Making Sense of the Rules of the Internet

To make up for the low-effort posts of the past few days, let me do a commentary on The Rules of the Internet that I had alluded to way back in August.

Here we go:

0. Don't f**k with cats.  If there's one thing that the majority of the Internet agrees with, it's that cats are cool, and by extension, other [cute] animals are cool too. So don't be a dick and harm them.
1. You don't talk about /b/.  We don't talk about /b/. By extension, we don't talk about the online groups that we may/may not associate ourselves with in meat-space.
2. You DON'T talk about /b/.  We DON'T talk about /b/. This is important enough that it bears repetition.
3. We are Anonymous.  The fundamental rule of the Internet is that there are personalities, but there is never a clear mapping between personalities on the Internet and real-world people. Anonymity is a built-in nature of the Internet, so don't let the big corporations fool you into thinking that somehow it is necessary to identify one's real-world persona with any personality. In fact, it can get dangerous to do so if we look at the later rules.
4. We are legion.  For every personality we see on the Internet, there are many more lurking in the background---there is no way to tell just how many are there. Never assume that the single handle that one sees is associated with only one person---it could be more, or it could even be none (automated shill).
5. We do not forgive, we do not forget.  Since personalities on the Internet are anonymous and legion, there will always be at least one person who remembers, and there is always at least one person who will hold a grudge---it is wise to remember these even as one tries to participate.
6. /b/ is not your personal army.  A ``personal army'' is like an activist group of sorts that can advance one's agenda. It comes directly from rules 3, 4, and 5, really. In short, don't treat any [loose] association group on the Internet as a potential ally to advance one's personal causes. So all those ``woke'' groups (and ultra-conservative ``no-chill'' groups too) are making the mistake of thinking that those Internet groups they created are their ``personal army''. Spoilers: It will backfire.
7. No matter how much you love debating, keep in mind that no one on the Internet debates. Instead they mock your intelligence as well as your parents.  Ho ho ho... this one's a stinger. It's easy to forget this rule in the Social Media Age, because we get this false equivalence of a person and an online personality due to the hasty conclusion that since a [profile] picture and a ``real'' name can be associated with the online personality, they are therefore ``real'' people who are willing to listen and act like how ``real'' people would do in meat-space. This rule completely disabuses that notion. Debates occur on the Internet under two specific conditions: it's a tight group where every personality present has an associated reputation that everyone in the group knows, and the point under discussion is on a very narrowly defined topic that is of interest of the tight group. And even then, the debate that occurs is like how one would normally view a ``real-world'' debate: an exercise in rhetoric a la competitive debating rather than a true attempt at decision-making. In general though, it is good advice to remember that debates never really changed anyone's minds---most people go into them with a specific mindset already, and are usually there aching for a verbal fight, not to have their minds changed.
8. Anonymous can be a horrible, senseless, uncaring monster.  Well, it comes from being unidentified with a real-world person---the repercussions of any action that Anonymous takes is limited to whatever handle it was that made the said action. Even the personality associated with that handle leaves unscathed no matter the outcome.
9. Anonymous is still able to deliver.  Comes from rule 4---with a legion, it is hard for Anonymous to not deliver. Unless there are some really strong forces keeping them at bay (like a well-funded intelligence agency), and even then, some of Anonymous might just make it through regardless, just to show that they can (and fulfill rule 9).
10. There are no real rules about posting.  Apart from the protocols that are used to send the bits all over the Internet, all other interaction rules are organically driven anyway. This is, sadly enough, true about meatspace.
11. There are no real rules about moderation either---enjoy your ban.  Same concept as in rule 10, except this is about personalities with power. In meatspace, we have laws (and their associated enforcement) to restrict those whom we invest power in to ensure that the power that is allowed isn't misused (even though it does get misused anyway, but if it is legal at that point of time, it's still legit). On the Internet, there is no such thing---Might Is Right holds. In many ways, this is really a natural law in action. In the Social Media Age, the false equivalence of online personality and meatspace person has lulled participants into believing that meatspace rules apply, and so they get all angry when they seemingly get banned for ``no reason'', and then they make a stink of how it is going against their constitutional rights and what-not. I can understand their frustration---it literally comes about because of the false equivalence. The solution then is just to play nice... it is someone else's walled garden one's playing in after all.
