Regression..?

I don't know what to feel anymore. I think I am strong, but things always seem to be going downhill when they were originally uphill. I keep making myself sad, even though I keep reminding myself to pick up the pieces and carry on. I keep contradicting myself: I want attention, yet I don't want attention.

What the hell is wrong with me?!

I appear happy, but I'm actually sad. I think I know what I am doing, but often times I don't. I muster energy, yet seem to lose them reallyh quickly.

Why? Why? Why?!

Why the sudden confused emotions?! Didn't I already had them under control by now? Why are things erupting like that? This is beyond my own comprehension...

Stress, perhaps? Thinking about too many things at the same time, with a couple of triggers thrown in for good measure? Realising that the world is horrid and my support network can be seen as the unbalanced tree of size 4? Realising that people are always next to me, but hardly close to me?

What's going on? What is wrong with me? Why am I suddenly regressing this quickly?