It is weird when I think about it---just slightly more than a week ago, I was one of those many blissful couples, thinking that I have found The One. Yet now, I'm just a part of the multitude of singles out there trying to figure out what it means to be single once again, and how to actually pull oneself back together after such an intensive relationship.
Yes, it was intensive. In the lyrics of my previous post there's a line that loosely translates to ``should a relationship be had if it is short but intensive, or should it be had if there's a future in it''. I guess given my mantra in life of 不在乎天长地久，只在乎曾经拥有, I think that I might be tending towards the intensive kind.
But that makes me wonder. Must relationships be classified in only these two ways? Can't a relationship be both intensive and have a future at the same time?
I have no answers for that, unfortunately. The only heuristics that I have developed so far with regards to relationships are honesty and respect. Somehow I think that I might be too much of a pansy in this regard, but honestly, I do not really know.
One week on... the last time I had a break-up (again was dumped by a girl---does this mean I'm an inherent bad person and not know it?), it took me one whole week to get over it. But that was with the aid of copious amounts of booze and the fact that I was brutally vivisected during the dumping, the details of which have been mumbled about somewhere around here. This time round, however, I don't have copious amount of booze (nor do I actually want to drink that much, since it is after all bad for the liver), I don't have karaoke, and the break-up was not in bad faith.
All these just means that it is going to be much harder to get over.
But life goes on, doesn't it? Watching various anime at home seems to help put new perspectives on things, like how clutching to the past can cause a lot of pain to those around, especially if there's a special someone who is just around the corner waiting for you to drop that past and to move on (see this and this). My old observation seems to apply yet again, that relationships don't work out if at least one of the two parties is having serious doubts about his/her role. That is a major reason why Ida and I didn't work out, in case you were wondering.
So what now? Am I alright? Depends on what one means, I suppose. I'm still functioning, but will probably lay off the whole dating scene for a while to recover more fully---my definition of a full recovery will be that and thing that reminds me of Ida will evoke only fond memories and not the strange pangs of loss that strikes deep within the heart. So far, I'm still not completely immune to the pangs of loss, so it would be at least another week before I dare say that I am on the verge of recovery. But truth be told, our interactions thereafter might be rather awkward, since some residual resentment is likely to exist---we are human after all, and after giving in so much emotions (and thus making oneself vulnerable) and then suddenly not having anything left from it makes even the most forgiving person mildly resentful in some circumstances.
Heh... I am no angel. I have my down times, and I have my ``leave me the well alone'' times. Usually I joke [badly] with folks, and don't usually anger. But some times, there's no way around it and I just explode a la Krakatoa. But once again, I digress...
Right, back to the original question: what now? Here're some goals I hope to achieve in the meantime (in no order of priority):
- Lose 20kg (target BMI 22.9, current mass 85kg, ideal mass 68kg)
- Train more in Aikido
- Be a licensed driver
- Get into grad school
- Build a new computer for my mum (runs Xubuntu)
- Win NaNoWriMo
- Finish port of WriteThis 2.0
- Finish my IRC bot
Alright, it is getting rather late even as I ramble on. Till next time.
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