Life can sometimes be like a myope walking around without his/her glasses. The myope can see that in the far side of the road, there are obstacles or people who might be able to provide help, but since he/she is a myope, the views of the far end of the road are just a blur, and all that the myope can see are things that are much closer.
Sometimes, some people can see far very clearly, but can't see clearly things that are close to them. They have lofty aims, and often make it really big professionally due to their foresight, yet when it comes to living in the current time, they seem to be unable to meet the mark.
Yet there are others who cannot see either far or near clearly—they end up banging into a lot of painful obstacles until they learn how to see things using more than just their eyes.
And there are the lucky ones who have near-perfect vision, and can see both near and far well. Some of them become very strong leaders to guide those who can't see near, others as leaders for those who can't see far. Yet there are a few who will just silently walk on the road, knowing full well that their near perfect vision grants them a preternatural ability to avoid all obstacles near and far, and not evangelise to other folks whom they think are not worth the time and effort that they have been using.
But for all those who are not blessed with a pair of perfect eyes, they can rely on their eye glasses to help them see better. In life, these glasses are the opportunities that arise to widen one's reflective equilibrium, the education that we receive, and the experience that we gain whenever we hit an obstacle and fall. We almost never walk the road alone; there are others who share part of the journey with us. Sharing our visions with others, we can learn more about the world, and with the people that walk with us, we can have an almost perfect vision together.
Life is not about walking the road alone. There're always companions to be found along the way. The only thing that makes life difficult sometimes, is that one's companions are not always going to be around forever. The loss of a companion, no matter temporary or permanent, is often a reason why some people just sit down on the road and cry for a bit, unable to proceed. With our companions on the road, we have an intertwined destiny of sorts, and their loss can cause a gaping hole in one's collective consciousness.
——
I never truly liked goodbyes. Goodbyes are one of those moments where the sense of loss can simply overwhelm my rather delicate emotional states. Despite the fact that I know that partings are as much as a part of life as are joinings, I can never seem to reconcile with that fact in my heart of hearts. My biggest discomforts in life are largely stemmed from goodbyes from various people, many of them who are friends at some time or another. To say that I'm just an emotionless logic machine, would be a vast underestimation of my humanity.
I broke down before. It is something that I don't really like to bring up, but there're no secrets, really. The break down was not wholly unexpected, given the circumstances in which it occurred. Don't get me wrong, life is beautiful and all, but life can also be a bitch at times. And it is at those times where if one does not have enough support, one breaks down. As I steadily increase in age, it seems that I am slowly regaining what was my lost humanity. And it shows in the most unlikely of places.
As a musician, I was only a technical player, being able to play the notes as they were annotated on the music score, following with mechanical precision the timing and dynamics. I was not a bad player, but all who were more experienced than me told me that my music was lacking in emotional content; all they heard were just unconnected tones, and not the music that was within. But as I slowly egressed from my self-made shell of isolation, I began to understand what was it they meant when they said that my music was lacking in emotional content. I started to listen to Teresa Teng's music, and from there I slowly learnt how to bring out the emotion that was within the music.
I used to play with only my fingers, now I play with my heart. Any wind instrument that I pick up, as long as I knew how to play notes on it, I could play music now. Emotions... something that I once thought that I would never need, have become something that I am slowly learning to accept as being a part of me.
It is the repressed emotions of many years that caused my break down. It was not a pretty sight, from any perspective. Life was literally being turned upside down through the destructive thoughts of the break down. I couldn't help it then—my rational mind was screaming at me to stop the idiocy that I was displaying, but I couldn't reign in the uncontrollable outburst of emotions. I broke down so hard and so bad, that people got worried, people who truly cared, and people who didn't really care all too much. That night when it happened, it was a dark night indeed.
Today, right here, right now, as I am saying all these, I cannot tell if I've truly gotten over that break down that I had. I think that I am fine, and no one seems to notice anything truly different about me, but this is one of those things where it is really hard to tell. Sometimes I sit alone in the dark and look out the window, like the many nights I had before the break down, thinking about things in the past, present and future, wondering about the things that I could have done, and the things that I have done, and the things that I need to have done. Each time I sit in silent solitude in the dark contemplating, I always wondered what I would have become had I chosen a different path in life.
——
The moon. She lured me, enticed me, then mocked me and spurned me. Now she sits up there in the pretty sky serene and quiet, her rays of light bathing me in a strange silent glow. I used to love the moon, then I hated it; now I just feel sorry for it. For in all the actions of mankind, good or bad, at least we are together as one. The moon just sits there, alone in her heavenly throne, and can only sigh at whatever happens beneath her feet, as her eternal glances upon earth, go on into infinity.
I looked upon the moon's face, and thought, goodbye world.
Thursday, July 31, 2008
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Environmentally Friendly Mumbo-Jumbo
What exactly does one mean when one says of being "green"? Unfortunately for us all, it would seem that what people think to be "green" really are things that seem to consume less energy when in use, or their overall phenotype just appears to be a more environmentally friendly alternative.
The truth of the matter is often quite different. While I do not disagree that an appliance that consumes less energy during operation is more "green" than one that doesn't, it is surely a folly to think that that is the only factor in which we are considering. The appliance or object that we are looking at often has some sort o manufacturing process behind it, and the fact is that I doubt there's anyone who actually took the opportunity to do a complete calculation on the actual amount of energy and resources that are used in the production of the product.
Here's an example. In the production of consumer electronics, various types of semi-conductors are used. We know that for a large portion of these devices, the purity of silicon is of major concern. The production costs of pure silicon is fairly substantial, if one factors in the need to have a very controlled environment to prevent contamination, or even the fact that silicon itself has a very high melting point and thus requires copious amounts of energy just to smelt it down. Now factor in the act that impure samples of the silicon are not really reused, and there's probably the need to actually reheat and re-purify the silicon die. All these require energy, and at the end of the day, we are still looking at a manufacturing process that requires the same if not more energy to produce the so-called "green" equivalents.
Perhaps one way of actually achieving the whole concept of "greenness" is to look into better energy resources. When I say "better", I do mean that the efficiency of the power generation is much higher than it is now. Even the relatively "clean" nuclear fuel is not exactly very efficient, as considerable amounts of th generated energy is lost when used to heat up water to turn the turbines. If a more direct way of using the energy is discovered, we would be in a better position than before in having clean energy.
But now of the things that we always need to think about is, do we really care what the output is at the end of the day? Are we really that interested in having a "green" world? Have we transcended our own human nature and realise that there's a tomorrow that we can look forward to? Somehow, I sincerely doubt it. Consider the situation nearly 200 years ago. The world was in a much better state environment-wise. This had something to do with the fact that there wasn't any organism that was in a position that can cause a global change to hat was essentially a very "natural" thing. But the creation of modern science and th quest towards world domination has led to inventions that were great then, but were slowly recognised as being detrimental to the environment only decades after it was first discovered. By then, the invention had already proliferated throughout the world in its many forms, and the damage would have been done. Remember the whole CFC fiasco? It was only a couple of decades before folks realised the kind of damage that was happening, and it was only then that science had a means of explaining.
In my opinion, in order to have a more environmentally friendly future, science itself has to be more conscious of its far-reaching effects. Often the discoveries of damages occur only after their effects have been felt—it is very reactionary and highly irresponsible. In the quest of developing new technology, one must not forget the fact that the world today owes its existence to science, be it good or bad. All the "save-the-world" movements in the world will amount to nothing if the creators of the technology themselves do not recognise the problems that each of their solution brings.
