Welcome to Monday.
It was restful for the most part. I went ahead to get my head shaved at VR Hair Stylish. I like the place because it's cosy, and does an amazing job with the head shave/facial hair shave combination. The first time that I sported the shaved head look was about a year ago, when I was frustrated with the amount of distractions that I was getting while keeping some hair when the going was getting tough. The head shave was a literal symbol of ``go-time'' that meant nothing less than pure righteous anger and forward movement in spite of all obstacles.
It was an evolution of the shorter hair style that I had gotten into past 2015 or so when I started to realise that I was getting all kinds of weird hairline issues. There is the ``M''-shape aspect of it which had got to the point where trying to even keep a side parting would mean a horrible comb-over look, or to have a split up central tuft. It got worse over the recent years when the hairline closest to my temples were actively thinning.
Rather than wait to look ridiculous, I just chose to get started on the completely shaved head look. My skull is apparently round enough for the look to actually be somewhat decent, which is a plus to me of course. During the circuit breaker period last year was when I pulled up my old hair clippers to give myself a close cropping of no more than one-eighth inch---that was a length that I would be comfortable with, but between paying the neighbourhood barber for a quality head shave and the effort to take out the hair clipper to do-it-myself and then perform upkeep on the same clippers, I would rather the former.
I have also stopped growing my moustache. It wasn't that I hated it, but that with the current control regime, the old reason of it providing enough protection against an inflammed skin between the nostrils and the upper lip was no longer valid since my nose was no longer consistently in that bunged up state that necessitated lots of rubbing.
I suppose part of the reason was that I wanted to change my visual identity after the break-up, sort of like how women chop their hair down after they are done. But this is really secondary in nature.
Another different reason for the removal of the moustache [via shaving] is the dryness of some parts of the skin, sort of like dandruff, if it makes any sense. No, it is not diagnosed or anything, but an observation. The couple of months so far with the removed moustache has seemed to abate this particular problem.
I did say that things were restful for the most part, but there were one or two things that came up that made me freak out a little. But after praying for a bit, I feel better. I suppose part of being a believer is the knowing that I can literally cast my worries onto God, mostly because worries are just thoughts that cycle about with no productive outcome. Casting them unto God lets Him know about what is going on in my mind, and praying about them unto God informs Him of what I may actually be looking for deep within myself through the intervention of the Holy Spirit. And thus, in the end, the worries become less so because I am reminded of the love of God, and that it is His will that things will turn out the way they will be---I merely make my own choices out of my own free will.
One last thing before I end this entry is perhaps a little enlightenment of why I seem to be writing more often than before. I think the main reason is to provide a mechanism to mark time. When I am at work, marking time is easy due to the different tasks/phases of the projects, as well as the different [daily] interactions with various colleagues. But when I am camping out at home, every day can become very same-y without any observation; this makes the tracking of time beyond day/night problematic. Writing blog entries is a great way to ensure a certain mindfulness as I go through the day. That said, it is not a must that I will be writing entries every day. I do try to ensure that each day is not a ``zero'' day where nothing happens, but whether it is noteworthy (and safe) enough to be placed on this blog, or if it is private enough to go into the dead-tree journal is just a case of spur-of-the-moment judgement.
I am not going to lie, I do miss the days of being in a relationship where I could literally share my day with someone else, and have her share her day with me too. There is a certain level of intimacy and trust that is much closer than that of say the care group from church, or even my own parents. I miss that a lot, as well as the physicality of actually holding someone.
I can share my day with God, but it is... different. He doesn't share His day with me---the very concept of it is impossible to imagine, and by definition, unfathomable by mortal minds. It is more of a reverent-type of relationship between me and God that is not the same as between me and a significant other.
Does this mean that I am ready to start on another relationship [with a human female]? No, I don't know, but I don't think so. There are some other things to unpack and reshape, and it really isn't the right time now.
Till the next update, I suppose.
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