Oh?

You know how people keep telling you that life is meaningful and that you should always cherish it as much as you can and all that feel-good stuff?

Sometimes it is really hard to remember that. Really, it is hard.

I have a confession to make.

Gurer'f n ernfba jul V'z nyjnlf fb qrcerffrq, fb fpnerq, fb svyyrq jvgu nakvrgl. Ab, vg'f abg orpnhfr V'z vapbzcrgrag. V uvtuyl qbhog gung V nz gung hfryrff jura vg pbzrf gb erfrnepu, ohg ernyyl, gurer ner whfg fb znal... fvtaf gung znxr zr srry qrcerffrq. Vs lbh'q xabj zr, lbh'yy haqrefgnaq gung V nz n zvk bs gjb znva glcrf bs raretl, obgu vagebirefvba naq rkgenirefvba (ZOGV zrnavatf orvat hfrq urer). Bs gur gjb, V unir n fyvtugyl zber graqrapl gbjneqf rkgenirefvba, fb V yvxr pbzcnal, ohg abg gb gur cbvag gung gurer'f n uhtr pebjq---V pnaabg gnxr gung bar ng nyy.

Naljnl, onpx gb zl nakvrgvrf. V xrrc frrvat znal guvatf nf fvtaf---bar ol bar gur crbcyr gung V xabj ner tvivat zr gung ``lrnu qbvat tenq fpubby vf whfg gbb zhpu sbe zr; V pna'g gnxr gnxvat lrg nabgure pynff'' be gung gurl ner univat gebhoyrf qrnyvat jvgu gurve fhcreivfbef naq gur yvxr; vg trgf gb zr. Vg ernyyl qbrf trg gb zr. V xabj gung jung unccraf gb bguref unir abguvat gb qb jvgu zr, ohg vg vf uneq gb funxr bss gung qvfpbzsbeg. Ernyyl. Naq gung'f bar bs gur ernfbaf jul V xrrc srryvat engure qrcerffrq naq nakvbhf.

Vg'f dhvgr onq npghnyyl, abg greev-onq, ohg fgvyy onq abarguryrff. Abjnqnlf, ncneg sebz fyrrcvat, rngvat (naq bayl orpnhfr V'z whfg gbb uhatel), tbvat gb pynffrf, ehaavat/genvavat va whwvgfh, nyzbfg nyy gur erznvavat gvzr vf fcrag ba erfrnepu. Naq vg sehfgengrf naq fpnerf zr rnpu gvzr V jnyx vagb bar bs gur guerr zrrgvatf rnpu jrrx srryvat nf gubhtu V unq qbar nofbyhgryl abguvat jura gur erirefr vf gehr. V ab ybatre fbpvnyvfr (abg gung V qvq zhpu gb ortva jvgu), naq gur byq ``jbnu V fubhyq trg n tveysevraq be V'yy or sberire nybar'' abafrafr gung cynthrq zr zbfg bs zl haqretenq lrnef unf fcnerq zr pbzcyrgryl abj. Fher, gurer ner n srj avpr tveyf jubz V'q yvxr gb unat bhg zber bsgra, ohg gurl vagrerfg zr bayl gung gurl ner avpr tveyf gung V'q yvxr gb unat bhg jvgu---gur vqrn bs qngvat arire ernyyl pebffrq zl zvaq.

Gnyx nobhg n pbzcyrgryl fperjrq hc yvsr.

V qba'g trg gb cynl zl syhgr gung zhpu gurfr qnlf. Gur svatref ner fgnegvat gb or n yvggyr fgvss, ohg gunaxshyyl V unir gb glcr fb zhpu naljnl gung gurl qba'g ernyyl ybfr gurve qrkgrevgl. Gur rzobhpuer vf fgvyy ubyqvat, ohg nyernql V srry sng-yvccrq. Lrg V fgvyy fbyqvre ba. V yvxr jung V'z qbvat, V whfg arrq gb xabj ubj gb qb vg orggre, be ng yrnfg, pbzzhavpngr vg orggre. Xabjyrqtr gung vf va gur urnq vf hfryrff nf n fpvragvfg orpnhfr ab bar pna inyvqngr jung lbh ner guvaxvat.

V'ir nfxrq zlfrys guvf dhrfgvba znal gvzrf. Jul vf vg V qrpvqrq gb trg vagb guvf cebtenzzr? Jul vf vg V nyjnlf jnyx vagb n jrrxyl zrrgvat gb trg zl nff xvpxrq, bayl gb cvpx zlfrys hc fbzrubj naq gel ntnva sbe lrg nabgure nff xvpxvat gur arkg jrrx? Jul? Jul obgure ng nyy? Lrf, vg trgf nyy qrcerffvat gurer.

Ng svefg V gubhtug nobhg vg va gur frafr bs zr abg jnagvat gb qb gur zhaqnar. Gung fgvyy znxrf frafr, ernyyl, ohg vg vf abg rabhtu. Gura V ernyvfrq nf V ernq naq gevrq gb frr gur cnggreaf naq gur geraqf gung V npghnyyl yvxrq qbvat guvf. V whfg qvqa'g xabj gur cebcre fxvyyf gb fubj jung V unir orra qbvat nyy jrrx orpnhfr jryy, V onfvpnyyl xvyyrq zlfrys va grezf bs gvzr ol orvat fb jbeevrq naq sbphfrq nobhg fubjvat fbzr qrygn-punatr npebff gur guerr qvssrerag zrrgvatf npebff gur jrrx gung V xrcg chggvat hc unys-nffrq fghss ng rnpu zrrgvat. Gnyx nobhg fghcvqvgl. Gung onfvpnyyl zrnag V unq bayl sbhe qnlf gb guvax nobhg guvatf orsber V senagvpnyyl chg hc unys-nffrq svefg-qensg fyvqrf gung V qvqa'g znantr gb ybbx guebhtu naq nygre nppbeqvatyl, guhf yrnqvat gb gur nff-xvpxvat. Guvf jnf gehr sbe gur jubyr gvzr gung V nz abj jbexvat njnl sebz rirelbar.

That's quite a lot for one confession, but hey, I'm not counting. I guess I feel a little better for putting this out here to the few people who actually still drop by to read what I have to say, not counting those from that weird spam site (yes you, I know who you are), and those folks who came by from searching for ``hanging stick figure'' on image search (you guys are sick).

Anyway, till next time I suppose.