Am I being idealistic here? Perhaps a little, but I strongly believe that for any action to actually have a lasting impact, we need to bring about change at the most fundamental aspect of it all, and to nip the problem literally in the bud. Only through this, will we be able to actually do something that can make amends for the drastic changes that we have made to the environment.
The truth of the matter is often quite different. While I do not disagree that an appliance that consumes less energy during operation is more "green" than one that doesn't, it is surely a folly to think that that is the only factor in which we are considering. The appliance or object that we are looking at often has some sort o manufacturing process behind it, and the fact is that I doubt there's anyone who actually took the opportunity to do a complete calculation on the actual amount of energy and resources that are used in the production of the product.
Here's an example. In the production of consumer electronics, various types of semi-conductors are used. We know that for a large portion of these devices, the purity of silicon is of major concern. The production costs of pure silicon is fairly substantial, if one factors in the need to have a very controlled environment to prevent contamination, or even the fact that silicon itself has a very high melting point and thus requires copious amounts of energy just to smelt it down. Now factor in the act that impure samples of the silicon are not really reused, and there's probably the need to actually reheat and re-purify the silicon die. All these require energy, and at the end of the day, we are still looking at a manufacturing process that requires the same if not more energy to produce the so-called "green" equivalents.
Perhaps one way of actually achieving the whole concept of "greenness" is to look into better energy resources. When I say "better", I do mean that the efficiency of the power generation is much higher than it is now. Even the relatively "clean" nuclear fuel is not exactly very efficient, as considerable amounts of th generated energy is lost when used to heat up water to turn the turbines. If a more direct way of using the energy is discovered, we would be in a better position than before in having clean energy.
But now of the things that we always need to think about is, do we really care what the output is at the end of the day? Are we really that interested in having a "green" world? Have we transcended our own human nature and realise that there's a tomorrow that we can look forward to? Somehow, I sincerely doubt it. Consider the situation nearly 200 years ago. The world was in a much better state environment-wise. This had something to do with the fact that there wasn't any organism that was in a position that can cause a global change to hat was essentially a very "natural" thing. But the creation of modern science and th quest towards world domination has led to inventions that were great then, but were slowly recognised as being detrimental to the environment only decades after it was first discovered. By then, the invention had already proliferated throughout the world in its many forms, and the damage would have been done. Remember the whole CFC fiasco? It was only a couple of decades before folks realised the kind of damage that was happening, and it was only then that science had a means of explaining.
In my opinion, in order to have a more environmentally friendly future, science itself has to be more conscious of its far-reaching effects. Often the discoveries of damages occur only after their effects have been felt—it is very reactionary and highly irresponsible. In the quest of developing new technology, one must not forget the fact that the world today owes its existence to science, be it good or bad. All the "save-the-world" movements in the world will amount to nothing if the creators of the technology themselves do not recognise the problems that each of their solution brings.
Am I being idealistic here? Perhaps a little, but I strongly believe that for any action to actually have a lasting impact, we need to bring about change at the most fundamental aspect of it all, and to nip the problem literally in the bud. Only through this, will we be able to actually do something that can make amends for the drastic changes that we have made to the environment.
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
Edythe-EEE Xubuntu: Overall Success
So I'm now sitting in one of those places where I can get free wireless broadband access and testing out Edythe-EEE's wireless capabilities. And I'm proud to announce that the wireless LAN works flawlessly even under this Xubuntu installation. This is fairly important, for it means that I now can truly make use of Edythe-EEE as a portable platform when the situation arises. Compared to Elyse, Edythe-EEE's strengths are that it is ultra-portable. This strength, however, comes at a price, since the battery life of Edythe-EEE is much shorter than that of Elyse.
Put in another way, Edythe-EEE's purpose is to provide that extra-portable computing power for me on the move, and is to be deployed under situations where Elyse may be too bulky to get the job done.
That all said and done, I guess it is time to end this post for now.
Put in another way, Edythe-EEE's purpose is to provide that extra-portable computing power for me on the move, and is to be deployed under situations where Elyse may be too bulky to get the job done.
That all said and done, I guess it is time to end this post for now.
Monday, July 28, 2008
Edythe-EEE Has Xubuntu Now
And with some effort and plenty of help from online, I've finally managed to get a working Xubuntu operating system working on Edythe-EEE, my ASUS EEE PC. The only caveat here is that it is running Gutsy Gibbon instead of Hardy Heron, which, at the current stage of things, isn't going to be a really big problem right now. Perhaps in the future, I'll need to reconsider this step, but for now, as far as I'm concerned, this set up is already great as it is. Check out how it looks like:
Granted, it doesn't really look like much, but with this upgrade of sorts from the original watered-down Xandros version, it is so much better and can thus support my programming and work better.
Oh, need I mention the fact that I'm typing up this post right from Edythe-EEE herself? The one big drawback that everyone seems to bring up is the fact that the keyboard is absolutely tiny. In my opinion, it is not as bad as it seems to be, once you are a decent enough touch-typist of course. The sheer size of the keyboard means also the rather lack of tactile feel of the keys, or rather, the tactile response. Thus, the keys will require a fraction bit of strength more than the usual larger keyboard.
I also realised that the problem that I was facing earlier with regards to the Ethernet port not working on Edythe-EEE was the fact that a cold boot was required. Apparently, a power cycle was necessary to ensure that the network adapter is recognised. This is the only quirk that seems to have occurred during the two times that I did the whole reinstall. Hopefully, this problem will not surface itself again.
Now I have yet another machine that I can use to deploy for the various projects that I might have in mind. Meanwhile, let me see if I can hack out something that is a little more useful to me at the moment.
Also, I'm never going to run Microsoft Windows on Edythe-EEE. It is pointlss; she has only 4GiB of internal storage, so installing that bloated operating system and the whole shebang to make it squeak along is not acceptable at all.
Alright, that's all for now, perhaps. Till next time.
Granted, it doesn't really look like much, but with this upgrade of sorts from the original watered-down Xandros version, it is so much better and can thus support my programming and work better.Oh, need I mention the fact that I'm typing up this post right from Edythe-EEE herself? The one big drawback that everyone seems to bring up is the fact that the keyboard is absolutely tiny. In my opinion, it is not as bad as it seems to be, once you are a decent enough touch-typist of course. The sheer size of the keyboard means also the rather lack of tactile feel of the keys, or rather, the tactile response. Thus, the keys will require a fraction bit of strength more than the usual larger keyboard.
I also realised that the problem that I was facing earlier with regards to the Ethernet port not working on Edythe-EEE was the fact that a cold boot was required. Apparently, a power cycle was necessary to ensure that the network adapter is recognised. This is the only quirk that seems to have occurred during the two times that I did the whole reinstall. Hopefully, this problem will not surface itself again.
Now I have yet another machine that I can use to deploy for the various projects that I might have in mind. Meanwhile, let me see if I can hack out something that is a little more useful to me at the moment.
Also, I'm never going to run Microsoft Windows on Edythe-EEE. It is pointlss; she has only 4GiB of internal storage, so installing that bloated operating system and the whole shebang to make it squeak along is not acceptable at all.
Alright, that's all for now, perhaps. Till next time.
Lurking In The Background + News Media Issues
Yet another day has passed me by, and honestly speaking, with the lack of a direction of what exactly to do, I've slowly lapsed into a state of ire. While on the one hand I am glad to have the chance to actually take a break of sorts from the hustle and bustle, on the other hand I realised that I actually miss the whole shebang of actually being busy.
