The other sad thing about life that one realises as one gets older is the paradoxical lack of control over affairs, despite being in a better position to actually make good use of the resources at one's disposal. Think about it this way. When one was still a child, the environment that one interacted with was much smaller; there's mainly the home and the school, and possibly with the extended family members. Unfortunately, as one grows up, one's social circles increase in size, and slowly [but surely] one will find that control is utterly lost.
But I think I need to be careful with what I say. When I say ``control'', I mean being able to influence things and make things move along through personal intervention. It is clear then when one is still a child, the environment allows much control to be exerted, even if one did not realise that one could do that to one degree or another. Sadly, once one is aware of such abilities, the environment has changed and there is little opportunity to demonstrate/use one's abilities.
Part of the reason why this is the case is the cultivation of the ``herd'' mentality. As children begin their lives interacting with the world, they do not understand the concept of conformance, and thus present a more care-free outlook towards life; they are also insulated from the vagaries of life and thus have the almost-perfect conditions to be the way they are. But fast forward a few more years, and one finds that the child's individuality and antics associated with it are not as tolerated as before, and the child learns how to conform, either through physical conformance (like wearing uniforms/dressing in a certain way), or even psychological conformance (like creationism is the only truth to how life came about, and not evolutionism). By the time the child reaches young adult-hood, the damage has been done---he/she has developed the ``herd'' instinct, never truly wanting to explore the borders beyond what the ``herd'' mentality dictates.
For the most part, at least, from the perspective of governing bodies, ``herd'' mentality is a good trait for the masses, since it makes policing and governing them easy. However, from the social development standpoint, I doubt that having only ``herd'' mentality is sufficient for a society to progress beyond the level that it is already at. Think about it in another way, if everyone were to only follow the crowd and not innovate, life would not be the way it is now because the inventions that we have grown to rely on would cease to exist at such an early stage because no one would be willing to challenge the social norm and create something that the world has never seen before.
But what has all of this got to do with the control that I talk about before? Well, simply put, the rejection of the ``herd'' mentality will actuallly allow more control to be weaved back into a person's life. What do I mean, you might ask. If one does not readily conform to society's wants, then one is able to look at things from a critical perspective and decide if the said social norms are worth following. Here is an example of what I mean. Take a look at the UK currently. It is of no doubt that the UK has developed a culture of surveillance on all of its people, and not just the ones who are suspects to a case. In fact, you would be photographed by no less than 3 cameras while just walking along the street in London. What has happened here? This is the ``herd'' mentality being in effect---most of the masses do not understand the mumbo-jumbo that the people in power say, and due to their ``herd'' mentality, decide ``for themselves'' that what the government does is good for them and thus no one makes any noise/comment about the ramifications of having such an extensive surveillance network on all the people, whether you are suspicious of committing a crime or not. Of course, the other way of looking at this will be that dissenters to the plan were secretly incarcerated and thus prevented from airing their views, but this is already bordering on the line of speculation and I do not think that it is a worthwhile direction to take since conspiracy theories are just so easy to make.
I am not advocating that people go against their governments. I am saying that people should reject blindly following anything and to think for themselves critically, evaluating within their understanding framework if the said ideas are indeed worthy of being followed. That trait, unfortunately, is not readily seen in most people because their either do not care, or do not know how to care (i.e. cannot think critically). We live in interesting/terrifying times, and the longer that we do not wrest control of our lives and thoughts from the ``herd'', the more injustices can occur through the inactions of many.
Sunday, April 05, 2009
Saturday, April 04, 2009
Human Social Interaction
The strange sad thing about human social interactions is this: despite being the ``social animals'' that we claim to be, the concept of being ``social'' itself is suspect. For instance, most of the interactions that we have with most people tend to be of the shallow sort, also known as the ``hi-bye'' type of social interaction. Not that this is wrong, but I find that this is rather counterintuitive to what one would normally associate with the semantics of being ``social''.
To a large degree, the increased use of technology in both communications and transportation can be considered the real reasons why this phenomenon is happening. Long ago, few would travel farther than their immediate surroundings, since the relatively egalitarian society (and lack of the ability to travel!) meant that most of what a person would require to live on is available there. Fast forward a few hundred years, and we find ourselves in the current situation, where people are flying all over the world conducting business and recreation, where unless one is from a really backwater country, there is a substantial number of goods that are available are from other parts of the world, imported through the extensive transportation network that took a few hundred years to build up and maintain.
But what has all these got to do with why people are less socially intimate with each other? Well, the answer is rather straightforward---there's just too many people to meet, too many places to go and too many things to work on to be able to invest the time (and other opportunity costs!) necessary to establish a more intimate social relationship other than the ``hi-bye'' variety. Gone were the days when neighbours would actually visit each other just to talk about all things great and small, gone are the days where people actually knew who were living around them. Each household is an isloated one, and runs independently on how the world actually works. Extended families are no longer as close to each other, and in many cases, people are turning to professional help for their needs, as opposed to the tradition of seeking one's relatives for help first.
Is this a bad thing then? Like many arguments, the answer to this one is highly subjective. On the one hand, being exposed to the world and thus meeting other people/cultures is a great way of improving one's role as a global citizen. On the other hand, that people only know each other superficially means that the support network in times of catastrophe can be flaky at best, since one would be unlikely to risk one's life and limb in order to help someone whom they do not know ``close enough''.
But for now, enough of the rather pretentious air that I seem to be evoking by talking about the world at large. Let's talk about me. I don't really like the whole superficial socialisation business; to me, it is a symbol of devaluation of what it means to be human. Suddenly people are not seen for who they are, but by just what they can do. Ever heard of that ``super-star'' person who gets away with almost anything just because he/she is really good at what he/she does, even though he/she is a complete and utterly terrible person who tyrannises the people they work with? I've seen these kinds of people before, and I guess that their behaviour is partially influenced by the fact that the world works on very superficial social situations. Of course I can argue in the other direction---how many people are out there in decision-making positions who are really incompetent by are they simply because they make themselves look as though the people know them really well?
Social interactions as a whole then is rather complicated to define and practise, particularly under this rapid globalisation context where people just don't hang around long enough for others to truly learn more about them. The phrase ``life in the fast lane'' comes to mind each time I think about how people are just putting on a show for everyone else to see, simply because they don't really know how best to carry themselves in front of others. Sadly, this ``show business'' is also used heavily among people who are supposed to be intimate with each other, like couples. That could possibly be the reason why divorce rates are so high in many developed countries; people get into a ``serious'' relationship based on the charade they see, and when time wears on and the charade disintegrates, all that is left is the bareness of an immature soul that only knows how to make people like them and not know how to be themselves.
Many have called me tactless, and of course I agree with them. That is not the complete truth, however, since my ``tactlessness'' does not appear where it ``counts'' socially, i.e. when I am truly expected to put on a show for others (like in a business setting for example). I am candid when I am with people whom I think that I can trust, and being candid means that I do not bar the expression of my feelings and thoughts to these people. And all these explains why I have decided to stay out of #cslounge from now on. Don't get me wrong, it is a nice place to talk about things of all sorts and to listen to various perspectives of people. But then there's this problem of being a clique---they are from #cslounge and are thus ``better'' than those of us who are not on that place. A look through the logs will show this to be the case in general throughout the history of the place. I am there, but I am not there, which is a rather strong distinction that I think I must say. Not that I don't like the people on #cslounge, but that at this point, they don't need me, and I don't need them either. Might as well stay away since there is nothing of importance being lost. I mean, in a year, they would not remember me, we would be doing divergent activities, and life still goes on differently for all of us. And I never really felt the need to conform to their philosophy and will; there are other more interesting things that I can do (and I should!).
Alright, enough talk on the nature of human social interaction. I'm getting sick of writing about this topic already. Till next time.
To a large degree, the increased use of technology in both communications and transportation can be considered the real reasons why this phenomenon is happening. Long ago, few would travel farther than their immediate surroundings, since the relatively egalitarian society (and lack of the ability to travel!) meant that most of what a person would require to live on is available there. Fast forward a few hundred years, and we find ourselves in the current situation, where people are flying all over the world conducting business and recreation, where unless one is from a really backwater country, there is a substantial number of goods that are available are from other parts of the world, imported through the extensive transportation network that took a few hundred years to build up and maintain.
But what has all these got to do with why people are less socially intimate with each other? Well, the answer is rather straightforward---there's just too many people to meet, too many places to go and too many things to work on to be able to invest the time (and other opportunity costs!) necessary to establish a more intimate social relationship other than the ``hi-bye'' variety. Gone were the days when neighbours would actually visit each other just to talk about all things great and small, gone are the days where people actually knew who were living around them. Each household is an isloated one, and runs independently on how the world actually works. Extended families are no longer as close to each other, and in many cases, people are turning to professional help for their needs, as opposed to the tradition of seeking one's relatives for help first.
