Late Post

I promised an exposition here, and here it is.

The basic thing that I sort of realised while walking around was that of change. The overall climate here seems to be rather different from 2 years ago, and I almost feel like I am some outsider, in comparison to before. The subtlety of the changes are not readily apparent, but upon further thought, things start to fall into place.

The main idea that floated around in my head with regards to change, is the fact that there is this slow dissociation on my part to various organisations in general. Inasmuch as I would like to remain anonymous, there are many times where the association is enforced to a certain degree, and because of that, I do not have that opportunity all the time. Apart from my reticence in wanting to be easily recognised, there is also the tacit acknowledgement on my part on the relative lack of viable options that I can pursue to ensure my chosen actions.

Again, I digress due to the lateness of the night. I shall try to remain on topic once more. The core tenet of the change that I have noticed, is that the people that I once thought I knew have changed much. In general, there is this trend where people seem to be taking me a little more seriously and treating me in a more "adult" manner than before, even though I am practically a similar person as I am today as I was 2 years ago. And by this statement, I'm really implying also that many of my friends have already started to treat me thus. Not that this is a bad thing, but as I said earlier, these are part of the changes that I seem to have perceived.

And the million-dollar question (literally): why am I working my butt off for a PhD? I'd be lying through my teeth if I didn't say that I want to do it because I actually want to contribute a little back to the society that I sort of grew up in. It sounds cheesy, I know, but that is the feeling that I truly get whenever I step back to examine what I have been doing and the choices that I am making. But sometimes, I just feel a little sad at the way with which I'm supposed to contribute back to the society—I feel as though I'm no more than a high-cost worker who is doing things that 90% of the populace have no idea about.

I'm probably fine with being an anonymous contributor, but I think the more important thing that I need to worry about is keeping that little spark within me alive so that I can touch more people's lives in ways that they'd never known, without me ever having to show that I was the person who was behind the idea.