Perhaps my defining moment about life is that of being in a constant state of business, always having to do one item after another, meeting each deadline as they arrive? That I cannot truly tell, but perhaps a few anecdotes might show the direction that I'm leaning towards.
In general, I tend to like lurking in the background and working on things that way. Once upon a time, I was one who was always glad of the limelight, and would somehow manage to end up in positions where the spotlight would be on me, all in the good sense of the word of course. But as time went on and I starting to see how the world is, I realised that perhaps it was wholly unnecessary of me to try to be in the limelight all the time; lurking in the background and being humble can take my much further, because I can learn more due to my unobtrusive nature. One must be really sure of one's abilities in order to be able to take the limelight, for once one is there, seeking help will become a really difficult thing to do, because of the whole issue of pride and the light in which people sees one.
The spark that I once had while younger, has evolved into a steady flame that burns steadily against the strong winds. I might not have that kind of exuberance like when I was only a child, but I'm pretty certain that the determination and enthusiasm that I had then is still with me, albeit in a different form. Perhaps I had said this before, but I think it'd be good to say it again—I'm not fighting for myself, I'm not travelling through time to see the world for myself, I'm doing it for the people who believe in me. Does this mean that I believe in myself too? Perhaps, but in my mind, that is something that I ask myself only sporadically. Why worry about something that you don't really know how to start answering? Why not look at the things that you know, and figure out some greater truth from there?
[Ed: I just realised that I had written an earlier post lambasting mass media some time back. Talk about a genuine and consistent dislike of this group of folks.]
On a wholly unrelated note, I'm not too fond of the mass media in general. There's something about the concept of a "scoop" that does not sit well with me. In the bid to obtain the best "scoop", madd media companies and freelance folks have resorted to questionable practices, like stalking their targets, or even harassing them through their insistent questioning techniques, and sometimes even haranguing in public just to be able to evoke an emotional outburst to be able to make that "scoop". There is no news media that is exempt from this act, from traditional print media to those based on the Internet. This is all an issue about human psychology and perception.
That's why I refuse to read newspapers nowadays, because I simply do not condone such acts of invasion towards a person's privacy and rights.
We ought to get this straight with ourselves: media companies are not our defenders of rights and liberties; the folks who are going to fight for our rights are those who are willing to go to court to contest the issues that we find to be uncomfortable over. Media companies have only one aim in their existence; it is the same aim as all other companies, and it is to make a profit. Technically, they might have an obligation to report the truth, but practically, there is no real provision towards reporting the truth in a completely unbiased manner, or even to report the truth for that matter. Media companies will report whatever they can get away with, and the more outrageous the report they can provide, the better their sales and thus the better their profits. Which brings us to my original grouse of reporters doing anything to get themselves the "scoop".
I watch with disgust on some of the ways in which reporters carry themselves. Instead of treating their interviewee as a person, they treat them as some kind of prisoner, and end up asking very prying questions or asking in ways that are not polite at all. These forms of treatment extend beyond your average citizen—they are employed even on important people like the leaders of a country, or even celebrities. Another related issue is the reporters' general "know-it-all" attitude. The sad thing about it is that like many things related to news and media in general, misrepresentations of actual information gets used a lot. Some classic examples include the perversion of the word "hacker" and the "Anonymous" hacker group. It's ridiculous to the point of pure disgust. Just watch the video clip that I linked to and observe how the presenters make everything sound legitimate and completely correct, when reality is far more different.
What do these all show? The target of the news media is not to inform the public, but to make the public feel informed. There's a subtle difference there: if the objective is to inform the public, then more can be done in terms of actually obtaining better accuracy and to seek expert opinions on the matters at hand, and not to just blabber about something with that "know-it-all" tone when the fact is that they don't really know what they are talking about. However, through the various techniques that one observes in the presentation of news reports, it can be seen that informing the public is rarely the key objective (unless it is some government sponsored public message), the news media provides just enough truth to gain some legitimacy, and then fudges the rest to make it "sensational".
Oh right, I almost forgot about that word, "sensational". If a story is not "sensational", then it will not be a part of the news. Thus, normal pickpocket cases hardly appears in the news, unless of course if someone really big and famous gets pickpocketted. This is what I think academic circles call "selection bias", i.e. to only select stories that best toe the "official line".
Alright, I'm getting sick of bashing the mass media companies. Hopefully, the audience that they are earning their money off can be educated enough to understand that not all sources of information seek to inform them, and to always seek objectivity as the basis of learning about what is going on in the world. Someone did say, "Comments are free, but facts are sacred." Now, if only those news folks would remember that adage.
Perhaps my defining moment about life is that of being in a constant state of business, always having to do one item after another, meeting each deadline as they arrive? That I cannot truly tell, but perhaps a few anecdotes might show the direction that I'm leaning towards.
In general, I tend to like lurking in the background and working on things that way. Once upon a time, I was one who was always glad of the limelight, and would somehow manage to end up in positions where the spotlight would be on me, all in the good sense of the word of course. But as time went on and I starting to see how the world is, I realised that perhaps it was wholly unnecessary of me to try to be in the limelight all the time; lurking in the background and being humble can take my much further, because I can learn more due to my unobtrusive nature. One must be really sure of one's abilities in order to be able to take the limelight, for once one is there, seeking help will become a really difficult thing to do, because of the whole issue of pride and the light in which people sees one.
The spark that I once had while younger, has evolved into a steady flame that burns steadily against the strong winds. I might not have that kind of exuberance like when I was only a child, but I'm pretty certain that the determination and enthusiasm that I had then is still with me, albeit in a different form. Perhaps I had said this before, but I think it'd be good to say it again—I'm not fighting for myself, I'm not travelling through time to see the world for myself, I'm doing it for the people who believe in me. Does this mean that I believe in myself too? Perhaps, but in my mind, that is something that I ask myself only sporadically. Why worry about something that you don't really know how to start answering? Why not look at the things that you know, and figure out some greater truth from there?
[Ed: I just realised that I had written an earlier post lambasting mass media some time back. Talk about a genuine and consistent dislike of this group of folks.]
On a wholly unrelated note, I'm not too fond of the mass media in general. There's something about the concept of a "scoop" that does not sit well with me. In the bid to obtain the best "scoop", madd media companies and freelance folks have resorted to questionable practices, like stalking their targets, or even harassing them through their insistent questioning techniques, and sometimes even haranguing in public just to be able to evoke an emotional outburst to be able to make that "scoop". There is no news media that is exempt from this act, from traditional print media to those based on the Internet. This is all an issue about human psychology and perception.
That's why I refuse to read newspapers nowadays, because I simply do not condone such acts of invasion towards a person's privacy and rights.
We ought to get this straight with ourselves: media companies are not our defenders of rights and liberties; the folks who are going to fight for our rights are those who are willing to go to court to contest the issues that we find to be uncomfortable over. Media companies have only one aim in their existence; it is the same aim as all other companies, and it is to make a profit. Technically, they might have an obligation to report the truth, but practically, there is no real provision towards reporting the truth in a completely unbiased manner, or even to report the truth for that matter. Media companies will report whatever they can get away with, and the more outrageous the report they can provide, the better their sales and thus the better their profits. Which brings us to my original grouse of reporters doing anything to get themselves the "scoop".