Is this a bad thing then? Like many arguments, the answer to this one is highly subjective. On the one hand, being exposed to the world and thus meeting other people/cultures is a great way of improving one's role as a global citizen. On the other hand, that people only know each other superficially means that the support network in times of catastrophe can be flaky at best, since one would be unlikely to risk one's life and limb in order to help someone whom they do not know ``close enough''.
But for now, enough of the rather pretentious air that I seem to be evoking by talking about the world at large. Let's talk about me. I don't really like the whole superficial socialisation business; to me, it is a symbol of devaluation of what it means to be human. Suddenly people are not seen for who they are, but by just what they can do. Ever heard of that ``super-star'' person who gets away with almost anything just because he/she is really good at what he/she does, even though he/she is a complete and utterly terrible person who tyrannises the people they work with? I've seen these kinds of people before, and I guess that their behaviour is partially influenced by the fact that the world works on very superficial social situations. Of course I can argue in the other direction---how many people are out there in decision-making positions who are really incompetent by are they simply because they make themselves look as though the people know them really well?
Social interactions as a whole then is rather complicated to define and practise, particularly under this rapid globalisation context where people just don't hang around long enough for others to truly learn more about them. The phrase ``life in the fast lane'' comes to mind each time I think about how people are just putting on a show for everyone else to see, simply because they don't really know how best to carry themselves in front of others. Sadly, this ``show business'' is also used heavily among people who are supposed to be intimate with each other, like couples. That could possibly be the reason why divorce rates are so high in many developed countries; people get into a ``serious'' relationship based on the charade they see, and when time wears on and the charade disintegrates, all that is left is the bareness of an immature soul that only knows how to make people like them and not know how to be themselves.
Many have called me tactless, and of course I agree with them. That is not the complete truth, however, since my ``tactlessness'' does not appear where it ``counts'' socially, i.e. when I am truly expected to put on a show for others (like in a business setting for example). I am candid when I am with people whom I think that I can trust, and being candid means that I do not bar the expression of my feelings and thoughts to these people. And all these explains why I have decided to stay out of #cslounge from now on. Don't get me wrong, it is a nice place to talk about things of all sorts and to listen to various perspectives of people. But then there's this problem of being a clique---they are from #cslounge and are thus ``better'' than those of us who are not on that place. A look through the logs will show this to be the case in general throughout the history of the place. I am there, but I am not there, which is a rather strong distinction that I think I must say. Not that I don't like the people on #cslounge, but that at this point, they don't need me, and I don't need them either. Might as well stay away since there is nothing of importance being lost. I mean, in a year, they would not remember me, we would be doing divergent activities, and life still goes on differently for all of us. And I never really felt the need to conform to their philosophy and will; there are other more interesting things that I can do (and I should!).
Alright, enough talk on the nature of human social interaction. I'm getting sick of writing about this topic already. Till next time.
Wednesday, April 01, 2009
Code and LISP
Yet another day passes, but this time, it is significantly more productive than what I would have grown to expect. The month of April comes upon us, and soon it will be May, and I would have graduated, and will need to make my way back home, away from my lovely girlfriend, and into the supposed drudgeries of a working life. Having never truly learnt LISP before, I find that the code I'm hacking in that language just seems to flow like the wine that one pours out of the amphora; each drop that falls out contain the brevity and wisdom that is within my make-up.
I guess I'm starting to have a good feel of what it means to be a ``hacker'' as opposed to just being a programmer.
Code, I live it, I breathe it, I eat it, and I work it.
I guess I'm starting to have a good feel of what it means to be a ``hacker'' as opposed to just being a programmer.
Code, I live it, I breathe it, I eat it, and I work it.
Monday, March 30, 2009
Forever Young
Forever Young---Alphaville
Lets dance in style, lets dance for a while
Heaven can wait we're only watching the skies
Hoping for the best but expecting the worst
Are you going to drop the bomb or not?
Let us die young or let us live forever
We dont have the power but we never say never
Sitting in a sandpit, life is a short trip
The musics for the sad men
Can you imagine when this race is won
Turn our golden faces into the sun
Praising our leaders were getting in tune
The musics played by the madmen
Forever young, I want to be forever young
Do you really want to live forever, forever and ever
Some are like water, some are like the heat
Some are a melody and some are the beat
Sooner or later they all will be gone
Why dont they stay young
Its so hard to get old without a cause
I dont want to perish like a fading horse
Youth is like diamonds in the sun
And diamonds are forever
So many adventures couldnt happen today
So many songs we forgot to play
So many dreams are swinging out of the blue
We let them come true
Friday, March 27, 2009
Last Round of Belly-Aching for Now
And so another day continues the drudgery that defines what I am. I am slowly losing patience with people of all sorts, including myself. I'm tired of having to deal with people; I'm just going to not care anymore. Let them think what they want, let them do what they want! I never did fit in anywhere; any sense of fitting in is a delusion on my part. Time to stop these damn delusions, I guess.
Looking at how things are progressing throughout this week, I think I will have a most interesting Friday. There're so many things to think about, and probably to work on, and to actually deal with personally, that perhaps I should just switch back into my colder demeanour and deal with these things, with little regard to what else is going on.
Alright, I'm sick of belly-aching. Time to get back to work.
Looking at how things are progressing throughout this week, I think I will have a most interesting Friday. There're so many things to think about, and probably to work on, and to actually deal with personally, that perhaps I should just switch back into my colder demeanour and deal with these things, with little regard to what else is going on.
Alright, I'm sick of belly-aching. Time to get back to work.
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Blurb
If I ever die tomorrow, for example, I think no more than 10 people will remember me, of which includes my immediate family, the lawyer for A*STAR, the crematorium, and maybe Ida.
No one else remembers me. I am like a passing shadow, leaving nothing behind, not even footprints.
And now, I truly must sleep, or I will face certain death [of another kind].
No one else remembers me. I am like a passing shadow, leaving nothing behind, not even footprints.
And now, I truly must sleep, or I will face certain death [of another kind].
More Death-related Stuff...
Not too long ago, word has been received that someone that many people on #cslounge who seem to know has died by the way of suicide. While I can understand why this can be shocking to people, I find it strange that within my being, I have hardly any feeling of empathy for them.
Death is the end of life, whether or not you choose to end it yourself or if the state chooses to end it for you, or if your fate chooses to end it for you. At the end of the day, all of us will die anyway; if someone decides to choose how to end his/her life, why should we be all emotional about how the person was a good guy/girl in the past and wallow about it? That I can never undertand---if that person means so much to you, then show that you care whenever you can; why wait till he/she is no longer around before professing your thoughts and feelings about the person?
I find the whole idea very ludicrous.
Call me insensitive, sociopathic, I don't really care. People keep taking things for granted anyway, and dealing with death is one of the ways that demonstrates the rather odd reactions that are peculiar to humans. I had volunteered a kickban from #cslounge while the people are embroiled in their whole ``grieving'' process, because I know that I will end up incurring more wrath than necessary by stating my cold/rational third-party viewpoint on the issue. Frankly, I don't really give a damn---the signal-to-noise ratio of #cslounge is lowering these days, and as I slowly approach graduation and thus the inevitable transplantation from this place back to my hometown, I'm starting to find some of the people's reactions disagreeable. Rather than have an all-out slug-fest, I have judiciously decided to be kickbanned until they have resolved their issues.
Let's face it. These people are only hearing things through the grapevine. I was monitoring the logs after the kickban, and sure enough, the usual after-effects of a death include people making empty promises about how best to live their lives and how great the deceased was, including the reminiscence of the deceased past exploits. I am glad I made the decision to stay out of the group.
The more I ponder about things, the more I realised that I am no different now as compared to when I first entered this place---I never truly belonged to this place. At the end of the day, I'm still the outsider, always trying to look in and watch and figure out how best to ``blend-in'' or at the very least, not appear like some complete and absolute sociopath. Sure, some of these people are friendly enough, but I guess I am not what they might call a ``friend''. In an article from long ago, I've already acknowledged that I'm still the odd-one-out, and even more so now, despite having done so much.
Why do I care? I don't, really. But I also don't want to go all crazy again---those were bad times, they really were. Very few people can imagine how it felt trying to survive through all the nonsense that I had to put up with, both from external sources and from within myself.
I will never be socially appropriate. I will state my observations plainly and with little mincing of words. I should not fear what I say, especially if what I say is provably true. I guess that's where I differ from the usual human, since I have hardly all the characteristics that a normal human has.
Heh. The kinds of horrors one finds when one visits my head space. I think I'm in the position where there is hardly anyone who is fit enough to tell me that the whole suicide thing was bad---they have never understood what it feels to be absolutely out of control of one's life.
So, long story short, I just hope that the bellyaching will cease soon and life continues for all of them. Nevermind if I stay permanently kick-banned---I'm pretty sure my absence will not be noticed, heck the person who passed away recently was not seen for about 4 days by now, and it was only through the ether that his/her death was ``discovered'' by the denizens of #cslounge. I figure that for someone whom they tend to see often enough in the flesh, they probably don't care about me appearing on #cslounge or not.
