It's a Sunday over here. Dreary looking morning, but things are still going fine.
I feel a little humbled and sad that people don't really care about my poetry blog. Am I really that bad a poet, or is it just people not knowing of its existence? Maybe I should avoid doing so much free verse and should really tihnk about writing according to the various poetry rules---perhaps by doing so, the technical merits of the poems will override the rather whimisical nature of its contents.
But anyway, I am going to be so glad when this semester is over. So many things to do; I am hating myself for taking two project-heavy courses. They are driving me nuts, especially for the final course projects, since those eat into whatever time I have to think about things in general. And of course, the mismanaged expectations of what am I doing here---am I here to clear ``course requirements'' or to do all-out research? Such confusion over roles are probably things that many of the first year PhD students probably don't have to worry about, since their trajectory is less challenging than the one I had chosen.
The one that I had chosen. I must remind myself that being here is a personal choice, no one told me to come here, no one said that I had to get a PhD. I made the choice on my own volition, and so I should live up to my choice. My plans, my dreams... I only took up Computer Science as my speciality because I wanted to be a researcher. If I couldn't be a researcher, I would have taken EEE and gone on to be an electrical engineer or something just to make enough money to live on. In fact, too many circumstances have been actively discouraging me to be on this programme---the fact that I am still here is testament to what I truly want. But I have a flaw. I keep taking things that happen around me as ``signs''. People come, and they have left---I take it as a ``sign'' that perhaps it is not my karmic destiny to be here. I face roadblocks of all sorts when trying to get here---I took it as a ``sign'' again that it wasn't meant to be and that I'm going against the order of things.
So much irrational superstition from a ``hard'' scientist, eh? Hell, I'm ashamed of myself for even thinking like that at times. But I digress.
Just gotta keep pushing.
Monday, April 30, 2012
Thursday, April 26, 2012
Running...
T'is gonna be yet another busy day, considering everything. I've been seeing an athletic trainer in the past month or two to learn exercises to strengthen the stabilising muscles in my legs so improve my running form. For some reason, I'm starting to actually like the idea of running now, even though I was always of the opinion that running was the most boring things that I could do with my time.
I suppose that my perception on running is altered by three big reasons. First, I now have a buddy to run with. Running alone can be rather boring, considering everything, since really, one is just literally moving at the slowest possible non-walking pace (there are much faster ways to get about), and in spite of what everyone says, running is a high impact exercise after all. And no, I do not ``jog''---I cannot run at a speed lower than 6 mph (thats roughly 9.6 km/h) without killing myself. Second, running is a good anti-depressant---it helps make me feel better about myself and life in general, what with that runner's high from the running, the feeling of ``being alive'' while running itself. Finally, the general locale of Champaign-Urbana makes it rather nice to run. The streets are quite orthogonal to each other, there are few traffic lights to slow things down, and more importantly, the place is generally ``flat'' enough without too many tall buildings to obstruct the flow of fresh air and other earthy flavours that make the running experience enjoyable.
I think that one of the things that I should do before I die is to run at least one marathon, and/or do a triathlon. The former, I can probably achieve in the next five to ten years, the latter, well, I'm not so sure. I've been learning a lot of how my body functions over the last few years, and that is making me prioritise improving my body over many things to ensure that I have the infrastructure to support my over-sized thinking brain (or so I hope). The end goal is that even when I'm seventy years old, I am still able to sit straight, walk straight, be quick on my feet, and can still throw healthy and athletic twenty-year-olds all over the training mat without having random fractures and other structural deficiencies.
I think that such a healthy lifestyle is achievable by me, and I will make sure that I get there.
Anyway, enough of a random rant. Work beckons. Till the next update.
