I am a Rolling Stone [Gathering No Moss]

``A rolling stone gathers no moss.''

I suppose that's why I am the way I am now. While many might be happy with the lot of life they are given, I'm never one to accept my fate as is, always wanting to fight upwards and onwards, even if this means that I have to leave behind communities of people just to take on the next step of my journey. Maybe I'm more mercenary than I thought, maybe I'm more introverted than I care to actually confess to be; while I lament about how old friends no longer keep in touch with me because of how life turns out, sometimes I too forget how I drop contact with some of the people who are no longer that relevant to me.

Clearly I have been ruminating too much about things. That's hardly new, considering that I had not stepped out of the house for 2 days now. Unsecretly, the starting quote for this entry is also the reason why I am still not in a committed relationship---I still have unfinished business and cannot settle down just yet. Maybe I'm not as ambitious as those entrepreneurs with their start-ups, but I still have some goals in life that I need to achieve, and at this point, that seems much more compelling than the whole ``get settled down and have children'' bit. But who knows what the future might bring?

Okay, enough of random rambling. Back to work.

Inspiration for NaNoWriMo 2011

Alright, the inspiration for NaNoWriMo 2011. Unlike the previous two stories (A Slice of Life with a Twist of Lemon and Towards Cacophony) that formed a series on their own, this one is of a completely new flavour. The major difference here is that there is only one very obvious protagonist, as opposed to the two different people (Heng Kar and Kah Hao) of the previous novels. I have kept the first/third-person narrative styles like before, only to add some variety to the story, giving first-person perspectives on story parts that are less action based and third-person for the action-y stuff.

Anyway, here's the dramatis personae (wow it has been a while since I used that term) for Modern Office Warrior as gotten from my idea file:

Duo-zhuo

Duo-zhuo's the one true protagonist of this novel, and everything that we are talking about is about him in this story. There are still interleaving storylines at play here, but there is no separation between them with regards to what he is doing. The name ``Duo-zhuo'' was designed with a pun in mind; it shares an almost similar phonetic spelling for 多做, which is Mandarin for ``doing a lot''. I wanted to evoke this notion of how Duo-zhuo is doing a lot of things, yet not really having much of an outcome. His life story is pretty much the ``corporate warrior'', doing thinsg within the company and loathing how his psychotic boss keeps causing havoc for him. Of course, this story is about how he found an outlet for that to make life more bearable...

Jimmy Zhan

Not much of a main character, really. Jimmy is more of the ``adventure man'' that I wanted to introduce to give Duo-zhuo a reason to get his ass out of his office and dreary life and get out there to do stuff. And the stuff I've chosen for them to do is Geocaching.

Dan

Not much is known about Dan, since some time after the first third of the novel, he gets fired for doing some rather questionable things. Dan represents the overachieving recent graduate who will stop at nothing just to be the best that can be, from the best ``team player'' to the ``best performing employee''. Not necessarily a bad thing, but given the way things turned out, yeah.

FunnyBoy and FunnyGal

Minor role characters that feature in the first major Geocaching adventure, they are an amalgamation of a few real life geocaching people that I know. I put them there mostly to make the first Geocaching activity that Duo-zhuo takes part in less awkward.

And as usual, there are quite a few minor characters here and there that help advance the story and provide hooks that I will not go into detail.

As for locations, I drew inspiration of the layout of my old office for the corporate scenes, embellishing where necessary, while the outdoor stuff is based on several real-life locations that I had been to on some of the most crazy and insanely fun Geocaching trips that I had done. The whole ``oh no walk into mud'' theme features strongly in the second extended Geocaching adventure in the story because I found it funny to just put Duo-zhuo and Jimmy into situations that I hope to never have to deal with in Geocaching. Also, the extended adventure is completely fabricated---it is technically impossible to design such a Geocache within the current rule set for the real game.

So, why Modern Office Warrior, why isn't it some corporate work-centric story? I believe that ``warrior'' here is meant to evoke a more general feeling of taking on life and all the complications surrounding it, as opposed to ``fighting'' the bureaucracy that is within the corporate environment.

Alright, I think that's enough of an insight to the inspiration for this year's NaNoWriMo entry. I'm still not sure if I can or should do NaNoWriMo next year, but we will see how that goes.

Duo-decade December

It feels like a while since I wrote anything here, and so here I am now.

This month is strange, in the sense that in the beginning of the first half of the month, I was rather existential, wondering about a lot of things regarding why I was here and all the usual things that being existential entailed. Then when things seem Worst, a light shone upon the path that I should take, and now here I am, taking that path.

