wonder if life were a dream, and that everything that you ever knew were merely illusions. It becomes hard to decipher what truly is real and what isn't, and slowly, you learn to just accept whatever is present before you. But each time a deja vu strikes, you cannot help but wonder if there is more than meets the eye, that something somewhere is noticing your confusion and having a good laugh about it. The surreal fog of supposed truth always keeps you wrapped firmly within its cold grasp, as though it were the only thing that remains important and unchanging. Wonder turns to reluctant acceptance, and slowly the thought of ever questioning reality fades slowly away, never to return until yet another strange day. Perhaps this is the ultimate destiny of humanity, where one day we will indeed run out of new questions to ask.Obviously I didn't send this out to anyone/anywhere, but I thought it interesting enough to transcribe it for here.
Monday, May 23, 2011
Waiting
What can be the most annoying thing that one has to put up with in real life?
The answer is surprisingly simple---it is the waiting. Waiting can be thought of as an unintended break; a break because while waiting, there is little else that one can do, and unintended because most of the time, it is the circumstances that dictate we end up waiting.
It does not help that in this time and age that we live in, the concept of ``instant communication'' is the norm. No longer does one find it normal to wait for nearly two days for a reply to something that was asked---anything that does not get a reply in five hours becomes a cause of concern. Much to my chagrin, I have found myself falling into this category as well.
My patience seems to run really low these days, among other things. It's almost as though I can no longer tolerate the little lapses that people make, and that includes myself. Maybe that's where all the communication break down begins...
Alright, enough ranting. I'm already sick of how short it is.
The answer is surprisingly simple---it is the waiting. Waiting can be thought of as an unintended break; a break because while waiting, there is little else that one can do, and unintended because most of the time, it is the circumstances that dictate we end up waiting.
It does not help that in this time and age that we live in, the concept of ``instant communication'' is the norm. No longer does one find it normal to wait for nearly two days for a reply to something that was asked---anything that does not get a reply in five hours becomes a cause of concern. Much to my chagrin, I have found myself falling into this category as well.
My patience seems to run really low these days, among other things. It's almost as though I can no longer tolerate the little lapses that people make, and that includes myself. Maybe that's where all the communication break down begins...
Alright, enough ranting. I'm already sick of how short it is.
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
The Outdoor Life
For a person who has been largely confined to a mostly indoor existence, it would appear quite strange that I would partake in a large variety of outdoor activities. While I'm not an extreme outdoor activities person, over the course of these few months, I realise that I am actually more sporty than I realise I ever could be.
Circumstances back in the day dictated that I had to refrain from strenuous physical activity to protect myself against flare-ups of my dermatitis. It was notsomuch that I was that sensitive to the problems, but that due to the whole regimented nature in which all the physical activities were conducted (school classes, military training), I was unable to take steps towards alleviating the conditions that would cause a flare-up all in the name of conformity. But now, free from all these arbitrarily designed limitations, I am free to pursue this side of human life that I have been robbed off in childhood.
It might come as a surprise to some that I am actually practising Aikido on a very regular basis. There is something about taking breakfalls, throwing and pinning people that make it a very good stress reliever. Having to focus one's weight into a single point has a way of literally maintaining the balance of the body, and all the conditioning exercises that precede each training session has seen their effects on my body. Not only do I have more stamina now than before, I have found that it becomes much easier to concentrate my strength to whatever task I need, with much less incidence of injury due to improper positioning or wrongful application of force. Aikido or any other martial art has a strange way of increasing one's spatial awareness, and that alone has made it much easier to enjoy the outdoor life.
Apart from being the occasional cyclist, most of my outdoor life activities revolve around the activity of Geocaching. Geocaching is hardly a new phenomenon since it has been around for more than a decade by now, but it is only recently that I have the wherewithal to actually pursue it with more aggression and enthusiasm than before. Partly due to the effects of some of the more enthusiastic geocachers that I have converted, and partly because I could attach some faces to the names that I see in the online geocache logs, my activities with regards to this has increased by quite a fair bit. To say that geocaching is a waste of time is not quite correct, since it is with geocaching that one would have the opportunity to go around a location, enjoying the natural sights and sounds and company, with the ultimate reward of finding that elusive geocache. Indeed, I would not have bashed through jungles, spelunked, traipsed over low tide beaches and the like if I weren't geocaching. Some people question the rewards of geocaching, often asking questions to the tune of ``so what happens when you find a geocache?''. To ask such a question seems to defeat the whole purpose of geocaching to begin with---the reward is not about the geocache you find, but the journey it took you to get there. In fact, one of the tenets of a geocache hide is that if there was nothing else interesting about the place where the geocache was hidden, perhaps it was not a good idea to hide it there in the first place.