I suppose that my perception on running is altered by three big reasons. First, I now have a buddy to run with. Running alone can be rather boring, considering everything, since really, one is just literally moving at the slowest possible non-walking pace (there are much faster ways to get about), and in spite of what everyone says, running is a high impact exercise after all. And no, I do not ``jog''---I cannot run at a speed lower than 6 mph (thats roughly 9.6 km/h) without killing myself. Second, running is a good anti-depressant---it helps make me feel better about myself and life in general, what with that runner's high from the running, the feeling of ``being alive'' while running itself. Finally, the general locale of Champaign-Urbana makes it rather nice to run. The streets are quite orthogonal to each other, there are few traffic lights to slow things down, and more importantly, the place is generally ``flat'' enough without too many tall buildings to obstruct the flow of fresh air and other earthy flavours that make the running experience enjoyable.
I think that one of the things that I should do before I die is to run at least one marathon, and/or do a triathlon. The former, I can probably achieve in the next five to ten years, the latter, well, I'm not so sure. I've been learning a lot of how my body functions over the last few years, and that is making me prioritise improving my body over many things to ensure that I have the infrastructure to support my over-sized thinking brain (or so I hope). The end goal is that even when I'm seventy years old, I am still able to sit straight, walk straight, be quick on my feet, and can still throw healthy and athletic twenty-year-olds all over the training mat without having random fractures and other structural deficiencies.
I think that such a healthy lifestyle is achievable by me, and I will make sure that I get there.
Anyway, enough of a random rant. Work beckons. Till the next update.
Tuesday, April 24, 2012
Loneliness...
For some reason, a strong sense of loneliness hit me quite unexpectedly. I'm not sure if it is because I have been watching K-On!, an anime that has the main theme about friendships or if it's just the end of the semester woes. In either case, I just feel like I'm in the doldrums, and have resorted to listening to Tristania and Therion to keep my mood up (strange set, I know).
Anyway, back to K-On!. That's an anime series that my other sister has been recommending me to watch for a very long time, and I finally took the time to actually watch it. I like the story line---it is literally a slice-of-life type comedy, just the genre that I like a lot. The five friends interacting, making music, having fun, and then having to part due to graduation sort of reminded me of a past life that I thought I had at some point. There are only a few groups that I feel quite close with, but somehow their absence now is accentuated after watching the anime. Maybe I'm getting softer/older, and am more sentimental than I would believe.
Or it could be due to my lack of ``runner's high'' because I didn't run yesterday. I don't really know. I'm in a rather strange mood these days though... and am not really sure what to make of it except to gently push it aside to keep on working on what needs to be done. I figure I will deal with these things bit by bit as I try to overcome the end-of-semester workload.
Now I'm starting to wonder if my plans will go awry... maybe this is the existential crisis that everyone goes through when they are in between phases in their lives. Being in grad school has a way of stopping time in one sense and accelerating in another---might be a little hard to understand unless you too are a grad student. The general idea is that the progression of life, as a whole, has stopped, while the large amount of things that remains to be done makes whatever actual time left feel inadequate. This is probably something that one does not feel that much when one is a full-fledged worker in society. Who knows when will I be there once more?
Work, life. Can't have one without the other, but how should we balance them? No one seems to know.
Anyway, back to K-On!. That's an anime series that my other sister has been recommending me to watch for a very long time, and I finally took the time to actually watch it. I like the story line---it is literally a slice-of-life type comedy, just the genre that I like a lot. The five friends interacting, making music, having fun, and then having to part due to graduation sort of reminded me of a past life that I thought I had at some point. There are only a few groups that I feel quite close with, but somehow their absence now is accentuated after watching the anime. Maybe I'm getting softer/older, and am more sentimental than I would believe.
Or it could be due to my lack of ``runner's high'' because I didn't run yesterday. I don't really know. I'm in a rather strange mood these days though... and am not really sure what to make of it except to gently push it aside to keep on working on what needs to be done. I figure I will deal with these things bit by bit as I try to overcome the end-of-semester workload.
Now I'm starting to wonder if my plans will go awry... maybe this is the existential crisis that everyone goes through when they are in between phases in their lives. Being in grad school has a way of stopping time in one sense and accelerating in another---might be a little hard to understand unless you too are a grad student. The general idea is that the progression of life, as a whole, has stopped, while the large amount of things that remains to be done makes whatever actual time left feel inadequate. This is probably something that one does not feel that much when one is a full-fledged worker in society. Who knows when will I be there once more?
