Bus Ride Thought

It's stupid o'clock now.

As I was riding the bus to the office this morning, this thought came to mind:

The seeking of validation of oneself through another person is simultaneously the most romantic and the most depressing thing.

It came to mind as I was just daydreaming a little, wondering whether I am ever ready to even consider accepting another person into my life as a partner, or forever forfeit that opportunity through the rapidly closing window of whatever is left of my ``dating years''.

Look, in a few months, I'm forty. That's not young.

I'm never going to start a family with children, for sure.

But maybe, just maybe, I'd be with someone who is willing to be an equal partner with me, to be there so that we can support each other as we grow old.

And then I was thinking about how sometimes we all ``need'' to talk to someone as a way of sharing our thoughts, to have some kind of sanity checking, and you know, get validation.

And if that person is the closest person in one's life (i.e. partner/spouse), then it is probably one of those types of gestures that is considered ``romantic''.

But if that person is not some closest person, but it just happens to be whoever is within striking distance (think acquaintances), then it's pretty depressing. It is an indication of just how starved of human contact and empathy one is that they are trying to establish some kind of rapport, any kind of rapport, just to feel like a human.

It is a rather sad kind of existence.

I wonder if I'll just end up like that...