Late-Night Auto-Writing

Okay, so it's finally dark out, the night is fast progressing into the deepest form of darkness, and I'm sort of floating around in that semi-happy state of being mildly sedated from the cool winds and quiet atmosphere. Sounds like a good time for yet another rare blog entry.

Funny how life works out sometimes. Just when you think all hope is lost, an opportunity yields itself to be within your grasp, only if you choose to take it up, of course. I don't really mean this in any metaphorical sense---such subtleties are fast lost upon me as I dig deeper into the factual world that is science. If you have been paying attention (or not, considering I do not know who is actually reading this and who isn't), you would have realised that I have been rather lost and directionless with regards to many things. But of course, by now, most of these issues have been dealt with, and I feel that familiar surge of energy that drives and pushes me forward for all the past few years that I have lived.

So what has changed in life?

Lots of things, really. New job, new life, new love, new goals, new friends, new acquaintances---it is in many ways a break from the old life that I had started to loath ever since the world crashed on me figuratively speaking. Such a break is most welcome of course, since it truly marks a new beginning for me. Now I don't have to worry about how the people of the past have treated me since I have the present to look at and the future to look forward to; odious varieties of people from #cslounge for example are but a thing of the past, and odious people from my other parts of life have been silenced like vermin crushed under the heels of a juggernaut. Surely, the clearing of such filth can be important as a means of detoxifying the soul, or at the very least, that of the psyche.

But such sweeping changes made require more than a fair share of guts and willingness to leap into the unknown---the remaking process of the self is one that is fraught with false starts and early failures, and not to mention the sheer uncertainty of the interpretations that one can take with reagards to particular facets of the issue at hand. I have dallied a little in working that bit out, but today, I finally took the plunge and cleared away the last vestiges of all that made me so unhappy for so long.

Enough of the sombre thoughts---a new beginning needs a new outlook on everything that happens. Those who have known me for long would be mildly surprised to discover that I have more or less become a person that they would never have guessed: I am more physically active these days than I ever was in the past. Part of this comes from the tacit acknowledgement that I'm no spring chicken any more, and that my metabolism is already on the decline, which meant that the ``legendary'' helpings of old cannot be performed again in this current time and age should I wish to maintain the veneer of healthiness that is innately axiomatic for people within my age group. But it is not true that I once hated to be physically active; it's all because of my hypersensitive skin towards the elements coupled with the disciplined nature of organised physical education/training that made physical activity the chore that it once was. Put simply, I was unable to be physically active because I lost all control on what I can and cannot do to prevent flare ups of my skin. Now, many years from before, I'm an Aikido-ka, a martial artist undergoing fairly rigorous training twice a week of two-hour sessions. Of course my skin is the same, but with a few more years of self-control under my belt, plus a couple of daring innovations, I have managed to keep the situation mostly in check, which gives me ample opportunities to pursue my martial arts training, and more importantly, boost my self-confidence and self-image---it is hard to feel sexy with broken skin everywhere, to put it in the most blunt way possible.

But for now though, it would seem that I'm just prattling on without aim---it is not too far from the truth, but yet among the bewildering agglomeration of words lies some truth that is only thinly veiled from view by the veneer of flowery prose. I mentioned before that updates to the blog are far and few due to the reduction in the fantastic adventures that one can get in a working world, but I suppose there are still other ways of reaching these phantasms of interest. As a researcher-in-training, I suppose that my powers of imagination are still fairly robust, as seen by the fact that I am, after all, in a field where imagination and logic have to work together harmoniously to produce something that is truly magical and worthy of praise for its utility. Then of course, it is just a matter of time before I begin to relearn once more how to harness that imagination of mind to probe the nature of the world and universe at large.

The question to ask of course is how much different is that direction compared to whatever was done before on this blog? In some ways, it is more different. While I dare not claim that my posts would be more mature (maturity is something other people say, not something to be self-declared), they are more likely to be even more introspective in nature, sometimes with a hint of philosophical and moral underpinnings. In short, the posts here might just become more dry, which will of course make my already dismal readership fall into true dereliction. But to write about the goings-on in a place where one needs to be hush-hush is in many ways a logic contradiction---the really interesting things about me are probably about my life and what goes on in there, yet I am more content with sharing my head space than my comings and goings in meat space. Ergo, my work has too many NDAs waving around that it is a minefield to even talk about anything that happens in the office, work-related or not.

Alright, I can feel the need for sleep increasing. Time to knock out for the night and to dream about the possibilities of the future.