Identity. Identity. Identity.
What does identity mean? Is it what society has defined for one in terms of the myriad of roles existing along the many different dimensions (crude social, refined social, economical, intra-organisational, extra-organisational), or is it something that is wholly self-selected, with the eternal conflict with what society demands being the reason for living?
Doesn't make much sense to me. Assuming we follow the purpose of Man's life (glorification of the LORD), it would seem that battling for what identity means for each individual is mildly antithetical to what has intended, mildly being the case mostly because God has defined various social entities that He would like to have, from the Old Testament definitions to the New Testament demarcations as being part of a church body.
Unfortunately, my limited Scripture knowledge seems to find that it is silent about how such social roles interact with a person's self-identity---much of it is reduced to the notion of ``called by God'', with little to nothing to talk about in terms of free will choice here. There is indirect support that it will all tend towards God's specifications because everyone's talents are bestowed by Himself for the purpose of His Will, and so in some sense, the identity that each of us takes (i.e. the role that we play) is more or less defined with what I would call a fuzzy boundary where free will may be exercised in the form of creativity.
Mayhaps a solution can come from deconstructing the artificial categorisation that was put together by human-kind to make it easier to discuss/manage en masse. I [probably] have mentioned before about how disciplines of knowledge are artificially created boundaries to better allow some level of knowledge retention and transmission---it is necessary because we are at the point where the sum-total of human knowledge far exceeds what a single person can absorb and be equally effective in. But knowledge (and by extension, skills derived from knowledge) are more general than that---a ``discipline'' is merely a particular choice of axiom and viewpoints chosen to simplify a mostly independent-looking subset of the totality of knowledge.
Knowledge segregation expands itself into modern human societies with all the associated role specialisation, i.e. one's identity then becomes strongly tied to what discipline one has been involved in. So perhaps if one were to deconstruct these boundaries, one could attempt to reach deeper beyond what simple identity implies, thus returning the complexity that is human character back to where it was, thus offering a different glimpse of the self that is richer and perhaps more fulfilling. A sort of ``return to basics'' to what God's intention for a human was, to wit.
What I said can also be applied even if one does not subscribe to the belief that God is involved in Man's destiny---just take the inductive step of the argument and come up with a different starting point for the base case.
Well, this whole spiel on identity is partly due to my initial/immediate thoughts on the going away of a well-loved persona, and partly due to my own internal struggle between doing what is right against the objectives of the economy to prioritise what makes money over what is right. If I had a much looser moral compass, I probably wouldn't need a sabbatical to mull this through---I would probably be looking forward to climbing up the corporate ladder to greater heights myself.
Unfortunately (or should it be fortunately?) I have a moral compass which is further strengthened the more I read and learn through Scripture, and through some experiences on the level of hypocrisy that one can stoop to just to make a quick buck. The loss of rehearsing with my CO and the loss of a dear long-term relationship did not help matters. All that cumulates into me asking who the heck I am in more ways than one.
I am a Man of God. That I know now. But other than that, what else is there?
Will there be a what else?
Need to mull over it more. Till the next update.
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