Birth Anniversary Aftermath Report

It has been roughly a week since the anniversary of my birth and there is of course much rejoicing at a most private level. I suppose I should write a little about what happened and what-not because I promised it earlier in my thank-you note to all the people who had an impact on my life.

Prior to everything happening, I had decided to get myself a gift as per tradition. People who have known me for at least the last couple of years would realise that I'm a big fan of the e-ink readers, preferably something that is bigger than the puny 6-inch form factor. Eirian II was a recent replacement for Eirian who had aged over the course of the years. In general, I'm not a big fan of tablet form-factors that are not e-ink for several reasons: discomfort in reading under either bright or dark conditions, low battery life and most importantly, lousy resolution. So when I realised that the Nexus 10 existed with a whopping 2560×1600 resolution, I knew it was time to plonk some hard-earned money down to get a tablet for myself, not to replace Eirian II but to support her with a coloured high resolution sibling for things that are not as readable on e-ink displays. An example of such files are comics or graphic novels---the colour that is used doesn't look that good when we strip out the hue and saturation information. Here's a quick picture of the Nexus 10:

Lovely isn't she? The character that is gracing the wallpaper of my Nexus 10 is Death of the Endless, one the loveliest and pragmatic personifications of Death I've ever seen, prompting the joke of ``Yeah, I stare at Death every day on my screens''.

While I have named almost every device I own, somehow I can't bring myself to naming the Nexus 10 (or even my Google Nexus phone either). I'm not sure why---maybe I see these devices as tools more than friends per se, which is weird. Maybe I need to devise a new naming scheme for such tools, I mean, even my Neo has a name (Eiko). I can't call the Nexus 10 ``Eirian III'' simply because it's not a replacement but a sibling. This will prove tricky...

I can't remember how many years it has been since I've kept my birth date hidden on the Facebook. One thing is for certain though: only those who truly care truly remember. Folks like RX, Cui, Victor, JW and YT (and my mother of course) who gave me their best wishes on this day of rememberance. This gives me a fuzzier feeling than having half of the people on my Facebook ``friend list'' spamming my wall with two-word and three-word posts. YT even sent me a nice box of Singapore-styled curry spices, which gives me a strong incentive to actually get potatoes and chicken from the supermarket the next time I go grocery shopping---curry in the US tends to be watery and lacking in the right kind of ``kick''.

It's not that the curry here sucks, it's just that it is dominated by the Thai-styled and American-styled curries. It's hard to find something more of a cross between South East Asian and Chinese cooking that is so predominant in Singapore.

But those are of course the physical gifts that I received. There are other more interesting things that happened. John treated me to a dinner at Tang Dynasty restaurant in Urbana without knowing which day my birthday was (he only knew the month, which was of course my intention overall). The food there was decent but not fantastic, and we both agreed that it was definitely one of those places that we should just try once to have said that we have been there and then find cheaper places for food. =P

On the actual day itself, I had actually arranged with Janet to have dinner at Alexander's Steakhouse, a family-style restaurant-grill-bar north east of campus in Champaign. Ever since Cedar brought me there to eat about a year or so back, I've fallen in love with the thick slabs of steak that they had to offer, and wanted to go there to eat once again. Janet had a car and so it was an easy enough appointment to set up. Well, of course I neglected to inform her that it was my birthday; I don't reveal things like that because it generally makes people feel all uncomfortable and compelled to do strange things like agonising about gifts and what-not---I'm more interested in the company than what gift they are getting. Anyway, we had an enjoyable dinner at Alexander's, and Janet was amazed/confused/shocked that it was my birthday, and that I could finish up the 20 oz steak and that she could finish her 16 oz steak and still walk after the fact. Easily the best dinner I've had in a while. =)

For some reason, I just enjoy food. For the rest of the week, I ended up eating sashimi and sushi at different places (oh my poor poor wallet) and had an enjoyable extended celebration of my birthday, without drawing too much attention from people. Life is good that way.

And now, a new week begins, and we are back to the regular schedule of life. Till the next update.

Thanks

On this day of my birth, I give thanks to the people who have made an impact in my life, be they positive or negative. I would say that I will not be the same without the different forces that pull and push me in various directions to shape me into who I am today.

This is a perfect age, perfect in the way the Greeks define that of numbers. The future is forever mutable and hopefully bright, and as I stand among the rubble that was last year, I see myself being a happier person in time to come. May this year be better than all the years I had.

As I near my third decade of existence, I cannot help but look back at the road that I had taken. I do not believe in destiny, thinking that perhaps in some small way I am always able to shape my future. This, I have believed for quite a while, but as one gets older, the confines of society start to demonstrate their power and cast doubts as to whether one could truly be as free as the wind and choose a life that they want.

No one lives forever, and I know I definitely won't. While young, I might have been destined for greatness or so they say, at this point in my life, I am seeing that greatness is no longer within grasp, for I have long since strayed from the so-called optimal path towards such an achievement. I wonder how people remain functional amidst such woeful realisations, and then discovered that their functionality comes from a self-imposed resignation that they are but a cog in the machinery that is humanity. And soon, I will be just another part of the Machine itself.

Maybe in the upcoming years I will lose much of my cynicism and return to a much happier state, but these are things that I do not know fully, since time is long and the fog of the future is still there. One does not make a decision that one does not understand---that is the order of things.

Perhaps I will write less cryptically when this day has passed on the things that I had done, as opposed to the aspirations that I have mumbled about here. Till the next update then.

Quick Summary

So, a quick summary of what I had written in 2012:

1. 57 poems posted here
2. 66 essays/rants posted here
3. 3 prose/stories posted here
4. 1 NaNoWriMo winning entry available here

And thus the grand total here is 127 articles, down from the 156 articles in 2011.

That's an average of 0.34 pieces of writing a day, compared to 0.43 last year. Again, we see a general downward trend in the amount of leisurely writing I do, partly because I have been writing so much daily for my work/studies. Every day I write anything from 400 to 1000 words about the research work that I am doing, and really, at the end of it all, I just don't feel the need nor energy to write even more things.

Last year was quite a major turning point in my life---I started struggling even harder through my PhD programme in UIUC. It dominated most of my life to the point that I just had to give it up. Doing so meant that I had to deal with the aftermath of that. Will I regret this in the future? Perhaps not, but only time will tell if this is the best decision to make.

Other than that, 2012 was really quite uneventful. I wrote a fantasy story for my NaNoWriMo entry, something that I had never done before. I'm not particularly pleased with the ending as it felt rushed, so perhaps I might actually fix that during this year before November comes by again.

Well, that's all I have. Onward to a better tomorrow, I suppose.