Undeserved Update

I think I have written enough.

I'm not apologetic at all for going offline for the past few weeks for both the scribbling and the yelling blogs. I needed a mental health break from some of the vagaries of writing anything at all.

That and having to rest my poor body and brain to recover from a four-day fever.

I don't care that I didn't complete my challenge of writing a story [fragment] a day for this year. I have, as I declared earlier, written enough. I need to keep myself fresh for the upcoming NaNoWriMo whose form I am likely to change. Instead of the compendium of stories I was talking about at the start of the year, I will do something a little more traditional---to spin an actual single yarn. And in true NaNoWriMo fashion, this time there will be no plot, no background, no preparation. It'll be the standard winging method.

I have fallen off of Facebook again by choice. Things were starting to get boring out there, for a lack of a better word. There can only be that many reposts I can take from my news feed before I feel my IQ dropping faster than a cannon ball off the leaning tower of Pisa. That and all those selective bias enhanced versions of folk's good lives---yeah, enough is enough.

Will I return? Maybe, but don't bet anything valuable as to when. As always, if there is a need to contact me (not bloody likely given experience), email will still work wonders.

And I still refuse to use WhatsApp. I don't need yet another tool to remain ``always connected''. I used to think that being ``always connected'' was a good thing, but then I rediscovered reading and all kinds of cool ``down-time'' activities that I realised that being ``always connected'' was more of a manacle with chained iron ball than an empowerment tool. Besides, I don't babble enough for people to actually want to stay ``always connected'' with me, which of course means a negative network effect on me.

So, no push and no pull factors to convince me that using WhatsApp makes sense. I'm already on GTalk/Hangouts, and if you can't get hold of me via email or even phone (when I didn't change my cellphone number for the last 11 years), it's your own damn fault or you don't really need to talk to me that urgently after all.

I suspect that I may have some trust issues; I don't think that I can ever open myself up enough to trust anyone. Maybe it's a combination of being hurt a few times, and the realisation that both the very ignorant and very intelligent are not trustworthy that made me default to shutting the hell up. It probably ought to be a bad thing, but so far, I am not seeing any downsides from it, as long as I have enough things that I can do solo without having the need to have another human next to me to share. Translated to something more pragmatic, it means that as long as I can still read books, write stories, perform with my musical instruments, I'm good. Being single isn't that bad actually, one is only beholden to oneself, and not to mention the lack of the additional social contract one signs when one is eventually married.

The main thing I need to remember though is to periodically kill some brain cells to slow it from over-thinking. It is the mulling part that makes one acutely aware of the social pressure that being perpetually single is somehow wrong. Some mulling is good; it is when one gets stuck in a ``brain loop'' of thinking and rethinking through the same bloody process that one must acknowledge that the mind had misfired and required rebooting to kill the loop.

I have been scribbling entries into my physical diary, so I don't really have much to rant about here now. So that's about it.