Edythe is Disabled

So, another hardware failure today. Edythe's fan wasn't working after a 24-hour computation-intensive run.

I think it could be due in part to my room mate closing my window, but since I have no proof, I will not say more.

Time to burn yet more $$$...

*sigh*

Death March

And the death march begins once more. There's just too much to be accomplished even before the end of the semester, and it does not help that I was pretty much deathly ill over the last week, probably from influenza or something. And must I add that there's so many reports that need to be completed, as well as a whole bunch of tests that I need to study for.

Man, this week sucks badly. And I hope that I can live on to tell the tale in time to come.

Meanwhile, I'm going to try and gather the remaining strength that I have and charge on for as hard as I can.

Aimless Wandering

On a completely unrelated note, I find myself wandering around the campus compound with a mild throbbing headache near the base of my skull. Well actually, it is one of those really random headaches that spread throughout the left hemisphere of my brain.

Not sure what's wrong. I think I might have sufficient sleep, but the craving for more just seems to stay, even though I know that I ought not be sleeping so much. Also, the weather is starting to turn hot again, and this means that I need to worry about dealing with the heat [D'oh].

The good news about it all will be that having 2 years of non-issue with the usual malady, I think that I've managed to unlearn all those bad habits that exacerbated the condition in the first place. I've not used any steroid cream nor find the need for moisturisers even during winter here, which suggests that the whole condition was nothing more than a triggered response from over-scratching.

But that's besides the point. That headache is still present though; not really sure what exactly is the problem. And that aside, I guess I'm still sleepy-ish.

Guess I'll have to pump up the caffeine once more. Or should I?

Music?

Eurodance is an interesting genre of music to listen to when one needs a certain beat and general upbeatness. People who have known me would find it surprising to discover that I listen to all kinds of genres of music, from classical to traditional, all the way to trance, techno, eurodance and metal, doom metal, funeral doom and even new age. As long as there is something of merit in the music, I don't mind listening to it—I'm not some music purist who tries to enforce one single "best music" over the rest of the people.

Music is often something that is interesting to listen to, and as long as it keeps me happy, I guess that I don't really care what I listen to.

Alright, that's the rant for the day.

Food for Thought

Is self-censorship an infringement of the rights of speech of oneself by oneself?

And yes, I've taken down a controversial rant due to self-censorship. Makes me wonder why I put it up in the first place.

That said, this weekend is carnival weekend, and there are so many things that are going on on campus. And I suddenly realised that I have less than ten days before the project poster is due.

Fsck.

Scientists and Doping II

So, in the previous post, I was talking about how the concept of doping for scientists was a very unpleasant thought, and how it was unethical to a certain degree. Now, I shall continue where I left off due to a lack of time.

The idea of performance enhancement has always been around in human societies. Operating under the guise that people are in essence agents who wish to advance self-interest, it becomes even clearer why this is so. Things like rote practice to improve test grades, sleeping enough before exams, and even going for tuition are pretty much part and parcel of daily life. We accept these performance enhancing steps as such because it requires expending a certain amount of effort in order to attain them; there is an opportunity cost incurred in their use. Time that is spent on rote practice, for instance, is time that could be used to train in swimming. As such, while we might not like the fact that there are people who are doing better than us, we do not harbour any stronger sentiment because we know that they have essentially made a tangible trade-off of sorts.

Now, the advent of technology has created a whole new class of performance enhancers—drugs. The difference between using a drug as a performance enhancer and what we outlined above lies in the fact that the use of drugs does not create a tangible enough trade-off. The performance enhancing drug has opportunity costs that are not measured by time, and time is almost the single leveller across all classes of people. Thus, with the drugs, it is possible to do much more with shorter time, as opposed to the "natural" way where actual time has to be traded into obtaining the outcomes that we want.

