Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Minor Edits

Some minor edits for my information portal. These include:
  • Removing the hairspace surrounding the emdash
  • Tweaking the solidus to hug to the left and have zerospace on the right to facilitate proper line breaking
  • Reduce unnecessary verbage for a few of the pages
  • Putting up the final paper I wrote for my research
  • Introduced more details on the various code substitution tools I have
As you can see, really minor edits to make it a little more readable/usable/pleasing to the eye.

Alright, it is getting late, and I should probably turn in for the night. Till next time.

Monday, December 29, 2008

I Lament

Optimism. I never believed in it. Never did, never do, and never will. Optimisim is something that I find to be among the most unnatural of all things that one can possibly come up with. Why be an optimist when the world keeps crumbling around you? Why subject oneself to the illusion that things cannot get any worse?

Life... it is a complicated beast. And really, I'm just... tired. Tired of all the things I have to put up with. Tired of having to deal with five hundred different things at the same time. Tired of having to deal with the unreasonable pencil pushers, tired of having to fight for every damned thing that I want and need. Tired of having to pushing myself so hard only to be faced with one setback after another.

Stress. Heh. What stress right? Except I'm no smart person. I'm hardly one of those really ``intelligent'' people, nor am I one of those ``rich'' people. And I sure as hell am not one of those folks of authority. Who am I kidding with myself? Do I really think that I can progress at all?

Heh. Perhaps on the days where my mood is on the good side. Perhaps on the days that I remain delusional and am high on the nectars of petty successes. But when I sober up to the realities of it all, I find myself back to a position where I once was, never having really moved far from it.

Whine. I do not whine; I lament. I lament why I have to put up with all these kinds of crap from myself by myself---I lament why up to now I still don't have a firm grasp to my own emotions. I lament how I managed to deceive myself that I truly fit in, and lament why I chose such a hard life for myself. Indeed, I lament many things, but I do not whine.

I think I need real solitude, something far away from people of any sort, not even through my own domain of the Internet. Nay, I should stay away from civilised contact for a bit, and do a few deep soul-searching to think why I am why I am, and figure out what I must do.

And if there's any resolution I need to make, it will be that I be as misanthropic as possible. Already my year-end depression syndrome is running late, and I want to let it run its course fast so that I can better concentrate on my work when the semester begins.

It is going to be a busy day tomorrow.

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Science Paper Generator

Something fun before I sleep: generate your own science paper.

Alright, off to bed I go.

Years Ago Today

Two years ago today, I was literally a broken man. One year ago today, I was on the mend, and seeking salvation. Today, I feel like all of the bad things that happened was part of a nightmare that I have finally woken up from. If you still have no idea what I'm talking about, then read on---I'm referring to my mental state with regards to human interactions/relationships.

Vg nyy ortna nyzbfg guerr lrnef ntb, npghnyyl, jura V jnf whfg nobhg qbar jvgu zl angvbany freivpr. Gur Yhane Cevaprff, zl vavgvny sbenl vagb yrneavat nobhg ubj gb ybir, bayl gb svaq gung vg jnf bar-fvqrq, naq zber bs na vasnghngvba guna ybir. Gura, gurer jnf gur snyfr ubcr bs gur AnAbJevZb Nssnve, jurer V gubhtug V sbhaq fbzrbar jub jnf ernyyl vagrerfgrq va zr, ohg vg jnf cebira gung V jnf whfg orvat cergragvbhf ba zl cneg.

Vg vf ng gung cbvag gung V fybjyl fyvccrq bss vagb n fvyrag znqarff gung bayl gur pybfrfg sevraqf pbhyq thrff ng.

Vg jnf jvgu gung fgngr bs zvaq gung gevttrerq bss gur Pureel Oybffbz Nssnve, jurer zl nyernql jrnxrarq cflpur jnf zbzragnevyl envfrq jvgu ubcrf, bayl gb or qnfurq va gur zbfg harkcrpgrq naq haqvtavsvrq jnl. V fjber bss gelvat gb npgviryl vavgvngr eryngvbafuvcf, nf V fgehttyrq gb teno zl fnavgl onpx sbe zlfrys. Vg jnf qhevat guvf crevbq gung V jrag sbe gurencl.