I think I'm starting to appreciate the type of freedom that I am getting, now that the ``honeymoon'' first semester is over, where, to my utter regret, I probably spent more time trying to get used to the place and notion that I was in graduate school as opposed to being in undergraduate classes. Now that that is over and done with, I can finally focus myself on the things that matter the most.

But enough of the depressing stuff! November was NaNoWriMo, and I think I'm a little obliged to shed some light on the inspiration behind this year's novel, which can be gotten from here, like where all the other novels are. I will do so in the next post just to not mar it with my own rantings.

This month marks the continuation of my geocaching adventure, and completed my first 5/5 cache (The Journal) with my caching buddy here johnayuen. That one was a little nasty; it took us three trips (including the one that he took nearly a year ago) and lots and lots of hiking to get through in order to get to the final location. I will probably put that tale up some time later, so keep your eyes peeled.

Meanwhile, let me write up the inspiration for NaNoWriMo 2011 first. =P

Trapped

Funny how when I'm ``trapped'' in my apartment/room I actually have so much to talk about on my blogs. Actually, come to think of it, it isn't really funny but quite sad, and is probably systematic in terms of what it entails. It is not that I don't want to be in the office/lab to get stuff done---it's cold out, I'm running out of clothes because of a lack of laundry time and I have a nice set up at home that allows me to work from the relative comfort of the apartment. The only caveat is that I don't really get to exercise my vocal cords nor social skills, but it is a small price to pay compared to having to dress up and cycling in the cold towards the office/lab.

My place suffered a drop in power yesterday, which promptly knocked out Elyse since I didn't load a battery in her. Eileen worked fine only because her battery is always inside, so I can't do what I usually do with batteries---take them out so that they don't ``overcharge'' (note: lithium batteries cannot overcharge because of the protective circuitry in place). So now, as a type of UPS, I stuff Elyse with the bay battery when she's on. Weird that such a thing happens though.

With the shortening of the daylight hours and the relatively horrible positioning of the dinner table/work table with respect to the only light in the living room, I'm so glad I bought a desk lamp. Now I can actually be up and do things and hopefully make progress.

Anyway, sleepy time. Till the next rant.

粉雪

It has begun:

粉雪------レミオロメン

粉雪舞う季節はいつもすれ違い
人ごみに紛れても同じ空見てるのに
風に吹かれて似たように凍えるのに

僕は君のすべてなど知ってはいないだろう
それでも一億人から君を見つけたよ
根拠はないけど本気で思ってるんだ

些細な言い合いもなくて同じ時間を生きてなどいけない
素直になれないなら喜びも悲しみも空しいだけ

僕は君の心に耳を押し当てて
その声のする方へすっと深くまで
降りてゆきたいそこでもう一度会おう

分かり合いたいなんて
上辺を撫でていた（なでていた）のは僕のほう
君の悴んだ（かじかんだ）手も握り閉めることだけで繋がってたのに

粉雪ねえ永遠を前にあまりに脆く
ざらつくアスファルトの上染みになってゆくよ

粉雪ねえ時に頼りなく心は揺れる
それでも僕は君のこと守り続けたい

粉雪ねえ心まで白く染められたなら
２人の孤独を包んで空に返すから

Lyrics courtesy Anime Lyrics. And the translation:

Konayuki (Powder Snow)------Remioromen

Season of snow powder always come
Although we are mixed up with a mass of people
we are looking on the same sky
Blown by the wind, and we are chilled by it

I may not know everything about you
Nevertheless, I've found you among 100 million of people
There's no proof but I'm very serious of it

It's impossible to live in the same time with no single quarrel
If we can't be honest, happiness and sadness are just meaningless

If the snow powder may whiten deep to our heart
Could we both share our loneliness?

I would press my ear near to your heart
And go down deep into the place where I hear that voice and meet you once again

We want to understand each other
It's me who softly brush the surface
Just by tightly gripping your numb and cold hand
We are tied to each other

Snow powder is too fragile
In front of us, keep on leaving stains on the rough asphalt forever

Snow powder does not rely on time, moving our heart
Nevertheless, I'd still like to keep on protecting you

If the snow powder may whiten deep to our heart
It will cover both our loneliness and return it to the sky...

Translation courtesy Anime Lyrics.

You don't really need to know the translation to be affected by the meaning of the song. Feels a little apt in view of winter that has just arrived.

English Assessment...?

What a week of self-doubt. I can never understand why I am such a walking paradox---on the one hand I have a pretty good idea of what I want to accomplish, yet on the other hand I find myself seemingly faltering and failing at every opportunity. So awkward and weird.

At times I start wondering, am I really as smart and as hardworking as I think myself to be? Are the methods that I'm employing actually efficient enough to allow me to push forwards with minimal wastage? It almost feels as though I'm just trying to tread water at the edge of the abyss, which itself is quite deep to begin with. So contrary...

