On ``Open Relationships''

Each time I read about an ``open relationship'', I just shake my head first in utter confusion, and then in disgust.

I simply cannot understand it.

It's worse when the proposer is the man in the heterosexual relationship. I mean, what was he thinking? That he was some kind of reproductive stud that could get lots of sex when he opens up his relationship?

That somehow the woman in that relationship is chopped liver?

Need I be Captain Obvious and point out that it is supremely easy for women to find sexual partners than men---in fact, they don't really need to look that far, for most men are horny to begin with, and a vagina is a vagina, especially if the owner of said vagina provides consent.

There's a good reason why prostitution is known as ``the oldest profession'', and most of the purveyors are women, while the consumers are largely men.

Even the ``fugly ones'' can get sexual partners relatively easily compared to the average man through the magic of make-up, a good enough dress sense, and just displaying the slightest interest in the man they might want to sleep with.

If a man in the heterosexual relationship chooses to open up the said relationship, the only outcome is just regret.

While I first cannot understand it, I also have a certain amount of disgust about such ``open relationships''.

I am a jealous lover. I do not like to share my partner with anyone, especially our most intimate moments, be it emotional or sexual. While I am jealous, I'm not possessive---she is still her, but ``us'' is us---we stand together as one unit against the world, together.

No sharing of that with anyone, emotionally or sexually. And that includes the hypothetical her (at this time) sharing with her girl-friends our most intimate moments.

In some sense, the idea of a ``work spouse'' also disgusts me at some level. We can have close working colleagues, but calling them (especially if they are of the opposite sex) a ``work spouse'' is a type of emotional cheating that I just do not want to be involved in.

I work well with them, I am not married to them at work. I do not have a codependency issue with said person to be considered as though we have some kind of ``platonic intimacy''.

Whoever came up with that term needs to be taken to task. Whoever decided to propagate that term, ought to be shot.

``MT, why are you so conservative? Get on with the times man... sexual freedom! Emotional freedom!''

Sorry, I never claimed to be a liberal---if anything, I'm at best a progressive. I believe that everyone has their freedom of choice, with the usual caveat of accepting all consequences of their choices.

Spousal relationships (and any relationships that lead to that) are special---it's the type of relationship where one literally is at one's most vulnerable with another, with the deepest of trust being placed in the other person's hand, in reciprocation reciprocity, just so that the spousal couple thus formed is stronger than each individual, hopefully making living the rest of this banal existence a little more meaningful, lively, and stimulating. Any one who cannot fulfil this role just isn't worth it, no matter how sexy that person is, or how good a listener that person is---if they do not build up, but instead tear down, or manipulate, then that person is not worth it, ever. And naturally, reciprocation reciprocity is key---to have someone like that as a spouse implies that you need to exemplify the same qualities as well---the relationship is then ``equally yoked''.

With all that I said, bear in mind that while I make a judgement in what I say, I do not believe that it is my place to enforce my values on others---they live how they want, and deal with the consequences, be they good or bad. It is, however, my place to enforce my own rules on myself, and the relationships that I may get involved in, with the word ``may'' doing a whole lot of heavy-lifting.

Because as at now, I remain unconvinced that I am going to start a new relationship, let alone get married.

I'd write more, but it's getting depressing. Time for some Suntory Whisky---I've not had a drink in a while, and the upcoming week is prime time for drinking [my pain away], if my bank account allows for it.

Till the next update.

P.S.: There's this someone from Singapore who is zealously loading the mobile version of the main page of this blog. Hi there, I see you, though I have no fucking clue who you are. Did you know that you can use the Atom feed available from the desktop version to have an RSS feed-based notification of when a new post comes up?