As I slowly let go, I slowly regained myself again, and the best thing that can ever occur came to me. Ida and I found each other.

Why do I suddenly reopen all these old wounds of mine? There's no reason except that, perhaps this can be a form of actual closure. I once said many years ago that I would not live past 20---I was right, in a way. The old me died a year ago, the new me is now in control. New, improved, and much more human than before. I know that there's a long way to go, but to be able to look back and face my past like this, I think that it allows me to be at calm with myself.

The road ahead is rocky, nonetheless, for it is my destiny to be so. But I no longer fear myself; I am starting to understand both my irrational and rational sides. May the years ahead be more fulfilling than before.

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

ImageMagick

ImageMagick is a very useful command line program that can be used to do batch processing of graphics. Here's a useful incantation:

convert input-files -colorspace Gray -depth 4 output-file

Note that this allows the creation of a pdf of images. Interesting for converting comics into a pdf that Eirian can read.

Alright, I'm done with writing. Back to converting comic piles.

Monday, December 22, 2008

Three, Three Apples! Ahahahahah!

One, two, three! Three, three apples! Ahahahahah!

Society's Failings

The modern society is a technological marvel, and a governance miracle. Governmental systems do a pretty good job in ensuring that people get their basica amenties and not cause large scale disobedience, and have generally done a good job in maintaining inter-state relationships.

Except that the modern society is also a hot-pot for all sorts of fail. In many ways, it would appear that we have not stepped out of the middle ages when we look at the lowest common denomination of the populace. It is indeed true that literacy rates today are much better than those that wre about 300 years ago, yet we don't find that people are any more intelligent than before. I wonder what education is really about the last few years, and honestly, I do not find a satisfactory answer.

The naïve answer to education is that it ``raises people's awareness of the world and world at large, and thus increasing their ability to make rational decisions that further improve themselves''. In many circumstatnces too, we find that education is seen as the de facto poverty cycle breaker. Except it does not seem to really be the case. Education is a noble attempt in raising people's awareness---this I do not disagree, but in the ensuing steps taken to meet the ideals of education, our society seems to have taken a step back as a whole.

Look at the current financial crises. Who were the ones that inspired its occurrence? It is not your daily person---many of the folks who contributed to the mess are those who were supposedly ``educated''. The Chinese have a saying 聪明反被聪明误, which translates to the smart being blinded by their smartness. That is, what I think, to be the most apt description of why the financial mess came about in the first place.

While I'm not propounding that we should all adopt a centralised control system to deal with society and its failings (think about the ``no-child-left-behind'' policy that practically plagues the public education system in the United States as a valid counter example to a centralised approach), I'm trying to say that the education system has gone beyond the concept of ``education'' into a numbers game of sorts. How many people out there who score perfect grades can actually apply what they supposedly have learnt in real life? Sure, there's probably a sizeable number who can do that, but what about the others? And why are there still school drop-outs then, given that we have learnt so much about how to teach people?

I think the core of society's problems boils down to one word: choice. In many sitautions, the infrastructure is there for people to take that step forward, yet they do not. I think that the issue is that the people choose not to move forward. I can back this up with carefully chosen examples; let us go back to our flogging child, i.e. education. Sure, education expenses are expensive, and the costs are expect to rise even more every year. And yet, there are also a multitude of programmes that provide the funding necessary for a student to make it through school should he/she choose to work hard and demonstrate potential. And the natural argument against this is: define ``potential'', and how about those who don't really have ``potential''? Well, the answer is refreshing simple: there's education opportunities of all sorts, the academic one is but one of the few that are available.

