KTV

Interesting what a simple activity can do to you when you have absolutely no idea how to handle it before going there.

Suffice to say, it all started with the KTV arranged by the '06 batch of A*STAR scholars.

I missed the first session the last time round simply by not being in the correct loop (ie the people whom I was checking for information were not part of the organising committee). In a way, that's a good thing, as I actually don't really know how to sing.

Sad but true.

So, when the next KTV session was planned, I thought to myself: Okay, I'm not going to make a fool out of myself by croaking my way through the songs. That said, what was the next logical step to take?

Well, I went to look up on singing techniques on google.

It is quite amazing... There are actually sites out there that teach you how to use your voice, how to control your voice through the various "resonant" chambers (like the chest register, head register, falsetto) and even the use of vibrato.

Nice.

I lapped up all the information gratefully, and started to combine the processes learnt with the basic training that I have mastered from years of woodwind playing.

The result?

I survived the KTV session! My opening number was the ultra-unfitting song (for a guy to sing)—Teresa Teng's 《我只在乎你》. Well, if you know that song, you'd realise why that it is so unfitting for a guy to be singing that song. For one, it's original singer is a female (a non-point, but important nonetheless), and for two, the singing is very high pitched!

I must have looked like an idiot standing there with the microphone as the prelude to the song was playing.

Then, I started to sing. I thought I could make it, but realised (to my horror!) that the pitch of this rendition is a tad higher to the ones that I've heard on CDs! Oh my goodness... I didn't know how I tonged the song; I was using my falsetto almost exclusively. In the background, someone was singing the Japanese version of the song (lyrics which were, strangely, appearing on top of the Mandarin version on the same screen). That sort of helped cover up my flaws (simply by covering up my weak falsetto), and allowed me to survive the trip with only a minor bruise to my ego.

At least I wasn't jeered off the set.

And then, after several other songs by others, I picked up a song that I was fairly familiar with—李茂山's 《夜空》. Here's the lyrics to this song:

《夜空》—李茂山

忘了吧！再想他又有什么用？
还不是烦恼多一重？
还不是有始无终？
来匆匆，没想到去也匆匆。
昨夜梦，却见你含情笑容。

啊...
漫长夜空！星月无踪！
夜空之下只有我在回想着往事如云烟。
忘了吧！还是把希望托夜空！

Only three words: Oh-My-God. My voice was full of volume for this song, completely utilising my innate vibrato ability and infusing as much emotion as I could into this song. The amount of power that I exuded for this song was too much for the microphone to bear; it had to be held a good 20cm away from me. And boy, were they all amazed! The instance the song came up, they went jaw-dropping, especially when they realised that it was a very old song. And then when I started my rendition of it, they were very appreciative of it. Along the way, someone else (dang, forgot who) wanted to sing along, but had to drop out after figuring out that she could not hear herself (so sorry...). At that time and space, I felt that it was magical, where they could share in the feelings of the song the way I put it.

You had to be there to hear it.

At the end of my song, everyone applauded, and I turned around and gave a nice bow, as if to say "Thanks! I've done it."

Later on in the night, when the KTV session was over (a nefarious ending engineered by the management of the place), Ding Ding told me that my falsetto was quite good, and that my voice had the "power". I felt so great just to hear that.

Oh yes, maybe I should be taking up chorale when I'm in CMU.... :-)

Teresa Teng's voice... Wow

I don't know how to explain it. I'm fairly addicted to Teresa's (邓丽君) voice. I know it sounds pretty weird, considering the fact that she's been dead for over a decade. But the fact remains that her voice is really super. Very sweet. And no, I won't use the word saccharine, as it is quite derogatory (saccharine means being obnoxiously sweet/overly sentimental). Guess I'll keep with the word sweet.

I mean, her voice exudes this girlie charm that modern female singers have a hard time to match. Even those "act cute" female singers don't sound sweet—they are the ones who truly sound saccharine. There's this magic thing about Teresa that balances her sweet voice with a sense of maturity, almost as though she is enticing you with her charm, yet not to the point that you get repulsed. Her voice is the kind that you can listen to in the deep of the night and feel truly touched, not goose-pimpled. An example of such a song is 《雪地上的回忆》, her soft sweet voice just brings out the deepmost feeling that the lyrics evoke. The lyrics are as shown:

《雪地上的回忆》—邓丽君

冷漠的月，暗淡的星，孤独的人影。
冷冽的风，刺骨的冰雪，凉透了我的心。
一样是下着雪，一样是冰寒雪地里。
我们俩曾有过缠绵的爱，绮绻的情。

回忆使我欲寻无踪，无奈这份情。
阵阵寒风夹杂着冰雪，可怜我这断肠人。
勾起了我伤感，惹起我脆弱的心灵。
再一度追忆那破碎的爱，失落的情。

明知道不能不能再把你来想起，
汇合脑海里尽是令人悯！
明知道往事往事像旧梦难追寻，
却有颗不泯心！

盼望着冰雪早融化，好让我忘了这段情。
等待着春天来临...

A quick description of the cold wintery weather, juxtaposed with the same cold feeling felt by her, then some introspection, some lament, and a little ray of hope. I'm afraid that my little transliteration does not do justice to the song, particularly to Teresa's truly wonderful voice.

