The Hell...

As this week draws to a close, I cannot help but wonder what I have done with my life, in the sense that I was not certain if I am doing things rationally or not anymore. There's just so much to handle, and I think I might have lost yet another friend.

Oh well, things happen. People change, and sometimes, one cannot control these changes that occur in people. Perhaps I have been too awkward around people, perhaps I am just a big jerk. But either way, the change has been effected, the damage done, and now it is time to move on.

I wonder about the future, more so than I actually care to admit. While I have a rough 10-year plan on what I am going to do, it is really hard to ascertain if what I'm doing was right or not-so-right. Asking me this question 10 years ago would yield a much different answer, since I actually knew what direction that I was taking then. I guess despite my age, I'm still struggling somewhat with the complexity and open-endedness that is life.

Maybe I will be a treasured member of whatever organisation I am in, or maybe I'm just the third cog in a machine that needs only two---I don't really know which is the greater truth. Many things have occurred since then that increases the slow distaste I have of people; not all people, mind you, just some here and there. And I've always put up with it quietly. Perhaps it is time to ensure that my displeasure be easily made known... or not. I'm confused.

Whatever. Soon, this place will be yet another passing memory, like all places that one is. Maybe I will see some of the people in the future, but it is unlikely our paths will cross again. The only thing that is unchanging is that I am with myself, all the way, to the end.

Why am I so pensieve all of a sudden? Why do these strange thoughts engulf me once more? Have I not left them behind quite a while back, or is it the stressful circumstance playing itself out once more?

This week will soon be over... and hopefully the use of hard physical labour will ease my mind of such confusing thoughts.