Life, as I've realised by now, is really a very fragile yet beautiful thing. It is a little like glass-blowing—if you blow and shape it while it's still hot, you can make wonderful shapes with it. Then when it cools a little, you can only adjust it slightly, and when it cools down completely, the shape is fixed, and an accidental drop will shatter the beautiful creation.
Life has changed by quite a fair bit for me for 2006. An unprecedented amount of major changes have occurred during this period, from the sudden change in management (and managing style) of my office when I was still in NS, to the harsh realisation of the strengths of the different relationships I have with my friends, to failed attempts at romance, to being in a faraway land seeking worth in myself. A few friends temporarily "lost", a few new friends gained; a perspective warped, a perspective changed; confusion of identity and meaning in life, clearer perspective of what and who I am supposed to be. 2006 can be said to be the year where I truly stepped into the global arena of full adult-hood, where I start to learn how to fend for myself of sorts.
Emotional scarring from romances that never was, apprehension of what the future brings—all these are but part of the aging process. What one never experiences, one never learns. Bearing the brunt of so many setbacks have made me a warrior of sorts, a little scarred after each encounter, but learning more and more of what works and what doesn't. I tried to remove my emotional self from me (honestly, I did especially after the episode in August); it didn't quite work the way that I thought it would be. An emotionless me is as good as a computer without power; there is no drive to do anything at all, as evidenced in the sudden drop in the number of writings that I've produced, and the failed attempt at NaNoWriMo. I learnt that I am still very much a human, "the_laptop" is just a moniker to a side of me—it is not me.
Another year passed, another year closer to death, another year of experience gained. Who knows what is lurking in the Unknown of the future? As the days silently count themselves down, I am resigned to my fate that I have, indeed, aged by yet another year. Time to make good use of whatever time I have left to make it all worthwhile. A life without emotions and meaning, is a life that is not human. Time to reconcile with my inner denial.
Onward into the Unknown we go~!
1 comment:
You don't forget me. I won't forget you as well. Haha.
Enjoy your days studying overseas. Good luck for the new year
Post a Comment