Sunday, January 31, 2010
Friday, January 29, 2010
Tough Enough
Tough Enough------Vanilla NinjaI'm tough enough!
Baby only the strong will survive
All the mysteries of life
Only fantasy keeps you away
In the lonely fields of those broken shields
So keep on kicking
The bomb is ticking
Don't stop, don't be a runaway
Go for the fire
Baby are you tough enough
Just keep on living
And don't start giving
The devil good reason
To get you in the seasons of heartbreak
Baby are you tough enough
Baby are you tough enough
Yeah my skin is a dangerous place
Never trust my smiling face
With a touch I can change all your dreams
And my kiss can wake
Feelings you can't take
Baby are you tough enough
Baby are you tough enough
I will meet you there
Coz I need you there
Oh tonight
Baby are you tough enough
Baby are you tough enough
Lyrics courtesy www.lyricstime.com.
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Regurgitation
The night has finally fallen, and after a couple of poems later, I feel as though I am ready to say a few things again. Words come quickly these days; none of that plodding prose that I have been rather fond of not too long ago, but more of those fast worded poems that I once frequently do.
It has been almost a week since I turned twenty-five officially, and to be honest, it doesn't feel much from being twenty-four so far. Perhaps this is a sign that the times have indeed changed, and that there is only the timeless middle age aeon that awaits me as opposed to the youthful exuberance of aging by yet another year---within this epoch, time seems to slow down a whole lot more, and each year just feels like the previous, with nothing fanciful nor different in the making. Many things have happened within the week, much to my surprise, considering that I did not really plan to have any surprises of that sort in the first place. But not all things are bad either, to have a word fairness thrown in for good mixture.
I suppose that at the end of the day, I am still a passionate person, no matter how much I might want to deny that by taking on that whole ``I'm The_Laptop'' persona and living out the geek dream/life---it is unnatural to my being/existence. The truth is, I probably feel more at home being myself than trying to be another type of myself---if the semantic of this sentence hasn't confused you utterly yet. How should I put this in a way that expresses its delicate nature... there is a me that is not the me that most people tend to see, a separation of the public from the private I suppose.
I have tried melding the two together, but of course the results of that, we can easily see from all that has occurred since the past. I've tried keeping one and not the other, but nothing good came of that either. I guess I just need to learn to live with the fact that I do have different personalities that I show people, and maybe one day the folks who matter care about it.
The recent romp through Facebook ``stalking'' on my friends back from CMU gave me a rude awakening of some sort; they remind me the tenuous threads of human relationships. One moment two people can be so madly in love, the next they are broken up and each has found another [hopefully], and that there is little contact with the one whom they were once with. It kind of jarred me back to reality, considering that I was a part of the cycle before. I still cannot understand why people can do this so easily---aren't human relationships meaningful enough that such arbitrary breakages are not really that necessary?
Maybe to many people, I am just a passing dream. Perhaps it is not too far from the truth---I do like blending into the background nowadays, a stark contrast to the glamour showman of my past. Somehow my philosophy on life has changed a lot when I realised that I am just one of nearly seven billion people on the planet, competing with many of them to obtain the living space and living necessities to lead a decently comfortable life. Maybe the people whom I once called friends are no longer that friendly after all, due to one reason or another. Or maybe there is truth in the phrase ``people change'', and that I, even though I thought otherwise, was also changing a lot since the last time I stopped to meditate upon the issues at hand.
*sigh*
This is fast turning into a long and aimless rant, but I think that I earned the opportunity to do this, for it has been a while since I wrote anything of substantial length here. People, they interest me, yet they hurt me ever so often; I am at a quandary on how best to deal with that. Is it really too much to ask for a serious relationship? Or could it be that I have been barking up the wrong tree all the while? Perhaps my ideas on what consitutes a ``proper human relationship'' is antiquated to the point that it is unsustainable in the current world climate.
But at the back of my mind, I'm always a little hopeful. Maybe one day someone will see through me, and love me wholeheartedly, through my strong points and through my faults. Maybe that day will come soon. Who knows? Fate has a strange way of communicating ideas anyway.
