It's an old piece by Utada Hikaru. When I first heard of it, I understood nothing about it, but could immediately feel that strongly bittersweet sentimentality behind it. It's more about the way she sung it than anything else.
Mind you, I didn't watch the MV, or even this studio recorded version either.
Then I learnt of the lyrics and translation (courtesy lyricstranslate.com). Original:
「ありがとう」と君に言われるとなんだか切ない
「さようなら」の後もと解けぬ魔法淡くほろ苦い
The Flavor Of Life
友達でも恋人でもない中間地点で
収穫の日を夢見ている青いフルーツ
あと一歩が踏み出せないせいで
じれったいのなんのって Baby
「ありがとう」と君に言われるとなんだか切ない
「さようなら」の後も解けぬ魔法淡くほろ苦い
The Flavor Of Life
甘いだけの誘い文句 味気のないトーク
そんなものには興味をそそられない
思い通りに行かない時だって
人生捨てたもんじゃないって
「どうしたの？」と急に聞かれると「ううん、なんでもない」
「さようなら」の後に消える笑顔 私らしくない
信じたいと願えば願うほど なんだか切ない
「愛してるよ」よりも「大好き」のほうが君らしいんじゃない？
The Flavor Of Life
忘れかけていた人の香りを 突然思い出す頃
降り積もる雪の白さを もっと素直に喜びたいよ
ダイヤモンドよりも やわらかくて温かな未来 手にしたいよ
限りある時間を 君と過ごしたい
「ありがとう」と君に言われるとなんだか切ない
「さようなら」の後もとけぬ魔法淡くほろ苦い
The Flavor Of LifeAnd the English translation:When you thank me,Ah, that kind of pain... it is almost familiar. I can't say that I have experienced these exactly (memory is weird that way), but the familiarity of it all... even if it were a false memory, I still feel it.
It somehow seems painful
And that enduring magic that comes after saying goodbye
Leaves a faint taste of the bittersweet.
This must be the flavour of life.
The space where we are neither friends nor lovers
Makes me feel like an unripe fruit dreaming to be harvested.
The way we are is aggravating, baby,
As we never seem to make any progress.
This is why thanking me
Seems to somewhat hurt
And yet the magic that comes after we say goodbye
Leaves traces of the bittersweet.
That is the flavour of life.
With only sugar-coated words and phrases,
Talking seems to have lost its taste.
I just don't find such things intriguing.
Just because everything is falling apart,
Doesn't make our lives any more dispensable.
Asking me ``What's the matter?'' all of a sudden
Can only elicit the response, ``Nothing, nothing at all.''
Yet, when the smile fades away after we have parted,
I don't seem myself.
Wanting to believe and hoping for hope
Seems to somehow amplify the pain.
``I really like you'' is better than ``I love you'',
That's more like you, isn't it?
Such is the flavour of life.
Suddenly remembering the smell of the person you had almost put behind
Invites a joy that is more innocent than the white of fresh snow.
Devotion means more than diamonds.
I want a warm future in my hands
And in the limited time that is my life, I hope to share it with you.
Still, when you thank me,
It seems somewhat painful
And the magic that comes after we say goodbye
Leaves traces of the bittersweet.
This is the flavour of life.
Mayhaps it is related to my recent reading of Bloom Into You by Nakatani Nio. It's my first(?) yuri manga, and far from being the smut that one might think it is, it explored a more ``pure'' form of emotional intimacy that reminded me a bit of 《和空姐同居的日子》 that I read back in 2020.
Yes, there was a physical intimacy scene, but it was tasteful and not smutty. I would even go as far to say that it was ``necessary'' to show that the relationship between Nanami and Yuu have progressed into something more serious.
Anyway, reading Bloom Into You triggered a little bit of anemoia in me. I did live through the school time, but I never was involved in any form of relationships. I had some friendships with some folks, many of whom have since diverged in lifepath and thus sort of lost contact with, but never really ``liked someone so hard that I confessed I loved them''. I think even when I was involved in other deeper relationships after that, it would truly take me a while before I could say ``I love you'', which of course made the eventual break-up/getting dumped hurt all that much more---but I digress.
The point here is that during the halcyon secondary school/junior college days, I was never in love the way the characters were, and so seeing how beautiful it could have been triggered that anemoia in me.
``MT, you're not a secondary school kid now---you're a full grown man. You can always start any relationship you want now. So, what's stopping you?''
No idea. Trauma? Trust issues? It's funny because the life that I am currently living seems no different from when I was in school; I start my day stupid early, do the stuff that needs to be done (i.e. go to school or in this case, work), then take a long-ass commute home, reading along the way. Even the after school/work activities are the same---once I reach home, I pull up my computer, and continue reading, or work on some personal projects, or these days, watch some YouTube videos from my favourite creators.
And after that, I sleep, only to restart everything again the next day.
(sigh)
Anyway, not sure where I was getting at with that rant. Maybe I haven't fully sorted out what it was that I wanted to say.
In other news, I've re-started my One Meal A Day (OMAD) proper, and re-instated the fitness ladder from The Hacker's Diet as a means of rebuilding my weakened-ass body. I'm also doing the cycling thing more now, but have altered the set-up---instead of doing Tuesdays and Thursdays, I've decided to have two rest days in between early morning cycles, starting on the Tuesday just passed. The main advantage was having more rest time, but one key disadvantage is having the day of cycling precess through the week, which makes it trickier to keep track of.
But that felt way easier to work with than the original set up. Maybe when my overall fitness is high enough that a ``one rest day in between'' set up is workable, I'll try something different.
I think the last thing to refer to is the current reading of A World Appears: A Journey into Consciousness by Michael Pollan. It explores what it means to be ``conscious'', and covers quite a few different angles. I'm still only within the first chapter, but it already looks really interesting.
I think that's about it for now. I'm tired from God knows what, and am fast losing focus on what to write. Besides, Q10 claims that we're at more than 1000 words, so it's roughly the right time to stop.
Till the next update.
