Of course not! Just because I didn't say anything here doesn't mean that life is going swimmingly---always remember that ``life'' is what happens in between the planned activities that one wants to do, even if the number and type of such activities are becoming more and more rare over time.
Anyway, I've been hit with yet another cold. The weather is ass-tier---too-hot nights, with random bursts of heavy rain. The air is muggy enough that perspiration refuses to evaporate, leaving behind that sticky feeling that everyone who had ever lived in a hot and humid environment would find unmistakeable.
And the sad thing is, I barely remembered what had transpired over the weekend. That's how bad the whole week had been.
Right, barely remembered. Work side has had a small turnabout, and so things are looking a little better from the whole chunk of happenings with respect to the longer-term fate. However, last Thursday we had a stupid pipe leak that ended up nearly drowning the electronic fixtures at our work areas---thankfully we have this weird habit of leaving plushies around [for emotional support], and the large-ish shark plushie was soaking up the water all night until we came in the next morning to discover the horror.
We took the shark plushie out into the sun to dry it out and get back its fluff. True MVP.
That pipe... has been bothersome with respect to leaks. It had steadily made its way along itself, and by last week it was ``our turn'' to get hit with it. The previous leaks were less problematic because the nearest work areas were not directly beneath the pipe, unlike ours. And there were also cross ducts that acted as conduits for moving the leaks around, which of course made things worse.
Such is facilities management---until some really expensive shit breaks, no one is going to do the full overhaul that is needed, and instead rely on quick kludges.
But enough about work stuff.
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Anything that has a beginning, has an end.And the sad thing about the saying is that often times, we do not realise that the end has already come until we stop and reflect upon things that have come to pass. For instance, the day where our parents stopped giving us uppies is a day that is shrouded in mystery, but we all know that such a day had indeed happened, and the sad part was that at the moment when that last uppy was given, no one realised that it would be the last one.
Just like there will come a day where we will have the last conversations with our parents, or with our close friends, or even with ourselves.
All the others, I suppose everyone can understand, but that last one is probably something that is a form of existential dread.
``MT, what do you mean that there will come a day where we will have the last conversation with ourselves?''
Ever lost your mind before, you know, the kind where things seem to happen, yet you don't seem to be doing anything particularly, nor really willing it, and yet things still happen. If you can read this and nod your head, it means that you have come back from that---cool.
Now imagine that you never return from that. That last time that you had your cognitive abilities to actually have a conversation with yourself, it will happen, and you won't realise that it has happened, because after that, mayhaps you are no longer ``you''.
Hold that thought for a while.
Recently, Veritasium made a video that explained the idea on how evolution was more related to molecules trying to perpetuate themselves, with a rather implicit head-nod to how the configuration of a set of molecules was really the key attribute that is being evolved along (I am simplifying his already simplified explanation).
And that got me thinking a little about how in some loose sense, the ``I'' that you are interacting with is merely a configuration of the molecules that make me up, the same way that ``you'' are also a configuration of the molecules that make you up. The configurations are always changing at the lowest level, but as we start aggregating behaviours over space and time, the overall statistical configuration only seems to shift very subtly over time, to the point that only through the distance of years can another realise that someone else has indeed changed.
So, is the ``you'' of today, the same ``you'' as it was ten years ago? If not, what has happened? Who is the real ``you'' then? And how do you know?
``But MT, how does God know then?''
God must know because He is supposed to know His creation---my headcanon is that outside of the universe, there are things that allow ourselves to be uniquely identified by God within the Book of the Living. Sometimes we call them True Names, or we can even call it some unnamed identifier of our soul, but the innate assumption is still the same that our particular configuration (and series of metamorphosis from the earliest configuration to the latest) is known to God, though not necessarily to everyone else.
``In that case MT, isn't it obvious that by definition `you' are the real `you'?''
Not really. All I said is that God Himself knows---but you do not know what God knows, so can you really make the same claim?
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Anyway, I just realised that I had failed to fulfill yet another old ``tradition''---I did not buy any of the arowana fish biscuits that I would normally get during the mid-autumn festival.
I don't know why---was it because of all the nonsense that was happening that distracted me, or was it because at some deeper level, everything that I am doing that used to give me joy just feels like... nothing.
Don't really know, and not sure what else to say, so I'm just going to end this entry here.
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