------
In less harrowing rants, my recent weighing of my mass under the Earth's gravitational field has yielded an approximate mass of 75kg. This is a whopping 10kg less than the 85kg that I started with nearly eight months ago. I suppose my overall strategy of eating less and working out more did have some positive effect towards my weight control. I think that I have another 7kg or so left to reduce in order to get to the upper bound of what is considered an acceptable body mass.
It has been almost a week since I turned twenty-five officially, and to be honest, it doesn't feel much from being twenty-four so far. Perhaps this is a sign that the times have indeed changed, and that there is only the timeless middle age aeon that awaits me as opposed to the youthful exuberance of aging by yet another year---within this epoch, time seems to slow down a whole lot more, and each year just feels like the previous, with nothing fanciful nor different in the making. Many things have happened within the week, much to my surprise, considering that I did not really plan to have any surprises of that sort in the first place. But not all things are bad either, to have a word fairness thrown in for good mixture.
I suppose that at the end of the day, I am still a passionate person, no matter how much I might want to deny that by taking on that whole ``I'm The_Laptop'' persona and living out the geek dream/life---it is unnatural to my being/existence. The truth is, I probably feel more at home being myself than trying to be another type of myself---if the semantic of this sentence hasn't confused you utterly yet. How should I put this in a way that expresses its delicate nature... there is a me that is not the me that most people tend to see, a separation of the public from the private I suppose.
I have tried melding the two together, but of course the results of that, we can easily see from all that has occurred since the past. I've tried keeping one and not the other, but nothing good came of that either. I guess I just need to learn to live with the fact that I do have different personalities that I show people, and maybe one day the folks who matter care about it.
The recent romp through Facebook ``stalking'' on my friends back from CMU gave me a rude awakening of some sort; they remind me the tenuous threads of human relationships. One moment two people can be so madly in love, the next they are broken up and each has found another [hopefully], and that there is little contact with the one whom they were once with. It kind of jarred me back to reality, considering that I was a part of the cycle before. I still cannot understand why people can do this so easily---aren't human relationships meaningful enough that such arbitrary breakages are not really that necessary?
Maybe to many people, I am just a passing dream. Perhaps it is not too far from the truth---I do like blending into the background nowadays, a stark contrast to the glamour showman of my past. Somehow my philosophy on life has changed a lot when I realised that I am just one of nearly seven billion people on the planet, competing with many of them to obtain the living space and living necessities to lead a decently comfortable life. Maybe the people whom I once called friends are no longer that friendly after all, due to one reason or another. Or maybe there is truth in the phrase ``people change'', and that I, even though I thought otherwise, was also changing a lot since the last time I stopped to meditate upon the issues at hand.
*sigh*
This is fast turning into a long and aimless rant, but I think that I earned the opportunity to do this, for it has been a while since I wrote anything of substantial length here. People, they interest me, yet they hurt me ever so often; I am at a quandary on how best to deal with that. Is it really too much to ask for a serious relationship? Or could it be that I have been barking up the wrong tree all the while? Perhaps my ideas on what consitutes a ``proper human relationship'' is antiquated to the point that it is unsustainable in the current world climate.
But at the back of my mind, I'm always a little hopeful. Maybe one day someone will see through me, and love me wholeheartedly, through my strong points and through my faults. Maybe that day will come soon. Who knows? Fate has a strange way of communicating ideas anyway.
------
In less harrowing rants, my recent weighing of my mass under the Earth's gravitational field has yielded an approximate mass of 75kg. This is a whopping 10kg less than the 85kg that I started with nearly eight months ago. I suppose my overall strategy of eating less and working out more did have some positive effect towards my weight control. I think that I have another 7kg or so left to reduce in order to get to the upper bound of what is considered an acceptable body mass.
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
67×30
Some things that I plan to do this year:
- Get into grad school
- Eat lighter, blander meals
- Write another novel (part of a series of novels)
- 100 short stories in 100 consecutive days
- Perform in one major concert
- Submit at least one paper
- Read Lovecraft [completely]
- Read Edgar Allan Poe [completely]
- Read one Jane Austen book
- Get a drivers' license
- Live each day befitting of the fleeting moment
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
I Am Calm
I am calm. Everything is under control. Life is not too bad. Amid the cyclone of activity surrounding me, I, alone, stand in the eye of the storm, contemplating and maintaining euthymia. The chaos spreads, ebbing and flowing, but I stay stolid betwixt the differing tides of fortune.
