Me

After living for two decades, I still don't understand people. That's all. I just can't simply understand them enough—I don't understand them enough to help them, I don't understand enough to get close to them, I don't understand enough to be with them.

Ech, such a loser at life.

But then again, maybe being detached and not worrying too much about things of that nature can work out well. I'm not saying that it is the best way of doing things, but perhaps I should just be whoever I am, and not worry too much about helping others. Yes, I am fully aware that the urge to help someone in need is overwhelming in me most of the time, but then again I must realise that not everyone wants help, and then again among those that want help, they might not want my kind of help. I'm only a human, not some super-hero who can go out to solve the city's problem—I should just do what I can, which includes not offering to help people unless they come seeking me for it, and even then, only when they have a specific type of need in mind.

Is that being selfish? No, I'm being pragmatic here. Often I appear to be standoffish when in actual fact I'm not, or, put in another way, I try a little too hard to help people. That, in retrospect, is probably my chief error in life thus far. Some things I should work hard towards, like setting up my professional standing amongst my peers in the field, while others I shouldn't work too hard on, like extending my personal social circle.

Being an all-rounded individual is something that I'd love to achieve, but I must face reality—I can never be equally great in all the fields simultaneously because of the nature of moderation and balance. For every trait that I increase in prowess, there will be several that will suffer penalties; such is the law of nature. The trick then, is to just ensure that the traits and qualities that I have which suffer penalties do not suffer too much of them to the point that I become handicapped, and with that in mind, I think that I'm doing a pretty decent job.

In short, I think I'm great in my own little way, and I should learn to appreciate myself a bit more. I mean, it took many miracles and hard work to get to where I am today; it will take more miracles and even more hard work to take me to where I want to go to tomorrow. Miracles come only because I realised opportunities and took them, often with the help and support of those who truly care; that care mayn't be one that encompasses all aspects of me (heck, only parents + siblings + significant other can do that), but the range of that care might just be sufficient to push me on into the right direction.

I owe no one a living, but I owe many people their tacit concern and help. Without those who are always behind me in whatever I do, I can get nowhere. That is the nature of life. Maybe one might say that then I owe them a living; but I say that I owe them something that is different from the economic undertones of the term "living". I might not grow up and become a person whom people love, but at least I am growing up and becoming a person whom people respect.

I guess I shouldn't be asking for more.

*nods*