But the outdoor life didn't come completely from geocaching of course. Ever since I was confined to the indoors I have always had that romantic view of adventures all over the world, travelling and exploring places that are less trodden, seeking for interesting formations, architectural ruins and the like. The books that I enjoyed a lot were those that chronicled the travels of adventurers; if I couldn't go to those places that they had gone, at least I could experience them vicariously. Perhaps that is a reason why I enjoy anthropological documentaries, where anthropologists travel to some tribe far from the urban civilisation and do a study on their customs and way of life, and to study the impact of both globalisation and the rise of capitalism (and religious proselytising).
And yes, even as I am writing this and working, I am already thinking on the next adventure I should go on. Number of jungles bashed: 3. Number of strange tunnels spelunked: 1. Amount of fun and experience in the process: Priceless.
Till the next adventure.
Circumstances back in the day dictated that I had to refrain from strenuous physical activity to protect myself against flare-ups of my dermatitis. It was notsomuch that I was that sensitive to the problems, but that due to the whole regimented nature in which all the physical activities were conducted (school classes, military training), I was unable to take steps towards alleviating the conditions that would cause a flare-up all in the name of conformity. But now, free from all these arbitrarily designed limitations, I am free to pursue this side of human life that I have been robbed off in childhood.
It might come as a surprise to some that I am actually practising Aikido on a very regular basis. There is something about taking breakfalls, throwing and pinning people that make it a very good stress reliever. Having to focus one's weight into a single point has a way of literally maintaining the balance of the body, and all the conditioning exercises that precede each training session has seen their effects on my body. Not only do I have more stamina now than before, I have found that it becomes much easier to concentrate my strength to whatever task I need, with much less incidence of injury due to improper positioning or wrongful application of force. Aikido or any other martial art has a strange way of increasing one's spatial awareness, and that alone has made it much easier to enjoy the outdoor life.
Apart from being the occasional cyclist, most of my outdoor life activities revolve around the activity of Geocaching. Geocaching is hardly a new phenomenon since it has been around for more than a decade by now, but it is only recently that I have the wherewithal to actually pursue it with more aggression and enthusiasm than before. Partly due to the effects of some of the more enthusiastic geocachers that I have converted, and partly because I could attach some faces to the names that I see in the online geocache logs, my activities with regards to this has increased by quite a fair bit. To say that geocaching is a waste of time is not quite correct, since it is with geocaching that one would have the opportunity to go around a location, enjoying the natural sights and sounds and company, with the ultimate reward of finding that elusive geocache. Indeed, I would not have bashed through jungles, spelunked, traipsed over low tide beaches and the like if I weren't geocaching. Some people question the rewards of geocaching, often asking questions to the tune of ``so what happens when you find a geocache?''. To ask such a question seems to defeat the whole purpose of geocaching to begin with---the reward is not about the geocache you find, but the journey it took you to get there. In fact, one of the tenets of a geocache hide is that if there was nothing else interesting about the place where the geocache was hidden, perhaps it was not a good idea to hide it there in the first place.
But the outdoor life didn't come completely from geocaching of course. Ever since I was confined to the indoors I have always had that romantic view of adventures all over the world, travelling and exploring places that are less trodden, seeking for interesting formations, architectural ruins and the like. The books that I enjoyed a lot were those that chronicled the travels of adventurers; if I couldn't go to those places that they had gone, at least I could experience them vicariously. Perhaps that is a reason why I enjoy anthropological documentaries, where anthropologists travel to some tribe far from the urban civilisation and do a study on their customs and way of life, and to study the impact of both globalisation and the rise of capitalism (and religious proselytising).
And yes, even as I am writing this and working, I am already thinking on the next adventure I should go on. Number of jungles bashed: 3. Number of strange tunnels spelunked: 1. Amount of fun and experience in the process: Priceless.
Till the next adventure.
Monday, May 16, 2011
Governmental Ruminations
As I was sitting in the food court having a spicy meal of mutton curry, my mind drifted to and fro and in and out of consciousness. And then, something struck me as being odd.
