Pondering About Life Once More

What if today you stopped and attempted to validate that your life was indeed worth living. What kind of conclusions would you draw?

So up to this point, I think that life for me, in general, has been worth living. At the very least, I can claim that I have loved and was loved, possess some non-trivial talents, and have a decent looking future-that-is-not-über-boring---pretty good deal, really. But of course, there are times where things seem to be at a natural low, where self-doubt comes in and makes things surprisingly difficult to accept and deal with.

I suppose that most people have their own unique take on life; that's what makes each of us different from each other. We might be in the general locality at some point with others, but what each person takes away from the scene in memory is often much different from everyone else in spite of having the same observations. There are some types of people that reinforce our positive self-image through interaction, and then there are those who are absolute downers. I think when Regina wrote her list of ``rules'' for life, she was bearing this in mind as a motivation for people.

I think I'm much more reticent nowadays as compared to the past. Much has changed over the last two years, and I think I have adapted to the changes in as best a way as I can. So far, no signs of self-deprecating self-worth issues are seen at levels that demand closer attention, but I'm still wary of myself spiralling out of control when the going gets tough. Maybe reticence is a good thing for me---it keeps my motor-mouth in check and saves me the effort of trying to conform, letting others come up with their own colourful ideas of who I might be in a way similar to an extended Rorschach Test.

Or it could be that I'm more isolated that reticence is fast becoming the norm for me. While I'm still not completely sociopathic, my empathy towards people in general are diminishing over time---more often than not I just don't feel the need to feel anything for many of the people Isee. While I do not treat people in a malicious way, I do not actively try to help them either, in stark contrast with the me of old who would sillily allow myself to take the hurt just to keep others safe. I'm no magnanimous fool now: while there are universal laws about the equality of people, but there is an overriding concept of the self that needs satiation.

m3h, I don't really have a clue what I'm trying to drive at on this midweek night. Suffice to say, whatever I had probably wanted to talk about have appeared by now, and it is with this pensieve and confused mood that I will leave you, the reader, behind till next time.