So really, people terrify me to no end. I've been going on that path of knowledge discovery for so long that I haven't really figured out how best to interact with people not on a professional level. An irony considering the position that I am in, but it can hardly be a trait of mine if it didn't involve at least one contradiction, can it?
I suppose it is for that reason that I never really liked being in large crowds of people---it makes me feel very uncomfortable, sometimes even to the point where I have the sudden urge to be violent or to hide away and not be found. As I reviewd the past decisions that I have made and the things that I have experienced, I seem to have discovered one pattern: I barge into people's lives like the Kool-Aid Man barges into homes, often making people more than a little uncomfortable as I jar them out of their comfort zones rudely.
In retrospect, that's why my past relationships were failures too. Put simply, if I couldn't work out well in the normal social setting, why would it even work out for a more intimate one?
Unfortunately for myself, I'm not really that social in general---most times where I am social, I am on some kind of self-induced high/mania and have this odd pressing need to be extraverted, just like how that old MBTI test said.
But how then do I go about knowing more people on a more personal level?
2 comments:
Well mass crowds and small crowds are different. I definitely prefer smaller groups of people and I've heard similar distinctions from other people. Some people work well with a large crowd and others work well with a small group. So an inability to socialize well in large crowds which you seem to take as the default "normal" social setting has no implication on your ability to socialize on a personal level.
Also, extremes breed extremes, so the induced mania is perhaps an extreme response to extreme seclusion. Reducing them both and finding a middle ground might be worth a try.
I agree with what Mohammad said. A significant part of the population do not feel comfortable in crowds or large groups, including me. Everyone has their natural preferences when it comes to companionship, and perhaps it will be useful to think about what sort of companion is ideally comfortable for you and work for it.
That said, we should not expect anything in interpersonal communication, at least not until the other party has overtly indicated expectations on his/her part. When any kind of relationship fails, both parties are often equally culpable and there should not be any sentiment of inferiority associated with failure to communicate with anyone.
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