Sunday, January 03, 2010
Quick Summary
So, a quick summary of what I had written in 2009:
That's an average of about 0.78 pieces of writing a day, compared to the 0.91 last year. Once again, I can't say that I have written any less than last year, because that NaNoWriMo entry consumed what is equivalent to roughly 76 essays/rants due to its length (and that the mean length of an essay/rant that I post here is about 800 words or so). I don't seem to write that much often these days, either from writer's fatigue or just from the general discomfort about life in general. Of particular note is the closing of the blog that Ida and I co-authored; it occurred at roughly the same time that she broke up with me last year. Nevertheless, thetwothree stories that were there have been transplanted to my own prose/stories blog as republished entries, in case anyone wants to read them.
To date, I have written about 1385 pieces of writing over the last 5 years. 5 years! I can't believe that I have been writing on such a public platform for such an amount of time. And all I could remember then was that I started my first blog to record some of the poems that I was writing which I used to emote and talk about the parts of life that seemed to be going all wrong for me. 2009 has been simultaneously the most eventful and the most heart-breaking of all the years that I have lived through thus far. It is almost exactly half-a-year ago that Ida broke up with me, leaving me without a soul for a few good months, which inadvertently led to my first and ever binge drinking with my colleagues almost a month after that, which caused my first and last drunken hangover. Of course, prior to that, happiness was all abound, when I graduated from Carnegie Mellon University and was looking forward to a decent future.
And now, after that event six months prior, it seems that time and luck has both run out for me. All things that could go wrong, went wrong indeed, and I'm not even sure how I am holding on together right now. Needless to say, the past is catching up with me, and once more the future is clouded with doubt as I attempt to figure the best way to navigate through the obstacles that keep getting thrown in my way. Not an auspicious start to a new year, but we take what we can get.
So, goals! I think I've awakened something even deeper inside me after NaNoWriMo; I seem to have a stronger interest in literature once more, and am starting to have grandiose ideas that need to be put down on the metaphorical paper so that I can express the ideas that I have. And so, here's to more writing ahead.
And may 2010 be a much better year than 2009 ever was.
- 136 poems posted here
- 138 essays/rants posted here
- 11 prose/stories posted here
- 1 NaNoWriMo winning entry available here
That's an average of about 0.78 pieces of writing a day, compared to the 0.91 last year. Once again, I can't say that I have written any less than last year, because that NaNoWriMo entry consumed what is equivalent to roughly 76 essays/rants due to its length (and that the mean length of an essay/rant that I post here is about 800 words or so). I don't seem to write that much often these days, either from writer's fatigue or just from the general discomfort about life in general. Of particular note is the closing of the blog that Ida and I co-authored; it occurred at roughly the same time that she broke up with me last year. Nevertheless, the
To date, I have written about 1385 pieces of writing over the last 5 years. 5 years! I can't believe that I have been writing on such a public platform for such an amount of time. And all I could remember then was that I started my first blog to record some of the poems that I was writing which I used to emote and talk about the parts of life that seemed to be going all wrong for me. 2009 has been simultaneously the most eventful and the most heart-breaking of all the years that I have lived through thus far. It is almost exactly half-a-year ago that Ida broke up with me, leaving me without a soul for a few good months, which inadvertently led to my first and ever binge drinking with my colleagues almost a month after that, which caused my first and last drunken hangover. Of course, prior to that, happiness was all abound, when I graduated from Carnegie Mellon University and was looking forward to a decent future.
And now, after that event six months prior, it seems that time and luck has both run out for me. All things that could go wrong, went wrong indeed, and I'm not even sure how I am holding on together right now. Needless to say, the past is catching up with me, and once more the future is clouded with doubt as I attempt to figure the best way to navigate through the obstacles that keep getting thrown in my way. Not an auspicious start to a new year, but we take what we can get.
So, goals! I think I've awakened something even deeper inside me after NaNoWriMo; I seem to have a stronger interest in literature once more, and am starting to have grandiose ideas that need to be put down on the metaphorical paper so that I can express the ideas that I have. And so, here's to more writing ahead.
And may 2010 be a much better year than 2009 ever was.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)