Thursday, June 26, 2025

Recovering from Missing Beyond Compare 5 UI

Just a quick note on how to resolve an oddity.

I used Beyond Compare 5 to compare two 2.8 GB files, and when I was done, I closed the application.

Then later on, when I tried opening the application again, it ran due to the process being seen in Task Manager, but the UI was nowhere to be found.

I tried rebooting Windows 11, didn't fix it.

I tried uninstalling and then reinstalling Beyond Compare 5, didn't fix it.

What helped with the recovery was this:
  1. Pull up a command line prompt from within where Beyond Compare 5 was installed.
  2. Execute:
    BCompare.exe /solo /edit
    This pulls up the text edit window of Beyond Compare 5.
  3. From the opened window, pull up a new session.
  4. Save the workspace (name it anything), and then close the application.
Subsequently, activating Beyond Compare 5 was like normal.

Why this happened in the first place? No idea---might be a corrupted state of the UI when it was dealing with the difference of two rather large files [in binary].

Why this could fix? No idea too---but most likely the built-in text editor is a different code path that bypasses that corrupted state processing that stopped the loading of the UI, which allowed the corrupted state to be fixed through the series of arcane steps.

Hopefully this is useful, but I doubt it. Unlike the era of the Neverwinter Nights 2 Texture Bug, modern incarnations of search engines are more like ad-generating machines with additional AI slop (gasp!).

In other words, this is likely to be buried.

And that's the quick note.

Monday, June 23, 2025

Walking Reset My Mind

``Wow MT, another entry in near-quick succession?''

Yeah... I declared a ``mental well-being day'' for today and went outside to touch grasswalk like an idiot, doing 19+ km in less than 4 h. The route wasn't anything exotic like Windsor Park or Bukit Timah Nature Reserve, but just the humble Northeast Riverine Loop that I usually cycle during lunch hour on days that I work from home. Taking nearly four times as long to walk the route really makes me appreciative of the speed that one gets from a bicycle.

My pinky toes are lightly blistered, my knees feel wrecked (yes, I was walking on flat ground, but unlike the paths in the other more exotic areas, these are almost all concrete), but my mind feels so much more at ease. I feel ready to face the world again, and thus to deal with whatever is coming my way.

And that is a good thing.

As I walked through the stupid heat (with sunglasses on!), I started to do lots of thinking. I've been playing Cyberpunk 2077 [again], and one of the key themes within the game is that of transhumanism in the form of ``chroming up'', i.e. to use cyberware implants as a means of enhancing and sometimes even outright replacing various functionalities of the person. It's a milder form of what Battle Angel Alita, since much of the implants still leave the people more-or-less human-shaped, while in Battle Angel Alita, more exotic physical forms take hold, even as the brains are kept roughly as what they were supposed to be.

All that thought of transhumanism made me think: if given the opportunity, would I be interested in cyberware implants?

I.. don't think I'd be interested in such cyberware implants. It's weird, considering that I'm a technologist, but hear me out. My work/day job are heavily mental in nature (thinking abstract stuff, and implementing systems that run off such abstract stuff in the form of computers). In that context, the cyberware implants might be fine.

But I don't live for work---I live for the stuff that I do outside of work, and strangely enough, I find that the things that I enjoy outside of work, they are quite physical in nature.

Take music-making for example. There was a moment where I tried composition, but in the end, I found that I preferred just playing the flutes, saxophones, and dizi over the mental process of putting together a piece. There's just something about the need to regulate my breathing, coordinating it with my fingers and eyes in a skillful way that makes it very satisfying.

Then there's the whole cycling/walking (I daren't call it ``hiking'' when I know of hard core hiking that Brian does) thing---it's also very physical. The feel of the sun on my skin, the sweat off my brow, the cajoling of the muscles to move despite their reluctance from exertion after being sedentary for too long, the eventual aches and soreness that come, followed by a deep, relaxing sleep with a refreshed mind---these are what makes life worth living [without having to rely on another person to ``provide'' that kind of proof-of-living].

It is that literal visceral feeling that I seek outside of work, and having enough body parts replaced via cyberware implants seem to remove quite a bit of what makes me, well me.

So for now, if cyberware implants were made available, I might not want to partake in them.

``MT, what if they are prostheses for replacing damaged body parts?''

I don't know. Considering that I've already been more or less ``looking forward to being dead'', perhaps the natural outcome is to ignore such prostheses. But that does not mirror what is happening in real life---otherwise why would I go through the process of taking care of my weirded out left eyeball through observation duty, or for that matter, attempt to take care of whatever nonsense my skin decides to throw at me?

Contradiction.

I think that while I am ``looking forward to being dead'', I'm not looking forward to suffering before I am dead, and as a result, have been taking actions somewhat consistent with that kind of behaviour.

``But MT, what about health screening? Why aren't you doing anything about that?''

Good question on that one---no real answer. Why screen for things that I already have a good sense of (I know I'm fat), and for things that I have little to no reason to take care of (e.g. cancer---if I'm hit with it, I think I'm more likely than not to refuse treatment and just die from it, at least, as at now)?

The time hasn't come for me to off myself, so I'm not going to do so just yet.

Anyway, those are just matter-of-fact discussions---I'm feeling much better from the released endorphins from that long-ass walk earlier in the day.

I'll end this post for now to turn in early. It'll be a good night's sleep ahead.

Sunday, June 22, 2025

Week Made Me Weak

Man, that was rough. Be prepared---this is going to be the theme for the foreseeable future.

I mentioned that I was on observation duty. The good news is that the ophthalmologist agrees, and wanted to see me again in three weeks. I counter-offered with two instead, and so that will be it. The neutral news is that I'm still on observation duty, but at least I'm out of the most dangerous period for now, and it ought to be a nothingburger soon enough.

Two other things happened as well; one of them is work-related, the other is family-related. For the work-related, just know that it is bureaucracy-related, and is just plain annoying. For the family-related, it involves not-me, and it's more tiring with some light uncooperativeness with not-me, and the doctors calling at odd hours to the apartment for updates on status. I am not directly handling this bit, but I am getting exhausted being the brains of the outfit, keeping track of information from the doctors, and making sense of the technical terms they are saying in order to provide the necessary reassurances and advice to the rest of the family.

I'm tired from both, and that's all I want to talk about them.

I've also finally done the final processing needed to return my personal equipment from the SAF due to my reaching my statutary age. That... took a while. The alibaba bag of stuff is heavy, and had to be extracted from the deeper part of my storage area. At the same time, I took the opportunity to clean out the dust that had accumulated on the exhaust fan and grill, as well as to get rid of the three music instrument-like objects (one guitar that I never use that has unknown provenance, and two saxophones that could never be re-sold). The bin out at SAFRA Punggol for the disposal was another bugbear, like a final challenge to see if one was truly a former NSMan---the hopper was high up, and opened up to a height that was higher than my shoulders, necessitating an over-the-shoulder lift of the heavy alibaba bag in order to feed it in. But it was dealt with without any new injuries, which means that this part of my life is now truly over.

Time to segue to other things.

------

Juufuutei Raden's Guide for Pixel Museum is a very fun official Picross game by Jupiter Corporation with hololive Production's Juufuutei Raden voice-acting in it. The premise uses Raden's museum curator background to provide nonogram puzzles around various museum-related art themes. The puzzles are fun, Raden's explanations of the significance of the art that the puzzles are based on are instructive (she voice acts in Japanese, with subtitles in English), and for about SGD20.00, it's a fair price.

Love it.

------

I'm back in playthrough three of Cyberpunk 2077, this time opting for a Male-Streetkid V and going for a Netrunner-esque build. Like the other two playthroughs, the tech-tree has drastically changed, and eventually I'll be in the DLC space of Phantom Liberty. Clothes are primarily for looks, with very modest statistics improvements, with the bulk of such things (like reload speed, armour, and the like) being provided for by Cyberware instead. Night City feels a bit different from before, and with the new transformer-architecture DLSS, the frames are smoother still even though I haven't really moved on from Eileen-III just yet.

------

Microsoft recently released their homage to the venerable edit.com from the MS-DOS era with the Rust-rewritten version of Edit. I tried the first version, and it sucked hard with very broken dialogue box semantics (it was clear the author did not live through that era of Text-based UI elements). The current version as at writing, 1.2, isn't too bad, and is quite an upgrade from old school edit.com. With Notepad getting fitted with increasingly useless amounts of unwanted and uncalled for features (like seriously, who asked for ``copilot'' and formatting?!), and the removal of the under-used Wordpad (most people just go straight for MSWord, or LibreOffice Writer on a new machine anyway), the new homage version of Edit seems like a much better replacement.

It works well in the terminal, handling UTF-8 like a champ, and works with terminals of various geometries. My only true complaint is the waste of space on the left margin for the line numbers (in my arrogant opinion, a simple integer on the status bar to indicate what line number one is on is a better use of screen real estate), and perhaps a trifling coent on the inability to customise the colours. Other than that, Edit is a solid recommendation now.

