Keep On Keeping On!

Ah Labour Day.

And that's all I'll say about Labour Day, because there's little I can put into words that others before me have with respect to the importance of labour, and the protection of labour against unreasonable exploitation by the capital-holding classes.

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On three or so separate occasions, when it comes to my playing of the dizi, it has been remarked that it was a good thing, and that I should not give it up (emphasis mine).

I'm not sure why people think it necessary to highlight that I should not give up what I obviously enjoy doing (i.e. playing on the dizi). I mean, sure I can play it fine, and since it is a hobby, I'm not playing it ``for keeps'' the way professional musicians are doing, and yes, I'll admit that as a balding middle-aged man, that me being involved still in a performance art like playing the dizi is a little peculiar.

But why highlight that ``I should not give it up''? Was there some vibe that they were getting from me that I was somehow getting increasingly restless/dissatisfied with what I was doing? Granted, I've not played ``seriously'' for a concert for nearly three years now (thank you COVID-19), and I'm not going balls-out hard-core training the way I was some eight years ago when I was planning to get my ``end flute'' and was also simultaneously given access to more exciting ways of obtaining dizi and other woodwind instruments to play with, but I never had any intention of stopping.

After all, music-making has always been about the process for me than anything else. If I had wanted to scale the heights of... whatever it was relating to music, I would have gone full competitive from the get-go, chionging the whole SYF she-bang from secondary school onwards, and going all gung-ho with the various grading exams when I learnt of it in late 2006 when I was first introduced to people who were actually taking grading exams for the dizi, and/or joining the music competitions hosted by the National Arts Council since 1998.

The SNYCO was formed only in 2017, and I was too old for it, so that was not an avenue for the massive CCA-point boosting during my school days.

And the reality of it all is, had I gone down that path, I think I would not be as free as I am, since I would be a part of the system, and having to play it just to ensure that my livelihood [of being a serious musician] isn't at stake. It would be likely that I would not go down the path of messing around with flutes of all sorts, saxophones, and even the recorder---such is the type of chauvinism that comes from being within the system.

In short, there's no fear that I'll stop. I figure I'll always find something new to mess around with for music-making, whether or not if there's someone else out there to listen. I suppose there was this one period in my life where I thought I could intertwine my music-making with another person's, but since she left, I'd been rediscovering my own voice and personality once again.

Not sure what kind of fucked up conclusion it is, but that's all this post is going to have. I would have written this some time ago, but I was just too damn tired and incoherent, not that it is any coherent now. Just had to expel it from my system, and here we are.

Till the next update then.