Work, life. Can't have one without the other, but how should we balance them? No one seems to know.
Sunday, April 22, 2012
On ``Baked Beans''
So upon some reflection, I think that I will start a new tag series on this blog. Considering that I am now cooking much more often than before (not only because I want to save some money, but that cooking is an interesting and enjoyable experience in its own right), I think it is a good thing to start tracking some of the observations that I found, as well as some advice that I had heard from people.
Anyway, today's first cooking-based post is about beans. Apparently, the ``baked beans'' that we generally get in cans can be made from m3h into woah with a couple of interesting ingredients. First, instead of just cooking the beans on a stove with whatever tomato puree was used, some brown sugar and ketchup are added to thicken the sauce. Chopped bacon can also be added, as is other types of sauces for flavour. Second, the mixture is baked instead of steaming, so that the brown sugar will caramelise and create that really nice thick sweet flavour that gets checked by the tanginess of the ketchup. It sounds like a lot of effort, but the end result is really awesome.
Anyway, today's first cooking-based post is about beans. Apparently, the ``baked beans'' that we generally get in cans can be made from m3h into woah with a couple of interesting ingredients. First, instead of just cooking the beans on a stove with whatever tomato puree was used, some brown sugar and ketchup are added to thicken the sauce. Chopped bacon can also be added, as is other types of sauces for flavour. Second, the mixture is baked instead of steaming, so that the brown sugar will caramelise and create that really nice thick sweet flavour that gets checked by the tanginess of the ketchup. It sounds like a lot of effort, but the end result is really awesome.
Friday, April 20, 2012
Mild [Undiagnosed] Right Corneal Abrasion
Alright, so the end of the week is drawing near, and I am in the midst of moving all the crazy end-of-semester projects to their hopefully joyful conclusion. I have no idea what is wrong with this ``new'' blogger interface---the entire interface feels quite lethargic. I can't tell if it is Firefox acting up due to the random AJAX-y things that this user interface is using, or if the whole machine is slowed down because I'm running one rather CPU-intensive computation in the background while not running the discrete graphics card.
Anyway, the last time I wrote was on how Sunday was passing me by. What I didn't say was that I think I had yet another corneal abrasion from Saturday. No, it's not from training that's for sure---I have those protective goggles, and no thumb ever went into my eye. What I think happened was that my eyes were too dry, and then I rubbed them, inadvertently causing yet another abrasion. Talk about bad things occurring more than once.
The difference this time of course is that it's probably pretty small. I only had very mild photophobia when I was looking out of my window into the environment outside on Sunday, and there was mild inflammation all about the sclera, but that was it. It wasn't unbearable---I still went out and did the stuff I had to do, even doing an interval-based run on Sunday itself. My vision was a bit wonky, but as at today, things have returned to normal. After that last incident, I think I know what to expect with regards to such an injury, and really, since this is so small, waiting it out was the best thing I could do. I just cannot afford to lose time for yet another meaningless set of daily trips to the local hospital that required me to make a trip to the next city for a second opinion at the end of it all.
This week and the next are going to be rather hellish, and I hope that things will turn out alright for me. Meanwhile, sleep beckons---I need it just to stay functional.
Till the next update.
Anyway, the last time I wrote was on how Sunday was passing me by. What I didn't say was that I think I had yet another corneal abrasion from Saturday. No, it's not from training that's for sure---I have those protective goggles, and no thumb ever went into my eye. What I think happened was that my eyes were too dry, and then I rubbed them, inadvertently causing yet another abrasion. Talk about bad things occurring more than once.
The difference this time of course is that it's probably pretty small. I only had very mild photophobia when I was looking out of my window into the environment outside on Sunday, and there was mild inflammation all about the sclera, but that was it. It wasn't unbearable---I still went out and did the stuff I had to do, even doing an interval-based run on Sunday itself. My vision was a bit wonky, but as at today, things have returned to normal. After that last incident, I think I know what to expect with regards to such an injury, and really, since this is so small, waiting it out was the best thing I could do. I just cannot afford to lose time for yet another meaningless set of daily trips to the local hospital that required me to make a trip to the next city for a second opinion at the end of it all.
