I probably should be grateful for the long weekend that is SIN city's golden jubilee celebration, but frankly, I feel anything but grateful.
If anything, I feel restless and completely pissed off, that such a long period of procrastination is allowed to manifest itself at all in the city where not working time beyond office hours is termed a sin.
The weekend has been too long, I think. Four whole days. Maybe it's because I have no one to actually go hang out with and do other stuff, or maybe because I am just irritated after barely recovering from a nasty bout of flu. Maybe it's because I'm staying in an apartment that is not air-conditioned, and am still living with my parents when my sister has just moved out completely to her new place with her husband. Or maybe it is the forced realisation of some manner of loneliness from rewatching K-On!, K-On!! and the K-On! movie, an affect that I naturally develop each time I watch anime like that. It reminds me of a kind of nostalgia that I never truly felt completely, having been mostly a sideline character at most of the clubs and societies that I had been a part of.
Camaraderie. I feel that of course, fleetingly at times, but never truly immersed in it. Maybe because there have been few places where I felt as though I truly belong, even from the very beginning. In spite of my seemingly gregarious nature, I'm more of a conflicted hermit.
Aiyah, it's frustrating to articulate just what is bothering the crap out of me.
Maybe it's the phoneyness of the whole jubilee celebration. Engineered, one might say if one were trying to keep in theme with the way how SIN city is run. The hilarious part is that despite being the person who lampoons this whole... PR stunt, I think I can safely say that I have taken part in more of such... activities as a performer than most people have as an audience. Maybe ``irony'' is the better word here, but I'm not in the mood to be pedantic today.
I wrote a micro-story yesterday, entitled Hold On To Your Love. Unsurprisingly, it is named after one of my favourite OSTs from K-On!, that you can hopefully watch here.That guitar... is to die for. A-hem. Anyway, I felt like I needed to vent something from the restlessness last night, and hence that particular micro-story.
I've also made yet another small progress through the William Russo book, by composing something a given pitch restriction. Maybe I'll work on the next exercise later this evening---composition with a rhythm restriction on C-major. Felt too irritated to work on that yesterday.
Today though... so much restlessness. I was tempted to head out to find a café to just sit down, have a cup of coffee and do some reading, work related and otherwise (am working through Othello). When lunch was done though, reality set in: it was nearly two in the afternoon. By the time I headed out, it would be time to return, not to mention the general impossibility to find a quiet place to sit around since most of the kids are taking over cafés and what-not for their studying needs. So I felt more irritation.
I couldn't/shouldn't play on my flutes and/or dizis though---my the lateral side of my thumbs'interphalangeal ligaments were starting to show some form of swelling that seemed consistent with calluses. I suspect it's because I've been playing too much of my 大G dizi---it weighs quite a bit more than what I usually play, and I have been giving it around two to three hours of practice on Friday and Saturday itself. I didn't want to introduce a new range of RSI, so am taking it easier.
That of course helped to add to my restlessness. My usual outlet of letting out such irritation is to wail away on whatever musical instrument I have my hands on. Since that is sort of not available, I just feel all the more annoyed.
At this point, I think I have run out of things to bitch about, and have diverged quite significantly in terms of the content, so I suppose I'll just stop here.
Till the next update.
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