The current system of democratic elections as practised by most of the civilised world seem to bias itself towards a local optimum as opposed to a global optimum system, what with the need to first elect members of parliament (MPs) to represent the constituency before selecting the cabinet ministers from the MPs in the dominant elected party.
Okay, so maybe they don't elect cabinet ministers from the MPs because that is only applicable to countries with a parliament (a republic) as opposed to one with a senate (a democracy). But the general idea is the same---everyone votes for their local representative, and the overall ``winner'' is determined by the aggregate votes throughout.
By virtue of the workings of the system, there seems to be an innate assumption that through selecting the local representative, it is possible to obtain a corp of people who, as a whole, can govern and manage the country well. This particular assumption is not wholly substantiated by theory---it is not known that government systems based on elections follow an optimum substructure property that guarantees us a global optimum peformance. Using a less jargon-filled approach, what I mean is that we have no proof that the local representatives whom we have voted into office to represent our localised interests are indeed effective custodians for the country's interest.
But of course, trying to institute a dual system will definitely cause a lot of complaints, since there will then be a perception that those who are voted in to deal with ``the big stuff'' are somehow ranked higher than the local representative representing the common folk. There are current governmental systems that have this partitioning concept sans the ``vote into power'' bit---observe how in some governmental systems, there is an upper house and a lower house, where the upper house are either made up of hereditary posts and the lower house is made up of members who were voted into power. It would appear then that the innate local versus global optimum bias is side stepped by a clear partitioning of the two interest groups---the upper house, being of ``noble descent'', seem more clearly suited to handle ``the big stuff'', while the lower house, being made of people voted into power, represent the localised interests. But of course, this just introduces a new type of bias that is a little hard to quantify; are those of the ``high born'' really more interested in the country's welfare?
But anyway, ruminations aside, political systems, in spite of the many efforts to rigourise them, are still products of an organic system that is not easily explained with the cold logic of empirical science. Even as we speak, even as I utter things here, the perceptions of how governance is enacted is still a hotly debated topic in both the academic and practical fields. I suppose only time will tell if what we are doing are indeed correct enough to stave off any major polirical catastrophes.
The current system of democratic elections as practised by most of the civilised world seem to bias itself towards a local optimum as opposed to a global optimum system, what with the need to first elect members of parliament (MPs) to represent the constituency before selecting the cabinet ministers from the MPs in the dominant elected party.
Okay, so maybe they don't elect cabinet ministers from the MPs because that is only applicable to countries with a parliament (a republic) as opposed to one with a senate (a democracy). But the general idea is the same---everyone votes for their local representative, and the overall ``winner'' is determined by the aggregate votes throughout.
By virtue of the workings of the system, there seems to be an innate assumption that through selecting the local representative, it is possible to obtain a corp of people who, as a whole, can govern and manage the country well. This particular assumption is not wholly substantiated by theory---it is not known that government systems based on elections follow an optimum substructure property that guarantees us a global optimum peformance. Using a less jargon-filled approach, what I mean is that we have no proof that the local representatives whom we have voted into office to represent our localised interests are indeed effective custodians for the country's interest.
But of course, trying to institute a dual system will definitely cause a lot of complaints, since there will then be a perception that those who are voted in to deal with ``the big stuff'' are somehow ranked higher than the local representative representing the common folk. There are current governmental systems that have this partitioning concept sans the ``vote into power'' bit---observe how in some governmental systems, there is an upper house and a lower house, where the upper house are either made up of hereditary posts and the lower house is made up of members who were voted into power. It would appear then that the innate local versus global optimum bias is side stepped by a clear partitioning of the two interest groups---the upper house, being of ``noble descent'', seem more clearly suited to handle ``the big stuff'', while the lower house, being made of people voted into power, represent the localised interests. But of course, this just introduces a new type of bias that is a little hard to quantify; are those of the ``high born'' really more interested in the country's welfare?
But anyway, ruminations aside, political systems, in spite of the many efforts to rigourise them, are still products of an organic system that is not easily explained with the cold logic of empirical science. Even as we speak, even as I utter things here, the perceptions of how governance is enacted is still a hotly debated topic in both the academic and practical fields. I suppose only time will tell if what we are doing are indeed correct enough to stave off any major polirical catastrophes.