This week and the next are going to be rather hellish, and I hope that things will turn out alright for me. Meanwhile, sleep beckons---I need it just to stay functional.
Till the next update.
Monday, April 16, 2012
Sunday Passes By...
With a blink of an eye, another weekend has passed my by once more.
Somehow being confined in the house, I feel quite differently. It has been a month or so since my buddy left the PhD programme, and I have more or less started to figure out different coping mechanisms for myself. I've been running more, reading more, and generally speaking, talking to myself a whole lot more.
I suppose I really don't dig into the ``solitary person'' thing all that well.
The end-of-semester crunch is upon me, and already I am looking at a rather long list of things that needs to be done. I have no idea how I am going to manage it, but I suppose that everything will be done somehow. No, I'm not interested in scoring all As for my classes---I just want to do enough to meet the department requirement so that I have time to look at other more relevant things related to my research. The three classes of this semester are killer, each with their own major projects. Sometimes I just feel like throwing in the towel. But of course, I often catch myself early enough to tell my depressing brain to shut-it and take active steps to move things along.
I'm starting to understand the feelings that some of my other friends who have left the PhD programme. It wasn't so much that the research is boring, it's the drudgery to fill up the paperwork and work on one's research that makes one develop a distaste of it all. Studies already take at least 40 hours a week, on a full course load, while research takes another 44+ hours a week. In short, it's like doing two full-time jobs at once (no, a full-time job is not 80 hours---do not believe the words of employers who are trying to undercut the labour to squeeze every ounce of ``productivity''). It's pretty easy to do it when one's young, but as age catches up and the real world's effects start to manifest themselves (translation: watching other people doing ``normal'' things and seem successful/happy), there will be a growing sense of self-doubt about whether all these additional hard work over and above the Bachelor's degree is ever worth it.
I know it is worthed it, in my case. But classes are just so... annoying. They get in the way. But they need to be done anyway...
Well, enough belly-aching for now. Till the next update.
Somehow being confined in the house, I feel quite differently. It has been a month or so since my buddy left the PhD programme, and I have more or less started to figure out different coping mechanisms for myself. I've been running more, reading more, and generally speaking, talking to myself a whole lot more.
I suppose I really don't dig into the ``solitary person'' thing all that well.
The end-of-semester crunch is upon me, and already I am looking at a rather long list of things that needs to be done. I have no idea how I am going to manage it, but I suppose that everything will be done somehow. No, I'm not interested in scoring all As for my classes---I just want to do enough to meet the department requirement so that I have time to look at other more relevant things related to my research. The three classes of this semester are killer, each with their own major projects. Sometimes I just feel like throwing in the towel. But of course, I often catch myself early enough to tell my depressing brain to shut-it and take active steps to move things along.
I'm starting to understand the feelings that some of my other friends who have left the PhD programme. It wasn't so much that the research is boring, it's the drudgery to fill up the paperwork and work on one's research that makes one develop a distaste of it all. Studies already take at least 40 hours a week, on a full course load, while research takes another 44+ hours a week. In short, it's like doing two full-time jobs at once (no, a full-time job is not 80 hours---do not believe the words of employers who are trying to undercut the labour to squeeze every ounce of ``productivity''). It's pretty easy to do it when one's young, but as age catches up and the real world's effects start to manifest themselves (translation: watching other people doing ``normal'' things and seem successful/happy), there will be a growing sense of self-doubt about whether all these additional hard work over and above the Bachelor's degree is ever worth it.
I know it is worthed it, in my case. But classes are just so... annoying. They get in the way. But they need to be done anyway...
Well, enough belly-aching for now. Till the next update.
Sunday, April 15, 2012
Pompous Buffoon?
Am I a pompous buffoon? Sometimes I ask myself that question, particularly at times where I sit quietly and do a little introspection (so hard to find time to do that nowadays). I find that I know quite a lot of interesting things, but unfortunately, that rigour aspect of things are a little lacking, for really, research is not a measure of what or how much you know, but the lineage of the information that you've got. That's the whole onus behind ``the chain of proof/evidence'' that is prevalent in Science.