I watch with disgust on some of the ways in which reporters carry themselves. Instead of treating their interviewee as a person, they treat them as some kind of prisoner, and end up asking very prying questions or asking in ways that are not polite at all. These forms of treatment extend beyond your average citizen—they are employed even on important people like the leaders of a country, or even celebrities. Another related issue is the reporters' general "know-it-all" attitude. The sad thing about it is that like many things related to news and media in general, misrepresentations of actual information gets used a lot. Some classic examples include the perversion of the word "hacker" and the "Anonymous" hacker group. It's ridiculous to the point of pure disgust. Just watch the video clip that I linked to and observe how the presenters make everything sound legitimate and completely correct, when reality is far more different.
What do these all show? The target of the news media is not to inform the public, but to make the public feel informed. There's a subtle difference there: if the objective is to inform the public, then more can be done in terms of actually obtaining better accuracy and to seek expert opinions on the matters at hand, and not to just blabber about something with that "know-it-all" tone when the fact is that they don't really know what they are talking about. However, through the various techniques that one observes in the presentation of news reports, it can be seen that informing the public is rarely the key objective (unless it is some government sponsored public message), the news media provides just enough truth to gain some legitimacy, and then fudges the rest to make it "sensational".
Oh right, I almost forgot about that word, "sensational". If a story is not "sensational", then it will not be a part of the news. Thus, normal pickpocket cases hardly appears in the news, unless of course if someone really big and famous gets pickpocketted. This is what I think academic circles call "selection bias", i.e. to only select stories that best toe the "official line".
Alright, I'm getting sick of bashing the mass media companies. Hopefully, the audience that they are earning their money off can be educated enough to understand that not all sources of information seek to inform them, and to always seek objectivity as the basis of learning about what is going on in the world. Someone did say, "Comments are free, but facts are sacred." Now, if only those news folks would remember that adage.
Saturday, July 26, 2008
Myth Debunking
Contrary to popular belief, I actually do not like the glamour road. I used to be That Guy who was always appearing in very public places, doing lots and lots of things, so much so that people started to get really jealous and stuff about it. Nowadays, I'm just happy to work behind the scenes, and to just appear as and when I need to. I don't feel a need to assert/prove myself through such petty displays of ability, but like all folks, if there is a need to actually step forth to do things of that nature, I can do it; I just make the choice not to for the most part.
Glamour is a very icky thing. In the beginning, it is all nice and fun, because you have this feeling of superiority over other folks, because you feel Special, you feel like you've become the centre of attraction for this side of the world. But as time goes by, people start to alienate you because of your ways, and you end up befriending others who are just as star-struck as you are, and at the end of the day, you would have forgotten how to communicate with the man-on-the-street.
I guess that is a pretty good summary of my early years.
I knew I was different from most folks; I never came from a rich family, nor do I go to those "magnet schools" for the rich and the famous. I'm just a silly neighbourhood kid who managed to make a few breaks here and there due to opportunity and the aid of people who sort of cared. That is probably the reason why I was never really comfortable with my fellow scholars from A*STAR.
Most of them come from rich families. Most of them lead very opulent lifestyles. Could this be some inferiority complex that I'm having? Perhaps it is the case, for I do find it hard to converse with them without feeling rather awkward, in the sense that I keep feeling as though they are better than I am, even though they are just my peers.
Ugh. No one did say that one must be friends with everyone, colleagues-to-be or not. I'll just have to suck it down and see what's going to happen next. I know that I'll never be as sophisticated as these people, but I know that at the end of the day, I'll be proud enough of my own skill to hold out on my own. If I cannot earn money nor friendship, at least I can earn some respect.
Glamour is a very icky thing. In the beginning, it is all nice and fun, because you have this feeling of superiority over other folks, because you feel Special, you feel like you've become the centre of attraction for this side of the world. But as time goes by, people start to alienate you because of your ways, and you end up befriending others who are just as star-struck as you are, and at the end of the day, you would have forgotten how to communicate with the man-on-the-street.
I guess that is a pretty good summary of my early years.
I knew I was different from most folks; I never came from a rich family, nor do I go to those "magnet schools" for the rich and the famous. I'm just a silly neighbourhood kid who managed to make a few breaks here and there due to opportunity and the aid of people who sort of cared. That is probably the reason why I was never really comfortable with my fellow scholars from A*STAR.
Most of them come from rich families. Most of them lead very opulent lifestyles. Could this be some inferiority complex that I'm having? Perhaps it is the case, for I do find it hard to converse with them without feeling rather awkward, in the sense that I keep feeling as though they are better than I am, even though they are just my peers.
Ugh. No one did say that one must be friends with everyone, colleagues-to-be or not. I'll just have to suck it down and see what's going to happen next. I know that I'll never be as sophisticated as these people, but I know that at the end of the day, I'll be proud enough of my own skill to hold out on my own. If I cannot earn money nor friendship, at least I can earn some respect.
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
Phone in Working Order; Huzzah!
Amazingly, they've managed to re-flash the software of my phone, and so life seems to be moving on dandily with everything that ought to be working, working. The only caveat is that I lost all the data that was not backed up onto the SIM card, but then again that wasn't much data.
While trying to restore the settings on my phone, I realised that I couldn't really connect to it directly from Elyse using Bluetooth—it seems to be a deliberate limitation of the phone. Not an issue though; my US cellphone can accept stuff on the Bluetooth stack, and so I just used it as a proxy to handle the data transfers itself.
——
Not too long ago, I talked a little about how some friends just go cold. I realised that that very description that I wrote could very well be a description of me towards some other folks, I guess. The bottom line is that at the end of the day, we're all rather similar to each other, despite the efforts of some of us in trying to be as unique as we possibly can.
Maybe this is nature's way of regulating relationships between people?
That aside, I'm starting to feel that while on the one hand I'm much more human than I was, on the other hand, I'm starting to be even more detached than before. It's an interesting conundrum, both in the sense of how it got to that stage and why is it even in existence. To both these questions, I don't think that I have a good enough answer.
Sometimes life is infuriating. It throws you so many curve-balls, and you try your darndest to deal with that crap, and you just fail at it. Other times, things are really smooth, and then after a while you get scared, wondering if it is all just a dream and that something really bad will occur just around the corner or something.
But I guess that's what makes us human.
While trying to restore the settings on my phone, I realised that I couldn't really connect to it directly from Elyse using Bluetooth—it seems to be a deliberate limitation of the phone. Not an issue though; my US cellphone can accept stuff on the Bluetooth stack, and so I just used it as a proxy to handle the data transfers itself.
——
Not too long ago, I talked a little about how some friends just go cold. I realised that that very description that I wrote could very well be a description of me towards some other folks, I guess. The bottom line is that at the end of the day, we're all rather similar to each other, despite the efforts of some of us in trying to be as unique as we possibly can.
Maybe this is nature's way of regulating relationships between people?
That aside, I'm starting to feel that while on the one hand I'm much more human than I was, on the other hand, I'm starting to be even more detached than before. It's an interesting conundrum, both in the sense of how it got to that stage and why is it even in existence. To both these questions, I don't think that I have a good enough answer.
Sometimes life is infuriating. It throws you so many curve-balls, and you try your darndest to deal with that crap, and you just fail at it. Other times, things are really smooth, and then after a while you get scared, wondering if it is all just a dream and that something really bad will occur just around the corner or something.
But I guess that's what makes us human.
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
π-approximation day.
First off, happy π-approximation day! On a day like this, it is also interesting to note that I'm roughly 6 months more to turning 24. That is mildly disquieting; to think that I'm fast approaching my quarter-life mark. Scary thought.