Does this mean that I abandon Vim? Nah... Vim is still my workhorse text editor---hjkl navigation is still unbeatable from a muscle memory perspective.

------

As a result of what happened throughout the week, I find myself utterly drained. I try to get sleep, and usually got enough of it in hours, but the quality is quite suspicious. Combining that with the inability to get enough sunlight/sweat from cycling due to having to avoid jarring my eyeballs, I just ran out of spoons.

And so, tomorrow is yet another ``mental well-being day'' type leave that I take, just to go out there and sweat it out through walking in the sun for a long distance, to get the heart pumping, the muscles moving, and the sweat pouring.

Hopefully that will give some life back into me. There are other [dark] thoughts flowing through me, but I don't think I'm ready to face them now, let alone talk about them publicly here.

Till the next update.

Sunday, June 15, 2025

A Short Update

(sigh)

Yet another downer of a post, I'm afraid.

This week has been rough on the psyche. World's in a mess, and each time I try to catch up on current affairs, I just feel helpless with a dose of headache.

And the rotten-ass weather combined with my inability to go out and burn excess energy due to being on observation duty means I can't use my usual means of getting anti-depressant-like mitigation in.

Let's get the the biggest bugbear out of the way---how observation duty went.

Thankfully, uneventfully. I was looking out for changes to the new baseline, and haven't really noticed anything out of the ordinary that required immediate action to be taken. That's a good thing.

As for the ``world's a mess'' bit, just the realisation that the only reason why we as a whole haven't killed each other completely lies only on the restraint that we exercise through the respect of some abstract idea that is written down on ``a piece of paper'', i.e. the observation of laws, or the type of legal fiction that mere words could hold back bad behaviour.

It's terrifying because the success of a lawful society is contingent on the simultaneous respect of the sovereignty of the law by everyone (or at least, the majority), with bad actors actively being called out through either the law enforcement apparatus, or at the very least, being shamed by enough of society that they self-correct.

But the past five years of this decade have shown that this idea of law is fast eroding. Bad faith actors have discovered that if they were to strike at the enforcement portion of the law fast enough, they can overwhelm the entire system so thoroughly to the point that they can concurrently stall enforcement activities, push through their agenda, and generally get away with literal murder if they are quick about it.

There is no easy way to counteract this due to the original premise of ``innocent before guilty''. The way that legal systems are enforced are based around the concept of being sufficiently meticulous in order to reduce the false positive rate (i.e. an innocent person being wrongfully found guilty). But to add a bit more real-world detail, the finding of the guilt of a person is often the last step of the entire legal enforcement process, with lots of waiting in between. That waiting process often involves the restriction of personal liberties of the parties that are involved, and should they eventually be found innocent, don't often have restitution from the period in which their restriction of personal liberties had occurred.

In other words, if one is poor, the legal system, no matter how just, can be manipulated to put one deeper into the hole of poverty. Conversely, the richer one is, the easier it is to get a better outcome in general from the legal system.

This is true in most places that practise some form of justice in the form of a legal system. Vigilante justice works on a different form, and is usually heavily frowned upon in places where there regular legal system exists and is working ``well enough''.

Notice though, how I tried to separate the difference between ``justice'' and ``the law''. Justice is a more fundamental concept that most people can understand, of which the use of, and enforcement of ``the law'' is but one way of enacting justice. It is not the only way, and it is definitely not guaranteed to deliver justice, though it is often hoped that it is the case.

But I digress.

With the rise of bad faith actors, the degradation of the service/duty sense of law enforcement officials to being stricter with the letter of the law instead of the intent for whatever reasons, what can the average citizen/resident do?

I don't know. It's not like SIN city is free of such issues---the ever-increasing use of complaints over social media to get justice served while the original manner of official channels have failed initially is disturbing as well.

(sigh)

I think I've lost the plot. I'm going to stop here for now.

Monday, June 09, 2025

I am on Observation Duty

(sigh)

It's official---I am on observation duty.

It was supposed to be a day where I would laze about, figuring out what to do on this off-in-lieu that I took on a whim because I didn't want to have too many leaves to clear. I woke up, and when I moved my eyes, I saw flashes of light at the peripheries of the lower left quadrant and upper right quadrant of my left eye.

Uh-oh.

See, I've been a high myope (defined as having <−6.00 dioptres of refraction error), which is a high risk factor for retinal detachment, a non-lethal but sure-as-hell-will-fuck-up-your-quality-of-life condition. Combine that with age and the symptoms (not going to link to it directly---just read off the Wikipedia page), I was suitably concerned.

I dallied a little, wondering if it was something intermittent. I chilled out in front of Eileen-III, thinking about what to have for dinner, and when it was nearer the middle of the day, decided to do a quick check on the light flashing situation---I could replicate it, easily.

Uh-oh.

I knew something was up, and brain kicked into overdrive. I was told before to seek immediate medical attention when I saw these symptoms (and was ready for it), but never quite worked out where to head to for this.

General Practitioners would be useless since they don't have the slit lamp that was necessary to accurately see what was going on at the back of my eyeball, and the Emergency Department felt a little too overkill for what I deemed to be Urgent Care at most (I was not actively going blind in the eye, and was thus not an emergency). Calling SNEC put me on hold for too long, and HealthHub told me that they'd get back to me with an appointment in two working days---mind you, it wasn't an appointment in two working days, but the notice of an appointment in two working days.

(sigh)

I ended up back to where I last went more than a decade ago for eye issues---Eastern Hougang Eye Specialist. I went as a walk-in, had my basic eye performance measured out, pupils dilated, and waited for more than an hour (out of the projected three) before I was looked at by the doctor.

Age-related posterior virtreous detachment. Apparently, apart from the increased risk of being a high myope, that I had shitty skin contributed to an increase in risk too, leading to today's episode and eventual diagnosis. Lattice degeneration was not sighted, and prognosis is good.

Generally, we're on official observation duty for the next six to eight weeks to watch out for any retinal tears that come from the shrinking of the vitreous humour due to age-related degeneration, so that we can fix them up pronto before it gets into retinal detachment territory.

The risk of any nonsense happening is highest in this first week, and thus my vigilance for anything novel beyond the new baseline set this morning. More importantly, I know where to head to when things go south---back to the doctor at Eastern Hougang Eye Specialist.

There is nothing else to be done other than observing if any repairs to retinal tears are needed---the general idea is that after the six to eight weeks, the vitreous humour would have stabilised to its new shape/size, thus reducing the amount of mechanical stimulation it is doing to the retina when it jiggles in the loosened up space.

Am I afraid? Not really. As I said, this is something that I had been told would happen a long time ago, and so, I'm quite prepared for it from most fronts, except for the ``how the hell do I kickstart the process'' bit that has since been resolved. That bit on eczema raising the risk factor was the only new thing that didn't know about, but it does make some sense---the origin cells for the retina are similar to that of the epidermis, the very same layer [of cells] that I am having shit-tier inflammation control over.

Meanwhile, nothing that involves knocking the vitreous humour about within my eyeball during this period for me.

And I need to find a new day to clear that off-in-lieu, now that I have a medical certificate to cover for today. 🤦‍♂️

Hopefully, the next visit is next week as planned, and not earlier because something stupid has happened in between.

Till the next update.

...the Sequel to the Gorram List

It's stupid o'clock once more---let's go!

The first thing to note is that I am clearing that off-in-lieu for Saturday's public holiday on Monday. Which means that in theory, I can stay up for as long as I want.

In practice, I'll just crash out after writing and posting this entry. Because I'm too old to trash my sleep schedule for any reason any more.

With that out of the way, let us continue the rant that I started ``yesterday''.

Consider what I said about ``the most valuable thing'' that someone can give is time, it should be pretty obvious what is an instant turn-off for me: poor time discipline, and more generally, an air of irresponsibility (or worse still, actual irresponsibility).

Now, I know that there is a fundamental difference between controlling the timeline for work, and doing stuff on one's personal time---the former has much stricter requirements, and tends to affect more strangers (or at least, acquaintances), while the latter is usually more fluid, with higher chances of spontaneity, coupled with possibilities of outright procrastination. I am well aware of that, and do not demand the kind of professionalism that one would be at if it were part of a job.

But at some point, it just gets fucking ridiculous. I have called off a date with an ex aeons ago primarily because she was (1) late for more than 15 min while I was trying to pick her up in a car that I had access to at a place where waiting for long was A Bad Idea; (2) and decided to change the destination willy-nilly. I was annoyed at another ex when a pair of tickets to a show that I was intending to go with her, I let her have both because her sister was visiting and they wanted to go together, only to have their plans changed at the last minute, and having the tickets wasted. I was also upset at another ex because she mis-planned some things, and ended up with me just sitting around trying to kill time, even when it was meant to be ``us-time''.

