Whew... that was something.
So let's start from the beginning. Back in April this year, I got Stella. There were some logistic issues and what-not in getting her, but those were eventually settled. In that same entry, I talked about serving in the Music Ministry. I played a simple hymn in a quick audition on Aurelia, and had a quick chat with the music coordinator, her husband, and the deacon in charge of the music ministry. It was a very casual chat, and they were just trying to see how I could fit in with the current structure of the ensemble, seeing that I was bringing in a flute to a piano-[electric-]organ-violin ensemble. I started playing every other week, then building up towards playing every week. I came in earlier to rehearse with music coordinator to get a better sense of the play style and the repertoire of the hymnals, and that was before we had the usual rehearsal with the playing group before the service itself.
I built up confidence over time with the ``feel'' of the hymns, and got used to the keys that I had not played much of since my Kiltie Band days (hi A♭-major, E♭-major, and D♭-major) on Aurelia. My goal was to play good enough to blend in with the ensemble---the music works with the congregational singing to praise the Lord, and therefore it was not necessary to stand out in any way.
That changed for these couple of days, namely for the Christmas eve service and the Christmas service. I pulled out Stella, and for the carols, just went high as needed, going 15ma as opposed to the usual 8va that I would play with Aurelia (hymns tend to stick within the grand staff, with the main melody staying completely within the treble clef, but largely having middle-C and lower, making it impractical for the concert flute to play as is without the 8va).
Stella was wonderful. I didn't play everything at 15ma---much of the carols were played at the usual 8va, but since Stella is 8va higher than Aurelia, it means playing in the first register. This is where Stella's access to B4 was amazing. I would sneakily play Stella at how I would play Aurelia, before bursting into full technicolour 15ma for that added sparkle and sweetness.
The feedback for the two days' playing this way was positive; the congregation apparently loved it, and had fedback to the music coordinator about it. Even Paul, who is self-declared not musically-inclined, finally made a comment of hearing me play and liking the lilting sparkle that Stella imparted.
Was it vindication? Vindication of what though... that I could control myself and sound sweet at 2 kHz range? That the MINI (not really a piccolo, but I just called it that to avoid a looooooooong discussion point) is the perfect instrument for this range?
Nah... I mean, my personal bar for myself is kinda high. While I have about 12 years of piccolo experience (damn it has been 12 years?!), it is the 31 years of 笛子 playing that is pulling much of the weight. I go ridiculously high all the time with my dizi playing, and I think it has conditioned me to handle the 2 kHz range with greater control than I would normally have without having done that.
But, at the risk of being smug, it is nice to be appreciated.
------
In tangential news, the bag that holds my special music stand finally ripped the seams beyond the 50% mark. I spent part of yesterday afternoon sewing that stitch back, before using fabric glue and some spare fabric salvaged from an old T-shirt to strengthen the seam more. It held out well today, but only time will tell.
Part of the reason why the bag gets ripped at the seam was the way that I'm carrying it. Previously, I would sling it on my right shoulder like normal, but I didn't like it. With the backpack gig-bag, it was always in the way whenever I had to switch the backpack to the front before sitting down at a seat on public transport. So I started to cross sling the music stand bag in the front, with the left shoulder being the higher holding part. And this is where additional stress from the poke-y bits of the folded up stand act on the seam on the bag, which is already supporting the entire mass of the stand (it's heavy) due to the position and design.
Having the bag slung in front allows me to just quickly switch my backpack between the front and back.
------
Aaaaaanyway, I talked about waiting to see if Elden Ring was on sale.
It was.
It had a 40% price drop, which was pretty large. I took the opportunity to get the Deluxe edition just so that I would have the soundtrack as well.
And since I was already buying something, I bought a few more other games from the Steam sale. But you probably don't care about this.
Elden Ring. Oh yes, fucker's hard... but it is actually still fun. There's just so much to see and do, and each fight is like a timed puzzle.
Don't get me wrong, this fucking game is hard, and there were some bullshit moments [when fighting the Tree Sentinel in the beginning area] that I thought was unfair (got trapped in the scenery, for crying out loud). Runes are used for everything, and dying does make one drop it all. Hollow Knight does that as well, but what Elden Ring made better was to allow that dropped runes be persistent between gaming sessions until either one picks up their dropped runes, or when one dies again.
The routing to the Boss that one died to in Elden Ring also tends to be straightforward, allowing resets to happen faster and not overly punishing the player to redo the entire dungeon to get back there.