And now, on to something more relevant to my life---actually getting some sleep to beat off the cold. Till next time...
Death is the end of life, whether or not you choose to end it yourself or if the state chooses to end it for you, or if your fate chooses to end it for you. At the end of the day, all of us will die anyway; if someone decides to choose how to end his/her life, why should we be all emotional about how the person was a good guy/girl in the past and wallow about it? That I can never undertand---if that person means so much to you, then show that you care whenever you can; why wait till he/she is no longer around before professing your thoughts and feelings about the person?
I find the whole idea very ludicrous.
Call me insensitive, sociopathic, I don't really care. People keep taking things for granted anyway, and dealing with death is one of the ways that demonstrates the rather odd reactions that are peculiar to humans. I had volunteered a kickban from #cslounge while the people are embroiled in their whole ``grieving'' process, because I know that I will end up incurring more wrath than necessary by stating my cold/rational third-party viewpoint on the issue. Frankly, I don't really give a damn---the signal-to-noise ratio of #cslounge is lowering these days, and as I slowly approach graduation and thus the inevitable transplantation from this place back to my hometown, I'm starting to find some of the people's reactions disagreeable. Rather than have an all-out slug-fest, I have judiciously decided to be kickbanned until they have resolved their issues.
Let's face it. These people are only hearing things through the grapevine. I was monitoring the logs after the kickban, and sure enough, the usual after-effects of a death include people making empty promises about how best to live their lives and how great the deceased was, including the reminiscence of the deceased past exploits. I am glad I made the decision to stay out of the group.
The more I ponder about things, the more I realised that I am no different now as compared to when I first entered this place---I never truly belonged to this place. At the end of the day, I'm still the outsider, always trying to look in and watch and figure out how best to ``blend-in'' or at the very least, not appear like some complete and absolute sociopath. Sure, some of these people are friendly enough, but I guess I am not what they might call a ``friend''. In an article from long ago, I've already acknowledged that I'm still the odd-one-out, and even more so now, despite having done so much.
Why do I care? I don't, really. But I also don't want to go all crazy again---those were bad times, they really were. Very few people can imagine how it felt trying to survive through all the nonsense that I had to put up with, both from external sources and from within myself.
I will never be socially appropriate. I will state my observations plainly and with little mincing of words. I should not fear what I say, especially if what I say is provably true. I guess that's where I differ from the usual human, since I have hardly all the characteristics that a normal human has.
Heh. The kinds of horrors one finds when one visits my head space. I think I'm in the position where there is hardly anyone who is fit enough to tell me that the whole suicide thing was bad---they have never understood what it feels to be absolutely out of control of one's life.
So, long story short, I just hope that the bellyaching will cease soon and life continues for all of them. Nevermind if I stay permanently kick-banned---I'm pretty sure my absence will not be noticed, heck the person who passed away recently was not seen for about 4 days by now, and it was only through the ether that his/her death was ``discovered'' by the denizens of #cslounge. I figure that for someone whom they tend to see often enough in the flesh, they probably don't care about me appearing on #cslounge or not.
And now, on to something more relevant to my life---actually getting some sleep to beat off the cold. Till next time...
Sunday, March 22, 2009
Auto-Writing and Other Adventures
And so passes yet another day. Another day done here means another day closer to graduation. On the one hand I am glad that I can slowly start to literally make a living for myself. On the other hand, I feel a little sad about the whole business, since I am once again picking myself up from what is now familiar and am going to something that is less familiar. What will the future be? Will I be able to deal with whatever comes my way?
If I were dealing with this alone, I would have much easier answers for these really hard questions, but that is no longer the case---my fate is intertwined with yet another. There are so many things to think and worry about, and even with my excessive powers of planning/worry/thought, I cannot fathom the gravity of the entire issue. That of course is one of the many reasons why I am feeling under the weather of late---I'm thinking too much about the future once more.
I guess the old adage still holds: whatever fate brings you, you take it [sort of]. Almost all of us can figure out how much I am worth as a working person, but how much am I worth as a person? I have no clue, and perhaps that is one of those things that I need to think about---my seeming self-confidence is only apparent when we are talking about professional situations and not personal ones. More things to worry about, no?
And so time passes yet again, and I think more and more about less and less until I think everything about nothing, before realising that at the end of the day, I truly am thinking nothing about everything because this life is just a passing dream---only the eventual death is something that is the most definite among all the experiences that a person can undergo.
But what do I see upon death? Probably alone, somewhere, if I don't go out with a bang that is. Lying in bed, staring vacantly at the white ceiling where the fan whirrs idly under the summer heat. If I'm lucky, I'd be old, and possibly drooling to the side, perhaps still having an active mind, but a failed body of some sort. And when the final moment comes, I will probably be trying to fight it off as much as I can, or more likely to just accept it with an air of resignation, and to die regretting about the things that I should have done but never would. I would be a passing memory to all around me---at death, no one will remember who I was, what I had done, how I had gotten there. All they would know is that a decrepit old man had just died on his bed, possibly choking on his own drool---never knew if the old geezer was thinking anything at all.
Birth, ageing, sickness, death---just part of the cycle of living I guess. I think I'm probably past the stage of fearing death, since I know full well that I will not be remembered anyway (and what else can one be more fearful of that that?). I have not yet gotten to the point of embracing/welcoming death yet---perhaps eventually when my will to live is sufficiently low, I can bring such thoughts into my consciousness. So what if life is just an illusion---we are all just meatbags anyway.
*sigh*
Sometimes I think that I'm just too negative for my own good. I mean, it is true, isn't it, that I'm rather negative? It served me well in the past (and it still serves me now!) but it has this weird effect that affects my affect, causing me to be miserable more than half the time. Negativism---the very epitome of my dark character I guess, something that is so innate that the best I can do is to mask it away, as opposed to trying to correct the judgemental thought. I like to think that I'm matured, but at times I discover I'm probably more naive than most people. Well, I don't know what is really going on anymore, and am just literally following the flow, going where life and life's past decisions have taken me. I'm probably one of those few people who can sit in an empty room all day with nothing but the walls as my companions, and still not feel bored about it.
I dunno... perhaps I am destined to travel alone through the marshes of time, stuck in some forgotten place, pondering about the mysteries of the universe as I assimilate knowledge and information from all corners of my being. Perhaps I'm a modern day recluse, one who, despite living in the city, is more isolated than a hermit living on a deserted island. Perhaps I am secretly just an actor, acting out roles to their final conclusions, never having the chance to truly discover what makes the ``real'' me. Perhaps I'm just being delusional over the whole affair, and I'm just confusing the heck out of myself through all these random and useless thoughts.
``Verbal diarrhoea'' is probably the best term that I can use to explain the current situation that I am in right now---I just keep writing and writing and typing and typing, with little care if what I'm saying makes any sense or not. In some ways, this in itself is a therapeutic affair, since there is little inhibitions that I have in trying to put my thoughts in order. But I sometimes feel sorry for the reader, for he/she has to untangle all these garbled pieces of information that spew forth my dishevelled mind and trying to find some sense of coherence among all the data that is available.
Ah life! You are among the biggest conundrums that I have ever faced. Sometimes you make me happy and savour the moment of living, many times you make me loathe my existence, and pray for a speedy end of my pathetic being; sometimes you inspire me to live on courageously and the infect others with the inspiration I found, and at other times you reject me and make me more dejected than the souls that are bared from heaven despite living a morally upright life. The confusion of it all, the seemingly tellingness of life juxtaposed with its coyness---it baffles all who live it, be it eight or eighty.
I look back upon what I have done and think to myself: I have made many mistakes in the past, and I have made some positive accomplishments. But why can I only remember the damn mistakes and not the achievements? Why is it so that I am programmed to only recall the bad and not the good? Is there something fundamentally wrong with my thought processes, or is this one of those ``error in thought'' things that people talk about but I have never truly seen? I have no idea what I am talking about right now, but I'm just... letting the words flow ever so smoothly from my mind directly to my finger-tips and finally onto the keyboard to be sent into the computer. The feeling... is strange, to say the least, but is comforting to a small degree, as the regular staccato sound of the keys being depressed and released one after another in quick fashion.
I look forward in life, and while I once saw green pastures meeting a clear blue sky in the horizon (with butterflies and flowers and other pretty things no less), all that I see now is a deep fog, much like the one that London infamously has. I can't seem to see past the outstretched hand's distance, and beyond that, all I can see is just this deep fog that hides all that is far away. The fogginess of the whole enterpreise remains even though I rub my eyes and clean my lenses---perhaps it is my mind's eye that requires some form of cleaning and possible debridement.