But anyway, why the question of a pompous buffoon? Pomposity is that know-it-all attitude that one can display, and a buffoon is mostly a stupid person. Maybe I am a pompous buffoon at times, secure in my knowledge and wanting to demonstrate to people that they are wrong at one point or another. Or perhaps I am, as always, being rather existential about things once again. But do these matter? Not to anyone no---no one really cares about what my internal state is. Actually, that's not quite true. Most people will not really care about what my internal state is, only my closest family and friends are interested in that. For that, I am thankful; I suppose that's what it means to be a human. To have the support and care of those who love you, to those who are related to you by choice or by blood. Maybe that's the purest kind of love that one can ever hope for in this life.
But yes, pompous buffoons. I can't really stand them. Especially when they are patently wrong, and refuse to see reason. The cocky way that they push their perspective, thinking that they are always right, without actually realising that they may, in fact, be wrong, even when those said parts are pointed out by many time and time again. Very annoying bunch of people. I hope to never be like a pompous buffoon, for the sake of others and more importantly, for the sake of myself.
Well, that's enough of a rant. Gotta think more, and wonder about how to survive this semester with little lasting psychological damage. Till the next update.
But anyway, why the question of a pompous buffoon? Pomposity is that know-it-all attitude that one can display, and a buffoon is mostly a stupid person. Maybe I am a pompous buffoon at times, secure in my knowledge and wanting to demonstrate to people that they are wrong at one point or another. Or perhaps I am, as always, being rather existential about things once again. But do these matter? Not to anyone no---no one really cares about what my internal state is. Actually, that's not quite true. Most people will not really care about what my internal state is, only my closest family and friends are interested in that. For that, I am thankful; I suppose that's what it means to be a human. To have the support and care of those who love you, to those who are related to you by choice or by blood. Maybe that's the purest kind of love that one can ever hope for in this life.
But yes, pompous buffoons. I can't really stand them. Especially when they are patently wrong, and refuse to see reason. The cocky way that they push their perspective, thinking that they are always right, without actually realising that they may, in fact, be wrong, even when those said parts are pointed out by many time and time again. Very annoying bunch of people. I hope to never be like a pompous buffoon, for the sake of others and more importantly, for the sake of myself.
Well, that's enough of a rant. Gotta think more, and wonder about how to survive this semester with little lasting psychological damage. Till the next update.
Monday, April 09, 2012
I'm A Comin' Home [In June]
I'm comin' home for a visit in the middle of June! I'm so excited for some reason---I'm not sure if it's just relief that I can finally see familiar faces and share time with people I know and love more, or is it just a desperate need for a change of pace [again].
For obvious reasons, I'm not going to post details here---folks who follow my blog(s) should email me (or drop a comment on this post) to let me know when you guys want to meet up. I'm sure we can arrange something! =)
Anyway, among the two-ish semesters I have been here, this semester is proving to be the more gruelling of the two. I can handle ridiculous amounts of homework, but what I cannot handle are the need to write 3 survey papers, deal with 5 projects all within the same time frame. They sap time in very different ways, and this can be pretty darn annoying, to say the least. It requires my brain to be split into 5 different ways, and frankly, I am doubting my ability to do it, in spite of the faith and confidence that many have for me (thank you). I am, of course, trying my best to adapt, but who knows really what the outcome will be.
Just keep on doing until this semester is over and then I have renewed energy for my research once more, instead of getting bogged down by the thousand-and-one different things.
On another note, I ran 9.31km in around 57:35 yesterday by going around the Champaign side of campus and including parts of the Urbana residences. I didn't realise that I had the capacity to run that distance---the longest that I had run till then was about 6km or so, already a wonderous feat as far as I'm concerned, considering that I never did run all that often. I think I'm starting to like running a lot, and the completion of that 9.31km route was partly because I had a good hydration plan. Remember that Energy Belt I talked about in an earlier post? Yep, I used that and made sure that as I ran, I kept topping up my fluids to stay hydrated and maintain sufficient levels of sodium ions.