The common point here isn't that plans change---plans always change when they come in contact with reality. The point is that the communication of the said situation was either not done in a ``us versus the problem'' way (i.e. unilaterally), or that there was no communication on the thing in the first place.

That really grinds my gears.

So, the first time I meet someone, if they suck hard at being punctual, or fuck up meeting locations through random-ass re-statements (and not a case of being genuinely lost due to unfamiliarity with the place), I get really annoyed. Yes, I have some friends who are just bad at being punctual, but I'm hardly ever planning anything critical with them for the most part (or throwing enough slack into the mix for when things are critical), thus rendering their tardiness irrelevant; I just spend the extra time I have catching up on my reading.

For someone I barely even know, and they pull such a stunt, it is already a red flag to me---it's a bit like how if someone treats the wait-staff poorly they are walking red flags, no matter how sweet/polite they are treating ``me'', since the apparent personality is to treat everything as transactional and discriminative along the axis of the apparent level of power.

``MT, getting awfully specific now, aren't we?''

Yes, of course. Why argue about hypotheticals when I have actual examples to draw upon? When I said that I sit and think, I didn't mean just running through hypotheticals in compulsion, nor did I mean overly ruminating over what has already passed continuously to seek meaning. I meant thinking through what happened, what I can learn from it, and then dropping the whole issue once I have filed the lessons away somewhere in my mind.

Last time, I said I hated people. That isn't wrong, but it wasn't quite complete: I hate people a priori only because your average person is effectively a numskull in the context of modern society. It's not about how smart they are (though that plays a role), but it is about how they interact with the world, and how they treat others who are not them. Most people treat others pretty poorly, though not necessarily in a blatantly obvious way. And yes, I think that I am guilty of such behaviours as well, particularly when I have run out of spoons for the day, and am running on fumes just to race through to the end where I can hide, and then rest/recharge my social batteries.

Thus, demonstrating gonk behaviour that reinforces this innate hatred is not helpful, everything else be damned.

Going back to the main point, irresponsibility irks me in a way that borders upon the irrational. Again, I am well aware that no one runs a gorram Gantt chart to run their personal life, but come the fuck on, have some kind of plan, and then remember to communicate it out early enough so that folks have enough time to figure things out and get it done. And considering how marriage is ``us against the problem/world'', having an irresponsible partner is just the worst thing that one can do.

And now, for something tangentially related, and borderline controversial.

The reason for this sequel to the rant is based on what I heard at the sermon today. Much of the church is elsewhere for church camp, and I did not go because I do not have a valid passport (technical reason), and did not feel close enough to folks to want to be at a camp of any sort (the ``it's not you; it's me'' reason). I like my church family---a couple of brothers had reached out quietly and tentatively to thank me for serving in the music ministry with Aurelia, and while they don't necessarily get the terminology right (some called Aurelia a Chinese flute for whatever reason), their heart is in the right place. I don't know how to take compliments well, so I just smiled, thanked them, and try not to think of myself as a good flautist/musician.

So the sermon was on 1 Timothy 3:14--16. The crux of the sermon was ``what was the church?''. The pastor preaching talked about how 1 Timothy, 2 Timothy, and Titus were basically the manual for how to run a church, of which one of the things was that the church preachers were not meant to be women (1 Timothy 2:12), with subsequent verses calling back to Genesis to explain why that was so. That made me think back to Genesis as a whole, and how (at least up to Ch 15 which is roughly where I am at now with the ESV Study Bible) in many cases, the men in the stories were doing their own stuff, but ended up fucking up bad because they decided to follow what their womenfolk said (Adam eating the fruit from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil from following Eve; Abram fucking Hagar to make a child according to Sarai's suggestion).

The point that I am awakened to here isn't about misogyny (biblically defined gender roles are about division of labour; Eve was flesh of Adam's flesh, and was a helper, not a slave), but the realisation that if God gave a command to be completed to me, I shouldn't go round listening to other people's interpretation and rationalisation of the command, for as they are not God, the chances of them corrupting the meaning with faulty memory/reasoning is high. Or the more diplomatic way is to still listen to what they say, but make up my own damn mind about what needs to be done based on what I know about God/the situation, and weighing the provided evidence accordingly, Bayes style.

Therefore, it behooves me to choose wisely. On preferences, we can agree to disagree (or ``compromise'' naively so that no one is happy), but on the truly important matters, we must stay firm to our convictions. Biblical or secular, being an irresponsible sort is never something that is well-tolerated, and thus it makes sense to ditch that kind of turd and move on.

``MT, are you so upset about what happened on Friday that you are coming up with excuses to rationalise things?''

No, not really. In fact, I am glad that it happened in such a polarising way---no more of that melodramatic draggy bullshit that is an absolute time waster and emotion grinder.

I'm not a horndog that is willing to trade in hard-learnt standards for a competent adult/partner against the world/problems for tail.

Looks like this entry is getting long too, so no other updates for this for now. Till the next update then.

Sunday, June 08, 2025

It Became a Gorram List...

It's stupid o'clock. Time to be stupid.

There is something that I have been mulling for a long time, and it more or less came to a head last night---I have now developed a stronger sense that perhaps instead of just the not-having children sort, I am also not the marrying sort.

Here's a litany of reasons:
  • I speak too much to myself in my head to the point that I cannot stand trying to explain things to others when there's no ``important reason'' to (like for work purposes, or for a service);
  • At my age, the pool is non-existent---any [women] that are still available have their own issues, and requires some kind of compromise that I am increasingly unwilling to get into;
  • I've already missed the ``golden period'' for dating on at least two counts: not being in SIN city during my university years, and now entering my fifth decade of existence (aka being middle aged);
  • While I do not have a death wish, I am not exactly keen on doing anything out of the ordinary to prolong my life because there really isn't much to look forward to in the first place---just suffering after suffering, mission after mission with no end in sight;
  • I hate people as a whole---for some individuals, I think there's some mutual tolerance, but that's about it;
  • SIN city's cost of living and general environment is absolutely shit for anything that isn't related to making money;
  • I hardly ever see the need to conform, and from my past, ``compromises'' brought me nothing but misery at the end on anything relating to personal relationships;
  • I don't get instantly turned on just because someone is a woman, no matter how sexy she is trying to look---it doesn't work that way for me;
  • Call it whatever, but I am extremely comfortable living in my own skin nowadays than who I was nearly twenty years before, much to my surprise---I still need some human contact to avoid becoming a psychopath, but that can be easily satisfied just through the normal interactions one gets while in a professional work relationship;
  • I have opinions that I come to after thinking a lot about them, thus compromising on them without an associated debate (or at least a factual comparison) is being unfair to me and my time;
  • The most valuable thing that someone can give isn't their virginity, but their time---since time spent is time that cannot return, so I truly treasure the time that people choose to spend with me...
  • ...but not all time are of equal quality---this is where a general compatibility of minds is important: sharing thoughts and discussions about something that they are passionate about is wonderful, talking about something that seems to not invoke a deeper thought/appreciation is a turn-off;
  • To me, there is no difference between a person who is at home, versus a person who is outside---it should always be the same pendejo in either case, subjected to differing standards of decorum according to context: this is the ``personality'' we are talking about; too much deviation casts aspersions on who the person really is; and
  • This is the modern world where the institution of marriage is largely reduced to tax and inheritance benefits, and perhaps a more socially acceptable construct for sexual intercourse that may/may not bear children---considering where I am coming from, none of those points seem applicable to me.
``But MT, aren't you lonely?''

No. Why am I lonely? There are friends, and I've also made peace with the notion that the set ``friends'' isn't some immutable one---there will always be someone that I am ``very gum'' with today that will just be gone forever. Friendship works both ways---I cannot always be the fucking instigator, only to be ignored. If I try to initiate a contact, and the other side fails to reciprocate, the state of the friendship is clear, and I again should not try to ``compromise'' or ``be the bigger person'', whatever the hell that means.

And again, I am not lonely because I am quite comfortable living with myself. This stems from the realisation that (1) I'm the only person who will always be with me till the end of me, and (2) people suck, have their own agenda, and in most cases the types of relationships they would rather have with you are transactional. Or it could be that my own personal upbringing is so full of mal-relationships that I have a warped and fucked up sense of what a healthy one is to the point that I find isolation preferable than trying to reach out.

In either case, I don't give a fuck at all.

My life, my choices, my cross to bear; my God sees all, He guides, He chides, He rewards. Everyone else can go fuck themselves for all I care.

If there's anything I dare to be proud of, is that I am honest as honest gets. I don't mince words, I don't carry balls, I don't deliberately sabotage/harm people. I know when to shut up, and have learnt over time that if I see something that isn't right, there are at least another three who do too, but none of them will dare to draw attention to what they see, for it is the SIN city way of docility that is oh-so-popular with the capitalist class.

Now, if that honesty drives people away, perhaps they aren't worth being with in the first place.