——
So right now I'm working on Elyse in the middle of the Starbucks of Plaza Singapura, and from what I see, it seems that the store is under some form of auditing by what seems to be an internal auditor. I'll just sit down and watch the show, I suppose...
That's it for now. Oh wait, not really. I'm really uncontactable by cellphone for the next 3 days or so, so revert to email/facebook/carrier pigeon/IP over Avian Carriers.
Till then.
——
So right now I'm working on Elyse in the middle of the Starbucks of Plaza Singapura, and from what I see, it seems that the store is under some form of auditing by what seems to be an internal auditor. I'll just sit down and watch the show, I suppose...
That's it for now. Oh wait, not really. I'm really uncontactable by cellphone for the next 3 days or so, so revert to email/facebook/carrier pigeon/IP over Avian Carriers.
Till then.
Sunday, July 20, 2008
就说"她"到底是谁吧...
夜风以冷，我又是单独坐在电脑前静静的思考着，心中就想着将来的问题。直至以后的路程，除了修读博士学位之外，就好像什么都没有了。记得上次我一直说的“她”吗？如今，我觉得我自己已经找到了“她”了。
和她在一起，我不禁会开心起来。当她在我旁边是，我总觉得自己很幸福，天天都可以濯在那儿望着她那美丽的面孔望，也就从不觉得无聊。我从小就不会笑，但每当我见到她时，我脸上就不知不觉地露出一种很自然的笑容。依我看来，这一次我是真的遇到了“她”了。
偶遇的情形，说起来也有一点意思。我们打算一起来往的一年多前，我们早就有见过彼此。还记得当时就是我其中一个朋友在宿舍里招待了潜在的新生，而刚好那新生就是Ida。当时的情形也不会说很尴尬——我只觉得她为人很风趣，很有个性，也觉得和她很谈得来。
不知不觉地，一年后她果然成为了我大学的学生之一。也就从这里，我和她就慢慢地互相交谈，互相了解。几个月后，我们就决定一起来往。
Ida为人好，心地善良，样子也长得不错。和我的旧女友相比，Ida会显得比较大方。她不大爱喜欢花钱，价值观和我得很相像，所以我们俩就这样很谈得来。我之间的爱情，是以互相理解为基础，以互相沟通为维持的方法。她的为人是那么的好，我总觉得如果我这一次就这样错过她的话，我就不会和自己过得去的。
当然，修读电脑科学系的她，也和我一样有一些怪癖，但这些怪癖，我越看越喜欢。这样的人，哪里可能在新加坡找呢？
只能算是缘分吧。我国的都市那么繁华，人们几乎是养尊处优的，唯物主义也就成了都市人的座右铭。我本身的价值观会比较抽象——我不大爱金钱；我反而比较喜欢学新的知识，以及摸索和人与人之间的各种关系。以这样的主义，我又怎么能在本地的女子中找到知己的女友呢？
*叹气*
我这也不想继续说下去了。现在我身边有了Ida应该是足够了的,我又何必想那么多无关的事呢?
和她在一起，我不禁会开心起来。当她在我旁边是，我总觉得自己很幸福，天天都可以濯在那儿望着她那美丽的面孔望，也就从不觉得无聊。我从小就不会笑，但每当我见到她时，我脸上就不知不觉地露出一种很自然的笑容。依我看来，这一次我是真的遇到了“她”了。
偶遇的情形，说起来也有一点意思。我们打算一起来往的一年多前，我们早就有见过彼此。还记得当时就是我其中一个朋友在宿舍里招待了潜在的新生，而刚好那新生就是Ida。当时的情形也不会说很尴尬——我只觉得她为人很风趣，很有个性，也觉得和她很谈得来。
不知不觉地，一年后她果然成为了我大学的学生之一。也就从这里，我和她就慢慢地互相交谈，互相了解。几个月后，我们就决定一起来往。
Ida为人好，心地善良，样子也长得不错。和我的旧女友相比，Ida会显得比较大方。她不大爱喜欢花钱，价值观和我得很相像，所以我们俩就这样很谈得来。我之间的爱情，是以互相理解为基础，以互相沟通为维持的方法。她的为人是那么的好，我总觉得如果我这一次就这样错过她的话，我就不会和自己过得去的。
当然，修读电脑科学系的她，也和我一样有一些怪癖，但这些怪癖，我越看越喜欢。这样的人，哪里可能在新加坡找呢？
只能算是缘分吧。我国的都市那么繁华，人们几乎是养尊处优的，唯物主义也就成了都市人的座右铭。我本身的价值观会比较抽象——我不大爱金钱；我反而比较喜欢学新的知识，以及摸索和人与人之间的各种关系。以这样的主义，我又怎么能在本地的女子中找到知己的女友呢？
*叹气*
我这也不想继续说下去了。现在我身边有了Ida应该是足够了的,我又何必想那么多无关的事呢?
Saturday, July 19, 2008
Projections
The trick to doing anything well involves more than just technique and practice—it involves mental conditioning and psychological preparation. The key idea behind all these is that of projection, or the way in which one uses imagination to literally be the role in which one is supposed to be playing.
Let's start with a very simple example. Suppose one is playing the flute, and wants to play a high note. The straightforward way of doing it is to just play the high note based on the learnt techniques. This is not a bad idea per se, but then the note will seem to be lacking some flavour, and some might describe it as being "out of the blue". Now, suppose that the high note in contention is really a part of a musical phrase that mimics the voice of an opera singer. Then, it is more "natural" to imagine that one's instrument is really the opera singer's voice, and with that, the resulting tone played tends to have a subtly different feel to it, and matches a little bit more closely to the intent of the composer.
The reasons surrounding this idea of projection may not be completely grounded in pure scientific theory, but an idea on why this works could be explained through the use of the fact that the imagination of the role that one is supposed to play helps prime the body to react accordingly at the subconscious level. It might not work for everyone, but nonetheless it is a good thing to try out if one wants to exceed one's current abilities.
Part of psychology is that if you convince yourself enough that you can do it, you will end up being able to do it.
Let's start with a very simple example. Suppose one is playing the flute, and wants to play a high note. The straightforward way of doing it is to just play the high note based on the learnt techniques. This is not a bad idea per se, but then the note will seem to be lacking some flavour, and some might describe it as being "out of the blue". Now, suppose that the high note in contention is really a part of a musical phrase that mimics the voice of an opera singer. Then, it is more "natural" to imagine that one's instrument is really the opera singer's voice, and with that, the resulting tone played tends to have a subtly different feel to it, and matches a little bit more closely to the intent of the composer.
The reasons surrounding this idea of projection may not be completely grounded in pure scientific theory, but an idea on why this works could be explained through the use of the fact that the imagination of the role that one is supposed to play helps prime the body to react accordingly at the subconscious level. It might not work for everyone, but nonetheless it is a good thing to try out if one wants to exceed one's current abilities.
Part of psychology is that if you convince yourself enough that you can do it, you will end up being able to do it.
Hmm...
Something that I found someone had linked to: A Girl's Guide to Geek Guys. While most of it is sort of true, there's a lot of stereotypical stuff in it.
Not all geek guys are Trekky fans, among other things. I'll leave it as that for now.
Not all geek guys are Trekky fans, among other things. I'll leave it as that for now.
Friday, July 18, 2008
My Geekiness Rears Its Nerdy Head Again
My geekiness rears its nerdy head again, I suppose. Check out this program:
Would you believe that this same program produces this?
The tricky part is figuring out what actually is going on in the program.
Cheerio for now.
Would you believe that this same program produces this?