While it is clear in recent years that frequent drug use can cause an altered physiology that is more susceptible to various injuries due to the artificially elevated levels of certain homeostatic components, people are less inclined to be worried about that due to the potential long term power/financial gains. Think about this scenario: so an athlete uses steroids to enhance body muscle and wins multiple gold medals in Olypmic-level events. Usually, such feats will lead to lucrative business deals like product endorsements, or even prize money from the sports councils/departments of the countries that they come from. Thus, even if at the end the said athlete needs to undergo medical treatment to correct the physiological problems that occur from the drug use, it would still be worthed it, since he/she has the ability to do so now. In fact, it is reasonable to assume that the athlete leaves at the height of his/her career and then keeps a low profile. And for this reason, we ban drug use in sports because of the unfair advantage in the short term, since all that we care about in sports is really the here and the now; no one cares about who broke the world record 3 years ago if the world record has been beaten 6 times since then.

Now, in the intangible world of intellectual discourse and invention, it is even harder to measure the amount of power/financial gain that one gets through an elevated performance from drug use. While Flowers for Algernon explores a scenario where the drug used can increase intellectual capacity for the short term but cause deleterious effects in the long term, it is not something that is shown to be completely true in the real world. There are probably much larger trade-offs in the realm of intellectual pursuits, but we do not get to see them as clearly as that of sports. But what we do know is that scientists are essentially walking brains, and if these brains are artificially enhanced by drugs, we are uncertain of their long term effects.

Where should the line be drawn between "natural" and "artificial" substance-based enhancements?

[Ed: I started on this 2 days ago, but I got sidetracked by real work, and thus produced this rather shoddy argument for now—just wanted to get this out the way for now.]

Scientists and Doping

Referring to this article on WebMD, it raises a whole bunch of ethical issues.

Ought the work of the scientist be considered as similar to that of the physical achievements of athletes the world over? If that is the case, then ought it be the case that there are strong regulations against deliberate doping of controlled substances to enhance performance?

This straw-poll is mildly uncomfortable, to say the least. I mean, Paul Erdős took amphetamines while he was alive to enhance his ability to do mathematics, and of course many of us take a much milder form of stimulant in the form of caffeine. Should drug use of this group of elite thinkers be regulated on a similar level as that of professional athletes? If no, consider the ramifications that were put forth in the article—children in school might end up being "enhanced" that way should their peers are having it, I mean after all, who wants others to have an unfair advantage?

This is something that ought to be looked into on a more serious level, just to see just exactly what we are getting into. I think as part of scientific professionalism, outright use of prescriptive perfomance enhancing drugs ought to be banned, but that's just my perspective.

I might write more once this hellish weekend is over.

春天来临

春天已来临，男男女女都趁机出外散步，玩耍等。但我却不一样，依然躲在房间里，默默地编写电脑程序。不，我不是妒嫉，更不是无奈，只是有时有一点儿盼望，盼望有一天，我的春天也降临，让我也有机会出外游荡一会儿。

人生短章，一天过了，也算是失去了那一天。若人生只不过是埋头苦干，那么我们又和机器人有什么不同呢？有人说，干活儿是要尽情地去做，但我认为凡事都有极限，不能推得太过分。但在这社会里，还会有谁听从这种劝告呢？现代都市社会讲求富贵荣华，金钱的价值，也随着社会繁荣而升值。也就因为这样，人们也开始没有办法，只好天天的埋头的工作，希望能得到相当可观的酬报。

但人生不仅是金钱：人生价值观的存在也是很重要的。您想，若您只有金钱，但没有朋友，没有情人，有没有家庭，您的生活是真地活得好吗？您快乐吗？您幸福吗？

ROM-eo & Juli-8

Wai~! Today seems to be rant day. Anyways, here's something from Nina Goddess of Dance:

ROM-eo & Juli-8 by Nina Goddess of Dance

I am a robot, a hunky little robot
Working on a spaceship every night and day
I am a robot, a sexy little robot
Making sure the captain keeps his drifts away.

I'm ROM-eo, I'm Juli-8,
I'm ROM-eo, I'm Juli-8,
I'm ROM-eo, I'm Juli-8,
I'm ROM-eo, I'm Juli-8...