But I digress... in a multitude of tangents, no less. Some slightly more concrete news then. I have finally made the big move to remap the caps-lock of my laptop keyboard to that of the left control key---this is so that I will get use to the ``correct'' position of where the control key ought to be, and more importantly to avoid the ``emacs pinky'' that is obtained due to prolonged unnatural stretching of the left pinky when trying to hit the ``traditional'' control button. That said, as my graduation gift to myself, I've decided indulge in a $70 keyboard known as the Happy Hacking Keyboard Lite 2. The wonders of this keyboard lies in its portability and sensible placement of keys, as well as the rather comfortable tactile feel of it. That and the ability to set specific functions on the keyboard through the DIP switches in the back---I swear I will bring this keyboard to and fro work for my own edification (and to keep my left pinky from dying unnecessarily).
Strangely, I'm starting to actually enjoy Real Analysis. It is strange because the last time I did an abstract mathematics class, I was basically dying from it because I didn't have any form of intuitive feel nor the deep interest. But with Real Analysis, I find that I am starting to get the hang of it and to develop this mathematical intuition on why the theorems are the way they are and how best to go about proving them. That said, I hope that I won't do too badly for this class, otherwise I would be really sad person in the end.
I don't think that I have much to talk about now... I have basically spewed too much words here already, and it is getting rather late. Perhaps I should turn in for the night, and wonder about how to deal with things later on in the day...
If I were dealing with this alone, I would have much easier answers for these really hard questions, but that is no longer the case---my fate is intertwined with yet another. There are so many things to think and worry about, and even with my excessive powers of planning/worry/thought, I cannot fathom the gravity of the entire issue. That of course is one of the many reasons why I am feeling under the weather of late---I'm thinking too much about the future once more.
I guess the old adage still holds: whatever fate brings you, you take it [sort of]. Almost all of us can figure out how much I am worth as a working person, but how much am I worth as a person? I have no clue, and perhaps that is one of those things that I need to think about---my seeming self-confidence is only apparent when we are talking about professional situations and not personal ones. More things to worry about, no?
And so time passes yet again, and I think more and more about less and less until I think everything about nothing, before realising that at the end of the day, I truly am thinking nothing about everything because this life is just a passing dream---only the eventual death is something that is the most definite among all the experiences that a person can undergo.
But what do I see upon death? Probably alone, somewhere, if I don't go out with a bang that is. Lying in bed, staring vacantly at the white ceiling where the fan whirrs idly under the summer heat. If I'm lucky, I'd be old, and possibly drooling to the side, perhaps still having an active mind, but a failed body of some sort. And when the final moment comes, I will probably be trying to fight it off as much as I can, or more likely to just accept it with an air of resignation, and to die regretting about the things that I should have done but never would. I would be a passing memory to all around me---at death, no one will remember who I was, what I had done, how I had gotten there. All they would know is that a decrepit old man had just died on his bed, possibly choking on his own drool---never knew if the old geezer was thinking anything at all.
Birth, ageing, sickness, death---just part of the cycle of living I guess. I think I'm probably past the stage of fearing death, since I know full well that I will not be remembered anyway (and what else can one be more fearful of that that?). I have not yet gotten to the point of embracing/welcoming death yet---perhaps eventually when my will to live is sufficiently low, I can bring such thoughts into my consciousness. So what if life is just an illusion---we are all just meatbags anyway.
*sigh*
Sometimes I think that I'm just too negative for my own good. I mean, it is true, isn't it, that I'm rather negative? It served me well in the past (and it still serves me now!) but it has this weird effect that affects my affect, causing me to be miserable more than half the time. Negativism---the very epitome of my dark character I guess, something that is so innate that the best I can do is to mask it away, as opposed to trying to correct the judgemental thought. I like to think that I'm matured, but at times I discover I'm probably more naive than most people. Well, I don't know what is really going on anymore, and am just literally following the flow, going where life and life's past decisions have taken me. I'm probably one of those few people who can sit in an empty room all day with nothing but the walls as my companions, and still not feel bored about it.
I dunno... perhaps I am destined to travel alone through the marshes of time, stuck in some forgotten place, pondering about the mysteries of the universe as I assimilate knowledge and information from all corners of my being. Perhaps I'm a modern day recluse, one who, despite living in the city, is more isolated than a hermit living on a deserted island. Perhaps I am secretly just an actor, acting out roles to their final conclusions, never having the chance to truly discover what makes the ``real'' me. Perhaps I'm just being delusional over the whole affair, and I'm just confusing the heck out of myself through all these random and useless thoughts.
``Verbal diarrhoea'' is probably the best term that I can use to explain the current situation that I am in right now---I just keep writing and writing and typing and typing, with little care if what I'm saying makes any sense or not. In some ways, this in itself is a therapeutic affair, since there is little inhibitions that I have in trying to put my thoughts in order. But I sometimes feel sorry for the reader, for he/she has to untangle all these garbled pieces of information that spew forth my dishevelled mind and trying to find some sense of coherence among all the data that is available.
Ah life! You are among the biggest conundrums that I have ever faced. Sometimes you make me happy and savour the moment of living, many times you make me loathe my existence, and pray for a speedy end of my pathetic being; sometimes you inspire me to live on courageously and the infect others with the inspiration I found, and at other times you reject me and make me more dejected than the souls that are bared from heaven despite living a morally upright life. The confusion of it all, the seemingly tellingness of life juxtaposed with its coyness---it baffles all who live it, be it eight or eighty.
I look back upon what I have done and think to myself: I have made many mistakes in the past, and I have made some positive accomplishments. But why can I only remember the damn mistakes and not the achievements? Why is it so that I am programmed to only recall the bad and not the good? Is there something fundamentally wrong with my thought processes, or is this one of those ``error in thought'' things that people talk about but I have never truly seen? I have no idea what I am talking about right now, but I'm just... letting the words flow ever so smoothly from my mind directly to my finger-tips and finally onto the keyboard to be sent into the computer. The feeling... is strange, to say the least, but is comforting to a small degree, as the regular staccato sound of the keys being depressed and released one after another in quick fashion.
I look forward in life, and while I once saw green pastures meeting a clear blue sky in the horizon (with butterflies and flowers and other pretty things no less), all that I see now is a deep fog, much like the one that London infamously has. I can't seem to see past the outstretched hand's distance, and beyond that, all I can see is just this deep fog that hides all that is far away. The fogginess of the whole enterpreise remains even though I rub my eyes and clean my lenses---perhaps it is my mind's eye that requires some form of cleaning and possible debridement.
But I digress... in a multitude of tangents, no less. Some slightly more concrete news then. I have finally made the big move to remap the caps-lock of my laptop keyboard to that of the left control key---this is so that I will get use to the ``correct'' position of where the control key ought to be, and more importantly to avoid the ``emacs pinky'' that is obtained due to prolonged unnatural stretching of the left pinky when trying to hit the ``traditional'' control button. That said, as my graduation gift to myself, I've decided indulge in a $70 keyboard known as the Happy Hacking Keyboard Lite 2. The wonders of this keyboard lies in its portability and sensible placement of keys, as well as the rather comfortable tactile feel of it. That and the ability to set specific functions on the keyboard through the DIP switches in the back---I swear I will bring this keyboard to and fro work for my own edification (and to keep my left pinky from dying unnecessarily).
Strangely, I'm starting to actually enjoy Real Analysis. It is strange because the last time I did an abstract mathematics class, I was basically dying from it because I didn't have any form of intuitive feel nor the deep interest. But with Real Analysis, I find that I am starting to get the hang of it and to develop this mathematical intuition on why the theorems are the way they are and how best to go about proving them. That said, I hope that I won't do too badly for this class, otherwise I would be really sad person in the end.
I don't think that I have much to talk about now... I have basically spewed too much words here already, and it is getting rather late. Perhaps I should turn in for the night, and wonder about how to deal with things later on in the day...
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
The Signs... They Are Back
The signs... they are back. The signs of an impending escalation into pure and absolute turmoil. This time round, I can't even seem to be able to pinpoint what is the cause of the problem, since most things are moving along alright as far as things are.
Why then are the signs returning? Is there something that I don't know about that is starting to manifest itself again?
Is this the sign of impending doom and sudden upheaval in my life?
Are the good days over, and the bad ones taking over everything else?
Why am I suddenly reacting in the way that I am now? Why all these irritation?
Why then are the signs returning? Is there something that I don't know about that is starting to manifest itself again?
Is this the sign of impending doom and sudden upheaval in my life?
Are the good days over, and the bad ones taking over everything else?
Why am I suddenly reacting in the way that I am now? Why all these irritation?
Monday, March 16, 2009
Writer's Block
So with great thought and all, I've decided to convert my really aging Pentium III machine into a headless terminal, and to have (as the main tools) spell-checkers, vim, and LaTeX installed as the main applications, in addition to having some form of VNC/SSH ability. If you still haven't figured out what I am up to, well, let me spell it clearly then: it will be my writing machine.
That's right. Things have gotten to the point where I think that having a dedicated writing machine is probably the way to go. It is not that I cannot write with my current machine; I write a lot (and decently so!) with my current set-up. But there's always distractions here and there, with people trying to contact me over instant messaging. I long for the days where the writer can just sit down in front of his/her trusty typewriter and cobble together words to make stories; there is a timeless feel for that that I cannot truly describe in words over here.