It's like the moustache that I sport. I have ``friends'' who told me to shave it off because it was offputting [to them]. Result: the moustache stays, while those ``friends'' are now gone. Reason: the moustache is there for two reasons: (1) prevention of the skin from getting inflamed from nose rubbing due to allergic rhinitis reactions, (2) a polarising filter to sift out the superficial conformists from my life.

And since it works for both reasons, why should I do anything about it?

``MT, that's a helluva long rant!''

Yes, yes it is. I'm forty-fucking-years old---I'm pretty sure I have a damn good idea of what I want and do not want out of life by now. Hell, in five more years I'd start qualifying for random programmes designed for older people who haven't quite gotten their silver card yet.

So, stop with the fucking infantilisation or about ``doing what is best for you''---I did not live till forty, read thousands of books, ponder over hours just to be belittled with a lecture on how my preference was wrong.

``MT, are you targeting any specific person(s) with your rant?''

No, I'm not. It's a tired tirade against an amalgamated person-composite of many folks who could have triggered this rant.

And with that, I'm done for this entry. Till the next update.

Saturday, May 31, 2025

Big Badda Bang of Words

Ah... end of the week. Final-fucking-ly. The week has been long, for a variety of reasons that I will not go into, because it is (1) boring for most people; and (2) involves too any ``other people'' that it really isn't about me any more.

Instead, let's talk about some accumulated things that I had done.

Not too long ago, I learnt about some new HTTP headers needed for security, along with an online tool to test them. The idea behind these ``security headers'' is to provide server-centric instructions to the client browser to ``know'' what kinds of content (static or executable) are to be considered legitimate from the perspective of the server that the client is connecting to. This is the missing information link that is needed to prevent the class of exploits that starts with a man-in-the-middle (MITM) attack, which includes drive-by malware downloads, page hijacking to siphon off user input (and therefore information). It is an explicit white-list to the client on what the server knows as resources/actions that it needs that the client should pay attention to, ignoring/stopping any that do not follow that whitelist.

Intrigued, I tried setting it up on my personal domain. The HTTP headers were created in a no-brainer way, but the behaviours that they created... broke lots of things.

For starters, there is now a strict segregation of the presentation layer (i.e. the HTML and CSS stuff) from the controller layer (i.e. any executable code, often in the form of JavaScript). One can no longer use the on* family of attributes within the HTML tags to create callbacks for specific actions (notably in my case, the onClick, onChange, and onLoad actions).

That broke enough stuff that I had to rewrite my website to do that, and boy did that take a while.

Also, even in the presentation layer, there was a strict enforcement of splitting out the semi-structured layer from the styling layer (i.e. HTML files cannot have embedded CSS styles, no matter how small, nor when they were inserted (like in original HTML file, or as part of some DOM-tree shenanigans)). It wasn't difficult; it was more annoying than anything else.

But after all that effort, my website works well now, and you can verify the Security Headers with the link.

The eagle-eyed will notice that the new pages no longer have referrals to the CSS/HTML validation links. That's because one of the security headers basically blocks the passing of the forwarding page's URL to the forwarded to URL, which made such validation links impossible to operate in the client browser.

My chief constraint is that I have very little control over how to configure the website server program, so I had to do what I had to do just to keep the 'net gatekeepers happy. Like how I ended up creating a damn sitemap, and having to do up an entire toolchain that minifies and GZips individual pages, all because the damn gatekeeprs of the 'net these days state that all websites are clearly meant for machine-to-machine communication, so the sources of the pages themselves should be mangled for efficient machine-to-machine communication, as opposed to something that is human readable (and therefore learnable from).

Man, the ways of the 'net have changed drastically over the past 25 years.

------

I have the ESV Study Bible in hard copy for a few years now, and have wanted to grind through it slowly but surely as part of my own education on my faith. It's not my first time through the Bible (according to my own loose tracking, I've covered the Bible end-to-end two full times by now). But one of the biggest problems was that the book was an inch thick, and has terrible portability, despite it being the ``personal edition'' and having the general dimensions (not counting the thickness) of an A5 sheet of paper.

An e-book version would work wonders on the portability front.

Crossway has it. Unfortunately, it is terrible to use.

You see, unlike the deadtree version where the ESV text sits in the upper half of the page, and the extensive study notes sit as end notes in the bottom half, the official e-book version treats it like a hypertext document with oversized text, where the footnotes are replaced with links that jump to a completely different part of the binary file, and after a few such jumps, being lost becomes the regular state of things, made worse by being on an e-reader like the Kindle [Colorsoft].

In short, the official e-book sucks.

I had been patiently looking to see if there was a version of the ESV Study Bible that was just a straightforward digitisation of the printed version, with all the information where they are, without having to jump all over the place like a punch drunk monkey.

Let's just say my patience paid off and I got ahold of such a version. There was a problem with the images that made up each scanned page---there was a very strong unsaturated red tinge that made the text contrast terrible.

Ignoring lots of [necessary] intermediate steps, I managed to fix the contrast problem at the image level with the following ImageMagick miniscript/command:
find -type f -iname '*.jpg' \
  -exec magick {} -separate -contrast-stretch 0.5%x66% \
  -combine {}_out.jpg \;
So what this does is that it uses the find command to locate all the image files, and then apply the ``auto-leveller'' on each channel separately, allowing up to 0.5% of the pixels to go ``black'', and up to 66% of the pixels to go ``white''. The 66% is empirically determined through checking the output---the idea is that we want the ``background'' colour of the page to have its unsaturated red plus bleedthrough from the other side's text to ``go away'' (the actual paper is thin enough that there is some bleedthrough in real-life, which of course meant that the scan would yield the same problem, decreasing legibility).

I had tried ImageMagick's -auto-level option before, but it did nothing to the contrast. Using the alternative of
magick {} -colorspace Lab -channel 0 \
  -auto-level +channel -colorspace sRGB {}_out.jpg
brightened the contrast, but did not remove the unsaturated red tinge much. It was only after applying the final incantation I specified in the beginning that I saw results.

And the results were dramatic (I'm not showing them here for obvious reasons), and after running the images through an older version of KCC (I used 7.2.0 instead of whatever is there now because the 7.3.x series broke many things), I had something that worked wonderfully on Eirian-VI, my Kindle Colorsoft. In this case, I needed the colour ability of Eirian-VI since colour is used quite extensively as highlights, and for specific diagrams/illustrations within the ESV Study Bible to explain core concepts.

I said that I left out some necessary intermediate steps. They weren't the focus of this discovery, but were needed because magick could not work on the source file directly to generate the type of output needed. I used an updated version of pypdf that needed pillow, which demanded that one does not update one's Cygwin Python3 installation to 3.12, because it messes the hell out of the dependency availability from the mish-mash of libraries under the default 3.9 and newer 3.12.

------

The stupid thing I bought finally showed up yesterday. It was, as they say in Chinese, 又贵又重. Shipping was a bitch, and product delivery took a while.

But it finally arrived.

First impressions: yep, it is as it says on the box---a fucking heavy cup. To ensure that it could have the 10 kg mass, the cup's diameter was large enough to quality as a mug, but its depth was shallow enough that the total volume was still cup-sized. In essence, it was like a bowl with a really extended and heavy-af bassbase. I currently cannot lift it one-handed, and am not expected to do this any time soon. I can also see a litany of overuse injuries in the near future as my deltoids and parts of my pectorals get continually hurt from moving this even as they are healing from their own weakness.

It was as stupid as it gets, and I love it.

I also got the 0.5 lb stainless steel shotglasses (are they still considered shotglasses despite being made of not-glass?), originally three (one for me, two for CP/Elain), but they upped it to four when my order was delayed enough that they graciously upgraded it to their 4-for-3 promotion.

That shotglass(?) felt nice to hold and drink from. There was no ``metallic'' flavour that one might think something like this would have, but then again, after having eaten out of stainless steel plates and cutlery, there was never a real ``metallic'' flavour to begin with.

For both, I would suggest scrubbing the interior a little more thoroughly before using them as a matter of course.

------

I watch lots of VTubers, so many to the point that 8 regular hours a day cannot be enough. So I watch them at 2.5× speed, which is a speed that the observant will realise to be impossible from both the network bandwidth, and web-client viewer perspective.

The answer is yt-dlp. That's all I'll say about this part.

The other parts start with the statement that for the sake of my network, I don't usually need to watch things at 1080+p, for the reason that the video often runs on the vertically aligned screen.

This means that the maximum width of the video that I will be watching, tends to be limited by 1080 px horizontally.

Mathing it with the usual 16:9 ratio of today, this works out to something like 608 px vertically.

YouTube doesn't have anything at 608p, but they do have 480p, which is the resolution that I often watch my videos in. Automatically upscaling it in VLC media player has some blurriness, but throwing in small amount of sharpen filter, it works well enough.

