To the ladies of my life...

To the ladies of my life, I'm sorry for disappointing all of you time and again. There's so many things that I could have done right, for the sake of no one but myself, but it seems that my internal state has never had enough capability to get out of the rut hole that I have dug myself into over the years.

I've infuriated you all on more than one occasion; to those who got too frustrated with my stubborn ways and have left the scene, I apologise deeply. To those who still hang around putting up with my nonsense, I thank you deeply. While my ways may be antagonistic, I really appreciate that you all still stick it out and provide me with the much needed advice.

To the ladies who could-have-been in my life, I apologise for not being able to make it happen. It could have been my insensitivity to your needs, or it could be bad timing, or even overall bad decisions that I have made. I apologise also for the potential scarring that you have had from the bad experience that you had from me. Hopefully, you will find your true happiness from someone else; I don't believe that I'm a good provider of such happiness, given the brooding nature of my character.

To the ladies who might-want-to-be in my life, I apologise for not being astute enough to sense that you are interested in me. I know that despite all the gender equality that we are propounding, there are still some girls who prefer the man to make the move. I apologise for not being the person who takes the initiative; I've underwent far too many missteps to really have the courage left to "make the first move". Forgive me, and if you think that I'm too much of a wussy for your taste, do go on and look for someone more worthy of you.

That all said, Cui has been berating me with the same question over and over again. What am I seeking in life? What things make me happy? Well, the one true thing that makes me happy is to have a close and intimate partner in life with which I can share my thoughts, my feelings, my triumphs, my failures, my epiphanies, my silliness with. Unfortunately, this is never going to happen due to one reason or another, so I guess I should stop casting my hopes so high up. I should really just stick with my lot in life and do what I really can do; no sense seeking things that I know I will never be able to reach. People like me do not deserve to be a part of the gene pool; socially inept people are just never meant to be a part of society. Perhaps with a good enough contribution to society will I be able to integrate well.

I said this once, I shall say it again. A*STAR will be proud that they have one driven and un-distracted scholar who will slave away his life for them forever.