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
2 More Cents
*cracks knuckles*
So, not too long ago, Singapore just underwent yet another General Election. This time round, there were a few surprises, and quite a few upsets, and the overall activity level relating to this has been on a high. When it comes to politics of course, everyone has something to say, and I am of no exception.
However, I am just going to say a few general observations here about the whole event as opposed to picking on any particular person or party to lambast.
All in all, I think that this General Election has done its job of rekindling the citizens' interest in the policy making process for this country. That alone is a very important outcome---the citizens no longer take in the public policies passively, and the government enlightened to the direction and census that the citizens' sociology/psychology are heading. While many see this as a major clash between the ruling party and the opposition, it is more like the stage where the blossoming of ideas are allowed to proceed relatively unhindered, ideas that are thought of by the people, for the people.
Each time a major shift in political power occurs anywhere in the world, it is often marked by an increased access of communication technologies. First it was the postal system, then the radio and telegram, followed by television, and now, the Internet. The purpose of communication technology is to have an outreach from the political participants to the voters; it serves as a means of showcasing the party's ideologies and political agenda in a mass consumable manner.
But what just happened in Singapore was hardly a major shift in political power; it is more akin of a nascent mixed pot of political ideologies and cooperative antagonism. Of course the ruling party came back to power---this is just an outcome that is really improbable to not occur. But we also see the rise of how the opposition political parties generate more appeal to their causes through a closer interaction with the tech-savvy man-on-the-street. Singapore is not like the US with a whole slew of higly complicated, larger scaled constituencies where the needs of one constituency differs drastically from another---we are so physically small that whatever policies that may come out will affect everyone sooner or later, whether they like it or not. In that sense then, any form of outreach has a tendency to affect a much larger proportion of people than it is to be expected.
I have seen normally apathetic people literally take to the streets, shouting slogans, holding up posters, with some even pledging to join an opposition party should the ruling party return to power. All these fervour over this country's politics is something that we will all learn to appreciate in time to come. As the older voters fall off the register through their eventual demise, we will find that we, the progeny, will inherit the system left behind, and if we cannot even convince ourselves to care about what is going on, we will be in dire straits indeed.
There is, however, a cause of concern regarding the recent General Election that may abate itself as the term passes. While I was expecting a logos-centric argument for all the political parties involved during the campaigning, what I found at the end of the day was that the pathos-styled arguments were the more prevalent. Even in this time and age, where we boast literacy rates high in the nineties, we find that the only way the political parties seem to want to connect to us is through the pathos perspective. I find this very odd and disconcerting, since it gives the entire outcome of the General Election very dark undertones---all those years of education and understanding of the rational aspects of an argument are all useless as we end up being swayed by words meant to pull at our emotions. I'm not saying that pathos arguments are bad; I am saying that it is ironic that that form of argumentation is still the dominant form.
Perhaps we have not really progressed much in mentality since forty/fifty years ago.
So, not too long ago, Singapore just underwent yet another General Election. This time round, there were a few surprises, and quite a few upsets, and the overall activity level relating to this has been on a high. When it comes to politics of course, everyone has something to say, and I am of no exception.
However, I am just going to say a few general observations here about the whole event as opposed to picking on any particular person or party to lambast.
All in all, I think that this General Election has done its job of rekindling the citizens' interest in the policy making process for this country. That alone is a very important outcome---the citizens no longer take in the public policies passively, and the government enlightened to the direction and census that the citizens' sociology/psychology are heading. While many see this as a major clash between the ruling party and the opposition, it is more like the stage where the blossoming of ideas are allowed to proceed relatively unhindered, ideas that are thought of by the people, for the people.
Each time a major shift in political power occurs anywhere in the world, it is often marked by an increased access of communication technologies. First it was the postal system, then the radio and telegram, followed by television, and now, the Internet. The purpose of communication technology is to have an outreach from the political participants to the voters; it serves as a means of showcasing the party's ideologies and political agenda in a mass consumable manner.
But what just happened in Singapore was hardly a major shift in political power; it is more akin of a nascent mixed pot of political ideologies and cooperative antagonism. Of course the ruling party came back to power---this is just an outcome that is really improbable to not occur. But we also see the rise of how the opposition political parties generate more appeal to their causes through a closer interaction with the tech-savvy man-on-the-street. Singapore is not like the US with a whole slew of higly complicated, larger scaled constituencies where the needs of one constituency differs drastically from another---we are so physically small that whatever policies that may come out will affect everyone sooner or later, whether they like it or not. In that sense then, any form of outreach has a tendency to affect a much larger proportion of people than it is to be expected.