In related news, I've finally got hold of a copy of Strunk & White's The Elements of Style. Again, you might ask, why. Truth is, it has been a long time since I polished/fixed my English, and it has gotten to the point where my English is rather fractured. Sure, I might sound like I know what I am writing, but trust me, I have never felt that my English has improved since I was twelve years old, and it is not a feeling that I particularly enjoy. I have hardly taken any English class seriously ever since I was twelve, since for the most part they were stressing on how to conform to obtaining better grades in examinations, which do not necessarily lead to actual improvement in writing style and diction. I have no real bone to pick about the examinations [here, at least] but the thing is that I don't feel that I have improved my writing abilities at all throughout all these ``gaming'' exercises which basically involves me trying to write such that the examiner will be pleased.
I was not writing because I enjoyed the art of writing, but only to satisfy some requirement set forth by someone who thought that it was a good idea to include in the education system.
But now, after churning out hundreds of rants, and even more poems all over the place, I've decided that I should probably put some structure into my writing and consider working at it a little more seriously. I have the tools, a good thesaurus, a decent style guide, a grammar guide, and a somewhat outdated dictionary (physical) that is fast replaced by an online version. It would then seem to be a good idea to put these tools to good use [finally] and to produce works that I truly am proud of.
I don't have any mentors for writing now; old Mr Lin Min probably has forgotten about me/not too interested in critiquing an amateur's work since he might still be inundated by work, but I think I will survive, sort of.
I guess only time will tell if I'm really doing good. And by golly, I swear that I will work on NaNoWriMo this year, considering that I will be working and not doing busy work all day as it is in school.
That's right. Things have gotten to the point where I think that having a dedicated writing machine is probably the way to go. It is not that I cannot write with my current machine; I write a lot (and decently so!) with my current set-up. But there's always distractions here and there, with people trying to contact me over instant messaging. I long for the days where the writer can just sit down in front of his/her trusty typewriter and cobble together words to make stories; there is a timeless feel for that that I cannot truly describe in words over here.
In related news, I've finally got hold of a copy of Strunk & White's The Elements of Style. Again, you might ask, why. Truth is, it has been a long time since I polished/fixed my English, and it has gotten to the point where my English is rather fractured. Sure, I might sound like I know what I am writing, but trust me, I have never felt that my English has improved since I was twelve years old, and it is not a feeling that I particularly enjoy. I have hardly taken any English class seriously ever since I was twelve, since for the most part they were stressing on how to conform to obtaining better grades in examinations, which do not necessarily lead to actual improvement in writing style and diction. I have no real bone to pick about the examinations [here, at least] but the thing is that I don't feel that I have improved my writing abilities at all throughout all these ``gaming'' exercises which basically involves me trying to write such that the examiner will be pleased.
I was not writing because I enjoyed the art of writing, but only to satisfy some requirement set forth by someone who thought that it was a good idea to include in the education system.
But now, after churning out hundreds of rants, and even more poems all over the place, I've decided that I should probably put some structure into my writing and consider working at it a little more seriously. I have the tools, a good thesaurus, a decent style guide, a grammar guide, and a somewhat outdated dictionary (physical) that is fast replaced by an online version. It would then seem to be a good idea to put these tools to good use [finally] and to produce works that I truly am proud of.
I don't have any mentors for writing now; old Mr Lin Min probably has forgotten about me/not too interested in critiquing an amateur's work since he might still be inundated by work, but I think I will survive, sort of.
I guess only time will tell if I'm really doing good. And by golly, I swear that I will work on NaNoWriMo this year, considering that I will be working and not doing busy work all day as it is in school.
Sunday, March 15, 2009
I'm a Terrifying Person
Let's face it. I'm a terrifying person, existing in the hinterlands between the sane and the insane. I keep few friends, because few can tolerate (let alone understand!) how and why I react the way I do. I have ideals of sorts, and want to try all kinds of things, simply because I find that life is short enough and to live it fully would be to try all that one can try (at least, for the things that don't kill/hurt/maim us) to feel and understand what lies behind the actions and things that make people tick. I have little regard to the material world, preferring to populate my thoughts with ideas and wonderings of why things are the way they are; my interest in the material world is limited only by what is required to keep me relatively alive and happy, which incidentally does not include having copious amounts of money.
I have little patience with those who want to force their ideas down people's throats, with little regard to whether their ideas are applicable/truthful or not. I believe that people have the right to think for themselves, and should they prove to be incapable of doing so due to lack of understanding, then they should be educated. If they cannot think for themselves because they are just incapable of doing so, then someone responsible should help them with the thinking. But I dislike people who are adamant of forcing ideas down others' throats.
Alright, enough about the big, bad world. Back to reality for now.
I have little patience with those who want to force their ideas down people's throats, with little regard to whether their ideas are applicable/truthful or not. I believe that people have the right to think for themselves, and should they prove to be incapable of doing so due to lack of understanding, then they should be educated. If they cannot think for themselves because they are just incapable of doing so, then someone responsible should help them with the thinking. But I dislike people who are adamant of forcing ideas down others' throats.
Alright, enough about the big, bad world. Back to reality for now.
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Nightmares
The nightmares... they are terrifying. Sometimes I wish I could just not remember them. I know that if I am sufficiently exhausted, the nightmares stay away, but these days (as it is the break), I cannot seem to get myself to be sufficiently exhausted. The other solution is to imbibe a large quantity of alcohol to induce myself to pass out, and thus not be able to remember/dream, but that has its whole host of problems that makes it impractical.
Why do they keep returning to haunt me? What is the problem with me? Why do these nightmares recur? Is there something that my unconscious is trying to tell me? Am I turning even more crazy than I already am?
Due to the lucidity of the said nightmares, I cannot help but wonder if there's something that I need to be aware of that my mind is trying to tell me. Maybe some dream analyst can come up with some ideas.
Meanwhile I will apply my tried and true way of sleeping only when dead exhausted to save myself the grief of having to deal with all these nightmares.
Why do they keep returning to haunt me? What is the problem with me? Why do these nightmares recur? Is there something that my unconscious is trying to tell me? Am I turning even more crazy than I already am?
Due to the lucidity of the said nightmares, I cannot help but wonder if there's something that I need to be aware of that my mind is trying to tell me. Maybe some dream analyst can come up with some ideas.
Meanwhile I will apply my tried and true way of sleeping only when dead exhausted to save myself the grief of having to deal with all these nightmares.
Emblem
`Why the weird new picture?' You might think. Well, first off, here it is:
If you have been paying attention to the ``favicon'' on the addressbar of the sites that I have, you would have realised the existence of this new image.
It is sort of the placemarker for me in the digital realm, I suppose. The significance is simple: M, MT are my initials, and the dotted image in the lower right corner is the Glider, a configuration of cells in Conway's Game of Life---a hacker emblem.
This means that I identify with the concept of the ``classical'' hacker (not the media-bastardised version that means breaking into computer systems and such).
Alright, enough of random thingamagigs. That said, it is only an emblem/coat of arms---I do not guarantee that everything that contains that symbol is indeed from me---please be discerning.
That's all for now.
If you have been paying attention to the ``favicon'' on the addressbar of the sites that I have, you would have realised the existence of this new image.It is sort of the placemarker for me in the digital realm, I suppose. The significance is simple: M, MT are my initials, and the dotted image in the lower right corner is the Glider, a configuration of cells in Conway's Game of Life---a hacker emblem.
This means that I identify with the concept of the ``classical'' hacker (not the media-bastardised version that means breaking into computer systems and such).
Alright, enough of random thingamagigs. That said, it is only an emblem/coat of arms---I do not guarantee that everything that contains that symbol is indeed from me---please be discerning.
That's all for now.
Monday, March 09, 2009
Lucid Dream
Sometimes as I sit quietly in a dark room, I start to think about things that might have been. For instance, what might have been have I not taken up the A*STAR scholarship, or even what might have been have I decided to go into EEE instead of CS. I play the what-if game ever so often, sometimes confusing myself between reality and dreams---that's another reason why I hate to dream at night. The reality of the dreams are almost indistinguishable from that of the actual reality that I am embedded in---in my dreams, things are more coherent than they seem to be in real life, and among other things, there is an air of success that is present in my dreams that does not seem to reflect itself strongly in real life.
There are other reasons why I don't really like to dream that much---dreams can be misleading. The only way that I can tell that I am in a dream and not in reality is only because there are things that are slightly different (and not quite possible in real life) within my dreams, for instance, that I am some hero, fighting off bad people, and trying to save the day and all. You might wonder how I remember these things---the truth is, I am a lucid dreamer.
