I didn't really want to write this post, but I think I ought to, just so as to capture a moment.
I've more or less cleared all the side quests that are available in Cyberpunk 2077, and am in the last legs of the main quest line. Translated to regular English, it means soon, I would have completed the game.
The story-telling isn't as strong as The Witcher 3 (I suspect it is something about deriving from an existing literary series versus a world-building rule-book), but the romance-able characters (Panam, Judy, and River---these I have seen so far) have very strong stories. I'm not going to spoil them [too much], but I just want to share that each of their story moments through their chain of side quests are very compelling.
V sryg gur cnva va Cnanz jura fur gevrq ure orfg gb qb jung vf tbbq sbe ure Snzvyl, qrfcvgr bccbfvgvba sebz gur ervtavat cngevnepu. Ure riraghny npprcgnapr nf n yrnqre bs gur Snzvyl vf n gbhpuvat zbzrag. V sryg gur fnqarff naq ihyarenovyvgl va Whql nf nyy gur crbcyr jub pnerq sbe ure crevfurq sbe bar ernfba be nabgure, zbfgyl qhr gb pvephzfgnaprf. V sryg gur cebgrpgvir angher bs Evire nf ur gevrq gb fnir uvf snzvyl guebhtu bgure zrnaf jura gur pbeehcg bssvpvny zrgubqf ner cebivat gb or erfvyvrag gb whfgvpr naq gehgu. Gur pne enprf gung V qvq jvgu Pynver jrer punyyratvat, ohg V sryg vg jura fur erirnyrq gur natre fur unq ntnvafg gung bar pbzcrgvgbe jubz fur nggevohgrq gur oynzr bs xvyyvat bss ure uhfonaq (qevire) va gur enpr gur cerivbhf lrne. Naq V pnaabg sbetrg zl byq pubbz Wnpxvr, jub qvrq orpnhfr bs gur obgpurq wbo gung pnhfrq gur znva dhrfg yvar va gur svefg cynpr.
The writing and delivery of the lines for these quests that count are really alluring and help flesh out the characters. At some fundamental level, I think the dialogue of the romance-able characters really touched something in me, a weakness from recent... events? I think that the loss of five years of that safe feeling of someone who has my back is starting to get to me, as the next phase of my sabbatical kicks in, the one where the social isolation gets stronger, as people start to realise that I am actually taking my sabbatical seriously and am not really that ready/interested to start work again.
I don't want to speak ill of people---this is just human nature---but it seems to be the case here. Genesis 2:18 says ``And the LORD God said, `it is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.' ''. I think I'm feeling the effects of the lack of [most] forms of human intimacy now because of the emotional content that is within the writing for Cyberpunk 2077. A well-written game is at least as strong as a well-written book, the main difference that the delivery of the game can include additional elements to help suggest a particular set of emotional responses, while the book requires the imagination to do most of the heavy lifting.
No, it is not yet a sign that I am ready to date. This is Singapore---to date requires a sort of exchange. I don't have anything valuable to exchange now, considering that I have no job, no wealth, am not exactly attractive, nor am I powerful. More importantly, I'm still not completely comfortable in my skin for the new roles that are upcoming, and trying to be involved with another person is just a bad idea. As it stands, all I really have to give for exchange is my life---this seems to tie back again with the whole ``full-circle theme'' from the SMS Musing earlier today.
It's okay. This too, shall pass. Thankfully I don't exactly have many intrusive thoughts of suicide; I just have general thoughts of being a misfit in the society I am currently embedded in. Whether or not this is a better alternative remains to be seen.
This is no indication that God has failed though. I know my future after my mortal death is secured, so that's not where most of my worries lie; most of them lie within this mortal realm, strangely enough. Now, about what, exactly, is something that me and anyone else who reads all these blog entries need to deduce from what has been written.
Remember, I write here as a cathartic release of things that are in my head that can be publicly consumed---those that cannot be publicly talked about goes into a dead-tree version that does not reside anywhere near the 'net. Once these words leave my metaphorical mouth, they hopefully leave my immediate thought sphere, thus potentially allowing a different perspective to be synthesised from the thesis and anti-thesis.
If ever there is a summary for what I had written, it would just be this: I really don't do well with endings---they always make me sad. And if the endings are sad, they hit me just that much harder as all the sadness multiplies upon themselves. Anyone who still thinks that I'm some emotionless thinking machine... really hasn't known me well enough, and if they are someone I had known for a while, I would just be disappointed in them.
Oh Lord, I cast these sad feelings to You, for it is You who is my anchor point, my cornerstone; for You are my sword and my shield. I pray that you will protect me against the harms of this world according to Your Will, and that the suffering of any sort that I may undergo, no matter their severity, is in accordance with what Your Will is. I pray all these in Jesus' name, amen.
And with that, till the next update.
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