12. Anything you say can and will be used against you.  Moreso on the Internet because that is usually all anyone sees. Sure, you can be dumb enough to upload a video of yourself defending your words and what-not thinking that it would do any good, but all that you've done is just to give Anonymous more things to use against you, specifically ad hominem ones on your appearance.
13. Anything you say can and will be turned into something else.  This used to be bad in the old days, but now, thanks to the proliferation of videos (which provide nice appearance and sound samples), this is more insidious. Have fun getting your meatspace reputation smeared in mud for that one-time indiscretion.
14. Do not argue with trolls---it means they win.  Most folks on the Internet aren't there to cause trouble---they just want to seek new information/perspectives. But there are a select few who get all excited to piss people off---they are the notorious trolls. Trolls are everywhere really---in meatspace we tend to call them ``assholes'' or ``dickheads'' or ``CB-kia''. They have no shame, and they don't care about reasoning. They are there for the fight, real or otherwise. ``Karen''-type behaviour can be seen as a contemporary meatspace equivalent of a troll. Any form of engagement immediately leads to a losing position---it then just becomes a question of how much one loses. Take rule 14's advice: do not argue with trolls.
15. The harder you try, the harder you will fail.  Oof. This one hits hard in the Social Media Age. All that stupid trendy bullshit copycat TikTok videos nonsense? Yeah... we saw all that in text form aeons ago on the Internet. At least failing back then could be insulated through the use of disposable personalities. Now, with one's bloody face associated with it, and the false equivalence of personality and person kicking in, combined with The Algorithm of the corporations running the social media, good luck in redeeming from your failure. My advice? If you're gonna do things on the Internet, at least do something that you are interested in, and not because you want to follow a trend. The more you want to follow a trend, the harder you are trying, and then rule 15 kicks in. Oh I nearly forgot... the trendy word for rule 15 today is ``cringe''.
16. If you fail in epic proportions, it may just become a winning failure.  Ever saw a movie so bad that it was good? Rule 16 encapsulates this point. And I suppose it is an inspiration of sorts for the try-hard behaviour that rule 15 captures. ``Failing in epic proportions'' isn't a high-probability thing---you are more likely to just fail normally instead. It reminds me of an apocryphal story about how a professor was giving a true/false-type examination, stating that if anyone could get all the questions wrong (i.e. an epic failure), they would get full-marks for that exam (i.e. a winning failure). The catch though was that if one did not get all the questions wrong, then the number that was correct would be the final score instead. Cast in those terms, it becomes more obvious that one should probably not try one's luck to get rule 16.
17. Every win fails eventually.  Trends come, trends go. Anyone still remember grumpy cat? Or numa numa? Or even ``coffin dance''? Yeah, me neither.
18. Everything that can be labelled can be hated.  Oh this one is a fun one. We say that humans beat other animals because we developed writing that allows us to learn stuff outside of personally experiencing it. That's only half-true: writing as an ability is useless if there isn't some kind of information compression that allows us to quickly and effortlessly refer to an entire body of knowledge with a simpler symbol to build up the necessary amount of detail. That is what we mean by ``label''. This is the strategy that ``woke'' culture uses mercilessly---they figured out how to label different groups of people whose behaviour is mainstream that they don't like, and from there, they make it super easy to identify and then lambast them. I mean, meatspace has tons of such examples too: ``radical left'', ``communists'', ``capitalist pigs'', and so on are such examples. They all come from a practical implementation of othering. We can't easily define the in-group through positive identifiers, so maybe we can define the in-group by defining the out-group of those we don't like, and then apply the ``if you have any characteristics of the out-group, you are not part of the in-group''. And from there, hate can flow.
