Fate

A spate of unhappy incidents have occurred to me over the past few days. First was disappointment with WH and LL, second was a partial fall out with YT, third was Victor being unable to attend my concert due to arrowing for NDP sai kang.

*sigh* What can get worse after this?

I tried my best in what I did. I gave early notice to WH and LL for my concert, they were positive for the most of the time. And then, a last minute surprise. What can I say?

YT is becoming more and more unfathomable these days, I wonder if it is something wrong with the way that I am processing information, or is there fundamentally wrong that I am not comprehending at this point in time. Either way, there seems to be an impassable rift that is being developed between the two of us, so much so that it pains me sometimes just to chat with her over MSN messenger. I fear the worst, that I will be losing another friend, through similar circumstances as GY and the Lunar Princess. The pain of loss and regret is indescribable; suffice to say, if you can avoid such feelings, please do avoid them and not fall into the same traps as I did.

Victor is so poor thing. I blame him not, for his NDP sai kang arrowing was really beyond his control. He was very apologetic when he called, and I felt really sorry for him; it really wasn't his fault and yet he was apologising.

But with these spate of events occurring like that, it makes me wonder what Fate has in store for me. Do I need to burn every single bridge to the past to be able to move on to the next phase in life?

I mean, after I left primary school to enter secondary school, I literally broke ties with my classmates, not through deliberate action, but by the circumstances of it all. The parting with my secondary school classmates fared no better; after so long, I've not actively talked to any of them for any extended periods of time. And now, after JC and NS and going on the way to the University, it seems that the vicious cycle is starting again. The guys from JC have grown ever distant than before, while the girls from JC are already distant especially after 2 years of being in the university as compared to the 2 years of NS that we went through. And Edward actually owes me money for the taxi fare at the last outing, but he is either acting dumb or acting dumb when I highlighted it on his blog's chat-box.

*sigh*

Is this some kind of rude joke from Fate? Is this a signal that my lot in life is to suffer loneliness, to face the world on my own with little support? Is this a sign that my destiny is to be the loner that I was originally was? If not, why is Fate playing such cruel tricks to me by making people whom I care leave me one after another like that?

My nerves are frayed now. Though not on the point of total collapse, I'm feeling the ill effects of having to deal with so many different types of changes that are occurring, as people whom I shared the road of life with are increasingly divergent in the choice of the roads. Somehow, people seem to be more critical than before, trust seems to be evaporating at an increasing rate, and my isolation becoming ever more pronounced.

*sigh*

If you had talked to me before, and if you suddenly happen to chance upon this blog, you might be shocked to discover that the person whom you had been talking to for so long appears to be a very different person here. Let's just say that when I speak, I will not speak about myself on a personal level—I do not know how best to articulate my feelings verbally. But when I start writing, the deep voice in me starts to manifest itself and provide what appears to be a different persona from the one that you are used to. Alarm not; it is my other side. My Dark Side, using Jungian-speak.

Speaking of which, I will now shut my mouth up indefinitely until I can sort out how best to deal with all these weird situations as thrust upon me by the powers-that-be.