The levelling up system is slow as molasses, but then I realised that it would be exactly like how I would want to create a game that tried its best to mimic reality while keeping the fantasy moments. The action RPG nature of Elden Ring means that apart from just the numbers, there is still that meta-game of actually being skilled at the mechanics.
And I like it. It scratches the kind of itch that rogue-likes have, but without the perma-death that can frustrate one who is a little more time-sensitive. The use of the numbers to replace the skill meta-game is interesting without taking the fun of mastering a gamme completely, and I like it.
A lot.
And anyway, that's enough for now. Till the next update.
Monday, December 25, 2023
Wednesday, December 20, 2023
Am Getting Drinks
Another [work] day has ended. And this year, this 2023 CE, is now in its penultimate week.
I finally left last.fm after being there for nearly twenty years. The reason was simple: they were withholding interesting information based on my submitted data... yeah, fuck'em. My only regret was that it took me this many years to finally pull the trigger and leave.
Moving on, I've recently been introduced to the solo hotpot & BBQ concept by YT. The hotpot part, I am used to, while that BBQ bit was something new. I think that calling it a BBQ is a bit of a misnomer---it was much closer to having a hot plate as opposed to a barbeque grill in terms of execution. But that aside, the concept was interesting, and it awakened that latent caveman that had been hiding within me all these while; there was just something that was so satisfying about watching (and smelling) what was originally red raw meat turning into a delicious brown cooked form.
Magnifique.
Recently, I have finally achieved something cool---I have managed to obtain good quality playable representatives for all usable keys of the 笛子. Was that always my intention? Not really... but ever since I discovered a contact who had makers willing to be commissioned to build the so-called odd key 笛子, it was something that did not stray too far from my mind.
``But MT, why do you need so many 笛子 in the first place?''
It's about extending the possibilities of expression. Each and every 笛子 has its own specific timbre, and armed with all the 27 possible representatives as at now, it is possible to tackle anything, including the possibility of ``going rogue'' in the sense of moving away from traditional Chinese music and into band (concert/marching/five-man) and beyond.
And that 倍大 C♯笛子 is a special one too. I won't brag about it (not worth it), but if you know, you know. It also plays beautifully.
So a while back, Peace Centre was sold. The twist was that after the original tenants had moved out, the entire place was given a year of partial anarchy, where graffiti was allowed, and various pop-up stalls appeared. I checked it out with YT that day, and I found it pretty cool. It reminded me a little of the old New Year events in Pittsburgh City back in the day for some reason, even though I might not share the same kind of jive as the much younger folk were.
Hmmm. What else is there to say for today's entry?
Ah, perhaps a little Minecraft news. I continued clearing out the forests nearest to my hill-top base, and replaced the haphazardly placed torches on the ground with the four-iron-bar-one-lantern ``lamp-post'' that I came up with. It looks so much neater. I cleaned up my mob farm a little, removing the original chunk-delimiter ring of blocks, replaced the ground blocks for the sea-level entry-way while adding detailing in the form of cobblestone wall ``pillars'' that drove down to some kind of hard-rock on the sea floor. I also patched up some of the ravine/rifts that were in the land around my hill-top base, using smooth stone as a shovel-resistant stop-block, before laying on stacks of dirt to make the patch look like it was part of the original landscape.
This weekend will see me get involved in quite a few pieces as part of the music ministry. I'll have to practise the pieces beforehand (as always), and am looking forward to it.
I am also waiting for 2023-12-22T02:00+08 to see if Elden Ring would be on sale. Something about the SGD80.00 price point just did not sit right with me, even though I would hardly blink spending that amount at a single meal of just having myself. I suppose if there was no sale, I'd probably just buy it at full price---I had finally convinced myself that it was time to try it.
Ah. What else to say, what else to say?
I suppose that's about it for now. I think I have a rant or two, but I have been drinking like a fish over the weekend for two weekends now, hanging out with different friends. There's one more session coming up this weekend, and I suppose that I can get all my ranting going, thus leaving almost nothing for here.
But then again, why would that ever be a problem?
I finally left last.fm after being there for nearly twenty years. The reason was simple: they were withholding interesting information based on my submitted data... yeah, fuck'em. My only regret was that it took me this many years to finally pull the trigger and leave.
Moving on, I've recently been introduced to the solo hotpot & BBQ concept by YT. The hotpot part, I am used to, while that BBQ bit was something new. I think that calling it a BBQ is a bit of a misnomer---it was much closer to having a hot plate as opposed to a barbeque grill in terms of execution. But that aside, the concept was interesting, and it awakened that latent caveman that had been hiding within me all these while; there was just something that was so satisfying about watching (and smelling) what was originally red raw meat turning into a delicious brown cooked form.