I have seen normally apathetic people literally take to the streets, shouting slogans, holding up posters, with some even pledging to join an opposition party should the ruling party return to power. All these fervour over this country's politics is something that we will all learn to appreciate in time to come. As the older voters fall off the register through their eventual demise, we will find that we, the progeny, will inherit the system left behind, and if we cannot even convince ourselves to care about what is going on, we will be in dire straits indeed.
There is, however, a cause of concern regarding the recent General Election that may abate itself as the term passes. While I was expecting a logos-centric argument for all the political parties involved during the campaigning, what I found at the end of the day was that the pathos-styled arguments were the more prevalent. Even in this time and age, where we boast literacy rates high in the nineties, we find that the only way the political parties seem to want to connect to us is through the pathos perspective. I find this very odd and disconcerting, since it gives the entire outcome of the General Election very dark undertones---all those years of education and understanding of the rational aspects of an argument are all useless as we end up being swayed by words meant to pull at our emotions. I'm not saying that pathos arguments are bad; I am saying that it is ironic that that form of argumentation is still the dominant form.
Perhaps we have not really progressed much in mentality since forty/fifty years ago.
Monday, May 09, 2011
Jungle Bashing Fun
It's strange that when I had an official opportunity to do lots of jungle bashing, I wasn't able, and now that I'm off the whole NSF system, I'm actually actively picking jungles to bash.
No, that wasn't a mistake---I have been picking jungles to bash through just for the sheer fun of seeking some geocache that is located right in the middle of the said jungle.
Jungle bashing from a civilian perspective has a different allure from that of military jungle bashing, for sure. For one, when you are bashing through the jungle in the capacity of a military personnel, you are there for a serious purpose, with heightened tension from any potential enemy attack. But when you are jungle bashing as a civilian, you get to actually enjoy the terrain challenges that the jungle throws at you. Of course, I use the word ``enjoy'' in a loose sense---it takes a certain type of person to find it pleasurable enough to go through a jungle to actually do it.
To me, the allure of jungle bashing comes from the near primal nature of it all. There is nothing more visceral than facing nature itself---all the theories and what-not mean nothing in the face of the realities of the undergrowth, the thorns, the humidity, the chirping of the cicadas, the sloshing of the mud, the crunching of leaves and the like. Maybe I am seeking some sense of balance in life, having work and its multitude of complications on one side of the balance, and health with wellness on the other side of the balance. A tricky position indeed.
I wouldn't be very surprised if I get more and more adventurous the older I get. One needs inspiration for stories after all.
No, that wasn't a mistake---I have been picking jungles to bash through just for the sheer fun of seeking some geocache that is located right in the middle of the said jungle.
Jungle bashing from a civilian perspective has a different allure from that of military jungle bashing, for sure. For one, when you are bashing through the jungle in the capacity of a military personnel, you are there for a serious purpose, with heightened tension from any potential enemy attack. But when you are jungle bashing as a civilian, you get to actually enjoy the terrain challenges that the jungle throws at you. Of course, I use the word ``enjoy'' in a loose sense---it takes a certain type of person to find it pleasurable enough to go through a jungle to actually do it.
To me, the allure of jungle bashing comes from the near primal nature of it all. There is nothing more visceral than facing nature itself---all the theories and what-not mean nothing in the face of the realities of the undergrowth, the thorns, the humidity, the chirping of the cicadas, the sloshing of the mud, the crunching of leaves and the like. Maybe I am seeking some sense of balance in life, having work and its multitude of complications on one side of the balance, and health with wellness on the other side of the balance. A tricky position indeed.
I wouldn't be very surprised if I get more and more adventurous the older I get. One needs inspiration for stories after all.
Tuesday, May 03, 2011
Some Myth Debunking...
Heh. I know that my blog isn't a very famous one, but it's still a good conduit for me to vent out my thoughts on issues that I see these days.
One of the questions that some teenagers might be thinking about is this: which scholarship should I go on for my further studies? In a somewhat tangential method to address this questions, let me try to debunk some myths that people might have about their future and the steps that they are taking now.