19. The more you hate it, the stronger it gets.  Oof... another psycho-social realism. When the out-group gets increasing amounts of hate for being in the out-group, they can start embracing their out-group label and then become their own band and rallying call before pushing back, hard. Contemporously, just look at the whole anti-vaxxer movement, the awkwardness that is the US Republican Party, or even the libertarian tendencies of some US Democratic Party folks. It's all about pushing back against what was pushed to them. Rule 19 provides a solution in some sense in dealing with groups that one doesn't like [on the Internet]---don't go round provoking them.
20. Nothing is to be taken seriously.  Remember rules 3, 4, and 7? When personalities with no meatspace stake interact, the interaction shouldn't carry the kind of weight of seriousness that one would expect. Take it easy man... just because hunter2_69420 called you a bad name doesn't mean that you are so and should take it seriously---you don't even know if hunter2_69420 is human or not. This is true even under the false equivalence of personality and person that is in social media. ``Dems fighting words'' only works when you and that person is in meatspace, and under those conditions, there are enough social cues to show just how serious things are. On the Internet, what social cues?
21. Pictures or it didn't happen.  Everyone can say what they want, but they've got to back it up with their own evidence to show that it is true. So, if someone claims that the Earth is flat, that person needs to supply the evidence showing that the Earth is indeed flat, and it is not up to someone else to show that the Earth is not flat. The burden of proof should always be on the proclaimer, but always remember rule 7.
22. Original content is original only for a few seconds before it's no longer original. Every post is always a repost of a repost.  Ah the old classic. Nothing remains original for long on the Internet in the same way nothing remains original for long in meatspace. The only difference between the two is that duration aspect: meatspace duplication of ideas might take longer due to the need to actually replicate things that need time to happen (think chemical processes, mechanical processes and what-not), whereas replication on the Internet is just a simple duplication of bits. If one sees something, there is a very high chance that it was a reposted item. This is especially true when considering memetic material from ``groups'' in the curated social media. These ``groups'' exist for the purpose of gaming some metrics of engagement, and their way of doing it is to aggregate popular material. Except rule 15 precludes them from creating their own popular material, and so they just rely on low-effort reposting of reposts, often times with just enough effort to further obfuscate the origins of the item. And this is why, my friends, if you want to do something original and publish it [on the Internet], don't go in with the mentality of wanting to retain ownership, it won't work that way... see also rule 62. You are better off either going with creative commons or some other open-source type license. If retaining ownership is that important, consider doing something that is more physical in nature, something that is a little bit harder to replicate, and more importantly, where you can apply meatspace law to enforce that ownership. Even then, rule 62 guarantees that with all the effort thrown in, all you are doing is just buying some short time between when you are holding ownership and when it goes into the Internet as a ``free'' thing.
29. On the Internet men are men, women are also men, and kids are undercover FBI agents.  Oh, this might be controversial to the PC crowd. Yes, it's misogynistic, but hey, it's the first mover advantage. If anything, this rule tells us to not bring in gender and age into any Internet discussion, because remember rule 18. If one comes in and begins with ``as a 32-year-old ciswoman...'', you are not empowering yourself in any way, you are just making it easier for people to commence ad hominem, not to mention the effects of rule 7, 12, 13, and 14. Go in as a faceless personality and ``enjoy'' what the Internet has to offer instead of trying to force your agenda. Changing the world involves fixing it from the meatspace, not in a place where nothing is taken seriously (rule 20). Does that require more effort than angry-posting in whatever part of the Internet one lurks? Absolutely, but usually the things that matter will require more effort to get them anyway---get used to it. Use the Internet to organise by any means, but don't think that the Internet alone is sufficient to get real change done.
30. Girls do not exist on the Internet.  See my comment rule 29, and rules 12 and 13.
32. You must have pictures to prove your statements; anything can be explained with a picture.  See my comment on rule 21.