I was made for you my dear
And I was made for passion
The only thing I know is clear
I gave you satisfaction
Gave you satisfaction

I am robot... I am a robot... I am a robot, passion
I am a robot... I am a robot... I am a robot called romeo
I am a robot, a sexy little robot, I am a robot of passion.

I was built to sail the ship
And I to please the captain
The first time that I caught moonlight
I felt this strange attraction
Felt this strange attraction

I was made for you my dear
And I was made for passion
The only thing I know is clear
I gave you satisfaction
Gave you satisfaction

It's an interesting song, I mean, apart from the rather catchy tune and nice vocals of Nina, the lyrics open themselves up to interesting interpretations.

Could it be that the future of robotics is as written in this song? That would be interesting food for thought. Already, we've heard of all kinds of sex dolls that are out there; it's only a matter of time before the proper mechatronics is incorporated to create fembots to satisfy human kind's need for love and lust (well, maybe not lust, but who knows?). Also, look at how most of our assembly lines look like these days—they are largely mechanised also.

And of course, robots designed for the purposes of war. Who can dismiss that possibility?

Alright, I think that I've ranted quite a fair bit for one day. Ugh.

I ought to stop.

[Ed: Thanks to Anonymous for the correction.]

Spring has Arrived, m3h

Ah Spring—it has finally arrived. The greatness of the daylight, the skimpy clothes that the girls wear to flaunt their well kept bodies, the joy that most people have prancing about in the sunlight.

Oh how I hate it.

It's so hot out, and the sunlight, it irritates me a whole lot. I mean, it's too darn bright for my tastes. And girls running about in skimpy attire; bleagh. It just keeps remind me how much work that I have to do as opposed to the relatively relaxing course load that those people have.

Am I bitter? Yes. I will admit it straight: I am bitter. Bitter that I need to do so much work while others are having fun. Bitter that there's so much in life that I need to worry about while still maintaining some semblence of sanity.

And I am bitter about bitterness itself.

Bleagh.

Life After Death + Interesting People (Not necessarily related)

"Is there life after death, or is death the end of life?" Once meant to be a tongue twister to test our pronunciation of [ð] and [θ], it has now turned into something that I ponder about every now and then.

Being the typical cynic I am, I tend to believe that death is the end of life, though I'm sure that a vast majority of people will be glad to argue against me on this one. But on a semi-serious note, the concept of life and death has always been plaguing the human psyche for a long time. In particular, I find that most people tend to not want to believe that death is the end of life—just take a look at the myriad of explanations of the after-life.

Should an after-life exist, it will be hard for us to know it, as it requires either foreknowledge in the supernatural sense or based on direct experience, in which case it will become a rather circular argument. While I'm not about to say that an after-life doesn't exist (it might, but we have no way of proving/disproving it), I'm content to just take the bleakest of all beliefs, i.e. that such a concept only exists in our minds and not in reality. After all, if I believe that the after-life is hokey and I'm proven right, I'm not losing as much as someone who believes in its existence and is proven wrong.

So, why this sudden talk of life and death? Nothing much really; it's just one of those days that one sits down, and is supposed to be working on some paper, when one decides that thinking about the unfathomable is a more interesting enterprise than the daily grind that one has to do. In another life (there are many such lives hur hur hur), I could have been a philosopher or religious leader, contemplating about the void and thinking about things that science cannot resolve. Alas, I'm stuck with this life and have to be content with worrying about these things only from a distance.

One thing that I find rather odd about people in general is that they seem to not be able to understand how a single person can behave in so many different ways. And no, I'm not referring to that of schizophrenia or the more general "multiple personality syndrome"; I'm talking about the same person, but acting/reacting in a vastly different way given the differing circumstances. One way of looking at this could be that the vast majority of people have very little regard to that of others—anyone who doesn't fit the "standard model" is "odd", "weird" and at worst "sociopathic". Time and time again, I have proven empirically that people cannot seem to accept the fact that I am multi-facetted, that I'm not just a computer geek who dabbles in the art of computer programming, but also a decent musician, writer and poet. On the one hand, we keep complaining about having stereotypes forced upon people and how that is not such a good deal, yet on the other hand we find this phenomenon where people force others into stereotypes in order to react to them more "favourably".