Alright, the day has just begun for me, and there are a few things I am adamant of completing before the day is done to make progress. Till the next update.
For obvious reasons, I'm not going to post details here---folks who follow my blog(s) should email me (or drop a comment on this post) to let me know when you guys want to meet up. I'm sure we can arrange something! =)
Anyway, among the two-ish semesters I have been here, this semester is proving to be the more gruelling of the two. I can handle ridiculous amounts of homework, but what I cannot handle are the need to write 3 survey papers, deal with 5 projects all within the same time frame. They sap time in very different ways, and this can be pretty darn annoying, to say the least. It requires my brain to be split into 5 different ways, and frankly, I am doubting my ability to do it, in spite of the faith and confidence that many have for me (thank you). I am, of course, trying my best to adapt, but who knows really what the outcome will be.
Just keep on doing until this semester is over and then I have renewed energy for my research once more, instead of getting bogged down by the thousand-and-one different things.
On another note, I ran 9.31km in around 57:35 yesterday by going around the Champaign side of campus and including parts of the Urbana residences. I didn't realise that I had the capacity to run that distance---the longest that I had run till then was about 6km or so, already a wonderous feat as far as I'm concerned, considering that I never did run all that often. I think I'm starting to like running a lot, and the completion of that 9.31km route was partly because I had a good hydration plan. Remember that Energy Belt I talked about in an earlier post? Yep, I used that and made sure that as I ran, I kept topping up my fluids to stay hydrated and maintain sufficient levels of sodium ions.
Alright, the day has just begun for me, and there are a few things I am adamant of completing before the day is done to make progress. Till the next update.
Sunday, April 08, 2012
What Have I Missed? Nothing
It has been a week since I disabled my Facebook account [temporarily]. Much to my surprise, I didn't really miss much. Life moved on, at a frantic pace of course for I am still a graduate student, and I still had contact with the people who mattered (that'd be my friends). I talk to people in the flesh, converse with them via email and IM, basically doing the things that I did prior to 2006 just when Facebook was starting to take over the world by storm.
Frankly, I think I can live this lifestyle. One without the interference of some odd social network thing like Facebook. Or LinkedIn. Or any of the hundreds of Friendster knock-offs (does anyone still remember Friendster?).
I'm not a technological Luddite---far from it considering everything. It's just that this ``always on, always connected'' lifestyle is really starting to burn into time that I once had to do things I liked, be it reading new material, sampling new games, writing or just going out for a meal. Sure, it seems harmless at first, but being a computer scientist also means that there is this obsession streak present. It is mild of course, almost all computer scientists or intellectuals have an obsession streak about them, but when these obsessions are effected as unproductive compulsions like using Facebook, it disrupts our general ability to do things. I mean, I'd rather have a compulsion of reading than to follow all the 500 or so Facebook ``friends''. At least all that reading will pay off in the end when I have the time to left my brain sort out what I have read and to distill the important parts while discarding the useless.
That's the problem. The lack of down-time, the lack of ``me'' time. That's what's different now when I compare it to the past. I don't realise how much I miss these times of introspection till I have decided to kill off all these useless compulsions one by one. No wonder I always feel drained.
One invaluable lesson that I am starting to learn is to take things in stride. Taking things in stride doesn't mean slackness---it means to take what it is dished out with a good measure of perspective. It means to not get so caught up with one part of life that I neglect the others. One potentially apocryphal quote by the Dalai Lama sums it up the best. When asked what surprised him the most, the Dalai Lama purported replied
But enough of arm chair philosophizing---I'm sure people are more interested in some of the ``juicier'' aspects of my life. (=
I've gotten one of those Energy Belt thingies that give you a small pouch for the important stuff, and small bottles that can store electrolyte drinks (poor man's version: tap water + half teaspoon of salt), all hanging snuggly around the waist. Why one of these thingies? Well, I hate having to carry keys or anything in the pockets of my bermudas for running because getting ass-slapped by the damn thing is just annoying. Plus, as I start to increase my overall running distance, I will have to start taking hydration seriously, especially since summer is about to arrive. I got mine from Meijer for about ten dollars cheaper, which is awesome if you ask me.