Magnifique.
Recently, I have finally achieved something cool---I have managed to obtain good quality playable representatives for all usable keys of the 笛子. Was that always my intention? Not really... but ever since I discovered a contact who had makers willing to be commissioned to build the so-called odd key 笛子, it was something that did not stray too far from my mind.
``But MT, why do you need so many 笛子 in the first place?''
It's about extending the possibilities of expression. Each and every 笛子 has its own specific timbre, and armed with all the 27 possible representatives as at now, it is possible to tackle anything, including the possibility of ``going rogue'' in the sense of moving away from traditional Chinese music and into band (concert/marching/five-man) and beyond.
And that 倍大 C♯笛子 is a special one too. I won't brag about it (not worth it), but if you know, you know. It also plays beautifully.
So a while back, Peace Centre was sold. The twist was that after the original tenants had moved out, the entire place was given a year of partial anarchy, where graffiti was allowed, and various pop-up stalls appeared. I checked it out with YT that day, and I found it pretty cool. It reminded me a little of the old New Year events in Pittsburgh City back in the day for some reason, even though I might not share the same kind of jive as the much younger folk were.
Hmmm. What else is there to say for today's entry?
Ah, perhaps a little Minecraft news. I continued clearing out the forests nearest to my hill-top base, and replaced the haphazardly placed torches on the ground with the four-iron-bar-one-lantern ``lamp-post'' that I came up with. It looks so much neater. I cleaned up my mob farm a little, removing the original chunk-delimiter ring of blocks, replaced the ground blocks for the sea-level entry-way while adding detailing in the form of cobblestone wall ``pillars'' that drove down to some kind of hard-rock on the sea floor. I also patched up some of the ravine/rifts that were in the land around my hill-top base, using smooth stone as a shovel-resistant stop-block, before laying on stacks of dirt to make the patch look like it was part of the original landscape.
This weekend will see me get involved in quite a few pieces as part of the music ministry. I'll have to practise the pieces beforehand (as always), and am looking forward to it.
I am also waiting for 2023-12-22T02:00+08 to see if Elden Ring would be on sale. Something about the SGD80.00 price point just did not sit right with me, even though I would hardly blink spending that amount at a single meal of just having myself. I suppose if there was no sale, I'd probably just buy it at full price---I had finally convinced myself that it was time to try it.
Ah. What else to say, what else to say?
I suppose that's about it for now. I think I have a rant or two, but I have been drinking like a fish over the weekend for two weekends now, hanging out with different friends. There's one more session coming up this weekend, and I suppose that I can get all my ranting going, thus leaving almost nothing for here.
But then again, why would that ever be a problem?
Sunday, December 10, 2023
Damn I Need a Drink
I would have said ``damn I need a drink'', but I actually had like six of those babies on Friday, and that doesn't count the two I had the day before. But the sentiment still holds though.
Damn I need a drink.
Or perhaps a heavy blow to the head---who knows?
I have been feeling under the weather for the past couple of days, lapsing into multi-hour long naps in the day time, and waking up feeling better than before I slept, but still in the kind of ennui that often accompanies me during this time of the year.
Am I really depressed? If I were in the US, I would not have hesitated to go look for professional help, but as I am still in SIN city, it is just not worth the trouble.
Yes, trouble. I chose the word ``trouble'', not ``effort''. This place is downright toxic when it comes to mental health, and I don't mean the legion of lay people who know fuck all about what mental health entails. I am also referring to the over-worked and under-paid workers in the industry, that is regulated by a ministry that is, shall we say nicely, a representative of the type of public it serves.
I would rather kill myself than to go through the trouble to seek help here, should that need ever arise.
The irony of course is that I live within striking distance of the Institute of Mental Health, which means that it barely takes any actual logistical effort to haul my ass there. And yet I still refuse to.
But then again in the grand scheme of things, I've more or less subscribed to the philosophy of ``if I die, I die'', i.e. I really cannot be bothered to take any more corrective action in my life just to prolong it for no good reason. I have been thinking semi-seriously about drafting a ``do not resuscitate'' legal order, but am a little hung up on how to specify the conditions within it. Questions like ``will the [fucking] doctors actually respect my legal orders, or will they ignore it for whatever damned reason?''.
And no, I don't want to talk about this with anyone. The last time I raised this with anyone, I was rudely told to go fuck myself for being an ingrate for not cherishing the life that was given to me by God (not the exact words for sure, but the sentiments are accurate). And people in my age group don't understand nor care, since their lives are going nicely with their own families and other objects of anchoring them into this reality. And forget about the younger ones---their minds are too blasted by instant gratification to think beyond anything, really.