33. Lurk more---it's never enough.  Ooo... this one is spicy. In the Social Media Age where ``engagement'' is highly valued, there has been a lot of effort in making sure that people interact as soon as possible instead of allowing them to lurk. This naturally increases the friction among them because the existing interaction dynamic (I'll call it ``culture'') gets challenged by the newcomers. The existing population is angered at the threatened peace from the upstarts, and the newcomers are angered at how the existing population are not seeing the ``right way'' of doing things. The key issue here is that unlike meatspace, social cues hardly exist on the Internet. The closest to social cues is through the culture inferred from the words that are exchanged within the group. Those who are already in the group are a part of the culture, while those who are new are not---it then behooves the newcomer to learn the culture proper before participating actively. In meatspace, we often put newcomers in their place very quickly due to the myriad of social cues that trigger strong visceral reactions (if one is really out of line, the ``air'' can be sensed to have ``gone bad'' very quickly). No such thing exists on the Internet, whether the false equivalence of personality and person exists or not. In fact, I would say that the false equivalence of personality and person is one of the contributing factors to the lack of lurking---that false equivalence falsely empowers the person when they enter a new online group as they believe that their personality carries forward into all the groups they are in. It's like that stereotypical shouting person at the counter going ``do you know who I am?!'' at the poor customer service representative. Well, this is a new/different social group, we don't know who you are; conversely, we do know our group, and we also know that you are out of line. Since social cues don't exist on the Internet, what usually happens is a backlashed smackdown that just escalates. See also rule 10, 11, 12, and maybe 18.
34. If it exists, there is porn of it. No exceptions.  Yeah. People are weird with what gets them off (see rule 36). The only difference is that with the Internet, physically impossible fantasies are not completely impossible.
35. If there is no porn of it, porn will be made of it.  Yeahh... see rule 34.
36. No matter what it is, it is somebody's fetish.  Just remember what fetish means.
37. No matter how fucked up it is, there is always worse than what you just saw.  ``Fucked up'' can mean many things, but just remember that the depths of human depravity can go really deep. Just remember that the largest advances in technology usually come from people thinking about how to hurt/maim/kill others more efficiently/effectively.
38. No real limits of any kind apply here---not even the sky.  See also rule 10, 11, and 20.
39. CAPS LOCK IS CRUISE CONTROL FOR COOL  IT'S REALLY SHOUTING, BUT SHOUTING IS COOL EVEN IN MEATSPACE.
40. EVEN WITH CRUISE CONTROL YOU STILL HAVE TO STEER  MAKE SURE THAT WHILE YOU ARE SHOUTING, YOU ARE NOT SHOUTING COMPLETE GIBBERISH!
41. Desu isn't funny. Seriously guys. It's worse than Chuck Norris jokes.  This rule is quite dated these days. I don't think anyone remembers ``desu''. Think of it as a specific interpretation of rule 17.
42. Nothing is Sacred.  A different emphasis of rule 37, 38, and maybe even rule 8.
43. The more beautiful and pure a thing is---the more satisfying it is to corrupt it.  It's like cultivating bonsai... it takes time and effort. And naturally, the greater the effect, the more satisfying it gets. Thanks to rule 37, 38, and 42, the Internet is more of a corrupting influence than a wholesome one anyway---why do you think God is pissed at human sin?
44. If it exists, there is a version of it for your fandom... and it has a wiki and possibly a tabletop version with a theme song performed by a Vocaloid.  Okay, let's break this down. A fandom is a community of fans of something (let's call it by the metavariable ``Abraxis'' for ease of reference). These fans usually like to mashup Abraxis with other currently popular thing to derive fun/pleasure (potential application of rule 36, or 43 depending on context). Thanks to the existence of Fandom/Wikia, hosting a knowledge-base of any sort is easy (think Wiki). The tabletop version, theme song performed by a vocaloid parts are all part of the mash-up that I referred to. Note also that rule 44 isn't just applying to Abraxis... it is referring to derived works of Abraxis as well. So if Abraxis was originally a novel, there might be a game derived from it, and that game will have its own Wiki, tabletop version, theme song sung by a Vocaloid and what-not.
