Years Ago Today

Two years ago today, I was literally a broken man. One year ago today, I was on the mend, and seeking salvation. Today, I feel like all of the bad things that happened was part of a nightmare that I have finally woken up from. If you still have no idea what I'm talking about, then read on---I'm referring to my mental state with regards to human interactions/relationships.

Vg nyy ortna nyzbfg guerr lrnef ntb, npghnyyl, jura V jnf whfg nobhg qbar jvgu zl angvbany freivpr. Gur Yhane Cevaprff, zl vavgvny sbenl vagb yrneavat nobhg ubj gb ybir, bayl gb svaq gung vg jnf bar-fvqrq, naq zber bs na vasnghngvba guna ybir. Gura, gurer jnf gur snyfr ubcr bs gur AnAbJevZb Nssnve, jurer V gubhtug V sbhaq fbzrbar jub jnf ernyyl vagrerfgrq va zr, ohg vg jnf cebira gung V jnf whfg orvat cergragvbhf ba zl cneg.

Vg vf ng gung cbvag gung V fybjyl fyvccrq bss vagb n fvyrag znqarff gung bayl gur pybfrfg sevraqf pbhyq thrff ng.

Vg jnf jvgu gung fgngr bs zvaq gung gevttrerq bss gur Pureel Oybffbz Nssnve, jurer zl nyernql jrnxrarq cflpur jnf zbzragnevyl envfrq jvgu ubcrf, bayl gb or qnfurq va gur zbfg harkcrpgrq naq haqvtavsvrq jnl. V fjber bss gelvat gb npgviryl vavgvngr eryngvbafuvcf, nf V fgehttyrq gb teno zl fnavgl onpx sbe zlfrys. Vg jnf qhevat guvf crevbq gung V jrag sbe gurencl.

As I slowly let go, I slowly regained myself again, and the best thing that can ever occur came to me. Ida and I found each other.

Why do I suddenly reopen all these old wounds of mine? There's no reason except that, perhaps this can be a form of actual closure. I once said many years ago that I would not live past 20---I was right, in a way. The old me died a year ago, the new me is now in control. New, improved, and much more human than before. I know that there's a long way to go, but to be able to look back and face my past like this, I think that it allows me to be at calm with myself.

The road ahead is rocky, nonetheless, for it is my destiny to be so. But I no longer fear myself; I am starting to understand both my irrational and rational sides. May the years ahead be more fulfilling than before.