Lamentations

I think that it is starting again. That sinking, empty feeling within me. The kind of feeling that one gets when one feels... alone.

I have my friends, I have my running, my jujitsu, and perhaps my writing. I have people I can talk to, to chat with over instant messaging tools, to summon over IRC for a talk or a beer, to video chat if I have to.

I have stuffed toys to mumble to, research papers to keep me thinking and wondering about my problem, news magazines to keep me abreast of world developments, comics to tickle my funny bone, horror stories to keep me on end.

But these are all... not enough.

I crave the touch, the deep understanding and care that only a family or a lover can give. I crave the fussing and adoration that accompanies that care, to feel loved and important, as opposed to this generally ignoble existence I seem to have gotten myself into. I crave the warmth of an embrace, the intimacy of the cuddle, the familiarity through proximity.

I miss being human.