Not everyone can be a scribe or priest or any of those academic people. That is a fact of life; people are all born under different circumstances. But in the context of society, everyone has an almost equal chance to learn to the best of their abilities and then work on towards doing something that they are proud of themselves. While I'm not a fan of affirmative action, I cannot deny that affirmative action has created opportunities for the economically underprivileged to actually take the step forward and rise through the social fabric. But yat another question returns: how many actually make good use of these opportunities?

Choice. People always have a choice, it is whether they want to take it or not. There are many things in life that are determined by choice and decision, which is a strange thing since I just stated that one of education's goals is to teach people how to make better choices, with the premise that rationality is a good metric in determining if the choice that one is taking is indeed ``good'' or not. Hence a chicken and egg situation, where people need education to learn how to make better choices, and people need to make the right choice to embrace the opportunities that education provides.

Maybe there's no way out of that problem; ignorant people will want to remain ignorant, and the smart alecs will ruin themselves (and everyone around them) with their shenanigans. But I hold a glimmer of hope for the everyperson, to be able to slowly see what the best choices that they ought to make. Ignorance is probably the single most deadly thing that a person faces in today's society---many of the bad decisions that were made by individuals or even groups of people are based on being ignorant of some aspect of what they are thinking about. For example, religious extremists and fundamentalists are deliberately ignorant of how their narrow interpretation of their teachings do not commensurate with how the world currently works---all these just leads to the clashes between them and the rational people who populate target group of society that the extremists/fundamentalists do not see eye to eye with. A similar argument holds between the extreme liberal and the extreme conservative. The key to a society's success is probably that of moderation.

People will most definitely take me to task for that last statement that I made. Moderation---no one will openly want to admit that, since it almost implies that these people need to admit that not all of their teachings are right, when they have been told for countless ages that their teachings and ideas were absolute. I'm always very sceptical at an ideology that propounds very absolute terms of ``correctness'' and ``goodness''. That and the hard-coded dogma that the ideology prescribes. The problem with dogma is that it is usually temporally sensitive---something that might work in ancient Rome, for instance, can be almost completely irrelevant in a modern city like Chicago. Blindly applying ideas is probably the single largest cause of many of society's problem.

Which brings us back to education. What should education be? Should it teach what we want our progeny to hear, or should it provide choices for them to understand all the perspectives in as an objective way as possible to train them to learn how to make valued judgements? Should it be a fact-recall type system or should it be so general purposed that the students end up knowing the most generic way of doing something that they forget how to apply the concepts in real life?

Again, I beg of moderation. Some ``core facts'' ought to be kept in the recall format, concepts that can be safely classified as being part of the ``basic human archetype''. Good candidates for such concepts are things whose unknowing state can cause the person to not be able to function at all in the modern society. However, when controversial issues are concerned, the gist of the arguments on all perspectives ought to be demonstrated to the student and let him/her decide which is more compelling in his/her perspective. Note that by ``controversial'', I do not mean something like the evolution vs creationism debate; I'm explicitly referring to issues where there is strong objective reasons to support either hypothesis. Things that involve some manner of ``magical thinking'' and/or belief systems ought not be presented as facts of the case in the schools.

But who am I kidding? The educators are humans, and are thus subjected to the usual biases that occur when one's belief system is challenged by the empirical sciences.

So at the end of the day, are we, as a society, doomed? I highly doubt that it will be the case, but if we keep adding kludges to the current education infrastructure, I'm pretty sure that we will be engineering our downfall in time to come. The time of change is at hand, and should the human race want to survive for another thousand years, reforms in the way we do things ought to be considered, and at the very least, the lowest denominator of society be brought up, so that people can actually start living in the twenty-first century.

Saturday, December 20, 2008

Smart-enough?

The sweet silence of the campus, devoid of complicated matters like classes, homework, and people. Far removed from the hustle and bustle of daily life in the University. A most interesting moment indeed. True isolation has never been more acute than now---almost all the usual spots of social activity are closed down in one way or another for the ensuing break, and this, unfortunately, includes the computer clusters.