``But MT, if you don't open yourself up, how are you going to find help or understanding?''
Yeah, fuck off. I opened myself up to people whom I trusted, and what happened each time? I get stabbed. If you want an example of emotional abuse, there's your Exhibit A---it doesn't need some domestic altercation or anything of that sort. Insanity is repeating the same actions and expecting different outcomes. Hell, I'd happily accept that God wants me to suffer for His purposes than to trust another person that deeply again.
``MT, that's not very Christian of you.''
And you'd be right. It's not very Christian of me. I'm too world weary to be that trusting. I have trust issues at a personal level---I just don't trust people much any more. I cannot trust people who have no attention span---please explain how I can trust a person who, when I am talking with them, is consistently looking at their smartphones, not necessarily doomscrolling, but having another conversation with someone else.
Tell me, if I were to continue trusting this person, am I not just a fool? Did God not give me a damn brain and a mind with wisdom to make my own judgement?
Trust issues.
It gets worse as one ages, as I am starting to discover. That naive trusting nature when one was younger gets burnt out of the system over time, and even among my age group, no one gets involved with anyone without any ulterior motives.
So it's all an act. A mask. The friendly nature of MT that goes out there is all of those, and then some. It's not a fake act, nor a fake mask---it is what I would have been had I not lose the spark to keep it real. So it's no longer my default state, but just something that I retrieve to keep people from thinking that I am some of psychopath/sociopath, just so that things can get moving along in a way that does not devolve to violence.
Some might call it ``adulting''. I have no proper names for it, nor do I care enough to come up with one.
Not gonna lie, just kinda waiting for society to give me some pretty good reasons to off myself at this point, but God has been kind enough to have me play some useful roles in this society for now, thus allowing me to put these thoughts away.
But they are always there, always lurking. And these trust issues are what will prevent me from seeking a mate to ``settle down''.
Damn I need a drink.
Damn I need a drink.
Or perhaps a heavy blow to the head---who knows?
I have been feeling under the weather for the past couple of days, lapsing into multi-hour long naps in the day time, and waking up feeling better than before I slept, but still in the kind of ennui that often accompanies me during this time of the year.
Am I really depressed? If I were in the US, I would not have hesitated to go look for professional help, but as I am still in SIN city, it is just not worth the trouble.
Yes, trouble. I chose the word ``trouble'', not ``effort''. This place is downright toxic when it comes to mental health, and I don't mean the legion of lay people who know fuck all about what mental health entails. I am also referring to the over-worked and under-paid workers in the industry, that is regulated by a ministry that is, shall we say nicely, a representative of the type of public it serves.
I would rather kill myself than to go through the trouble to seek help here, should that need ever arise.
The irony of course is that I live within striking distance of the Institute of Mental Health, which means that it barely takes any actual logistical effort to haul my ass there. And yet I still refuse to.
But then again in the grand scheme of things, I've more or less subscribed to the philosophy of ``if I die, I die'', i.e. I really cannot be bothered to take any more corrective action in my life just to prolong it for no good reason. I have been thinking semi-seriously about drafting a ``do not resuscitate'' legal order, but am a little hung up on how to specify the conditions within it. Questions like ``will the [fucking] doctors actually respect my legal orders, or will they ignore it for whatever damned reason?''.
And no, I don't want to talk about this with anyone. The last time I raised this with anyone, I was rudely told to go fuck myself for being an ingrate for not cherishing the life that was given to me by God (not the exact words for sure, but the sentiments are accurate). And people in my age group don't understand nor care, since their lives are going nicely with their own families and other objects of anchoring them into this reality. And forget about the younger ones---their minds are too blasted by instant gratification to think beyond anything, really.
``But MT, if you don't open yourself up, how are you going to find help or understanding?''
Yeah, fuck off. I opened myself up to people whom I trusted, and what happened each time? I get stabbed. If you want an example of emotional abuse, there's your Exhibit A---it doesn't need some domestic altercation or anything of that sort. Insanity is repeating the same actions and expecting different outcomes. Hell, I'd happily accept that God wants me to suffer for His purposes than to trust another person that deeply again.
``MT, that's not very Christian of you.''
And you'd be right. It's not very Christian of me. I'm too world weary to be that trusting. I have trust issues at a personal level---I just don't trust people much any more. I cannot trust people who have no attention span---please explain how I can trust a person who, when I am talking with them, is consistently looking at their smartphones, not necessarily doomscrolling, but having another conversation with someone else.
Tell me, if I were to continue trusting this person, am I not just a fool? Did God not give me a damn brain and a mind with wisdom to make my own judgement?
