Freewriting

Today's a weird day. It feels good, but with a strange type of emptiness that I cannot easily describe because I don't feel like I want to dig in deep to find out what is there to be described.

I think I just miss some of the good times that were had in the thirty plus years that I have lived thus far. Because of the abrupt changes that were pandemic-induced, there is nothing much to anchor to. Were I still be working, I would probably just get obsessed with the work and feel the same way but less acutely since that weird feeling is somewhat tempered by an income.

No, I'm not saying that the sabbatical is a bad idea---it really isn't. The break is quite welcome, and having the opportunity to sit down and think different things is very important to me. Most people would have figured out their life at this point, what with the steady on-going responsibilities that comes from their married life and/or managerial life.

But those kinds of life aren't always meant for everyone. There are some of us who are just built different.

The problem comes then from how to derive motivation for a person who isn't motivated by conventional means in a place where unconventional motivation is frowned upon by those who have the capital. In addition to that, said person is also generally unwilling to move away to some place where conditions may be an iota better, because the grass is always greener on the other side while the bad points hardly ever show themselves until it is too late.

Motivation. People keep using that word, but I'm not sure if all of us are comfortable/familiar with what it means. Many link motivation with extrinsic factors when it costs them nothing, and then linking them to intrinsic factors when it actually costs them something in return. Fundamentally though, I believe that motivation is related to the reason why one is living in the first place. Climbing the corporate ladder may be the superficial motivation of someone, but the true motivation of having that motivation could be to have enough recognition from society in both prestige and money, which have their own perks in the operation of society itself.

But what about those who aren't that inclined to play the game of society and buy into the collective hallucinations? The traditional place for these people are that of religion and art, with the trope of the holy people and the starving artist being dominant. But are those truly the only options?

In many ways, it is to society's selfish benefit if everyone were to participate in it, preferably with as little compensation being provided in return, since it would lead to a net profit for the society in general. This means that if works are done through altruism, society benefits more, as are labours done with minimal pay increasing that of the economic output. Such a utopian set up cannot work for the single reason that humans are fallible and greedy by nature---if there is a way to exploit then it will be used to exploit until that way is ``patched out'' through being ruled as illegal in the collective storytelling that is the law. There are meta-games played with the law consisting of lobbyists who fight for the non-outlawing of the exploit through argument both sound and unsound, and their associated opponents.

So how can one live a life that is more morally sound than what society has to offer as is?

Following God's word is definitely the way, but while Scripture does say that one should live apart from the general society in terms of moral behaviour, it doesn't actually say that a completely separate society parallel to that of the rest of society be set up. And sadly for those who want to stir chaos, it also does not prescribe annihilation of other existing societies---don't pull up the war and gore stuff from the Old Testament as examples because they were instructions for the original chosen people (i.e. the Jews) under the Old Covenant; us believers are Gentiles and are under the New Covenant that is Jesus Christ, where the rules are actually stricter yet paradoxically more liberal.

Anyway, I'm not sure what else I want to add to my current thoughts on the matter as at now. Till the next update then.