Myth #1: You must study very hard and get into a good school to go far.
This myth is tricky. The underlying assumption is that somehow an association with a good school's name/reputation will give you that leverage to push you further in life, particularly in the case of careers. Well, reality isn't that clear cut---the reputation of the school can only get you that far; everything else is up to your own abilities and attitude. To put it in a blunt way, the reputation of the school can get you that initial interview, but if you have absolutely nothing else to show for, you still won't get that job or dream career.
Myth #2: You will learn all that you need for your career in university/college.
This cannot be further from the truth. Strangely enough, you will learn some new things from university/college, but what you end up doing for your job/career is more related to what your interests are as opposed to what you were taught in school. Just look at how many engineering-trained students who branch out into other domains like business, finance and even the Arts---were they taught all these in school? While university/college provides you with the opportunity to mingle with similarly minded people (thus making the environment more conducive for learning), to think that the college education is all that is needed is pure foolishness.
Myth #3: A scholarship is a must because of the prestige.
Ho ho ho... if one takes up the scholarship only because of the associated prestige, one is going to be in big big trouble! A scholarship is a contract---when you take it up, you are making a promise to whoever is sponsoring the scholarship that you will meet their requirements, and if need be, repay them by working for them at the conclusion of your studies. So, if you are some nubile eighteen-year-old considering if you should take up some scholarship somewhere, you should really really really think carefully if you are wholly comfortable with the conditions stipulated in the scholarship contract. If your only reason is ``for the prestige'', then don't bother---you will not be happy at the end of the day.
Myth #4: My career will be fixed from the day I graduate from college.
For this myth... it depends on a lot of factors. If you already know what you want, this is easily disproven, but one must always be prepared for changes. The only constant thing about the world is that it is always changing, and to think that you will be in the same career for more than a decade can be a little unrealistic. So continual improvement and self-discovery of what one can and cannot do are necessary to survive in this world. Formal education can only get one that far---everything beyond that is up to one's attitude and aptitude.
Okay, I'm getting a little annoyed at this exposition, so I will stop here. Till next time.
One of the questions that some teenagers might be thinking about is this: which scholarship should I go on for my further studies? In a somewhat tangential method to address this questions, let me try to debunk some myths that people might have about their future and the steps that they are taking now.
Myth #1: You must study very hard and get into a good school to go far.
This myth is tricky. The underlying assumption is that somehow an association with a good school's name/reputation will give you that leverage to push you further in life, particularly in the case of careers. Well, reality isn't that clear cut---the reputation of the school can only get you that far; everything else is up to your own abilities and attitude. To put it in a blunt way, the reputation of the school can get you that initial interview, but if you have absolutely nothing else to show for, you still won't get that job or dream career.
Myth #2: You will learn all that you need for your career in university/college.
This cannot be further from the truth. Strangely enough, you will learn some new things from university/college, but what you end up doing for your job/career is more related to what your interests are as opposed to what you were taught in school. Just look at how many engineering-trained students who branch out into other domains like business, finance and even the Arts---were they taught all these in school? While university/college provides you with the opportunity to mingle with similarly minded people (thus making the environment more conducive for learning), to think that the college education is all that is needed is pure foolishness.
Myth #3: A scholarship is a must because of the prestige.
Ho ho ho... if one takes up the scholarship only because of the associated prestige, one is going to be in big big trouble! A scholarship is a contract---when you take it up, you are making a promise to whoever is sponsoring the scholarship that you will meet their requirements, and if need be, repay them by working for them at the conclusion of your studies. So, if you are some nubile eighteen-year-old considering if you should take up some scholarship somewhere, you should really really really think carefully if you are wholly comfortable with the conditions stipulated in the scholarship contract. If your only reason is ``for the prestige'', then don't bother---you will not be happy at the end of the day.
Myth #4: My career will be fixed from the day I graduate from college.
For this myth... it depends on a lot of factors. If you already know what you want, this is easily disproven, but one must always be prepared for changes. The only constant thing about the world is that it is always changing, and to think that you will be in the same career for more than a decade can be a little unrealistic. So continual improvement and self-discovery of what one can and cannot do are necessary to survive in this world. Formal education can only get one that far---everything beyond that is up to one's attitude and aptitude.
Okay, I'm getting a little annoyed at this exposition, so I will stop here. Till next time.
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