Short Blurb

``Hey, we haven't heard from MT for a while, probably means he is doing well, right?''

Well... no. Sometimes, having a longish interval in between entries is not a sign of the good times---it just means that I either have nothing to write about, or that I don't feel like writing anything. Those are literally the direct causes. Everything else is just a possible indirect cause, though I think there really isn't a good reason to delve too much into those distinctions.

So yes, that's basically it. Either nothing to write about, or I just don't feel like writing anything. And for the latest interval, it's more of the latter.

Words feel so superfluous, so superficial. And considering that I am not really intending to write here to change the world, it seems even less important for me to bother writing things.

Anyway, let's just keep up with the shallowness of it all, the whole charade that things are daijoubu.

Past few weeks, I've been feeling rather drained---just didn't feel compelled to go out interacting with people. I didn't feel well enough to want to play on my dizi, and definitely didn't feel well enough to want to write here.

The only compelling reason I can think of is the large numbers of strangers that I needed to interact with at work during this phase. All that interaction just drains whatever energy I have left.

That and perhaps running multiple days of sub-six-hour sleep might be strong contributory factors.

Combined worship at church began last week, which I did not attend the service because of a prior appointment. Which means that tomorrow will be the first time that I will face the whole congregation at once.

With my drained energy state, I have no idea what will happen.

Randomly though, the past has been coming back to me here and there. Really, it's hard to just ``get over it''; the best we can do is just to reframe things so that new meaning can be attributed to them over the original interpretation. It didn't help that the second International Low Flutes Festival happened over last weekend (I didn't attend, even though it was online).

For those who didn't know, I was supposed to attend a similar event a couple of years ago, just as COVID-19 was starting up. That was also around the same period when my original life trajectory went south (I may have remembered this wrong, but I'm not going to try and find the truth). So to say that there's a sour-ish taste in my mouth about this is... probably much closer to the truth than I am willing to admit.

Well, that's about all I want to write here for now. Life's still progressing one day at a time. Most days are alright, albeit zombie-ish, while some days I just drag myself through pure determination and trust in the Lord.

Till the next update.