Recently, I made a self-inking rubber stamp of my emblem. That profile picture that is available on the side bar of this blog, or that icon on the address bar? Yes, that's my emblem. I got it done at Simon's Stamps. All I had to do was to upload the image file and they sorted it all out. Workmanship is wonderful and it arrived fairly quickly too.
I've been seeing an athletic trainer these days with regards to the ginky deep muscle on the outer left side of my left calve muscle (I'm not going to use precise anatomical-speak here because I don't really know how to call it, but I think it might actually be the Fibularis Brevis, some stabiliser muscle that controls eversion of the foot). The exercises that she prescribed were rather weird, but they do help with the overall condition. The next session is going to be interesting, because she will be checking out my [nearly] barefoot running gait and seeing if it can be fixed to reduce all these weird lower limb problems.
Alright, enough babble for now. Need to have an early night. I've been rather sleep-deprived for the week. Till the next update.
Frankly, I think I can live this lifestyle. One without the interference of some odd social network thing like Facebook. Or LinkedIn. Or any of the hundreds of Friendster knock-offs (does anyone still remember Friendster?).
I'm not a technological Luddite---far from it considering everything. It's just that this ``always on, always connected'' lifestyle is really starting to burn into time that I once had to do things I liked, be it reading new material, sampling new games, writing or just going out for a meal. Sure, it seems harmless at first, but being a computer scientist also means that there is this obsession streak present. It is mild of course, almost all computer scientists or intellectuals have an obsession streak about them, but when these obsessions are effected as unproductive compulsions like using Facebook, it disrupts our general ability to do things. I mean, I'd rather have a compulsion of reading than to follow all the 500 or so Facebook ``friends''. At least all that reading will pay off in the end when I have the time to left my brain sort out what I have read and to distill the important parts while discarding the useless.
That's the problem. The lack of down-time, the lack of ``me'' time. That's what's different now when I compare it to the past. I don't realise how much I miss these times of introspection till I have decided to kill off all these useless compulsions one by one. No wonder I always feel drained.
One invaluable lesson that I am starting to learn is to take things in stride. Taking things in stride doesn't mean slackness---it means to take what it is dished out with a good measure of perspective. It means to not get so caught up with one part of life that I neglect the others. One potentially apocryphal quote by the Dalai Lama sums it up the best. When asked what surprised him the most, the Dalai Lama purported replied
``Man, because he sacrifices his health in order to make money. Then he sacrifices money to recuperate his health. And then he is so anxious about the future that he does not enjoy the present; the result being that he does not live in the present or the future; he lives as if he is never going to die, and then he dies having never really lived.''It probably doesn't matter if the holy man actually said this, but I think that it summarises the perspective of life quite well. Referring back to Regina Brett's 45 (or 50) life lessons, it's really about asking oneself this: ``Will it matter in five years?''
But enough of arm chair philosophizing---I'm sure people are more interested in some of the ``juicier'' aspects of my life. (=
I've gotten one of those Energy Belt thingies that give you a small pouch for the important stuff, and small bottles that can store electrolyte drinks (poor man's version: tap water + half teaspoon of salt), all hanging snuggly around the waist. Why one of these thingies? Well, I hate having to carry keys or anything in the pockets of my bermudas for running because getting ass-slapped by the damn thing is just annoying. Plus, as I start to increase my overall running distance, I will have to start taking hydration seriously, especially since summer is about to arrive. I got mine from Meijer for about ten dollars cheaper, which is awesome if you ask me.
Recently, I made a self-inking rubber stamp of my emblem. That profile picture that is available on the side bar of this blog, or that icon on the address bar? Yes, that's my emblem. I got it done at Simon's Stamps. All I had to do was to upload the image file and they sorted it all out. Workmanship is wonderful and it arrived fairly quickly too.
I've been seeing an athletic trainer these days with regards to the ginky deep muscle on the outer left side of my left calve muscle (I'm not going to use precise anatomical-speak here because I don't really know how to call it, but I think it might actually be the Fibularis Brevis, some stabiliser muscle that controls eversion of the foot). The exercises that she prescribed were rather weird, but they do help with the overall condition. The next session is going to be interesting, because she will be checking out my [nearly] barefoot running gait and seeing if it can be fixed to reduce all these weird lower limb problems.