45. If there is not, there will be.  It's the induction rule as applied to rule 44.
46. The Internet is SERIOUS FUCKING BUSINESS.  This sounds antithetical to rule 20, but it is more of an ironic statement. I mean, consider rule 20, and then contemplate on the fact that there even exists this list of rules of the Internet. Head broken yet? So yes, there are people who take the Internet too seriously to the point that it has spillover effects into meatspace (or otherwise really), but it is important to remember that the Internet is only important in itself, and is important as a potential communications channel for meatspace things. It should not be seen as a replacement of meatspace nor can it be manhandled like in meatspace.
47. The only good hentai is Yuri, that's how the Internet works. Only exception may be Vanilla.  Um, anime girls/women are usually drawn much better than anime boys/men. Also the predominance of ``men'' on the Internet (see rule 29, and 30).
48. The pool is always closed.  An old, old meme of a coordinated denial of service from yesteryear forever remembered as this rule. Still, remember rule 6.
49. You cannot divide by zero (just because the calculator says so).  Another old meme.
50. A Crossover, no matter how improbable, will eventually happen in Fan Art, Fan Fiction, or official release material, often through fanfiction of it.  In many ways, fan fiction/art are just one of the many ways fans of Abraxis (see rule 44) choose to be active participants in the appreciation of Abraxis itself. And when someone is a fan of multiple Abraxis? It will be inevitable that they will play the ``what-if'' scenarios when their favourite character of Abraxis 1 meets their favourite character of Abraxis 2. The more talented will then make the art, or fiction, or whatever, and thus rule 50 will be validated.
61. Chuck Norris is the exception, no exceptions.  Self-referential ironic statements are a fact of life on the Internet. Don't worry too much about it.
62. It has been cracked and pirated. You can find anything if you look long enough.  Sadly, this is true. If your main skill is in things that can easily be cracked/pirated, perhaps consider how to incorporate aspects that can make you some money while being resistant to being cracked/pirated. Physical merchandise is a thing for creative works, while blocking functionality behind the Software as a Service is another. Having a donation account for direct monetary contribution is also a good way to getting support/remuneration without necessarily having to resort to ``evil'' ways too. Just remember that unlike what corporations like to say, a pirated/cracked copy isn't usually a ``lost sale''---it was never really a sale to begin with. Tolerating some amount of piracy can actually turn out well, because it can create a de facto standard instead (remember the days of Photoshop before it got all to the cloud?).
63. For every given male character, there is a female version of that character (and vice-versa). And there is always porn of that character.  A specific instance of rules 34, 35, 44, 50, and maybe even 43).
64. If it exists, there's an AU of it.  Yeah, it's like rule 50, except the crossover is with itself. Sometimes Abraxis develops a certain [unnatural] way because of external constraints like time/money, and if the fandom is unusually vocal, they might just come up with their own interpretations of things.
65. If there isn't, there will be.  See my comments in rule 64.
66. Everything has a fandom, everything.  Related to rules 36, 44, maybe 46, 50).
67. 90% of fanfiction is the stuff of nightmares.  A specific implementation of rules 36, 37, 42, and maybe 43. There could be more, but damn this post is bloody long.
72. If a song exists, there's a Megalovania version of it.  As noted before, this is too new for me to comment on.
77. The Internet makes you stupid.  Yes it does. I just spent a couple of hours commenting on the rules of the Internet, didn't I? And didn't you just spend some time reading/skimming through this too, yes? Not to mention the more serious problem of misinformation because people spend so much time on the Internet and falsely equating the correctness of a statement with whether one personally trusts the person who forwarded that statement to them, as opposed to evaluating the statement's truth via the veracity of the supporting evidence and relevant expertise of the person making the statement.

And there you have it, my commentary on the rules of the Internet. It's a really long post, and so I'm going to stop here. I hope this does make up for the many recent short posts.

Till the next update.