The semesters has finally wound down; I have bittersweet feelings over the whole experience. On the one hand, my life has finally picked up where the pieces last fell and I'm moving forward once more, in a rather happy and contented fashion. On the other hand, there is the worry about the future and the various sets of setbacks that await me when the ramifications of this semester return to haunt me in the future.

On a semi-related note, I already know that I'm not smart, so I adjust my aim to just be ``smart-enough''. It turns out that perhaps I'm not really ``smart-enough'' given what I'm seeing this semester, and that worries me on so many levels. Yet strangely, despite all the innate worry, I seem to be of unsusual calm. That is not right---I ought to be really panicky and wondering what's the best thing that I need to do, yet I find myself in such a state. Perhaps I'm just being resigned, resigned to the fate that awaits me, resigned to my life the way that I think it was planned out for me.

Yet deep inside me, the fire to take on the challenges and to fight burns strongly within, egging me on, telling me that the odds are always impossible, but only the greatest do impossible things. Perhaps I'm one of these ``greatest'', most definitely not among the masses but at least by my book.

In that case, why this feeling of doubt? Why do I keep wondering if I can make it or not? Why can't I stop worrying about things like that: clearly there're more productive things that I can leave my mind to. But, like all things by me about me, I don't really have an answer. Perhaps I'm just some two cents hack hallucinating that I can literally take on the world; maybe I'm just very delusional and highly suggestive to mere persuasions of greatness.

What have I become? Why have I become so? These questions... I do not expect an answer to. But hopefully, I will not end up killing myself both in physical and figurative senses just to ensure that I'm ``answerable'' to the folks.

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Double-spaced Sentence Separators Activated

Oh by the way, if you are reading this on a Javascript + Unicode enabled browser, you'd find something interesting. Specifically, you will find that all sentences are now magically punctuated by the equivalent of two non-monospace spaces. All thanks to a few little hacks in the Javascript that I'm using to format text in the way that I want to [so that I can avoid having to remember all the damn entity incantations]. Nifty huh? Finally sentences stand out much more than before, and the whole ``Wall-O-Text'' syndrome should probably be better managed/mitigated.

Alright, now I'm really off to bed now...

Semi-Hypnotic Writings

And I with all my insanity decided to write down some random thoughts just before I sleep, by capitalising on the semi-hypnotic state that I am in right this instant.

So, as the campus starts seeing the general exodus of people and thus quietening down, I find myself once more sitting quietly and alone in the calm of the storm. This semester has been quite a drag in many ways, despite it being one of the more fun semesters that I ever had; perhaps it is a good thing that I can finally sit back and catch some breath. The irony of it all is that when I actually have the time to relax, I find myself to be unable to do so, and really, to keep finding myself gravitating back to doing ``real'' work like studying/reading/writing. I'm uncertain why I cannot loaf about when the opportunity presents itself.

Perhaps it is the stresses of the day. Even though it is technically winter break right now, I find that I need to do a lot of planning with regards to the logistics of the even moving of everything back home. Also for some reason, I find myself thinking about the future, and lapsing into dreams/daydreams about how my future life can be like, in terms of what I am doing, who I am doing it with, and how I lead my life in general. It is mildly disconcerting---I know I plan a lot, but this sort of stuff seems to fall into the domain of over-planning/over worrying. So much for a peaceful start.

But then again, it's probably a good sign that my subconscious is working on that problem as my conscious one strives to ensure that I do not stab myself in the face while working with the daily vagaries of life. I'm really satisfied with the way that I have developed over the years---the levels of intuition and awareness that I seem to possess never astounds me as I learn of my latent capabilities every day. It is really hard to believe that nearly 7 years ago, I was basically a pompous jackass who's sole goal was to try and outsmart everyone everytime. Nowadays, I just want to be good enough, get the job done, and then look for something more interesting to work on. Maybe it is age catching up; I have no idea.