Get a grip man, the world is a vast place, and not everyone is just about one thing. That dude you see on the corner selling hotdogs, he could be a leader at a martial arts dojo, and have high standing. The crazy haired person who cannot even remember where he lives; he could be an eminent physicist who has created some really ground-shattering theories. And that introverted computer geek in your class who smiles at you shyly each time you look at him; he could be a badass guitarist already recording demo tapes to pass around music producers to break into the industry.

My point is simple: stereotyped people are boring as hell. The most interesting folks are those with an eclectic mix of styles and characters that make them stand out from the crowd. And yes, I am insinuating that I am an interesting character myself, as is my current girlfriend.

There's so much more of the world to learn about rather than just books, data and methodology. A true thinker is one who places emphasis on the journey and understanding of all that is occurring, instead of just burrowing deeper and deeper into the abyss of "knowledge". Where do you think ground-breaking theories come from?

Quiet Night?

It's a rather quiet night, and here I am again sitting in front of Edythe and writing away, trying to pen some random thoughts together. It'll be a rather hectic week to come, considering the amount of work that I will end up doing. There's about 3 tests that are up for next week, and among that other things to worry about like my machine learning project. All in all, it would be a busy week indeed.

One serious question to ask will be, why the heck am I still up at this unholy hour, considering the fact that I had been up since 6.30am in the morning. Actually I have not much of a clue either; I guess being partially insomniac has a certain reason. Speaking of insomnia, I suspect that my body is probably more hardy than I give it credit for—of course, this is not an indicator to actually keep testing the limits of my body as that would be very silly.

Actually, for once, I have no clue what to talk about now, which is weird, again considering the fact that I generally have many ideas that I'd like to talk about but don't really have the time to.

Alright, this is getting nowhere. I'm stopping. Take care.

A Couple of Scribbles

Something that I started writing about a fortnight ago and only managed to complete today:
And here's a little bit of pencil sketch that I do every now and then. I find the Scottish Terrier rather good, as is the dendritic plant.
I guess that's all for now.

Believing in Me

As sad as it sounds, sometimes it is great to have people who still believe in you, even though the rest might not (thanks lots Danielle—that little remark did make my day feel much better). Sometimes I feel that I'm just some hallucination that will disappear when there is not enough people who believe in me—this thought is rather scary, considering the rather hairy things that I've have had to go through for so long. It's weird really, to think of myself as not a real person but one that is largely based on how many people actually believing in me. I guess this is probably my coping mechanism in this rather strange world where everyone is always racing to the head of the pack and/or forcing their ideas down others' throats.

Alright, I think that I've digressed enough from my take-home ethics exam which consists of 4 essays. Need to get back to it.

Until next time.

0xBABAF000L

Something rather promising: 0xBABAF000L. Now, if this keeps up, it'll have a nice place on my list of interesting web-comics to read.

Ta-ta for now.

FL Studio 8 Released

So in theory, I'm supposed to be working on my homework, but seriously speaking, I'm rather tired now. It's late, and I had a rather long day—I've been up since 7.30am this morning for some confounded reason that even I am clueless about. After spending a good 14 hours out of my room, I suddenly find myself yearning to actually catch up on some sleep.

So, now, time for some interesting news. FL Studio 8 was just released a few days back, and being someone who actually has a real license for the suite, I actually have a free upgrade of the software. So, I've downloaded the software suite and messed around with it. I like the fact that there is actually a synthesizer builder in it called synthmaker, which makes building virtual instruments rather useful. The caveat to this will be that it is based on a completely graphic-based programming style, not unlike a programming language that I used before called LabVIEW. It is rather similar to 2D as done in the 9th ICFP programming contest that was organised by CMU. But of course, the good thing about this will be that there is no need for me to actually write code that will ensure the usual numerical stability issues and to actually think in terms of how the signals ought to work with each other.

Alright, that's roughly about it for now. I seriously am too drained to want to write more.