I am back.

Probability is a fascinating subject—it is at once the most beautiful and most ugly of the mathematics that I have ever needed to do. It is beautiful as it describes the world in a way that seems most natural, since most of the world's processes are not really completely deterministic.

And it is the most ugly of mathematics because trying to do them exactly requires good models, good intuition, and good algebraic manipulations just to get the math to "work out". That all said, I have this love-hate relationship with probability that sometimes makes things really hard to ignore completely.

So I'm currently taking a course called "Probability and Computing", and it is basically among the hardest of all probability courses that one can take (I take it because I want to learn), but as usual it might just seem that it is not a good idea, since it makes my life in trying to secure my 3.8 GPA ever so hard. But why do I still do things like that to myself?

Because I fscking hell want to learn things that are useful for what I need to do in the future.

I can't be taking all kinds of stupid and silly courses which contribute absolutely nothing to what I know; I think as a cost analysis, by doing that to maintain the 3.8 GPA would be a greater misappropriation of public funds than anything else. Tuition fees here are not cheap at all, compared to the other colleges in the United States, so why not get our money's worth by actually learning something. I can't help myself for knowing most of the stuff before I came here, but should I really force myself to just take wimpy classes to satisfy on paper a very short term goal? Am I considered a short-term investment of the country, or a long-term one?

Folks know that for long-term investments, the global gains doesn't usually mean that the local gains are sizeable; this is just a basic rule of global optimisation. So, should I be adopting a long-term investment strategy and learn things useful in the long-term (at the risk of hurting myself in the interim), or just "play it safe" and do things that satisfy only the short-term, with no guarantee that it will satisfy things in the long-term.

Well, I'd say the hell with it. I'm here for the long haul—I'm not going to be one of those people who disappear off the surface of the earth after college, stuck in some mundane task of a job. I want to better myself; I want to step out and do things. As I said, no more Mr Nice Guy; it is of my personal interest to be the best that I can be, and take the risks that no one dares to take, to stand up and do what is the most right thing for the country, and not be afraid of the bureaucratic process. If my worth is not valued by one party, I can always move on to another one; it is not a threat but a clear case of deduction. No one is indispensable, and where there's still life, there is always a way.

I am going to pwn all those n00bs just to prove my point. I may not be the best, but I am the best that they have because I am willing to actually learn.

Enough said; I've ranted enough. I feel the fire that burned deep within me years ago rekindling itself; I feel that insatiable thirst of knowledge that I once lost a long time ago when I was serving out my national service.

I am back.