Alright, enough babble for now. Need to have an early night. I've been rather sleep-deprived for the week. Till the next update.
Tuesday, April 03, 2012
April Already? Damn!
Ah, the variability of the perception of time. It is strange how when one is really busy working or having fun that times seems to be so short, yet when we start looking back on the things that happened, it seemed oh so long ago even when it was just merely a week that had passed. And when we look ahead into the future, even when there is a month or two before things are due there's always this sense of dread that there just isn't enough time to get things done.
Such is the way of life that I am having now, I suppose. The passing of time is getting harder and harder to gauge, and because of that, I need to constantly remind myself about the real-time that I am experiencing through the use of various chronometers. The one that Ida gave me for my birthday a good three years ago has finally broken down for good---the analogue component wasn't working any more, and for that particular watch, it was the analogue motion that I found the most useful, possibly because it was much larger than the digital component. So now I just rely on my trusty Timex watch that I can sit nicely like a small desk clock to stare at it as the seconds count by.
April huh. That was pretty fast. Just a moment ago I could have sworn that it was still March. The weather is starting to show signs of returning to its ``normal'' schedule of a slow-rise towards spring weather. It's too hot for me to wear my jacket, and too windy/chilly still to run about in just T-shirts and jeans, and so I broke out my usual interim wear of scarf and half-finger gloves. I think it makes me look a little fruity, but hey, it is comfortable and so I'm not really complaining much.
Soon, this month will pass us by once again and yet another round of frantic movements to finish up this semester and to look forward to a summer of undisturbed research.
On another note, I've been using the new interface for blogger for the past week, well roughly starting at the time that I announced my one month hiatus from Facebook, and I must say that I still don't really like it. Unlike say the Gmail interface, there is no option to ``compactify'' things to make it take up less whitespace. Damn these Web 2.0 design mumbo-jumbo---sometimes all we want is just raw data, not some fancy space-eating nonsense. Anyway, apart from that, the text editing box now is also quite horrid---it scales according to how wide your browser window is. Now I no longer have a good sense of how much I'm writing since the damn window that I am writing all my entries in are just so variable in width!
Why do software companies like to dick around with their interfaces when it was clearly working alright before?
Such is the way of life that I am having now, I suppose. The passing of time is getting harder and harder to gauge, and because of that, I need to constantly remind myself about the real-time that I am experiencing through the use of various chronometers. The one that Ida gave me for my birthday a good three years ago has finally broken down for good---the analogue component wasn't working any more, and for that particular watch, it was the analogue motion that I found the most useful, possibly because it was much larger than the digital component. So now I just rely on my trusty Timex watch that I can sit nicely like a small desk clock to stare at it as the seconds count by.
April huh. That was pretty fast. Just a moment ago I could have sworn that it was still March. The weather is starting to show signs of returning to its ``normal'' schedule of a slow-rise towards spring weather. It's too hot for me to wear my jacket, and too windy/chilly still to run about in just T-shirts and jeans, and so I broke out my usual interim wear of scarf and half-finger gloves. I think it makes me look a little fruity, but hey, it is comfortable and so I'm not really complaining much.
Soon, this month will pass us by once again and yet another round of frantic movements to finish up this semester and to look forward to a summer of undisturbed research.
On another note, I've been using the new interface for blogger for the past week, well roughly starting at the time that I announced my one month hiatus from Facebook, and I must say that I still don't really like it. Unlike say the Gmail interface, there is no option to ``compactify'' things to make it take up less whitespace. Damn these Web 2.0 design mumbo-jumbo---sometimes all we want is just raw data, not some fancy space-eating nonsense. Anyway, apart from that, the text editing box now is also quite horrid---it scales according to how wide your browser window is. Now I no longer have a good sense of how much I'm writing since the damn window that I am writing all my entries in are just so variable in width!
Why do software companies like to dick around with their interfaces when it was clearly working alright before?
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