The tricky part is figuring out what actually is going on in the program.Cheerio for now.
Thursday, July 17, 2008
Bunch of Munsch
I just realised that perhaps I ought not to be wearing my current set of polo T-shirts. Without buttoning up the entire front of the polo T-shirt, the collar tends to fall really flat onto my shoulders, which makes the whole polo T-shirt collapse like some really weird article of clothing.
I'm not sure if it is because my polo T-shirt is old, or if my neck is too thick or if my shoulders are two broad which screws up the entire set up of the shirt. The third possibility, of course, is that I've not buttoned enough of my shirt.
Enough of random rantings.
——
So I had lunch with Harish, Sadu and Yongji today, and among other things that we talked about, we were discussing about our favourite pet peeve—the education system. Among the four of us, three have been studying in the United States and there was one who had studied both back here and over there.
Our consensus is that our current education system is inadequate in the production of thinking people, though our reasons are more varied than what one might expect.
I'm of the opinion that our system here tends to produce workers than thinkers as a matter of principle, while the others think that the whole culture itself is orientated towards regulation. Now, regulation is not a bad thing, but too much of it can become detrimental; need I bring up the multitude of problems that are occurring in the current situation?
——
It's nice to see these folks once more. They remind me of a time where we were more carefree and had more time to debate about the various occurrings in Singapore. I wonder when these times of debate and thought will return again.
I'm not sure if it is because my polo T-shirt is old, or if my neck is too thick or if my shoulders are two broad which screws up the entire set up of the shirt. The third possibility, of course, is that I've not buttoned enough of my shirt.
Enough of random rantings.
——
So I had lunch with Harish, Sadu and Yongji today, and among other things that we talked about, we were discussing about our favourite pet peeve—the education system. Among the four of us, three have been studying in the United States and there was one who had studied both back here and over there.
Our consensus is that our current education system is inadequate in the production of thinking people, though our reasons are more varied than what one might expect.
I'm of the opinion that our system here tends to produce workers than thinkers as a matter of principle, while the others think that the whole culture itself is orientated towards regulation. Now, regulation is not a bad thing, but too much of it can become detrimental; need I bring up the multitude of problems that are occurring in the current situation?
——
It's nice to see these folks once more. They remind me of a time where we were more carefree and had more time to debate about the various occurrings in Singapore. I wonder when these times of debate and thought will return again.
Monday, July 14, 2008
xchg
The magic to mutexes (or mutices) lies in the xchg instruction.
I've always been wondering how the O/S kernel can actually implement atomic operations until I read some of the 15-410 Operating Systems class slides to realise this little trick.
Hmm... kernels. Maybe I should write a "modern" kernel as a side project some day.
I've always been wondering how the O/S kernel can actually implement atomic operations until I read some of the 15-410 Operating Systems class slides to realise this little trick.
Hmm... kernels. Maybe I should write a "modern" kernel as a side project some day.
Some Friends... Just Go Cold
And sometimes I still wonder why I keep wanting to preserve old friendships between people who have already drifted so far apart from me. There are many people that I have met and tried to step into their world, just to see how things are alike, but each time that I do that, I realise that there is little that I can do to learn of their world. Sometimes, the world of some folks are just too hard to fathom, simply because one is not in the correct state of mind to fathom what it is that they have experienced. So while there are many good friends whom I still keep in contact with and maintain a rather warm-ish relationship with, there are many others that I've started to slowly let the connection cool down somewhat, simply because it is no longer that easy to keep abreast of how they are doing in their lives.
Not to mention that the conversation topics have slowly turned from warm to cold.
I don't blame anyone for this; each and every one of us have a different perspective on life that we carry around with us. Sometimes these perspectives change, and then we start to learn of other things and mix with other folks whose perspectives are most similar to ours. I'm not sure if I've said it before, but this whole "I am a scholar" thing has always been a little too much to bear for me, simply because after my twelfth birthday, I had always tried to stay as far away as I can from the "glamour road", for I had been there once and the feeling wasn't that great. The whole "glamour road" is a farce of sorts, a kind of self-indulgent means of asserting one's importance in the world, where one's true importance might actually be nothing at all.
I'm probably among one of the most "poor" scholars around—I still think from a very grounded perspective, and still have not seen myself as "one of those who are elite". I'm not an "elite" despite what others might want to say; I'm still someone trying to eke out a living doing what I think I might know how to do. Sometimes I find it hard to balance all these feelings, particularly when I'm mixing with the group that thinks that it is made up of "elite" people.
Maybe I've said it somewhere, but I'll say it here. Sometimes the stories of those who are not so "elite" can teach us more than all the education that we can get out in academia. I'm not the brightest, and I'm not even remotely "bright"; I'm just really lucky to have opportunities thrown at me by folks who care and lucky to have folks who care to lead and guide me through my life. That's why I do not like going around talking about my "real" life to folks—I don't believe that my worth is solely deigned by what prestigious position/role I play. I believe that one's worth is based more on intrinsic values than extrinsic ones; take away all of the awards and leave only my name, and I want all that remains to speak volumes of myself.
And if you guessed that I just had some meeting of some sort with the whole bunch of other scholars, you are right. I generally don't feel this way unless I've just been inundated with a whole pile of really "heavy" feeling elitism. Maybe tomorrow will be a better day.
Not to mention that the conversation topics have slowly turned from warm to cold.
I don't blame anyone for this; each and every one of us have a different perspective on life that we carry around with us. Sometimes these perspectives change, and then we start to learn of other things and mix with other folks whose perspectives are most similar to ours. I'm not sure if I've said it before, but this whole "I am a scholar" thing has always been a little too much to bear for me, simply because after my twelfth birthday, I had always tried to stay as far away as I can from the "glamour road", for I had been there once and the feeling wasn't that great. The whole "glamour road" is a farce of sorts, a kind of self-indulgent means of asserting one's importance in the world, where one's true importance might actually be nothing at all.
I'm probably among one of the most "poor" scholars around—I still think from a very grounded perspective, and still have not seen myself as "one of those who are elite". I'm not an "elite" despite what others might want to say; I'm still someone trying to eke out a living doing what I think I might know how to do. Sometimes I find it hard to balance all these feelings, particularly when I'm mixing with the group that thinks that it is made up of "elite" people.
Maybe I've said it somewhere, but I'll say it here. Sometimes the stories of those who are not so "elite" can teach us more than all the education that we can get out in academia. I'm not the brightest, and I'm not even remotely "bright"; I'm just really lucky to have opportunities thrown at me by folks who care and lucky to have folks who care to lead and guide me through my life. That's why I do not like going around talking about my "real" life to folks—I don't believe that my worth is solely deigned by what prestigious position/role I play. I believe that one's worth is based more on intrinsic values than extrinsic ones; take away all of the awards and leave only my name, and I want all that remains to speak volumes of myself.
And if you guessed that I just had some meeting of some sort with the whole bunch of other scholars, you are right. I generally don't feel this way unless I've just been inundated with a whole pile of really "heavy" feeling elitism. Maybe tomorrow will be a better day.
Friday, July 11, 2008
Firefox 3 Installed (Finally)
Finally I got off my ass and set-up Firefox 3. In the very short period of me using it, I would say that it is decent as a browser. The only icky thing about it is the lack of a good compact theme. For Firefox 2, I used miniFoxFlat, but couldn't find a similar theme for Firefox 3. The closest was Classic Compact, but even then it looked too flashy for me.