It is rather strange to be able to recall many of one's dreams, and perhaps it is much stranger to realise that some of the dreams are somewhat premonitional by nature. Maybe that's why I like sleeping only when I am dead exhausted, so that I cannot recall what I am dreaming about. Sometimes my dreams scare me, most times they don't. But the times that they scare me, they leave a rather lasting impression in my mind, often taking days to purge it out of my subconscious.
Dreams, I used to like to recall them, but now I prefer not to. Nightmares are among the most terrifying things that one can ever have, since they shock oneself deep in the core of one's ego, where it is rather hard to reconcile.
But on to other matters I guess. Next time.
There are other reasons why I don't really like to dream that much---dreams can be misleading. The only way that I can tell that I am in a dream and not in reality is only because there are things that are slightly different (and not quite possible in real life) within my dreams, for instance, that I am some hero, fighting off bad people, and trying to save the day and all. You might wonder how I remember these things---the truth is, I am a lucid dreamer.
It is rather strange to be able to recall many of one's dreams, and perhaps it is much stranger to realise that some of the dreams are somewhat premonitional by nature. Maybe that's why I like sleeping only when I am dead exhausted, so that I cannot recall what I am dreaming about. Sometimes my dreams scare me, most times they don't. But the times that they scare me, they leave a rather lasting impression in my mind, often taking days to purge it out of my subconscious.
Dreams, I used to like to recall them, but now I prefer not to. Nightmares are among the most terrifying things that one can ever have, since they shock oneself deep in the core of one's ego, where it is rather hard to reconcile.
But on to other matters I guess. Next time.
Saturday, March 07, 2009
Programming Exists in Web Pages Too
Back in the day when I was still in secondary school, I have been an ardent proponent of strengthening the programming abilities of the people in the computer club. Heck, when I was in junior college, I was essentially doing the same thing (but that is another story altogether for another time).
Back then, people thought that I was a crazy-assed heretic---the biggest thing was the whole web phenomenon (that and the whole shebang over video production). No one believed what I had to say, and I paid the price of being further ostracised, more so than just the ``we come from the west of Singapore and you come from the east and so you are less cool'' form of discrimination. Kept physically away from the Big Three Divisions (micromouse, robotics, and web), I was the de facto head of a phantom fourth division---the programming division. It was quite sad actually, me sitting alone, working on algorithms and such, while the rest of the people were basically laughing their socks at me for being the oddball I was, by wanting to do something that the rest of them were not doing.
Fast-forward 10 years. Yes, 10 years. Look around you. Look at the web. What do you find?
Almost all the ``useful'' websites are done clever uses of ``scripting'', a slang term created by web designers to retain their street cred as designers as opposed to those ``smelly'' basement-dwelling hackers/programmers. Throw away all the fanciful terms, and what do we get? It is just a lot of good old-fashioned programming at work.
Except this time, it is not well-trained programmers who are doing the task---it is a bunch of self-styled web designers who think they know how to program.
If you have not been living in a hole in the last 6 years, you would realise that many of the directed attacks and phishing attempts are propagated through the Internet. Things like ``SQL Injection Attack'' should not sound too foreign. The question here is, who wrote the code to allow the ``SQL Injection Attack'' to take place? Could it be the hackers/programmers? Unlikely, since those folks are more interested in hacking on the kernel/userspace programs/applications and will most likely rather be caught with their pants down than to be caught doing web pages.
So yes, it is largely a straw man here. But my point is that I was right and they were wrong, and now the world is a suckier place because many of the kids in the past refused to take programming seriously, and are now reinventing the wheel and causing all kinds of snafus.
Alright, I'm hungry and need food of some sort. This is suboptimal for now.
Back then, people thought that I was a crazy-assed heretic---the biggest thing was the whole web phenomenon (that and the whole shebang over video production). No one believed what I had to say, and I paid the price of being further ostracised, more so than just the ``we come from the west of Singapore and you come from the east and so you are less cool'' form of discrimination. Kept physically away from the Big Three Divisions (micromouse, robotics, and web), I was the de facto head of a phantom fourth division---the programming division. It was quite sad actually, me sitting alone, working on algorithms and such, while the rest of the people were basically laughing their socks at me for being the oddball I was, by wanting to do something that the rest of them were not doing.
Fast-forward 10 years. Yes, 10 years. Look around you. Look at the web. What do you find?
Almost all the ``useful'' websites are done clever uses of ``scripting'', a slang term created by web designers to retain their street cred as designers as opposed to those ``smelly'' basement-dwelling hackers/programmers. Throw away all the fanciful terms, and what do we get? It is just a lot of good old-fashioned programming at work.
Except this time, it is not well-trained programmers who are doing the task---it is a bunch of self-styled web designers who think they know how to program.
If you have not been living in a hole in the last 6 years, you would realise that many of the directed attacks and phishing attempts are propagated through the Internet. Things like ``SQL Injection Attack'' should not sound too foreign. The question here is, who wrote the code to allow the ``SQL Injection Attack'' to take place? Could it be the hackers/programmers? Unlikely, since those folks are more interested in hacking on the kernel/userspace programs/applications and will most likely rather be caught with their pants down than to be caught doing web pages.
So yes, it is largely a straw man here. But my point is that I was right and they were wrong, and now the world is a suckier place because many of the kids in the past refused to take programming seriously, and are now reinventing the wheel and causing all kinds of snafus.
Alright, I'm hungry and need food of some sort. This is suboptimal for now.
Friday, March 06, 2009
《爱我的人和我爱的人》 Take 2
Here's the original version by 裘海正:And then the same dude made his own cover:Interesting style though, it feels a bit more smooth than the one that 裘海正 has.
Find the lyrics in a previous post.
Find the lyrics in a previous post.
《新不了情》
A sad song:
《新不了情》——万芳And a variation:Very hip-hop-ish.
心若倦了泪也干了
这份深情难舍难了
曾经拥有天荒地老
已不见你暮暮与朝朝
这一份情永远难了
原来时还能再度拥抱
爱一个人如何死守到老
怎样面对一切我不知道
回忆过去痛苦的相思忘不了
为何你还来拨动我心跳
爱你怎么能了今夜的你应该明了
愿难了情难了
``Friendliness''
So I realised that I cannot stand one kind of ``friendliness'' that some people practise---the kind where they are obviously trying to be friendly, to the point of being loquacious and obnoxious. Don't get me wrong, I think it is great that people are trying to erm talk to me and all. But the overzealous form of trying to talk to me doesn't make me feel interested---I actually feel more guarded because I think that you actually want something from me, which is how I have been conditioned from the past.
Thursday, March 05, 2009
Poor Person's Noise-Cancelling Headphones
And so I have started to build my version of the poor person's ``noise-cancelling'' headphones. Basically, I got a decent A-weighted ear protection device in the form of ear muffs (for about 20 dollars), and stuck them on top of my in-ear headphones, whatever they maybe. Voilà, noise-cancellation system without the associated 300-dollar price-tag. The good thing about this is that if I'm sick of hearing the noise that surrounds me, I can substitute my earplugs for my headphones, which attentuates most of the sound. Check out the frequency response rate of both:
Where the number given is measured in dB (mean±standard deviation) with a reference level of 92dB(A) as the environmental noise. I will not attempt to calculate what the effect is from using both at the same time---I can't tell the covariance between these two sets of data and thus cannot estimate the correct quantities needed. Suffice to say, if I put on both at the same time, someone has to yell rather loudly for me to be able to hear him/her.
Alright, enough of mumbo-jumbo, I need to get to class for my midterm (again). Sigh.
[Ed: If the numbers in the table seem too small, blame IE for rendering things without regard to actual size and dimensions---I had to hack the table to make it fit that way]
| Freq. (Hz) | 125 | 250 | 500 | 1000 | 2000 | 3150 | 4000 | 6300 | 8000 |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Muffs | 20.7±2.5 | 25.2±1.9 | 36.2±2.5 | 43.4±2.4 | 36.0±2.0 | 35.3±1.9 | 37.3±2.0 | 36.0±1.5 | 36.3±2.2 |
| Plugs | 38.4±2.9 | 40.3±3.5 | 43.2±4.0 | 41.8±3.8 | 38.6±2.6 | 45.0±2.8 | 45.7±3.5 | 49.6±3.8 | 47.3±4.3 |
Alright, enough of mumbo-jumbo, I need to get to class for my midterm (again). Sigh.
[Ed: If the numbers in the table seem too small, blame IE for rendering things without regard to actual size and dimensions---I had to hack the table to make it fit that way]
Monday, March 02, 2009
《是不是这样的夜晚你才会这样的想起我》
Hmm, this song has been stuck in my head for quite a while.
Edit: Here's a working URL in 2025.
《是不是这样的夜晚你才会这样的想起我》——吴宗宪And yes, it has a rather long title.