That is, until the game that the VTuber is playing has lots of words (not a secret: am referring to Blue Prince). The encoding at 480p from YouTube tends not to do well with text, and it was getting a little... more frustrating to follow.

The magic is to recode it to 480p using better settings than whatever was used when YouTube was transcoding the source to the different bitrates.

The incantation used looks like:
ffmpeg -i inputfile \
  -vf "scale=-1:480" -c:v h264_nvenc -crf 23 \
  -c:a copy \
  outputfile_480p.mp4
The only reason why I thought this was viable was that the encoder could make use of the NVIDIA graphics card that Eileen-III had (RTX 4090). I didn't try to encode without the h264_nvenc option, seeing that using it meant that it still took time to re-encode the video part.

``Why not just use the source resolution/bit rate and downsample?''

Well... it's slow and doesn't do as good a job as re-encoding. There's also the side issue of avoiding the integrated graphics card [doing the decoding when I'm watching it] from grinding through too many pixels only to discard more than two thirds of them to fit into 1080×608, and end up with a blurry mess due to the lack of access to the kinds of advanced filters that re-encoding can provide.

------

The last thing to bitchtalk about is the trend of ``oh if you see em-dashes in a text, it is 100% AI generated''. Related to that is ``if the AI detector detects that a paragraph of text is AI generated, it is 100% correct''.

On item 1, that's just a lazy way of looking at things. I mean, come on---if you look at this blog, almost all my posts have em-dashes rendered in. I use them extensively, though to be fair, I don't actually type the emdash as is---I type it out LaTeX style as ---, and rely on my pretty-printer to render it as an em-dash.

Which segues into item 2. It seems that ``AI detectors'' these days seem better at estimating the quality of a piece of writing with respect to grammar and diction than to truly ``detect'' the use of [generative] AI.

What I am trying to get at is, just because ``you'' suck at writing doesn't mean that any piece of writing that doesn't suck is ``generative AI'' just because ``you'' cannot write well enough. And if life in the modern world is anything to live by, is that anyone who points fingers and claims that someone else is displaying the qualities consistent with some thing of meta-variable-X, it is more likely than not a projection of the accuser who actually is the thing of meta-variable-X.

And that's about it for this update. Till the next one.

Sunday, May 25, 2025

Eliana's First Proper Gig

That was... confusing.

So, despite having Eliana since 2021, I have never really taken her out on an ``official'' gig---I play on her a lot in between as part of the long-standing principle of ``cross-training'' that sifu has taught me nearly two decades ago. But for a proper gig, that has never happened.

The reason is much simpler: alto flutes need their score to be transposed a perfect fourth lower from concert pitch. The reason for this is practical---unlike the crazy recorder players (with all due respect of course), flute players tend to like playing using their ``instrument'' keys, mostly because the music for the flute tends to be very technical, and thus writing in the same ``fingering pattern'' (i.e. the instrument keys) makes it much easier for the regular concert flute (or C-flute) player to adapt accordingly.

But most music isn't transposed, so it becomes hard to just grab an alto flute out to play to scores originally written for concert flute. There's also the issue of ambitus, but that is usually more obvious---the highly technical stuff will span the full three octaves and thus cannot be easily transposed for playing, while most ``singable'' things stay within two octaves.

Which brings us to today.

Aurelia and Stella have traded places with Davie, and are now at MusicGearWindWorks undergoing their annual servicing (clean, oil, & adjust). I could bring out Azumi, and I was trying her out again last night as part of preparation for serving at the music ministry. But I sounded poor on her---and there was something clacky about her keys that made me draw pause. I dropped in some heavy key oil (probably too high a viscosity), and it helped a bit, but that was when I had a thought.

Why not bring out Eliana?

The pieces were in D-key, B♭-key, A♭-key, and C-key. The tempi weren't too drastic (they were hymns, and therefore needed to match up to what your regular church-goer can sing), and were therefore the best pieces to pick up transposing on-the-fly on Eliana.

It all worked fine, except when times I was confused with concert high-C, concert high-D♭ and concert high-E♭.

Oh, and a surprise hymn requested by senior pastor that was in G-key.

The trick, it seems, is to forget all the rubbish theory that people tell you ``oh, it's like reading the bass clef's top space onwards'' and just play the damn thing, remembering that the default scale runs with F♯ that needs to be taken care of. It's about reassociating where in the [treble clef] scale the fingering patterns are located, and just going without thinking too hard.

With enough repetition, it becomes easier. I dare not say that it becomes ``second nature'' until I can hot-swap between C-flutes and alto flute within the same gig without going nuts.

And that's all I wanted to talk about to day. Am still recovering from whatever the hell I had caught on Friday.

Till the next update.

Thursday, May 22, 2025

SMS Musing #16

In between lucidity:
If I claim that I'm a musician foremost, then what is it that I stand for? Or rather, what have I done to further that direction that is my self assigned identity?

I have refused to get the necessary grading as a matter of principle, yet that is the bare minimum for entry to the music making fraternity. I don't cultivate a strong online presence that is effectively mandatory for the modern musician for self promotion. I'm not racing to the most prestigious competitions or performance venues to establish the kind of street cred that is expected. And I don't even do the most important thing that many musicians do---teach.

So what am I doing then?

Marching primarily to my own beat, playing music that is somewhat incomprehensible to many because it has "too many styles", like the kind of poly-linguistic potpourri that Finnegans Wake epitomises. I think I mentioned how my dizi dealer was telling me in an off-handed comment that I was playing to many different kinds of music to the point that I seem to have lost my roots (context is from the noodling that I was doing with the new pieces of dizi that I was picking up from him).

But do I really care? I somehow don't think so. As time goes by, I find myself being drawn towards using music to express myself, a short of sonic expression of the writing that I do ever do often. For the past few months, I find myself just noodling free style during the half hour before rehearsal time for Chinese Orchestra, as opposed to playing through the various solo pieces that were notated for the dizi. I still run through etudes every now and then, but the freestyling is more dominant.

It's so dominant to the point that I wonder if I'm missing something without realising. It's hard to say, really. In the old days, I can at least ask Chara, but now, who can I ask? Perhaps only others will know---I sure as hell don't.

Tuesday, May 13, 2025

Windsor Again!

Ah, here we are once again, nearing stupid o'clock, and itching to write something.

Recently, I went back to Windsor Nature Park, this time with friends from TGCO. I like walks, and this was no exception. Unlike a a similar trip nearly 4 years to the month, we didn't really circum-navigate all the trails that Windsor Nature Park had to offer, but sort of bee-lined towards the Tree Top Walk trail.

Oh, and our starting point wasn't at the main entrance at Venus Dr, but at Thomson Plaza itself.

The walk was fairly uneventful, except for more than my personally acceptable quantity of people due to it being a public holiday---I almost always prefer going for long walks (or cycles!) at ``odd hours'' where there were few people around. Part of the reason is to better enjoy the recreation area without having to deal with clueless ``casuals'' who are obviously transplanted so hard from their usual place that they act thoughtlessly and carelessly (for example, not keeping to the left of the fucking path), and part of the reason is that I just don't like being in places with too many people as a whole.

Seriously, the ``filthy casuals'' we passed by spanned from singing out loud to playing music on some bloody radio, all in a nature park, even when it is stated up front that these were not the right kinds of behaviours at the big-ass notice board at the entrance of the park proper.

But like everything in life, rules/regulations/laws that aren't enforced are basically worthless, and as long as there were no enforcement, bad behaviours like that are expected to continue, courtesy and public conscientiously be damned.

And people wonder why society is on the downhill...

And that's about what I wanted to write about. There's nothing else that is worth talking about for the moment. Just wanted to make a note that I had been to Windsor Nature Park again slightly four years since I was last there. Thomson Plaza itself is hella different, with many new shops, a new sense of vibrancy. I didn't actually walk through the place partly due to the company I was with, and partly because after merely walking for some 7+km, my legs were sore, and I just wanted to go home, which is damn funny considering that I can ``easily'' (for very loose definitions of ``easily'') cycle some 60+km before I feel like my legs are dead.

And I do prefer cycling more than walking, and only because it allows me to go farther, faster. The key drawback of cycling? I still need to move my damn bicycle with me at the end of the day, which is still a pain even if it is a foldable.

Till the next update then.

Friday, May 09, 2025

``MT, You've Got... Issues''

This week... was a different kind of hell. Thank God it wasn't work related, or I think I'd flip. I'll leave out the stuff involving other people, and just talk about myself.

I was in a sort of existential dread for much of the week. Couldn't tell what was wrong---just this weird sense of foreboding.

``But MT, you're always feeling like that. What's the difference this time?''

Prescient observation---at first, I had no idea. But as I took the long-ass way home today (i.e. by using the buses alone), I slowly realised what it was. So let me reconstruct it all.

