Consigning Ramblings to Records

To feel loved is something that comes naturally to humanity. Hell, even I cannot run away from it sometimes, as misanthropic as I claim to be.

But what does it mean to ``feel loved''? Is it the same as ``being loved''? Does ``feel loved'' actively require an other entity outside of the soul/consciousness that is currently piloting this meat body? Is it something purely bio-chemical that we attach more signficance to due to our insatiable need to derive meaning and symbology? If so, do animals other than humans ``feel loved'' as well?

I've been walking about the past couple of weeks in a semi-trance, in the sense that while I am fully aware and present wherever I am, I cannot help but notice that there is nothing inherently ``real'' about the world. All the physical sensations that we have, be they sight, sound, taste, and all others, are merely emergent behaviour built upon the interactions of unfathomably large numbers of primal components that are smaller than the atoms that we sort of understand.

Much of the world is emptiness, literally. Atomic structure itself is mostly space, though what is that space is something that I don't think we have an answer to. Feelings of friction, Newton's Third Law observations, and other human-scale phenomena are interactions of invisible electromagnetic fields as the atoms repel each other. Smaller-than-human-scale phenomenon that allow us to ``run'' a consciousness in the form of biochemistry is even more difficult to comprehend---stupendously large numbers of chemicals are synthesised, interacted with, and broken down, all without necessarily having awareness of the larger ``I'' that has emerged from their collective behaviour.

Where then does ``I'' begin? And if I cannot tell where ``I'' begins, where then can I start talking about ``feeling loved''?

God is unknowable because He isn't one of us even as we are made in the image of Him. Yet we are reminded to know God relationally, to bear in mind of His sovereign will over reality, of His Perfect Plan, and of His indescribable power in influencing and changing things according to the said Plan.

Is this what it means to ``feel loved''? That, despite how every other human may not give a rat's ass about us, we have a Creator God out there beyond our ken who made us through His cunning ways of manipulating extremely complex behavioural systems of remarkably simple axioms who cares enough about us that it does not matter if the rest of the world hates us.

Is ``feeling loved'' something that is bound by time, or in other words, is the existence of a specific direction of time necessary to allow one to ``feel loved''? Time is necessary for cause and effect---the very definition of cause and effect demands that a certain sequence occurs, and from such a sequence, a direction of time may be inferred.

If the house of God is beyond the observable universe, does it also mean that it has no direction of time the way we innately experience and ``know''? If so, when we are in the house of God in the end days, are we still loved, if ``feeling loved'' is indeed dependent on a cause and effect? We have hints in Scripture about the timeless nature of things, at least from the definition as derived from cause and effect, in that our salvation (and thus our reconnection with God the Father) comes not from works but from faith---it defies what we understand as a regular cause and effect.

If that is the purest and best form of love, does it mean that all other earthly emotions of ``feeling loved'' is just a shadow that we need to learn to disregard and discard?

The confused might ask ``MT, where are you going with this?''

And I reply, ``Like hell I know. Not every blog post is about making a point that makes sense.''

Till the next update.