Apart from her girlie charmed voice, she also has this womanly voice (read: less girlie) that totally has me hooked. This time, I bring out the song 《我只在乎你》. The lyrics are as shown:

《我只在乎你》—邓丽君

如果没有遇见你，我将会是在哪里？
日子过得怎么样，人生是否要珍惜？
也许认识某一人，过着平凡的日子。
不知道会不会，也有爱情甜如蜜？

任时光匆匆流去，我只在乎你。
心甘情愿感染你的气息。
人生几何能够得到知己？
失去生命的力量也不可惜。
所以我求求你，别让我离开你。
除了你，我不能感到，一丝丝情意。

如果有那么一天，你说即将要离去。
我会迷失我自己，走入无边人海里。
不要什么诺言，只要天天在一起。
我不能只依靠，片片回忆活下去。

任时光匆匆流去，我只在乎你。
心甘情愿感染你的气息。
人生几何能够得到知己？
失去生命的力量也不可惜。
所以我求求你，别让我离开你。
除了你，我不能感到，一丝丝情意。

任时光匆匆流去，我只在乎你。
心甘情愿感染你的气息。
人生几何能够得到知己？
失去生命的力量也不可惜。
所以我求求你，别让我离开你。
除了你，我不能感到，一丝丝情意。

It is not so much about the meaning of the lyrics of the song that make it such a classic; it was the way that Teresa sang it. She made the already meaningful lyrics come alive; as though she indeed was the one evoking such words to her love who was about to leave. That's one reason why I particularly love this song of hers. It is the woman in her that connects the emotional content of this piece. I'm sure fans of Teresa will also say similar things about her too.

But why do I have such an addiction over her voice? I'm not too sure about the exact reasons, but one thing is for sure; listening to her sing is like listening to someone who cares, someone who feels, someone who is real, as opposed to some hammed up singer who sings as though the world owes him/her.

Oh, so far, I've not heard of any other female singer who can match Teresa's beautiful and sensual voice. Perhaps one of you out there can take up this challenge?

w3m is simply amazing

You know, I always thought of myself as being a person who has seen many strange sights that most have nary a chance to see. Things like the innards of a computer, autopsy pictures (autopsy pictures? eww...) and other stuff. But what amazes me completely is the power of a text-based web browser.

You've got that right, a text-based web browser.

Nowadays, people are complaining about all sorts of lousy pop-up ads, miserable windows that just open almost non-stop, horrible javascripts that disallow right clicking on the screen... the list goes on. But with the use of a text-based web browser, all these worries are completely gone!

There are two main text-based web-browsers that I use: w3m and lynx. lynx is the de facto web browser that has been around even longer than I have, and as a web browser, it does a pretty good job at displaying web pages. Unfortunately, it fails in rendering tables; a key feature of layouts on the web page.

Then came w3m.

My, was I impressed with w3m! It can render tables, and has a more intuitive cursor based page navigation as opposed to lynx's page-by-page navigation. In fact, here's a look of this blog as shown in w3m:


Amazing right?

So, if all you want to do is to read words nicely and forget about all those nonsense that loads on your computer while you are reading the words, go for a text-based web browser like w3m or lynx.

Tickets... Tickets... TEEEKETS

Calling all who read my blog (and will be in Singapore on 29 Jul 2006):

I've been the Teck Ghee Community Club Chinese Orchestra for more than ten years. This year will be the last year that I will be with them, before I leave for my studies in the States. To commemorate the times I had with them, there will be a concert put up by the Orchestra at the Grassroots' Club Theatrette next to Yio Chu Kang MRT Station on 29 Jul 2006 at 1930hrs.

Tickets are priced at $6 each. If you are interested, please drop an Anonymous comment to this post with your name and contact number in the message (the comments are moderated, so I get to see them before the world does, thus ensuring your privacy), as well as the number of tickets. I will contact you shortly to transfer the tickets to you.

Please do come and support. For those who know me, this is a rare opportunity to see a different side of me, the artistic side as opposed to the Über-programmer persona. For those who don't, this is an opportunity to see how a Chinese Orchestra formed in the Community Club stacks up in her own major concert.

Either way, this event should not be missed.

Apart from me on the 笛子, there will be appearances by 智琦 on the 扬琴, and 佩秦 on the 二胡, presenting their own solo pieces. Among the highlights include the premierè of 乡音, a composition of music advisor for the Orchestra, 李本基老师.

What are you waiting for? Order a ticket now! :-)

Thanks for the compliment

I've received positive feedback from the few people who actually read what I blog both here and at my flagship blog.

Essentially, they said that my writing is good. What better words can make an author feel proud?

I'll put in my best and come up with new and tantalising presentations of the English language for your reading pleasure. ;-)

What do I do when I'm upset

Well, a close friend asked me this question recently. The reply that I gave her over the phone went something like this:

If you are upset over a long term problem, let it all out (crying is good), then, pick yourself up and think of solutions to the problem.

If you are upset over a short term problem, put aside all the sadness, put yourself together, regain composure and solve the problem at hand first. Then, when things are a little more settled, let it all out (crying is good).