Trust issues.
It gets worse as one ages, as I am starting to discover. That naive trusting nature when one was younger gets burnt out of the system over time, and even among my age group, no one gets involved with anyone without any ulterior motives.
So it's all an act. A mask. The friendly nature of MT that goes out there is all of those, and then some. It's not a fake act, nor a fake mask---it is what I would have been had I not lose the spark to keep it real. So it's no longer my default state, but just something that I retrieve to keep people from thinking that I am some of psychopath/sociopath, just so that things can get moving along in a way that does not devolve to violence.
Some might call it ``adulting''. I have no proper names for it, nor do I care enough to come up with one.
Not gonna lie, just kinda waiting for society to give me some pretty good reasons to off myself at this point, but God has been kind enough to have me play some useful roles in this society for now, thus allowing me to put these thoughts away.
But they are always there, always lurking. And these trust issues are what will prevent me from seeking a mate to ``settle down''.
Damn I need a drink.
Friday, December 01, 2023
End of Another Week... Yay...
Ah... another week is over. And we're now officially in December. Last twelfth of the year to go before the pseudo-cycle begins anew.
Am I officially ``done'' with 2023? That's an interesting question... what does it mean to be ``done'' with a year? Does it mean that when the pseudo-cycle begins anew, it somehow is a reset of some sorts, that some of the old problems go away in the sense of the reset, while new opportunities show themselves?
If that's what it means to be ``done'' with any particular year... then I suppose not. Just because an arbitrary time-centric odometer increases by one integer step does not mean that it is truly ``anew''---that's just something we tell ourselves to make ourselves feel better. The truth is, the problems we had are still around, the issues we wanted to resolve still await us, and the future is still as far away as before, unless we have some specific quantifiable goal in mind.
That said, I've been living on borrowed time anyway. I move projects forward, hoping that these projects benefit their target audiences, while I sort of reached the point in life where if I suddenly were to die now, I'd go quietly with no regrets.
I mean, what's there to regret? All in all, I think I've lived a pretty full life. So what if I'm not married with children... being single doesn't mean that one cannot live a full life. So what if I'm not some wealthy fellow, or a business owner, or famed anyone---why would anyone need to be in any of those states to be considered living a life without regrets? I mean, sure, money is useful, but it's still mostly a means to an end, and shouldn't be an end to itself, for therein lies madness and great evil.
``MT, why're you getting all maudlin again?''
It's the end of the year; it is a confluence of Christmas, New Year's, My birthday, and Chinese New Year. Naturally, it's when I just age hard like a mofo.
Aaaaaaanyway, end of the week. I'm down with something again, and I'm just plain angry. I'm still chalking it to just some kind of cold, and am going to run with that. My strategy of getting through this is to literally be too angry to be sick, so that's that.
I think that's all I feel like writing now. Till the next update I suppose.
Am I officially ``done'' with 2023? That's an interesting question... what does it mean to be ``done'' with a year? Does it mean that when the pseudo-cycle begins anew, it somehow is a reset of some sorts, that some of the old problems go away in the sense of the reset, while new opportunities show themselves?
If that's what it means to be ``done'' with any particular year... then I suppose not. Just because an arbitrary time-centric odometer increases by one integer step does not mean that it is truly ``anew''---that's just something we tell ourselves to make ourselves feel better. The truth is, the problems we had are still around, the issues we wanted to resolve still await us, and the future is still as far away as before, unless we have some specific quantifiable goal in mind.
That said, I've been living on borrowed time anyway. I move projects forward, hoping that these projects benefit their target audiences, while I sort of reached the point in life where if I suddenly were to die now, I'd go quietly with no regrets.
I mean, what's there to regret? All in all, I think I've lived a pretty full life. So what if I'm not married with children... being single doesn't mean that one cannot live a full life. So what if I'm not some wealthy fellow, or a business owner, or famed anyone---why would anyone need to be in any of those states to be considered living a life without regrets? I mean, sure, money is useful, but it's still mostly a means to an end, and shouldn't be an end to itself, for therein lies madness and great evil.
``MT, why're you getting all maudlin again?''
It's the end of the year; it is a confluence of Christmas, New Year's, My birthday, and Chinese New Year. Naturally, it's when I just age hard like a mofo.
Aaaaaaanyway, end of the week. I'm down with something again, and I'm just plain angry. I'm still chalking it to just some kind of cold, and am going to run with that. My strategy of getting through this is to literally be too angry to be sick, so that's that.
I think that's all I feel like writing now. Till the next update I suppose.
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