That is, until I discovered that in addition to that, I needed to add Classic Compact Options just to be able to pull off the entire miniFoxFlat look. Check out the following screenshot:
Notice how much more compact Firefox looks now, compared to the default theme that it comes with.
In fact, the default theme looks so much like Internet Explorer 7 that it wasn't even remotely funny.
On a separate note, I've always liked user interfaces that are "cholestrol free", i.e. without extraneous widgets and oversized gadgets just to get something done. Which explains my choice of the console interface and the rather spartan look on most of my applications, and also the relative comfort I have with working on the tiny screen of the ASUS EEE PC.
Okay, that's all for now. Till next time.
That is, until I discovered that in addition to that, I needed to add Classic Compact Options just to be able to pull off the entire miniFoxFlat look. Check out the following screenshot:
Notice how much more compact Firefox looks now, compared to the default theme that it comes with.In fact, the default theme looks so much like Internet Explorer 7 that it wasn't even remotely funny.
On a separate note, I've always liked user interfaces that are "cholestrol free", i.e. without extraneous widgets and oversized gadgets just to get something done. Which explains my choice of the console interface and the rather spartan look on most of my applications, and also the relative comfort I have with working on the tiny screen of the ASUS EEE PC.
Okay, that's all for now. Till next time.
The Power of Habit
Not too long ago, I was taking the NEL when I realised that the door that was directly in front of me refused to open for my entry. Somewhat startled, it took me 2 seconds to realise that it was not in use, and to scamper into one of the other opened doors.
A little moment's reflection made me decide to observe how many people would make the same mistake as I did.
To be fair, it is rather hard for anyone outside of the train to be able to see the sticker from the outside—something to do with the many layers of intervening glasses. But from the inside, the sticker label is quite clear:
What this picture doesn't really show that it is roughly at eye-level for an "average" height person (say 1.65m or so). I wonder how many people will actually see it and not stand there and attempt to alight from it.
Unfortunately, not many people actually saw the sticker until it was too late.
From the starting station (Serangoon) to the ending station (Harbourfront), I found that there were at least 3 people who automatically stood in front of the doors each time the train arrived at a station. Among these folks, there were both the young, the old and the plain clueless. I guess the power of habit is really rather strong here. It was quite funny actually, to see well-dressed folks just standing there when the train arrived at the station, and waiting for the doors to open up, despite the fact that they might have been around and thus seen the other folks who were trying the same thing just a few stops before.
It goes to show how observant of our surroundings we really are, that and the power of habit can cause. This little unexpected social experiment just shows that habit can lead to complacency, and in this case to embarrassment. Now think about the more "serious" problems that are out there, like the operation of heavy machinery or even the whole shebang of counter-terrorism efforts.
If all we are doing is to rely on habits to allow us to get through with what we are doing, sooner or later, we'll end up being somewhat complacent. In this case, the payback was just slight embarrassment, but in the other more "serious" cases, real lives may be lost and real properties may be destroyed. It goes to show that we should always take the time to stop and reflect upon what we are doing to ensure that the habits are well-understood and the ability to be flexible will still stay with us.
A little moment's reflection made me decide to observe how many people would make the same mistake as I did.
To be fair, it is rather hard for anyone outside of the train to be able to see the sticker from the outside—something to do with the many layers of intervening glasses. But from the inside, the sticker label is quite clear:
What this picture doesn't really show that it is roughly at eye-level for an "average" height person (say 1.65m or so). I wonder how many people will actually see it and not stand there and attempt to alight from it.Unfortunately, not many people actually saw the sticker until it was too late.
From the starting station (Serangoon) to the ending station (Harbourfront), I found that there were at least 3 people who automatically stood in front of the doors each time the train arrived at a station. Among these folks, there were both the young, the old and the plain clueless. I guess the power of habit is really rather strong here. It was quite funny actually, to see well-dressed folks just standing there when the train arrived at the station, and waiting for the doors to open up, despite the fact that they might have been around and thus seen the other folks who were trying the same thing just a few stops before.
It goes to show how observant of our surroundings we really are, that and the power of habit can cause. This little unexpected social experiment just shows that habit can lead to complacency, and in this case to embarrassment. Now think about the more "serious" problems that are out there, like the operation of heavy machinery or even the whole shebang of counter-terrorism efforts.
If all we are doing is to rely on habits to allow us to get through with what we are doing, sooner or later, we'll end up being somewhat complacent. In this case, the payback was just slight embarrassment, but in the other more "serious" cases, real lives may be lost and real properties may be destroyed. It goes to show that we should always take the time to stop and reflect upon what we are doing to ensure that the habits are well-understood and the ability to be flexible will still stay with us.
Sunday, July 06, 2008
Blurb
There is a problem that I keep running into—the feeling that I'm more "elite" than the people around me. And no, I don't mean being the techno-geek kind of 1337, I do mean "in real life" kind of elitism, the kind that separates the "rich" from the "poor".
I'm not some rich dude, nor am I really that great by any degree, but with the increasing amounts of education that I'm receiving, it seems that it has the effect of increasing my awareness of my environment, to the point that I actually start seeing the environment not as being composed of just people, but also as being composed of people and their thoughts. Each time I turn around to look at people, I just feel as though I could sense what they are thinking about, and can almost figure out why they are here and why they do what they do.
And that's where the problem starts. I find it increasingly hard to accept the fact that there are some people who keep making silly mistakes or take silly actions; they keep repeating things that do not really benefit them much. The chronic gambler, the perpetual bankrupt, and the eternal instigator are but a few examples that I can think of that fall into this category of people. I wonder if this is an act of snobbery on my part, as part of the "elitism" gained through all the knowledge that I've gathered, or is it just a natural occurrence of a "normal" human feeling.
I wonder too how some politicians can put up with their constituents, as not all constituents are learned or even well-informed of the situation. How do these people pull this off? How is it that they can bring themselves down from their high-up-there social status down to the level of the average citizen, without looking too snobby nor getting visibly irritated? I think that as time goes by, this will become more and more important as I slowly climb up the social ladder through the life path that I am taking.
——
It has been a rather quiet summer thus far, with little astonishing things occurring. So I've had a class outing, and have met with various people to various degrees, and have pretty much the time to actually engage in a frequent enough swimming schedule. That said, I've also have the time to write several cute programs, and to put together the slides for the Introduction to Traditional Chinese Music class that I'm teaching this coming semester. Given the current lethargy in contributing prose to my scribbling blog and my poetry blog, I'm seriously considering a marathon writing session tomorrow, just to squeeze those creative juices out again.
In a way, I'm glad that I didn't have any time nor real ideas for writing—it just shows that I have other [more important?] things to do. These days are spent pretty much in near isolation, considering the fact that I don't actually go out that often now that I don't really need to work. All these isolation instances that I'm applying to myself seems to have their intended effect on me—to be less distracted of things that don't really matter, and to be able to refocus my energies on those that actually do.
All this time I had been thinking. The main thoughts that dominate my mind are that of the future. Strangely enough, I cannot believe that I'm actually thinking much more deeply about the future and what it entails. That could be because of what I've managed to find recently—my humanity.
Humanity—the ability to love and be loved, to care and be cared for, to empathise and sympathise. I learnt bits and pieces of it ever since I left Singapore to pursue my overseas studies. The last two years were full of varying levels of experiences, from the truly happy to those that still have a lingering pain within me. These emotions and their related controls truly came about only when I was isolated from the place that I know well, simply because, in all honesty, it wasn't really conducive for me to do some inner searching. Folks from my old environment just cannot look past my exterior and see what is within me, which explains why I keep faltering in the old environment.