结束忙碌的一天
换回熟悉的寂寞
懒懒地躺在沙发上
像母亲温暖臂弯
转到昨天的频道
让声音驱走寂静
总是同样的剧情
同样的对白同样的空白
是不是这样的夜晚
你才会这样的想起我
这样的夜晚适合在电话里
只有几句小心的彼此问候
系着两端的猜测
是这样的夜晚想起我 哦
是不是这样的夜晚
你才会这样的想起我
这样的夜晚适合在电话里
虽然几句小心的彼此问候
现在牵未来的手
是这样的日子需要改变
结束忙碌的一天
换回熟悉的寂寞
懒懒地躺在沙发上
像母亲温暖臂弯
转到昨天的频道
让声音驱走寂静
总是同样的剧情
同样的对白同样的空白
是不是这样的夜晚
你才会这样的想起我
这样的夜晚适合在电话里
只有几句小心的彼此问候
系着两端的猜测
是这样的夜晚想起我 哦
是不是这样的夜晚
你才会这样的想起我
这样的夜晚适合在电话里
虽然几句小心的彼此问候
现在牵未来的手
是这样的日子需要改变
Edit: Here's a working URL in 2025.
Sunday, March 01, 2009
Vaseline
Things to do with Vaseline:
- Lubrication [for machine parts] (get your mind out of the gutter you)
- Moisturiser
- Lip gloss
- Wound protector
- Anti-freeze in winter
- Shoe polish
- Fuel (I've not really tried it, but in theory, it ought to work)
Friday, February 27, 2009
Geek-hood or Why I Will Never Seem To Grow Up
As mentioned many times before, the people that I keep seeing around me keep ``growing up'' and seemingly be ``absorbed'' into the social culture and norms. Each time I look at some random news on Facebook, I find that this idea keeps reoccurring. The strange thing is, the more I look at these folks, the more I think to myself that I should not end up like them. And then I slowly realise that I am still a walking contradiction---a misanthrope who is mildly philanthropic.
So what I have not really talked about in too much detail is why I keep saying that I should not be absorbed into the social culture. Well, actually, I did talk a little about it, in the sense that I am not a sheeple. But actually, there is more to this than avoidance of being a sheeple---the cost of living as a ``grown up'' member of society who follows the social trends is much higher than that of living as a geek.
It sounds paradoxical, I agree; after all, isn't it the geeks who end up buying all those new-fangled toys just to show off how cool they are? Except that it is probably not that true. Comparatively speaking, it is the average consumer that ends up buying more tools and gadgets like that in order to ``fit in'' and to one-up their peers---remember that they are the ``normal'' people and thus have some reputation of fitting in to keep up with. Ever wondered who bought those i<BLARG> devices that Apple keeps putting up? It is most definitely not all the geeks; in fact, it can be plainly seen that the people who are actually the most drawn to the devices are your everyday consumer! Very intriguing, because the i<BLARG> is a status symbol to many people. Think about it this way. Walk down the streets some day and just take a look around. You will find that many teenagers are using i<BLARG>. You look at them and you wonder, why the heck do they need an i<BLARG> when they have no real need to surf the Internet while at the mall and such? Think also about the PSP. The PSP is a decent device with relatively good graphics and all, and when you see it being used, it is often people who are dressed in nice collared shirts and dress pants playing on them in the subway. `Why do they do that?' you might wonder. Well, I go back to the original argument I just made---they are just looking for status symbols to fit in to the overall social construct.
I hate to conform for no good reason. Give me a good reason why I should behave in a certain way, and I will be a loyal follower to the end. But if you cannot give me any compelling reasons why I should act the way you prescribe, then sod off---I am not interested in blindly following the ways that you are talking about. Does this sound very misanthropic? In a way, yes, because I am not willing to subject myself to following trends just because they are trends. Society will not progress much if everyone is a follower, and no one sits upright and asks why something is so. I am not going to claim that I will indeed be a leader of society, but at the very least, I think that I am entitled to being able to think for myself, with little consequence as to whether I ``conform'' or not. Let's face it, if I were a conformist, I would not be talking about things here anyway, since most of my writing here has a tendency to lash out at being blind conformists.
So, if you are a person, and you are reading this, then take my advice: be yourself and not let society dictate how you ought to behave---laws are there to provide guidelines for people to understand what is acceptable, but they are no means the only ways of living; it is possible to live a fulfilling life while still following the law. Don't follow trends unless you can convince yourself that they are indeed necessary and useful for yourself.
So what I have not really talked about in too much detail is why I keep saying that I should not be absorbed into the social culture. Well, actually, I did talk a little about it, in the sense that I am not a sheeple. But actually, there is more to this than avoidance of being a sheeple---the cost of living as a ``grown up'' member of society who follows the social trends is much higher than that of living as a geek.
It sounds paradoxical, I agree; after all, isn't it the geeks who end up buying all those new-fangled toys just to show off how cool they are? Except that it is probably not that true. Comparatively speaking, it is the average consumer that ends up buying more tools and gadgets like that in order to ``fit in'' and to one-up their peers---remember that they are the ``normal'' people and thus have some reputation of fitting in to keep up with. Ever wondered who bought those i<BLARG> devices that Apple keeps putting up? It is most definitely not all the geeks; in fact, it can be plainly seen that the people who are actually the most drawn to the devices are your everyday consumer! Very intriguing, because the i<BLARG> is a status symbol to many people. Think about it this way. Walk down the streets some day and just take a look around. You will find that many teenagers are using i<BLARG>. You look at them and you wonder, why the heck do they need an i<BLARG> when they have no real need to surf the Internet while at the mall and such? Think also about the PSP. The PSP is a decent device with relatively good graphics and all, and when you see it being used, it is often people who are dressed in nice collared shirts and dress pants playing on them in the subway. `Why do they do that?' you might wonder. Well, I go back to the original argument I just made---they are just looking for status symbols to fit in to the overall social construct.
I hate to conform for no good reason. Give me a good reason why I should behave in a certain way, and I will be a loyal follower to the end. But if you cannot give me any compelling reasons why I should act the way you prescribe, then sod off---I am not interested in blindly following the ways that you are talking about. Does this sound very misanthropic? In a way, yes, because I am not willing to subject myself to following trends just because they are trends. Society will not progress much if everyone is a follower, and no one sits upright and asks why something is so. I am not going to claim that I will indeed be a leader of society, but at the very least, I think that I am entitled to being able to think for myself, with little consequence as to whether I ``conform'' or not. Let's face it, if I were a conformist, I would not be talking about things here anyway, since most of my writing here has a tendency to lash out at being blind conformists.
So, if you are a person, and you are reading this, then take my advice: be yourself and not let society dictate how you ought to behave---laws are there to provide guidelines for people to understand what is acceptable, but they are no means the only ways of living; it is possible to live a fulfilling life while still following the law. Don't follow trends unless you can convince yourself that they are indeed necessary and useful for yourself.
Proposal with Perl
It's cool to know an Internet celebrity, and in this case, two of them. Take a look at the section under Carnegie Mellon University. I actually know the person who proposed using a Perl script.
How much cooler can that be?
How much cooler can that be?
Monday, February 23, 2009
Vulnerability
For most of one's life, there is this feeling of invulnerability, since one who lives in a developed nation is most likely to be living in a place that is relatively well sheltered from the dangerous world out there. Even if we were not living with our parents or guardians, there is a general sense of being in control, and being able to live life without feeling directly threatened by the world that surrounds us.
But ever so often, life throws something in our way that reminds us of our mortality and vulnerability. Ever felt the strange sense of the lack of time when someone you know passed away? How about the time you felt vulnerable because you failed at something that you thought you would do fine in?
That is how I feel today.
But ever so often, life throws something in our way that reminds us of our mortality and vulnerability. Ever felt the strange sense of the lack of time when someone you know passed away? How about the time you felt vulnerable because you failed at something that you thought you would do fine in?
That is how I feel today.
Saturday, February 21, 2009
Ping
And so the writing bug bites me again, in the most unexpected of places. This time, I seem to have a tendency to want to write poetry in semi-strict form, in Mandarin. Hmm... I have no idea why this is so except for the fact that it is so.
Speaking of which, this weekend is mildly hell-ish, but at the very least the ``hell week'' of this portion of the semester is almost done. Another couple of exams (including today) and I will be ready to enjoy spring break a little.
It is starting to get stranger and stranger, as the weather continues to oscillate between the extreme cold and the warm spring-like conditions that we all want but hate because of the showers. But who really cares? Things are moving along, and soon I will be back home, doing real work (and getting paid to do so!) and then hopefully off to grad school I go.
And of course I will miss my love in the intervening time.
But these things are mere trifles that can be resolved with the right attitude, I think. If things were meant to be, something will always work out. If it was never meant to be, then no matter how we force it, nothing good will come out of it, whatever it may be.
Speaking of which, this weekend is mildly hell-ish, but at the very least the ``hell week'' of this portion of the semester is almost done. Another couple of exams (including today) and I will be ready to enjoy spring break a little.
It is starting to get stranger and stranger, as the weather continues to oscillate between the extreme cold and the warm spring-like conditions that we all want but hate because of the showers. But who really cares? Things are moving along, and soon I will be back home, doing real work (and getting paid to do so!) and then hopefully off to grad school I go.