But of course, that is only a light sampling of what I do when I'm upset.

Usually, when I'm upset, I'll just stay quiet. I mean, if you know me, you'd realise that I'm one who can never stop talking, be it about myself, about the world or about computers and such. So, when I get upset over something, I will end up being more reticent, and probably appear to be spaced out and in a daze.

No no no, I'm not blocking it out of my psyche, it's just that I make use of the opportunity to release all manners of emotion to take a cold, hard look at the problem that caused me my sadness. By putting aside my emotions, I find that I become naturally detached. For some reason, I work much better when I'm detached emotionally from the issue at hand to be handled; that's the best time for my analytical mind to work without any hindrance in the processing of the solution to the problem.

Just some random information on my coping mechanisms.

Lament

Sometimes, I get exasperated. Well, to start with, I rarely get exasperated, by the sheer fact that I am usually on top of matters by virtue of maintaining objectivity. The rare few who can ever get me exasperated are really rare.

Anyway, RX is starting to make me feel exasperated. He starts off innocently enough, but is prone to lapse into a destructive mentality that consumes his entire willpower to live, the energy to proceed with work, and perhaps his interest in what he is doing. And the sad thing about it all lies in the fact that he has a misguided view on how to handle people, particularly those of the opposite sex.

Misguided? That's right, misguided. I've only scratched the surface of his convoluted history, but from the little that I managed to glean, it appears that the problem started from several very unpleasant encounters in the past. The sad thing about it all is that he seems to be stuck in a time warp, where all he seems to care about are his past failings. I've tried telling him that all of us make mistakes, the trick is how to let it be, learn from it, and carry on with life. Apparently, he heard me, but I don't think that he has taken my words to heart.

His life is pretty much in a mess, and even with my analytical abilities, I don't think that I'm competent enough to fully appreciate the extent of his psyche. He usually projects this persona to most of us, but when he is alone, he seems to lapse into a most fatalistic persona that seems to suggest some form of neglect or even a maldevelopment of his psychology. This is seriously worrying me, but I have to acknowledge that this is now beyond my control.

Wait... I guess that it was never within my control to start with, considering the fact that I don not really know him that well, and that all that I ever know about him is what he chooses to tell me.

RX, if you are reading this, and have read thus far, read on.

I don't know how RX views females in general. From my vantage point, his reactions towards females seem to suggest that he may not know how to really conduct himself in a way that appears to be friendly but not suggestive. Either he over does the friendly bit, or he ends up being "smitten" by the girl and starts to "court" the girl. This is worrying. I mean, during the normal discourse of people, talking to both males and females are normal, but it is hardly correct to harbour a 见一个爱一个 mentality towards females. I mean, yes, companionship and/or long term relationship with a compatible female is always a useful goal to achieve, but most of the time the courtship process is not as simple as it seems. We all know that males and females evaluate priorities differently, and different people have different agenda. Moreover, the courthip process is complicated by the fact that it involves a lot of intangibles, things that cannot be easily quantified, things that include piousness, happiness and even comfort level. Going too deep too fast often leaves one scarred, both mentally and physically.

Based on my observation, I have thus concluded that I am neither competent nor qualified to carry out any form of remedial therapy. Herein contains my exasperation. I want to help, but I do not get enough truthful information to provide the help. I want to help, but I do not have the experience to deal with such a complicated psychology. The only hope that I harbour now will be that RX will one day "grow up" and realise that the real world is a much different place from the one that he thought he knew.

Some things in life cannot be taught, simply because the pupil refuses to pay heed of the sage's advice.

Partner for Life

Before everyone starts to think that my sexual orientation is a little suspect (especially considering the fact that I talk of Edythe as my "girlfriend"), I'd like to clear up the misunderstanding once and for all that I like not males, not objects, but females.

Yes, I'm nicely heterosexual, thank you very much.

I guess that in the first place, no one is going to care too much if I end up not liking guys or girls, but I realise personally that there is a need to affirm my orientation due to the fact that my actions have not commensurated with what I feel.

What do I mean?

I mean, at an age when my friends were all looking forward to meeting up with more "matured" varieties of the opposite sex, all that I was concerned with was being able to write bigger and better programs. And while my peers were enjoying their blissful tweenage (that's right, tweenage, no typo here) romance, I was busy planning my route towards a PhD in computer science. And when all the guys were swooning over the latest sweet young thing to hit the entertainment scene, I was eagerly looking up on the latest development in computer technology.

In short, I wasn't really living my age. Perhaps it was due to some personal insecurities, or that I was really too advanced for my age. Either way, I know that it is not exactly a healthy way of living life.

So now, I've resolved to change.

I'm going to rebuild what I missed out in those days. And I need to consider the fact that my choice of career means that I'd be unlikely to be spending too much time floating around without any tangible results.

What kind of tangible results am I referring to then? Well, to put it simply, I'd love to find a woman to love with all my heart, one to let me show my most passionate side. I may seem to be cold, intellectual, and perhaps a little aloof, but beneath that visible barrier, I am but a most passionate person indeed.

Let me find the one love whom I seek, or let my one love seek me...