It began with me thinking (on a Wednesday?) about how are we certain about who we are, considering that we don't really remember anything prior to three years old. And while we, in theory, have lived through the time from the past till now, there really isn't any other indicator that it was ``real'' and not some simulated [false] memory (a.k.a. last Thursdayism). Everything that we think we know is based on some interpretation from the electro-chemical patterns of the neurotransmitters---the classic mindfuck is the realisation that the fovea of the eye actually has the image upside-down, yet our brain manages to ``see'' it right-side up, and have all our actions coordinated somewhat correctly.

``But MT, you lived through it! Couldn't you trust the time that passed?''

See, normally I would say yes, but then I realised that the two times I underwent general anesthesia, I literally ``lost'' time, and yet there was still some sense of continuity of my brain state from before the GA, and after it. A more mundane version is sleeping and then waking up---did I truly exist when I was not really consciously aware of it?

I had wanted to write something about that here that day, but was just bloody tired due to... other reasons, and therefore didn't. Then I was reading Kimagure Orange Road, and suddenly found myself reacting very strongly to the manga. I didn't hate it, but I found myself having to put it down each time Kyōsuke mistook Madoka as being involved with someone else---it triggered a whole lot of really uncomfortable dread within me. Once that feeling passed, I could continue to read, but then at some point later, I just had to stop for a quite a bit more, because this time, I realise that I never really had the kind of childhood that allowed me the chance to explore such relationships (characters are in middle school, so about secondary school or between fifteen to seventeen years old).

That had a few reasons:
  1. I had/have bad skin, and at my worst, look like a monster;
  2. SIN city's culture is fucked up in that they actively discourage all school-going children (this includes university!) from dating, and then once they graduate, start demanding where the fuck is their grandchildren(?!); and
  3. The secondary school I went to was repressive as fuck, while I was a meganerd while in junior college.
Looking back, the only non-trivial relationships that were deep enough to hurt me when they ended were those that I could have once my skin was less shitty.

As I sat in the bus and mulled over all these nonsense (and getting irritated by a BO-laden fat fuck who decided it was fun to try and squash me in---I exited the bus at the earliest opportunity that allowed me to switch over to another bus that could get me nearer my home than the bus interchange), I was getting restless. I wanted to cry badly for some damn reason, and did tear up here and there.

I won't say that I was distraught, but when I got home, I just dumped my work bag, closed the room door, and pulled out my dizi, and started playing solo pieces for a solid hour. These were not etudes---they were actual solo pieces that I love playing, and they had their own technical difficulties, and their associated voice. I played them as though it was part of a set---one run per piece, at the actual pace and expression needed.

That hour later, I felt so much better, and I remembered who I am.

I'm a musician whose first love is the dizi. I started on dizi before I even started on writing, and definitely before I started on computer programming/system design, or even cycling. After so many years, after so many divergences, I still come back to the dizi as my comfort zone.

The dizi is my voice, my anchor back into reality. And each time when I was feeling frustrated, annoyed, or restless, out came the dizi, and after it all, everything would be right again.

Yes, writing can be cathartic, but it doesn't have the kind of physicality the way playing hard pieces on dizi has. No, not even if I were to be writing things out in cursive---it's still different. When playing the dizi, I have to control my breathing, I have to control the movement of my fingers, and I have to pay attention to the score to see what notes and ornamentation I'm playing. I play the concert flute too, but it's a bit like speaking in a second language---the dizi is still my voice.

``MT, what about God?''

God's no slouch. Prayer's important and all, but I still need to take care of the meat bag that is run by the soul. I'm not that saintly enough that prayer alone is sufficient to lift my soul, my mind, and my body all at once.

I think I still have some remnant... issues (I don't dare to use the technical term of ``trauma'' because I don't know how to use it). Not sure if I'd be ready by August for a possible chance of another relationship.

Maybe I'll never be ready. But it's okay---I do what I can, live the best life I can through refinement towards Christ-likeness, and let God do what He wills.

If it's meant to be, it will be. If it isn't, it won't. And in either case, it'll be God's plan, not mine.

Amen.

Sunday, May 04, 2025

Fear of the Future

I fear for the future, and not in the typical ``AI singularity is taking over the world!'' sort of way.

I fear for the future because of the amount of hand-holding and retraining that we veterans of the workforce need to do due to all the traumatic nonsense that has come from ``the COVID years''.

Let's math it out, shall we?

COVID-19 may begin in 2019, but let's make it easier on ourselves by starting in 2020, where much of the real pain truly began. The entire global epidemic lasted for roughly 2+ years (let's say 3 for an ``absolute range''). So folks in their formative years are affected if the said formative years are between 2020 and 2022 (inclusive). Let's also take into account the access to ChatGPT and other Large Language Models (LLMs), which is end of 2022 (more specifically, 2022-12 onwards).

The 95% confidence interval for freshmen ages is [18,21] (non-scientific), and if we consider the earliest entries (18 years old at 2020) and the latest entries (21 years old at 2022), we'll find that the graduates will start streaming out from 2023 to 2025, which is about now. The few fresh graduates that I did manage to hire during this period were bright, could work well enough via quasi-remote settings (i.e. via text messaging systems and teleconferencing mechanisms), but had some minor deficiencies here and there with respect to social interactions in meatspace, which feels funny to declare considering that (1) I'm not exactly a paragon of social interaction, and (2) I'm not exactly someone who has a statistically significant number of subordinates to make a meaningful statement on this.

I would say that with respect to the COVID-19 impact, it's probably minor. Social cues are things that folks will eventually learn when they are out and about in the working world, mostly because there is still a larger number of old fogeys out there establishing/maintaining the norms that anyone with even a small amount of emotional intelligence can pick up on their own, or have their social norms forcefully recalibrated through someone 讲-ing them.

That's the easy part.

The bigger problem is the rise and abuse of ChatGPT/LLM systems. Using a similar methodology as before (95% confidence interval for freshmen ages being [18,21] (non-scientific)), we see that the earliest graduates are coming out into the working world at around 2026, or next year. They are probably not as problematic, as their abuse of ChatGPT-esque tools is limited to the last three years of their formal education, though to be fair, the intensity of those three years may make the effective qualitative outcome ``bad enough''.

The bigger problem is the one where we are talking about secondary school children (i.e. 13 years old at 2023). They are more apt to abuse ChatGPT-esque systems more, and for longer, and since the teenage epoch is usually a formative one that determines one's future outlook, it means that this generation (and possibly successive ones) is likely to have the most problems with respect to actually thinking and solving problems on their own without the abuse of ChatGPT-esque systems.

This is problematic because these folks are supposed to graduate into the working world (assuming college attendance) some time in 2032. That's seven whole years of possibly abusing ChatGPT-esque systems, where the long term cognitive effects are not known at this stage.

Seven years is an eternity in that space, especially when considering the so-called ``Moore's Law of AI'' that is a 7-month duration between the doubling of the human-task duration-equivalent metric of AI performance.

I'd be nearing my sixth decade by then, and hopefully on the path to retirement (I'm kidding---in SIN city, I don't think we're allowed to retire, what with the pathological perversion of seeing ``numbers go up'' while the quality of life hits a stagnation point).

``MT, you keep saying `abuse of ChatGPT-esque systems'. What do you mean?''

It's about delegating the reading, understanding, and critical response aspects of what an intelligent human is supposed to do to some AI model that touts to be good at all those under some very restrictive interpretatons. I like tools that help me work faster and more productively, but I only use the tools to take the short-cuts only after I have developed a deep enough understanding of the underlying matter to make the short-cuts meaningful. I like to think of this as how we all have to ``earn our way'' towards using calculators by demonstrating understanding of basic arithmetic at first, and basic differential/integral calculus next. The tools that make our life easier presents either an algorithmic short-cut or a data-driven short-cut that is best understood as what I said---a short-cut. Using these short-cuts without any form of deep understanding is dangerous in the future economy because the future is not powered by the ability to replicate without thought---the true value has always been about a new form of intellectual property. If all the ideas and outcomes that one creates is based purely on the output of such ChatGPT-esque models, then one loses the ability to actually create, which is dangerous.

It is the same form of argument I have against automated driving systems. We always assume that the automated driving systems should have a human ``in the loop'' who can take over the handling should the environment exceed the normal circumstances in which the automated driving system is trained on, but if everyone uses the automated driving systems from the get-go, the quality of skill/decision-making needed to handle the exceptional situation paradoxically degrades drastically instead, all because people took short-cuts and never really internalised the foundational information.

``So MT, what's your point at the end of it all?''

I'm just scared. I don't know what kind of people we will get when 2032 comes around. I may be one of the few ``crazy old man engineers'' left who are strongly straddling between the old ways and the new, and I pray that I have enough strength and determination left to train the newbies in the old ways so that they can harvest the effects of both worlds to truly shine.

Because the effects of a failure to do so are too catastrophic for me to even start thinking about.

Wednesday, April 30, 2025

EDF! EDF! EDF!

