Regurgitation

The night has finally fallen, and after a couple of poems later, I feel as though I am ready to say a few things again. Words come quickly these days; none of that plodding prose that I have been rather fond of not too long ago, but more of those fast worded poems that I once frequently do.

It has been almost a week since I turned twenty-five officially, and to be honest, it doesn't feel much from being twenty-four so far. Perhaps this is a sign that the times have indeed changed, and that there is only the timeless middle age aeon that awaits me as opposed to the youthful exuberance of aging by yet another year---within this epoch, time seems to slow down a whole lot more, and each year just feels like the previous, with nothing fanciful nor different in the making. Many things have happened within the week, much to my surprise, considering that I did not really plan to have any surprises of that sort in the first place. But not all things are bad either, to have a word fairness thrown in for good mixture.

I suppose that at the end of the day, I am still a passionate person, no matter how much I might want to deny that by taking on that whole ``I'm The_Laptop'' persona and living out the geek dream/life---it is unnatural to my being/existence. The truth is, I probably feel more at home being myself than trying to be another type of myself---if the semantic of this sentence hasn't confused you utterly yet. How should I put this in a way that expresses its delicate nature... there is a me that is not the me that most people tend to see, a separation of the public from the private I suppose.

I have tried melding the two together, but of course the results of that, we can easily see from all that has occurred since the past. I've tried keeping one and not the other, but nothing good came of that either. I guess I just need to learn to live with the fact that I do have different personalities that I show people, and maybe one day the folks who matter care about it.

The recent romp through Facebook ``stalking'' on my friends back from CMU gave me a rude awakening of some sort; they remind me the tenuous threads of human relationships. One moment two people can be so madly in love, the next they are broken up and each has found another [hopefully], and that there is little contact with the one whom they were once with. It kind of jarred me back to reality, considering that I was a part of the cycle before. I still cannot understand why people can do this so easily---aren't human relationships meaningful enough that such arbitrary breakages are not really that necessary?

Maybe to many people, I am just a passing dream. Perhaps it is not too far from the truth---I do like blending into the background nowadays, a stark contrast to the glamour showman of my past. Somehow my philosophy on life has changed a lot when I realised that I am just one of nearly seven billion people on the planet, competing with many of them to obtain the living space and living necessities to lead a decently comfortable life. Maybe the people whom I once called friends are no longer that friendly after all, due to one reason or another. Or maybe there is truth in the phrase ``people change'', and that I, even though I thought otherwise, was also changing a lot since the last time I stopped to meditate upon the issues at hand.

*sigh*

This is fast turning into a long and aimless rant, but I think that I earned the opportunity to do this, for it has been a while since I wrote anything of substantial length here. People, they interest me, yet they hurt me ever so often; I am at a quandary on how best to deal with that. Is it really too much to ask for a serious relationship? Or could it be that I have been barking up the wrong tree all the while? Perhaps my ideas on what consitutes a ``proper human relationship'' is antiquated to the point that it is unsustainable in the current world climate.

But at the back of my mind, I'm always a little hopeful. Maybe one day someone will see through me, and love me wholeheartedly, through my strong points and through my faults. Maybe that day will come soon. Who knows? Fate has a strange way of communicating ideas anyway.

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In less harrowing rants, my recent weighing of my mass under the Earth's gravitational field has yielded an approximate mass of 75kg. This is a whopping 10kg less than the 85kg that I started with nearly eight months ago. I suppose my overall strategy of eating less and working out more did have some positive effect towards my weight control. I think that I have another 7kg or so left to reduce in order to get to the upper bound of what is considered an acceptable body mass.