Once more I find myself writing yet another blog entry on a late night session. There is clearly something different about the night as compared to the day that makes updating my own blog a little more intimate, even though I don't really do much editing in either case. But as usual, I digress a little.
I think that one thing that I'm starting to get used to is the flux of life. Life is non-static and full of twists and turns, some completely deterministic, while others completely unexpected. Slowly I find that the people I used to trust implicitly have now ``fallen off'' the trust model, while there are those whom I used to not trust have slowly entered into the hallowed ``inner circle''. But of course, the said ``inner circle'' itself has changed its nature by quite a fair bit, considering that I am mostly reclusive now, engaging people at the most superficial level that is required to maintain something that is meaningful yet at times impersonal enough.
It's not that I don't like to confide in people---it's just that sometimes such opportunities do not present themselves readily. It is much easier to find such people when one is younger, since the whole notion of political manipulation is something that is quite rare at that age group that finding someone willing to listen to and discuss one's problems makes as much sense as saying the sun rises from the East. But as time goes by, it becomes painfully obvious that such burden-free associations are far and few; the only group of people where this might still hold when one is of adulthood is likely to be that of the immediate family, with spouses falling in the gray area depending on the general state of the relationship.
Speaking of spouses and confidantes, I had a recent meet up with Nivlek and we had a helluva good time talking about the ``good old days'' (they were old, but they ain't good), the happenings now, and some future stuff. And I think we come to one simple conclusion about the whole get-a-girlfriend/wife-thing: people are taking things a little too seriously. Actually, I believe we are being nice, what we probably meant was that many people who are in relationships seem to fall a trap involving emotional abuse and manipulation. The idea of ``hen-peckedness'' and that somehow the woman being the lead in the relationship at around the time that marriage is considered somehow sounds completely wrong to me---it's a marriage for crying out loud, not a slavery bondage! Why do many women think that they are superior enough that their word is ``final'' when it comes to life after marriage? Isn't a marriage supposed to be a partnership where people be like true thinking adults and do things in ways that make the both of them happy and yet still have the desired outcome? Why then does marriage make things look so glum, like as though being married is some kind of restrictive burden?
Speaking of marriage and relationships I think I'm entering a new phase in my life. Back when I was younger, I find that I could not relate to my peers just because they were talking about things that didn't interest me enough, things that involve fashion, memes and other stylish things. I preferred talking to people who were older than me, simply because they had a more interesting and varied view on what life is, and can often discuss current affairs in ways that are more informative than whatever the press provides through their own analysis. But now, I'm starting to find it easier to talk to the younger folk instead of those older than me. I mean, I don't outright hate to talk to anyone older, but I've probably listened to their talk on getting married, buying their first flat, giving birth to their child and other really random talk of that nature one too many times to actually find it interesting. Yes, congratulations on reaching your next milestone, but that's just your own ``achievement''---pity the poor souls who have to listen to you gush about something that makes little sense to the young singles surrounding you. At least I can still get more decent conversations with the young'uns---I may not like some of their attitude, but among the black sheep there are still the few lily-white ones who give the whole generation a slightly better name, and those are the ones whom I genuinely enjoy the time we spent talking.
Change does not seem to faze me much anymore; I'm not sure if I had said it in any of the more recent posts, but it is a point that is worth repeating. I think this is a good attitude towards life, and gives me enough forward momentum to hurdle past obstacles that may stand in my way.
And on that note, I end this entry for the day.
2 comments:
As always I feel like a lost sheep.
Lost sheep in what sense? My words being too convoluted? Or is it just the general sense of life we are talking about here?
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