Okay okay... let's speak of things calmly.

I'm on leave, and this time, I'm not completely sick (but still feel bad enough that I'd probably crash out after writing this entry). The ``why'' is simple---Labour Day is on a Thursday, which begs for Friday to be a leave day, which then begets the idea of ``well... it's already two days, and we're in a quasi-lull period now anyway, so...'', ending with this fine Wednesday being a leave day as well.

I had originally wanted to go on yet another long-ass cycling trip, but with the recent bouts of colds and other nonsense, thought better. So I was confirmed to be confined to quarters for the most part.

I would have considered playing Oblivion: Remastered, if not for a few things:
  1. A recent update made the performance of the game more suspect than before;
  2. The price tag of SGD70-ish was a bit steep (though not insurmountable); and
  3. EARTH DEFENSE FORCE 5 was 70% off (sub-SGD15).
One might say that it is clearly a no-brainer.

EDF! EDF! EDF!

And so I found myself playing EDF 5 for much of the day.

My introduction to the series is via a playthrough by IRyS on it, and of course, her spiel in the collaboration with the publisher:


``But MT, that is for EDF 6!''

No, her playthrough of EDF 5:

It looked fun then, and now when I finally got to play it, it is definitely fun! It's also the first time [in a damn long while] that I'm actively playing a shooter-type game but with a controller. The reason for the parenthesis is that I vaguely remembered playing Halo: Combat Evolved on an Xbox, but I cannot remember where it was that I played it at.

The funny thing about playing 3D environment games on the controller is that the ``aim'' or ``camera'' analogue stick is almost always vertically inverted---it just feels more comfortable for me. This is not the same when it comes to mouse-look---moving up on a mouse must correspond to up movement, otherwise my brain goes weird.

Which makes using the mouse as a controller for a 6-DOF game like Sublevel Zero Redux a damn pain in the ass. In fact, the control scheme being a right pain in the ass is a big reason why that game is filed under the ``Don't Bother'' category in my Steam library.

There is some thought when doing the missions in EDF 5, but the execution is more forgiving than a game like Elden Ring, at least, for the Ranger class. And the stupid number of bugs to kill reminds me too much of Ninety-Nine Nights, a beautiful on-screen kill-fest that never saw a PC release that I had always wanted to play, but never had the chance to.

EDF! EDF! EDF!

And so ends the day. I've putzed about enough for the day, and should really turn in for the night. Any and all General Election campaigning in SIN city will come to a head tomorrow, and then a ``cooling-off day'' where any and all discourse on the politics relating to the General Election are forbidden for reasons [of law] before citizens vote on Saturday.

Till the next update.

Monday, April 28, 2025

Henson Shaving: Titanium Double-Edged Razor (Ti22 Medium)

Okay, I'm going to be a shill, sort of. But mind you, I didn't get paid, and moreover, paid for the product in turn, and got stuck waiting for more than two weeks before they finally delivered it.

I rocked a ``Duck Saves Earth'' double edged razor with bamboo handle since... a damn long time ago. A quick check showed that a company with that name in SIN city lived and died within 2018. It looks something like this. And a quick search yielding more suggests that it is, in reality, an OEM product with the option to engrave whatever company's name into the handle.

And mine was ``Duck Saves Earth''.

Don't get me wrong---it was a damn good razor. It had mass, it lasted me a stupid amount of time, but it had one flaw that showed up recently---the chrome plating was starting to flake off, especially the part nearest the blade edge.

Mind you, it hadn't actually completely flaked off yet, but the signs were there.

And meanwhile, some of the content creators I follow on YouTube (like Xyla Foxlin, Veritasium, and The Slow Mo Guys) were talking about Henson Shaving. The gimmick of Henson Shaving's razors was how it was precision machined out of Aluminium, and thus had tighter tolerances. The angles of attack were also fine tuned to reduce the amount of razor burn.

They also had a titanium version, which cost ten times what I paid for back when I got my ``Duck Saves Earth'' razor at a pop-up shop in the atrium of Fusionpolis back in the day (SGD400 versus SGD40, in case the prices changed).

``MT, why?''

Why not? Unlike then, when I was just shaving off the chin fur once every other day, I am actually doing full head shaves now because male pattern baldness with receding hairline is a bitch. I read their prospectus---the machined titanium seemed like a great idea to avoid the kinds of spalling that I was seeing with my current razor. I could go with the machined aluminium, but titanium is the harder material that is also denser than aluminium for the same machined shape [of a razor]. That second factor is important for a double-edge razor because you don't really want to be ``dragging'' or ``pressing'' the damn blade into the skin just so that it can cut the hair---the mass of the razor drives the blade at a more controlled manner, thus leaving the hand wielding it to merely guide its movements as opposed to applying inconsistent forces.

Besides, it's bloody titanium. I have a titanium spork, a titanium straw, a titanium french coffee press, and my spectacle frames are also titanium. Why not my razor too?

The purchase was straightforward---I used Xyla's affiliate code for the free 100 blades (but you can easily get others---just watch their videos and they can hook you up, though be warned that they aren't stackable), grabbed the medium ``aggression'' of the Ti22 razor, and splurged extra for the machined aluminium stand (why is it not made of titanium?).

It took 24 days before my order was delivered. That was long, but support was responsive and informative when I contacted them to check in on things. What I didn't like was the automated ``newsletters''/advertising that were sent out to me---they had the tone of ``hey, now that you've gotten your razor, here's how to take care, and also maybe refer friends?'', which was inappropriate because (1) I didn't have my razor yet, and (2) damn shipping issues. Eventually that was resolved by the fulfilling partner (there were some stock issues, as well as other unmentioned stuff that I don't know nor do I need to know), and my order reached me today.

I switched over the new-ish blade from my old razor to the Ti22 medium, and proceeded with a test whiskers shave.

It felt... different. The angle was definitely different from what I was used to, and I think the best way to describe it is that it feels like a cartridge razor, without actually being in a cartridge. The medium aggression was much milder than what I was used to, which was fine since I could just make more smaller passes with higher precision that reduced irritation on my skin as compared to the kind of crazy things that I was doing with my other razor. Once I felt comfortable, I extended it to do my full head shave.

The angle though... it needed some getting used to. The biting point was quite obvious---the angle is correct when you can feel the blade gently biting into the hair, as though it was on the verge of getting caught, only to effortlessly slice it down. I felt more fearless wielding the Ti22 medium compared to my regular razor, even using my non-dominant hand on some other parts of my head. I used to have trouble with the really thin Feather brand blades, but now I suspect that I can probably get away with that on the Ti22 medium due to how mild it was compared to the previous razors.

Yes, that's a plural---I have another razor prior to the ``Duck Saves Earth'' one. I'm too lazy to bring it out, but it is smaller, and bought from one of the travelling night markets. That's my first double-edged razor, and I didn't like it because it did not have enough mass, and its handle was a bit on the short side. But it was portable as hell though, and I digress.

So, Ti22 medium from Henson Shaving. I did say I was going to shill, even though I'm not paid for it, and have to pay for it myself. It has not disappointed me (and not because I paid a lot of money), and I can see myself using it for a very very long time.

Till the next update then.

Tuesday, April 22, 2025

Arakawa Under the Bridge My Dress-Up Darling

surreal
Having an oddly dreamlike quality
That's what Arakawa Under the Bridge is cited as in Wikipedia, though technically it is a surreal comedy.

I marathoned the last twenty-five chapters last night, and I feel wistful. But I am ahead of myself.

Arakawa Under the Bridge brings back memories of a bygone past. The first time I heard of this was near the end of my PhD-turned-Masters programme out in UIUC. I was hanging out with Alisa and loliponi, and she invited me to watch this anime with them. I liked the premise---it had that kind of whimsical quality that I enjoyed. We didn't manage to finish the season (or did we?), but I knew that whatever it was, it was not the end of the story, and I just had to know how it turned out, what with all the world-building.

Fast forward about a decade and change later, and here I am, finally reading the manga that inspired it all.

I like Arakawa Under the Bridge. It has that balance between slice-of-life (love it!), surrealism (confused but normalised in my head), with eventual resolutions that make one question whether the surrealism was only because I had chosen to view the manga for the most part from the lens of a normal person. The resolution of all the major events and plot points was satisfactory given the ludicrity of the initial premise, and it does serve as a warm and fuzzy ending that made me yearn for someone like a Nino in my life, as opposed to the flawed real people where one can never tell when they will take the love and trust you eventually feel comfortable enough to yield and throw it back in your face like some cosmic joke, making you question whether you can trust anyone that deeply ever again.

Totally not projecting. Absolutely not. No way. Nuh-uh.

Arakawa Under the Bridge---it's been out long enough. Here's the loveliest coloured 2-page spread that I absolutely love:
If you have no idea who everyone is, don't fret: go read it here.