Anyway, something amusing. I went for an oral English assessment test recently as a part of my research group's effort to strengthen everyone's presentation and conversational skills. It has been a good long time since I took any sort of oral test like this (probably a decade by my estimate), so the thought of undergoing an oral English assessment just tickled me to no end. If you had known me before, you would know that I was among those who were particular about enunciation, never scoring less than an `A' for any oral examination. So, when I met up with the examiner and read a passage out loud for an exam for the first time in a decade, she was quite surprised at how well I sounded. Heheheh... we didn't really have to continue much after that, preferring to have a nice chat about some of the issues that non-native speakers of English face when confronted with the reality of using their second language to converse with American native-speakers. It was an interesting discussion, inconsequential of course since it reinforced what I already knew from my own dabblement in linguistics myself. If not for the fact that it was recorded, I would probably troll the examiner a little by starting with a faux non-native speaker accent before changing into something more appropriate in the most abrupt manner possible.

That's all the amusing stuff for this week. Winter has finally made her presence felt, with consistent sub-zero temperatures since Tuesday. There was a small snow shower sometime yesterday morning, but it thawed out when midday came along. My apartment thermostat is set to a not-so-toasty 60°F (around 15°C), but so far, the heater hasn't been triggered yet because the apparent ambient temperature is nearer 64°F (about 18°C), thanks to what I suspect is a much higher thermostat setting from my neighbours---thank you thermodynamic laws. Why set it at 60°F? Gas is expensive, with 1 unit costing nearly USD0.618, and last month, I used 16 units of it as compared to the 6 previously from the water heating. Besides, it feels more cosy throwing fleece blankets all over myself to stay warm than to heat the whole apartment up when I'm using only a really small part of it at any time---one doesn't need to heat the whole apartment to stay warm, one just needs to keep oneself warm to stay warm. I would set the thermostat lower to 50°F, but a circular suggested a minimum of 60°F to prevent pipes from freezing and breaking.

Okay, enough idle talk for now. There are things that I need to do. Till the next update I suppose.

And I Become Awesome Instead

Of course history's patterns are starting to reveal unto themselves once more. Maybe I'm too cynical, maybe it is an early onset of SAD, but whatever it is, I am somewhat rudely reminded about things that happened here and there.

Today was a nice day out, I met up with the Champaign-Urbana group of NaNoWriMo-ers for lunch at a nice TGIO party before heading for Jujitsu training for the belt test. Things like these always put me in a good mood.

Then of course contrasting this with waht I saw in the evening, when I looked at the pictures taken for the TGIO in Singapore for the NaNoWriMo-ers there, I get rudely reminded about some of the events that happened a few years back. And also the fleeting types of friendship that I seem to be good at cultivating.

In almost all of these cases, I have not really managed to maintain any form of long-lasting friendship with anyone. Somehow the ``out of sight, out of mind'' action is in place, in spite of the presence of technology that would, in theory, allow us to connect with others better.

So lonely walking down this path. I'm not really depressed about it yet, but sometimes when I stop to think about it, it does bear down on me a little. I wonder some times if I were some kind of rolling stone of sorts, always moving from place to place, finding new things, meeting new people, that I don't really ``gather any moss''---accumulating a core group of really close friends. Maybe this is part of growing up, maybe this is part of being a man (you know, the dangerous loner type). Or maybe I'm just plain doing something wrong. In any case, it is quite hard to tell, really.

Sometimes when I sit around alone in the empty room, I wonder if I have been making the right choices. Then I realise that it is not correctness of the choices that matter, it is how I roll that will make the difference between me being happy in my state against me being sad for no damn reason.

And so, I become Awesome instead.

Blankets and Slankets/Snuggies

Ah the cold. Having previously lived in Morewood Gardens the last time I was in the US, the internal temperature had always been kept at a toasty 75 degrees Fahrenheit (~23 degrees Celsius). Now that I'm living on my own, the cost of the heater is starting to sink in. At the current rate, the cost is roughly 0.618 per thermal unit, and for the last month, when the external temperature is keeping at around 0 to 10 degrees Celsius, I've kept the heater running and holding at around 20 to 22 degrees Celsius, it consumed 16 thermal units.

Hell, gas is more expensive than electricity here.

So I'm switching tactics here. Instead of relying on the gas heater, I'm just slapping on more blankets even for working at the desk. Saves gas because all I need to do is to keep myself warm and not heat up the damn room. There, problem solved! An added bonus is that the blankets are all soooo soft and comfy, so heheh good times.

Okay, enough senseless mumblings for now. Gotta get some other stuff done before I unwind due to it being Friday.