But here, and now, I think I'm starting to figure out what is it I want. Till next time.
I'm not some rich dude, nor am I really that great by any degree, but with the increasing amounts of education that I'm receiving, it seems that it has the effect of increasing my awareness of my environment, to the point that I actually start seeing the environment not as being composed of just people, but also as being composed of people and their thoughts. Each time I turn around to look at people, I just feel as though I could sense what they are thinking about, and can almost figure out why they are here and why they do what they do.
And that's where the problem starts. I find it increasingly hard to accept the fact that there are some people who keep making silly mistakes or take silly actions; they keep repeating things that do not really benefit them much. The chronic gambler, the perpetual bankrupt, and the eternal instigator are but a few examples that I can think of that fall into this category of people. I wonder if this is an act of snobbery on my part, as part of the "elitism" gained through all the knowledge that I've gathered, or is it just a natural occurrence of a "normal" human feeling.
I wonder too how some politicians can put up with their constituents, as not all constituents are learned or even well-informed of the situation. How do these people pull this off? How is it that they can bring themselves down from their high-up-there social status down to the level of the average citizen, without looking too snobby nor getting visibly irritated? I think that as time goes by, this will become more and more important as I slowly climb up the social ladder through the life path that I am taking.
——
It has been a rather quiet summer thus far, with little astonishing things occurring. So I've had a class outing, and have met with various people to various degrees, and have pretty much the time to actually engage in a frequent enough swimming schedule. That said, I've also have the time to write several cute programs, and to put together the slides for the Introduction to Traditional Chinese Music class that I'm teaching this coming semester. Given the current lethargy in contributing prose to my scribbling blog and my poetry blog, I'm seriously considering a marathon writing session tomorrow, just to squeeze those creative juices out again.
In a way, I'm glad that I didn't have any time nor real ideas for writing—it just shows that I have other [more important?] things to do. These days are spent pretty much in near isolation, considering the fact that I don't actually go out that often now that I don't really need to work. All these isolation instances that I'm applying to myself seems to have their intended effect on me—to be less distracted of things that don't really matter, and to be able to refocus my energies on those that actually do.
All this time I had been thinking. The main thoughts that dominate my mind are that of the future. Strangely enough, I cannot believe that I'm actually thinking much more deeply about the future and what it entails. That could be because of what I've managed to find recently—my humanity.
Humanity—the ability to love and be loved, to care and be cared for, to empathise and sympathise. I learnt bits and pieces of it ever since I left Singapore to pursue my overseas studies. The last two years were full of varying levels of experiences, from the truly happy to those that still have a lingering pain within me. These emotions and their related controls truly came about only when I was isolated from the place that I know well, simply because, in all honesty, it wasn't really conducive for me to do some inner searching. Folks from my old environment just cannot look past my exterior and see what is within me, which explains why I keep faltering in the old environment.
But here, and now, I think I'm starting to figure out what is it I want. Till next time.
Friday, July 04, 2008
Small Chew Compiler
And so, after about 758 lines of Python code complete with embedded C within the code, the basic compiler has been completed. I've managed to get it to compile the "standard" library of words that I've crafted to run off the core words, and the various types of control flows like recursion, nested IF-ELSE-THEN statements all work nicely. Compilation is performed through piping from the command line because I am too lazy to hack out stuff to make use of argv.
Apart from genuine string manipulations and arrays, everything else works well with the compiler.
Alright, it's getting late, and I'm going to knock out. Once again, till next time.
[Ed: Small Chew can be found here]
Apart from genuine string manipulations and arrays, everything else works well with the compiler.
Alright, it's getting late, and I'm going to knock out. Once again, till next time.
[Ed: Small Chew can be found here]
Wednesday, July 02, 2008
Yet Another Short Update
I'm now at Library@Esplanade on my annual pilgrimage to the classiest arty-farty place in Singapore. Apart from the annual pilgrimage affair, there's also the necessity of having to source for various books for the class that I am teaching this coming Fall. Not that I have no idea what I'm going to be saying, but seriously, I think that it is good if I am able to pull out backing evidence for the things that I say so as to ensure that things are going to go smoothly.
Alright, I think I'm sick of working on the slides—I might just go and fix the interpreter generator for now. Till next time.
Alright, I think I'm sick of working on the slides—I might just go and fix the interpreter generator for now. Till next time.
Tuesday, July 01, 2008
Short Update
Okay okay, I get it. I've not been updating this as much as I used to, simply because there is really little to write about. But today, now today is just plain different. There's actually some interesting stuff to talk about here.
For one, I'm really excited that I have managed to find a 17 open-hole flute with B-foot from Amazon.com. While I must say that I'm not really a very big fan of flutes as compared to say the 笛子, I'm always on the look out for a French-styled B-foot flute, simply because of its range and overall balance compared to the C-foot flute. The construction of the B-foot flute is subtly different from that of the C-foot flute, and with that subtlety, it introduces a whole range of notes that can be played on the B-foot flute instead of that of the C-foot flute. This also means that when I've amassed enough cash to actually purchase a sterling silver flute, I'd be ready for it, and not end up wasting my money simply due to the fact that my abilities do not commensurate to the abilities of the instrument.
And yes, I've managed to get it to ship to Singapore. Now the thing is, will it reach me in time? Only time will tell on this one.
That said, I spent the day divided between programming my "toy" stack machine to prepare for the Forth virtual machine that I'm working on, and watching a movie, Get Smart. It's a fun movie, and I could almost recall the original television show through some of the antics, particularly the whole shebang of doors that needed to be entered just to get into the headquarters. It's full of laughs, with a relatively well-mixed set of various types of humour. A refreshing film for the summer, I'd guess.
As for my virtual machine project, my compiler is still missing the ability to resolve addresses, as well as the rather important IF-ELSE-THEN structure. It is currently able to do everything else rather well, and I'd have to sit down and write Serious Code in order to make it completely working.
That all said, I'd conclude that it was a rather eventful day today. And later on in the morning, it is off to swimming I go once more.
For one, I'm really excited that I have managed to find a 17 open-hole flute with B-foot from Amazon.com. While I must say that I'm not really a very big fan of flutes as compared to say the 笛子, I'm always on the look out for a French-styled B-foot flute, simply because of its range and overall balance compared to the C-foot flute. The construction of the B-foot flute is subtly different from that of the C-foot flute, and with that subtlety, it introduces a whole range of notes that can be played on the B-foot flute instead of that of the C-foot flute. This also means that when I've amassed enough cash to actually purchase a sterling silver flute, I'd be ready for it, and not end up wasting my money simply due to the fact that my abilities do not commensurate to the abilities of the instrument.
And yes, I've managed to get it to ship to Singapore. Now the thing is, will it reach me in time? Only time will tell on this one.
That said, I spent the day divided between programming my "toy" stack machine to prepare for the Forth virtual machine that I'm working on, and watching a movie, Get Smart. It's a fun movie, and I could almost recall the original television show through some of the antics, particularly the whole shebang of doors that needed to be entered just to get into the headquarters. It's full of laughs, with a relatively well-mixed set of various types of humour. A refreshing film for the summer, I'd guess.
As for my virtual machine project, my compiler is still missing the ability to resolve addresses, as well as the rather important IF-ELSE-THEN structure. It is currently able to do everything else rather well, and I'd have to sit down and write Serious Code in order to make it completely working.
That all said, I'd conclude that it was a rather eventful day today. And later on in the morning, it is off to swimming I go once more.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)