------

Another manga series that I had finished reading recently (for a very loose definition of ``recently'') is My Dress-Up Darling. I love love love Marin Kitagawa's smile---just look at the cover in the manga's Wikipedia page. And just in case you think this is only possible for a drawn character, think again:

That's the singer of the anime theme cosplaying as Marin. And she has the same damn smile too!

And no, I didn't follow the anime, nor do I have any intention to. These days, I find that the manga of an anime series tends to be a much better read/expenditure of my time.

I bring up My Dress-Up Darling here because of its apparently abrupt conclusion, where there seem to be new story arcs that are being set up that can easily bring on more adventures for Marin and Wakana. Real world issues on the mangaka's health/schedule aside, I think that for slice-of-life type stories, there's hardly ever a good place to stop, for the simple reason that life simply doesn't just stop there once an arc is over. It just keeps on going, with new arcs slipstreaming in even as other story arcs are resolved.

At some point, the creator of the slice-of-life needs to decide when they are done with the stories they want to tell. And in this case, moving on from the confession in the penultimate chapter into a time-skip where Marin and Wakana are married, with a hint of how their lives are successful and still wonderful together feels like the right kind of end for a slice-of-life.

Yes, there are new big story arcs that never got ``resolved'' (did they ever find out that it was Marin who was Haniel?), side characters whose stories seemed to have gone nowhere (but they are side characters?), and it did feel rushed. But I think it is important to trust in the creative process---not everything must follow a standardised template. The templates are just guides---once one has mastered the lessons on what the guides are trying to teach, it is time to ditch them and find one's own creative voice.

I know I hardly ever talk about manga and what-not, or even review books that I read in general, but I suppose some of these things have created enough of a disturbance/resonance that I feel like saying something about it.

Till the next update then.

Sunday, April 20, 2025

Long Breaks == Sick Days 😩

I think that I'm this close to just simply hating taking leave to make long weekends longer.

Only because each time that I take an extra day off, I end up ``wasting it'' by actually falling ill and having to spend that time just sleeping in just so that my body can recover from whatever the hell it was that took me out.

It is, to put it mildly, getting annoying.

And now, that aside, time to put other things into perspective.

I talked recently about how Gawr Gura of hololive English Myth has decided to call it quits, and mentioned about how it was really not something that was unexpected, considering the duration in which she had worked, comparing the nearly five years that she had with that of a software engineer making senior level by then.

I stand by that. Five years is a long time, particularly if one's under thirty. It is, to put it really stupidly, more than 16% of one's life span at that point in time, and if one were fifty, it would be barely 10% only, and only after another twenty years of perspective. Put that way, things seem to make much more sense, and perhaps even the tourists can accept it at face value without stirring more unnecessary drama.

Speaking of tourists, 4chan was finally hacked pretty thoroughly after being around for nearly twenty years. The relevance here is that it usually is the containment zone for the kind of doom-posting of the naysayers of hololive under the /vt/ board, and with 4chan down as the English-speaking world's largest VTuber resigning, it just means that the spill over becomes more troublesome than usual.

I think that Gura's feelings on the matter can be surmised in the ``last'' music video that she just released on her channel:

It's angsty, it's raw, it's not what one would expect from the cutesy avatar that Gura is known for.

As I mentioned, I know of Gura, but I don't follow her as closely as say Ina or even Reine. Take it for all it is worth.

------

Neither Civil Nor Servant was a book that I had been wanting to read for quite a while now, and it was only recently that I had managed to borrow it from a colleague who happened to have it. For those who are not in the know, it is a biography of Philip Yeo, a rather polarising person who is/was well-known within the public sector of SIN city.

In many ways, it does read as a hagiography than a biography---all actions that the subject took had their rationalisations and justifications spelt out, with many of their ``allowedness'' (not legality!) coming from a mix of ``it was the right thing to do'' or that a powerful political patron ``understood and required the job be done''.

I am a bit torn. I think that the actions that were taken, together with their justifications/rationalisations/effectiveness were a product of their times, and should not be seen as something to be emulated in the modern era. SIN city between the 1960s and 1980s was in a literal existential crisis, where there were no real rules other than the singular word of ``Survive!''. In that sense, the kinds of sketchy behaviours could be tolerated, though not necessarily officially condoned. It was also well that there was only ``one'' (that we know of) person who was running around doing such sketchy things, and as such, with a powerful enough patron, the evils of precedence-setting can be culled almost totally through a political whitewashing of a mandarin.

Yet I find that with the modern day SIN city, where the rules are there precisely because the wild days are over, makes the kind of sleights of hand that were pulled by the subject before unconscionable today. We are now a much diverse population, where the fate of the city-state is no longer just in the hands of the dynastic family like back then. No thanks to the large influx of immigrants, the nature of the population now has changed too, with no group of people being ``safe enough'' to have the assumption of unquestioned loyalty as compared to the very first generations of SIN city citizens.

Thus, the ``trust me, Bro'' method of operating is no longer viable---it is too easy to be corrupted, and with the population make-up we have now, the temptation to corrupt/be corrupted is much higher than before.

I see the work not as a recipe to combat against the plague of yes-men that all bureaucracies eventually face, but as a fable of how one man avoided death of groupthink through applying his own way of looking at the world, and managing to have the support of someone strong enough to shield him so that he can get on with solving the problems that were easy to be kept in stasis by bureaucratic processes because no one dared to take the calculated risk.

The heart of the subject is what we should learn, though the manner of execution needs to be sought out by ourselves that befits the times and environment that we currently face.

------

In between sleep to rest up, I had to take mandatory ``stay awake'' moments, and in those moments, I had been grinding out some of the achievements of HoloCure---Save the Fans!. It's been fun, and as it is both good and free, I highly recommend folks to play it.

That's about it for now.

Wednesday, April 16, 2025

Bye Bye Gawr Gura of hololive EN

I wasn't intending to write a post. But I had to.

The time has finally come.

Gawr Gura, one of the OG hololive English -Myth- ladies, has finally decided to graduate and cease her activities as Gawr Gura.

And now, Myth is down to just the three: 🐙💀🐔

Recalling the last big anniversary collaboration from back then is bittersweet. Gura isn't exactly the first on my list to watch from Myth (it's Ina!), but she is still a big face of hololive English.

She's big enough that she has her own Wikipedia page for notability.

And it is because of that that she has finally decided to go.

Sometimes, being that big does one no favours.

As many have noted across the 'net, this marks a distinct break of the early era of hololive English from the new one, where jank is replaced with much better production and management, where off-line idol activities of dancing and singing are given a much higher weightage when compared to before, where the dreams seem more geared towards something more traditional than the frontier of what a purely digital/virtual environment can bring.

Do I feel sad? Yes.

Do I feel bad? No.

She's been at it for nearly five years... five years! In five years, one can get promoted from junior to senior role in the land of software engineering. In entertainment circles, five years is effectively F-O-R-E-V-E-R, and that's not even counting the acclerated rate that Internet entertainers feel with the hyper-competitive nature of the unfettered access to the global audience/market.

I hope she finds what she is looking for after leaving.

Bye bye stinky---we'll miss you.

Saturday, April 05, 2025

Viewing Actions

A thought came to mind as the recent ``smack everyone with tariffs'' kicked off---do we really know the difference between
  1. Good outcomes from some action; and
  2. Good outcomes in spite of some action?
Because it seems to me that most people seem to conflate the two, and end up attributing the wrong cause, therefore learning the wrong lessons, only to be doomed to repeat the same wrong cause once more.

It's hard to know from the get-go which of the two is happening, for the simple reason that all these action/consequences are neither isolated, nor static. Not isolated in the sense that there are always run-on effects that cause a web (not a chain!) of other decisions to be made, with their own consequent action/consequences, and not static in that just because a decision is currently made for a particular thing does not mean that it is the final decision to be made for the said thing as the web of consequences returns as a form of feedback, positive or otherwise.

In other words, I think that it is hard to claim that a certain action A (or in this example, ``smack everyone with tariffs'') is a ``good'' one or a ``bad'' one. It isn't something that relates to directly to morality and ethics, in which case God's Word is silent, and even considered from an indirect perspective, it primarily involves the allocation of resources rather than as a moral quandary. At most, it can be made into an argument about whether proper stewardship of resources was exercised, but then again, as long as it does not involve spreading the Gospel, it technically ``belongs to Caesar'' and is out of the ambit of God's Word.

So where does this leave us?

I would say that it is best to not pass judgement on whether it is good or if it is not good right now, especially if it is about something which is not within our locus of control. While cathartic to bitch about the situation, it is also important to think more about how it can affect one, and how one should adapt to the situation, privilege notwithstanding. This broadly means the need for one to make up their own damn mind, and more importantly, to take action according to their decision, to effect a consequence they are more happy with, while also be willing to take the risk to get there.

The notionally successful are so because they have been willing to take the risks needed through their actions, and despite failing more than many who have tried, they have eventually succeeded through being in the right place at the right time.