It does feel sort of strange to be writing here now, considering the fact that in reality, I don't really have much that I want to say here at this moment. Things in Austin were great, and now I'm back in the 'burgh, ready for yet another semester of the grindstone.
This is so strange... the feeling of an impending end of sorts mixed with some mild euphoria of triumphing over yet another phase in life that keeps me going on, step by step, little by little, forwards towards my zenith, before I decline to my nadir. Somehow, I believe that I'm supposed to feel stressed out, and yet an odd calm washes over me as I look forward with glassy eyes, lapsing to nightmares of failures and awaking to delight from the successes.
This is going to be my last semester as an undergraduate student. So many memories, so much pain, so much happiness... very mixed feelings, even though the end of the semester has not even drawn close. Yet another passing of innocence. The precocious child of the past is now in a state of semisagehood, being at the same time silly and wise. The fiery aggression that marks the the acts and deeds of myself have turned into an inner fire that burns strongly within and away from sight, only to be unleashed when the time truly has arrived.
And I am reaching what is probably the one-fifth/one-quarter mark of my entire lifespan in this world. Really sobering thought, that the 20+ years that I have lived is starting to become a significant fraction of the life that the stars have signalled to me. Shortness of life, the mortality of humans... a strange time to think about these, indeed, but I cannot seem to help it.
They entered my life, one by one, and some stayed on indefinitely, others lingered for a while and then go off to their merry ways, never to look back. She came to me in a dream, a dream that turned into reality when we were not looking, and blossoming into a kind of happiness that I never thought I could ever find before. It was love; I think that I have finally found my match.
The dark skies of the wintery night slowly part to reveal the warm glow of the moon overhead, with her light lovingly reflected by the wispy clouds that crowd near her beauty. Perhaps the road ahead is going to be rocky, perhaps the road ahead is one of hardness. But perhaps if she stayed with me throughout the journey, there can be happiness to be found, and strength to be discovered.
Will reality meet up with my eager anticipation, or is this only the mere delusion before the final awakening to a world that is devoid of emotions like love, care and concern? Do I even dare answer my own question or make the assumptions of the Worst Possible Outcome?
Dreamy eyes weary from a day's worth of classes trained upon a backlit LCD screen, trained upon the words that keep appearing as the fingers move according to their own volition. How dainty those typeset letters are! The sheer prettiness of the typography astounds even myself, considering that the letters are just simple monospaced ones, hardly like those expressive cursive styles so prevalent among gothic calligraphy. Pretty cursor too, though a thin non-blinking bar, deliberately set to be utilitarian and spartan.
The mind drifts in and out of consciousness, and wanders from thought to thought, as the words ebb and flow. It is late, that even my sleepy mind can tell, yet I cannot stay away from writing. A voice of my own, mimicking closely the life story of me, elucidations that I never thought to be too private nor secret.
My eyelids grow heavy with each paragraph, and my mind moans softly for restful sleep upon a comfy bed wrapped in a cozy blanket. My fingers, reluctant to stop, finally end their exercise upon the keyboard and ended this paragraph.
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