Blissful dreams, harsh realities;
Juxtapose with sweet death melodies.
If I'm asleep, don't wake me;
Terror sneaks when I'm not looking;
Let me leave peacefully, not with eyes staring.
--Silent Contemplation by yours truly
It has been a while since I last talked about anything of any material consequence. Having extricated myself from the tangles of what I thought was love, I don't seem to be in the mood to write anymore. In fact, I think that my ideas for writing have dropped to yet another low, possibly the lowest since I last picked up my metaphorical pen to write.
Could it be that true artistic expression comes only when there is a large emotional baggage involved?
The past few months saw many changes, not all good. In fact, most of the changes that I observed seemed to have occurred over the past few weeks instead of the past few months. Before the mid-semester break, everyone was much more jovial and open; friends were made quickly, and laughter was abundant. But after the mid-semester break, where the mid-term grades are published, there seems to be a sudden drop in energy level. The laughter that comes seem almost reluctant, and people who were once close seemed to have an aversion to each other. This is so sad; college life is supposed to be tough, but how does one endure the toughness if there is no fun?
Perhaps it's the vile nature of grades. To a strong student, good grades affirm their competency and thus give them the confidence necessary to scale even higher mountains to further themselves; to a weak student, bad grades serve as a shock prod to show them that they are not performing on par. *shaking head* I never did like the idea of grading anyone. It is so artificial, especially in terms of grading through test instruments like in-class examinations. The whole idea of taking tests and exams repulse me fully; in fact it appears as though college is of no difference than that of high school or middle school for that matter. Why is everyone so tight-assed on grades? How can grades ever measure the full potential of a person?
In other news, Pittsburgh is starting to get cooler. The temperature here hovers between 2 to 5 degree Celsius, which is seriously not cold (iff you wear a decent jacket). In fact, it's a long time since I've felt so cool in my life. My usual skin allergies are almost nullified in this beautiful weather, and the last time I used a steroid cream was almost a couple of months ago. Very interesting phenomenon, maybe I should start considering how to import this weather condition back to Singapore so that I will not have to suffer from real bad skin again.
Autumn is more or less here, with trees shedding their orange, red and brown leaves. It's pretty, the change of colours of the leaves, with the grass still green (but starting to turn into shades of beige as of now) as a nice background. I'm too lazy to bring my camera out to grab pictures, but I guess the main reason for that tardiness is the lack of an incentive to take pictures of just the surroundings.
One interesting note is that I've not really felt homesick at all... everyone else back in Singapore appears to be a dream, and that here is a reality; though there are times where this place feels like a dream itself. Hell, it could be that I'm living in a dream either way.
Anyone who claims that the American college system is not stressful should have his/her throat slit, shot, maimed and quartered. It does appear to be a bit more lax compared to that of Singapore, with their 1 hour block sessions instead of 1.5 hours that we are mostly used to back home. But do not be fooled! It is damn intense. For example, I'm practically having Mathematics lessons everyday; my taking of three Math courses simultaneously notwithstanding. Over the course of a week, a single large chapter of a particular topic can be covered, with homework assignments to be completed over the course of the week just to be handed in exactly on the same day the next week, before a new load of homework assignments are assigned yet again. But then again, I kinda love this system; I can structure my time and workload so much more easily than before.
Surprisingly, I find myself operating at least on par with the power curve, being able to keep up with my document filing and revision (as far as studies go). This is something worth noting, considering the fact that I was a really messy person during the school days of old when I was still in Singapore. I think I'm among the neatest guys around, with everything written down neatly and stuff filed away nicely and all things are easily accessible.
And so, I guess that's all that I can truly say for now. Who wants to confirm the details with me?
