So, roughly 20+ hours before the annual meet-up amongst the scholars, I'm starting to have my usual dose of misgivings. The reasons are still the same as before—I just don't feel that I might fit in well.
Then why the heck do I still attend such meet-ups? It is indeed a rather interesting problem. Honestly, I don't believe that I have a really good reason why this is so, but one thing that I can think about is the fact that deep inside, I'm still human and maintaining good contacts with these folks helps in the preservation of my humanity (of sorts).
The sad thing of course is that each time after these meet-ups, I tend to become even more morose for a while. Maybe I feel inferior to what they have done; maybe I'm just a plain worrier. I honestly have no idea whatsoever. Perhaps this time round, when the numbers are fewer and made up of people that I sort of know a little more, I can be a little more comfortable with myself. Hmm... on a semi-related note, how crazy ought I to be? My craziness isn't KY-styled, nor is it Ding-styled; mine is notoriously geeky and over-the-top at times. Maybe I ought to bring a couple of machines over with the intention of sitting down and programming should the need arise.
Eww... I think that it defeats the whole purpose of turning up to the gathering/party. I should just be normal; no one else is going to bring a laptop, let alone two. Awww, screw it. I'll just bring along my laptops, and see how it all goes on. Some of these things... just need to be figured out on the spot, and worrying about it before hand is so not going to be useful, at all.
On an unrelated note, I've finished watching Black Lagoon. This is more adult-themed than most of the other animes that I've watched, in the sense that it has much more explicit violence involved in it. Storyline-wise, it wasn't too bad; the art style was less cutesy than the "usual" anime style and a little more realistic in feel [for an anime]. Hellsing, the other anime that I've completed watching some time back, is similar in genre but boasts a more stylised animation technique, which makes it all the more spooky, as compared to Black Lagoon. Both are excellent animes, though their content matter is more suited for a mature audience.
Deus Ex is one computer game that I've recently embarked on. It is an interesting game in its own right, mixing role-playing elements (like skills and inventories) with first-person shooting. The gameplay of Deus Ex is similar to that of Hitman, in the sense that there's a lot of sneaking around involved—it is neigh impossible to play Deus Ex or Hitman using an all-out brute force approach. Firstly, there is a severe lack of availability of heavy weapons and ammunitions, which makes it more tactically sound to rely on stealth and sneaky weapons. Secondly, the areas of combat are really restrictive, unlike in games like Quake, where the expansive landscape and relative abundance of ammunition and weapons makes it much easier to engage in armed combat.
Which style of gameplay do I prefer? I like games like Quake and Unreal Tournament for their no-nonsense frag-fest, but sometimes, all the non-stop action is nasty on the eyes, because when playing these fast-paced games, I actually blink even less than usual (I'm known to blink very little to start with), which makes eye irritation and fatigue to be a real issue. So, sneaking games like Deus Ex is a refreshing change for me for once in a while, though the intricate plot sometimes makes it irritating. Deus Ex doesn't suffer that tremendously as compared to other games in its genre (like Hexen), but it's long narrative does sometime cause some irritation.
So, while Deus Ex is a refreshing change, I doubt I'm going to dump Quake or Unreal Tournament anytime soon. That's about it for now, I think.
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