The future. It is an interesting thing, this... future. There're so many possibilities, yet each are bound by one's abilities and the opportunities that one happens to be exposed to---miss any of these two main ingredients, then the future will not be as ``bright'' as it can be. So far I've been pretty lucky in both senses of ingredients; I'm not complaining, but I think that the effort that I put in to better ready myself for the future pays off, the only issue with it is that it takes a damn long time before all that preparation will actually start paying for itself.

Alright, I think that I'm losing control over the semi-hypnotic state and am about to slip into sleep. Till next time then...

Monday, December 15, 2008

Douchebaggery Can Bite My Shiny Metal Ass

You can always not like the research that I do, but you should respect that work has been done and not just diss it like it were a passing cur. I hate people who belittle the things that I do... it is annoying, it is downright stupid, and it is completely unnecessary.

Just because you are older does not give you the absolute right to claim that what I'm doing is useless and give me that dismissive wave. Just because you are younger and a ``prodigy'' labelled by the press does not give you the absolute right to tell me what I should be doing, particularly when I am having fun. You have your fun your way, I will have my fun my way, thankyouverymuch. You do your research in your cubby hole, I do mine in my cubby hole, thankyouvermuchalso.

People who do not know how to respect others and what they do ought to be taken aside and have some sense beaten in their heads. Age and level of genius does not give one the unassailable right to douchebaggery---you are as human as I am, and you can still bleed. No one is immortal.

And do not make me unleash my full violence upon you...

Sunday, December 14, 2008

Beanbag Chair---I Want!

For some reason, I want a beanbag chair. I don't really like high-backed chairs (i.e. no executive chairs for me), preferring the low-backed ones to support my weaker lower back. And it seems that people don't generally sell beanbag chairs, which I find to be rather odd/weird---aren't beanbag chairs in somewhat high demand?

In other news, I'm finally done with finals for this semester. The only thing that I have left is the final paper/report that I need to write with respect to the Noun Phrase In Context (NPIC) classification research that I've been working on for the last two months of the semester---I'm going to write this one over Sunday. Meanwhile I just want to take a little hard-earned break from all the ridiculous charging around that I've been doing recently in the goal of being ahead.

Alright, off to play I go... till next time...

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Fembot

Hmm... fembot has arrived. Inasmuch as I love robots and technology, I would not want a girlfriend/wife who happens to be a robot---there's so much more fun that can be had with a human girl than with a robot, and I don't have to worry about the programming and other maintenance issues (humans tend to have self-maintaining systems). I also don't want to use imperative language all the time (which seems to be the case with Aiko here), but this is a nascent technology.

I will probably write more about this... I'm too damn tired and need some sleep.

The Hell...

As this week draws to a close, I cannot help but wonder what I have done with my life, in the sense that I was not certain if I am doing things rationally or not anymore. There's just so much to handle, and I think I might have lost yet another friend.

Oh well, things happen. People change, and sometimes, one cannot control these changes that occur in people. Perhaps I have been too awkward around people, perhaps I am just a big jerk. But either way, the change has been effected, the damage done, and now it is time to move on.

I wonder about the future, more so than I actually care to admit. While I have a rough 10-year plan on what I am going to do, it is really hard to ascertain if what I'm doing was right or not-so-right. Asking me this question 10 years ago would yield a much different answer, since I actually knew what direction that I was taking then. I guess despite my age, I'm still struggling somewhat with the complexity and open-endedness that is life.

Maybe I will be a treasured member of whatever organisation I am in, or maybe I'm just the third cog in a machine that needs only two---I don't really know which is the greater truth. Many things have occurred since then that increases the slow distaste I have of people; not all people, mind you, just some here and there. And I've always put up with it quietly. Perhaps it is time to ensure that my displeasure be easily made known... or not. I'm confused.

Whatever. Soon, this place will be yet another passing memory, like all places that one is. Maybe I will see some of the people in the future, but it is unlikely our paths will cross again. The only thing that is unchanging is that I am with myself, all the way, to the end.

Why am I so pensieve all of a sudden? Why do these strange thoughts engulf me once more? Have I not left them behind quite a while back, or is it the stressful circumstance playing itself out once more?

This week will soon be over... and hopefully the use of hard physical labour will ease my mind of such confusing thoughts.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Deep Disturbing Side

If there is one thing that I get annoyed the most, it will be the complete and utter ignorance of me by others. I start a conversation with you, you snipe at me---I do not like that. You are in a position of power, you abuse it and make me do your bitch work---I do not like that. You think you know everything in the world, and call me an idiot before understanding what I know---I do not like that. You want me to do everything for you without any sort of energy trade---I do not like that. You treat me like a passing shadow, stomping on me whenever you have the chance---I do not like that.

In fact, it is probably really easy to quantify what I get annoyed the most: being treated like as though I am not there. I am not a sheeple, I am not part of the masses. I do not have to belong to any single group of people to belong anywhere. I move like the wind, I displace myself in places. I find my own way through life; I do not subscribe to particular whims and fancies of people for the hell of it. I can live as a hermit---I will go insane and psychotic, but I have no fear of that. I can live in society as a part of it---I do not fear that either.

I cannot stand being ignored when I am actively talking to someone. Do that enough times, I can and will go ballistic.

V oryvrir vg vf gvzr gb erirny rira zber bs gur qnex naq qnatrebhf crefbanyvgl gung V unir xrcg haqre pbiref nyy gurfr lrnef. V nz n avpr thl va trareny, ohg orvat chfurq nebhaq rabhtu gvzrf zrnaf gung V unir fybjyl yrneag ubj gb unearff zl qrrc fhopbafpvbhf zvaq naq creireg vg gb gur zbfg fnqvfgvp crefbanyvgl gung bar pna rire vzntvar.

Nezrq jvgu cher ybtvp naq hanqhygrengrq fnqvfz---gung vf gur qrrc fvqr bs zr gung V arire unir gb hfr.

Fbba... whfg chfu zr rabhtu bire gur rqtr... V JVYY tb bire gur rqtr.

Naq gurer jvyy or zhpu erwbvpvat. Rkprcg vg jvyy or sebz zr jura V svanyyl tb orlbaq qnexarff, arire gb erghea gb gur yvtug.

Tuesday, December 09, 2008

Eirian and Other Diversions

Yeah... it has been a couple of days since I last wrote anything here. Not that I'm skiving or anything, but the fact remains that there is so much to be done over the last few days that it was really hard to be able to sit down and do a little introspection and wonder about other interesting things that have occurred.

The first interesting thing over the last few days was that the official record temperature that I went out without a jacket is now -2 degrees Celsius (with windchill). It wasn't that bad, actually, considering that by now most of my body is literally immune to cold. The important thing about how to actually survive something like this is to have good quality cloth that is non-porous---this will prevent the wind from slicing through the material and freezing oneself.

The second interesting thing to have occurred was the utter vote stuffing for The Glass Is.... It started off with being ``half-empty'' trailing at about 64.5 million votes (a travesty if you ask me, since most of the world is supposed to be rather un-optimistic), but with the combined efforts of my room mate and I, we managed to raise it to about 66 million votes, and with the help of other members of the Internet, we managed to push it past the ``half-full'' vote count. Here's a screen capture from my room mate's computer at that fateful moment:And now we are just making sure that we preserve the lead to show that the world is not really that optimistic after all.

The third interesting thing to have occurred is the arrival of my Continued Fractions book. As at now, here's a list of things that I want to do over Winter break:
  • Forth in assembly
  • Continued Fractions library prototype in Python 3.0
  • Study for GRE
  • Building applications/kernel for Eirian
Speaking of which, my iRex Reader is now known as Eirian, which means ``silver'' in Welsh.

Alright, back to the final grindstone for this semester. Till next time.

Tuesday, December 02, 2008

Not-so-stressed...

Good things come to all who plan for it... I'm not so stressed now. That's a good thing.

(=

Stressed...

Stressed... need air... must... breathe...