And of course I will miss my love in the intervening time.
But these things are mere trifles that can be resolved with the right attitude, I think. If things were meant to be, something will always work out. If it was never meant to be, then no matter how we force it, nothing good will come out of it, whatever it may be.
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Till There Was You
Mmm...A little different from what I was expecting, but pretty still. If only the classical soprano voice were replaced with the sweeter version of a younger ``cleaner'' soprano like Emmy Rossum of The Phantom of the Opera fame (Christine Daaé).
Monday, February 16, 2009
Quicksand
This week is a mad bum-rush to get things done. There's just so much that is due this week; but the good news is after this week, things will be a little more comfortable once more.
It's one of those weird weeks in the semester where everything just clamps down on you. There is little that you can do, even though there is a lot that you know you ought to do. And then while all these are raging, you just bite the bullet and dive in head-first and tread water, hoping that you will be able to find how to best deal with the situation.
Slowly as you starting losing sight of what your goal is, you start to sink ever so quickly through the quagmire. And sometimes, if you are lucky, a friendly hand will suddenly appear and grab you by your wrist and literally drag you out of the quicksand. Then you are kept afloat for a while, before you sink again due to the effects of gravity.
An idea then comes to mind. Why bother standing in quicksand in the first place?
It's one of those weird weeks in the semester where everything just clamps down on you. There is little that you can do, even though there is a lot that you know you ought to do. And then while all these are raging, you just bite the bullet and dive in head-first and tread water, hoping that you will be able to find how to best deal with the situation.
Slowly as you starting losing sight of what your goal is, you start to sink ever so quickly through the quagmire. And sometimes, if you are lucky, a friendly hand will suddenly appear and grab you by your wrist and literally drag you out of the quicksand. Then you are kept afloat for a while, before you sink again due to the effects of gravity.
An idea then comes to mind. Why bother standing in quicksand in the first place?
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Cycle of Life
I think that this is a very apt picture:
And yes, I've modified it a little to fix the aspect ratio for my monitor(s), and made it into my current wallpaper.
[Ed: The picture featured here is not the one that I modified, but the raw dump that I received.]
And yes, I've modified it a little to fix the aspect ratio for my monitor(s), and made it into my current wallpaper.
[Ed: The picture featured here is not the one that I modified, but the raw dump that I received.]
Monday, February 09, 2009
DRM Server Shuts Down... Now What?
Read this. Should that be compelling enough of a reason to lobby for not sticking DRM into everything?
Think about it this way. Forty years ago, if you bought something with cold hard cash, it is yours, for eternity. Heck, that was always the case for a very long time. Then the digital revolution came in and made the price of duplicating an item negligible (compare copying a file to replicating a vinyl record---you see what I mean here?). And then the companies shit themselves and want a piece of the market (Market? What market?) and start slapping on DRM onto everything because they think that this will give them the most profits.
Well, who suffers? The consumer. I love cryptography, I think it is fun and nifty and really awesome-cool that a bunch of simple steps can make something hard for prying eyes to read. But now, I am not specialising in a field that I love---because I do not believe in DRM. DRM is ``digital rights management'', an euphemism for ``you pay us so that we may allow you to use the product that you purchased... for the short while that we think you ought to''. That is essentially how it is now. Forget about all the copyright legal mumbo-jumbo for now; there is something fundamentally flawed with DRM---it takes away the consumer's rights and gives them to the manufacturer, who has no incentive whatsoever to ensure that the consumer's rights are not violated: ``as long as I get the money, all is well''.
Think of it this way: if you were a consumer in the 1970s, you could buy that vinyl record and listen to it for as much as you like, changing between players (when your usual one breaks down), make a copy of it to tape (because you did not want to lug your vinyl player around), resell it if you are hard of cash and have a willing buyer. But with DRM, here is what happens: if you have a sound file with DRM, you can only play it on that one machine that you bought the file from. What if the machine broke, you ask. Well, you buy another one for the new machine that you are running on. Does that sound logical to you? Suppose now you wanted to sell the sound file to another person: well you cannot do it, because the DRM ties it down to your machine. Also, it is a sound file; why do you want to sell it to someone?
Of course the scenario presented here is incomplete---in reality there is ``reasonable'' DRM and ``unreasonable'' DRM. ``Reasonable'' DRM is unobtrusive by not tying the product down to a single machine (many people own > 1 device that can read/use the file) but to a single person, capitalising on social shame as a penalty to ensure that people do not distribute stuff wantonly---if something has your name, identification number, telephone number, sexual preferences etc written on it, you probably do not want to distribute this to the rest of the world. This of course brings up a whole can of issues on privacy and all, but I will let that slide for the moment. ``Unreasonable'' DRM is obtrusive in almost every way---it ties you down to a single machine, to a single computer program distributed by a single manufacturer, and it forces you to trust that the company who sold you that product will not go under (because if it did, you can never use the file again).
But even ``reasonable'' DRM is not the holy grail of the distribution model; a new business model must be drawn up to deal with what are intrinsic properties of the media. In a domain that is both highly technical and of great reach to the general populace, there is a lot of FUD spread largely by the corporations in order to convince the layperson that DRM is great, file-sharing is wrong, and all their lives should be dictated by the corporations who supply them with ``stuff''. The truth is more gray---many DRM systems promulgated by the corporations now are intrusive and ``unreasonable''; sharing of products whose copyright you do not own is wrong, but sharing files/products that explicitly allow themselves to be shared in their licensing agreement (another can of worms!) is not wrong; and no one should really have their lives dictated by an entity whose main purpose is to extract maximal profits, and not for social betterment.
In short, I think that many people who are making the pivotal decisions that will change the landscape forever are either clueless about the effects and reach of technology and thus wanting to ``force'' the issue into something they know, or scheming enough to capitalise on the uncertain times for a mad power grab to secure their position for the next twenty years.
Think about it this way. Forty years ago, if you bought something with cold hard cash, it is yours, for eternity. Heck, that was always the case for a very long time. Then the digital revolution came in and made the price of duplicating an item negligible (compare copying a file to replicating a vinyl record---you see what I mean here?). And then the companies shit themselves and want a piece of the market (Market? What market?) and start slapping on DRM onto everything because they think that this will give them the most profits.
Well, who suffers? The consumer. I love cryptography, I think it is fun and nifty and really awesome-cool that a bunch of simple steps can make something hard for prying eyes to read. But now, I am not specialising in a field that I love---because I do not believe in DRM. DRM is ``digital rights management'', an euphemism for ``you pay us so that we may allow you to use the product that you purchased... for the short while that we think you ought to''. That is essentially how it is now. Forget about all the copyright legal mumbo-jumbo for now; there is something fundamentally flawed with DRM---it takes away the consumer's rights and gives them to the manufacturer, who has no incentive whatsoever to ensure that the consumer's rights are not violated: ``as long as I get the money, all is well''.
Think of it this way: if you were a consumer in the 1970s, you could buy that vinyl record and listen to it for as much as you like, changing between players (when your usual one breaks down), make a copy of it to tape (because you did not want to lug your vinyl player around), resell it if you are hard of cash and have a willing buyer. But with DRM, here is what happens: if you have a sound file with DRM, you can only play it on that one machine that you bought the file from. What if the machine broke, you ask. Well, you buy another one for the new machine that you are running on. Does that sound logical to you? Suppose now you wanted to sell the sound file to another person: well you cannot do it, because the DRM ties it down to your machine. Also, it is a sound file; why do you want to sell it to someone?
Of course the scenario presented here is incomplete---in reality there is ``reasonable'' DRM and ``unreasonable'' DRM. ``Reasonable'' DRM is unobtrusive by not tying the product down to a single machine (many people own > 1 device that can read/use the file) but to a single person, capitalising on social shame as a penalty to ensure that people do not distribute stuff wantonly---if something has your name, identification number, telephone number, sexual preferences etc written on it, you probably do not want to distribute this to the rest of the world. This of course brings up a whole can of issues on privacy and all, but I will let that slide for the moment. ``Unreasonable'' DRM is obtrusive in almost every way---it ties you down to a single machine, to a single computer program distributed by a single manufacturer, and it forces you to trust that the company who sold you that product will not go under (because if it did, you can never use the file again).
But even ``reasonable'' DRM is not the holy grail of the distribution model; a new business model must be drawn up to deal with what are intrinsic properties of the media. In a domain that is both highly technical and of great reach to the general populace, there is a lot of FUD spread largely by the corporations in order to convince the layperson that DRM is great, file-sharing is wrong, and all their lives should be dictated by the corporations who supply them with ``stuff''. The truth is more gray---many DRM systems promulgated by the corporations now are intrusive and ``unreasonable''; sharing of products whose copyright you do not own is wrong, but sharing files/products that explicitly allow themselves to be shared in their licensing agreement (another can of worms!) is not wrong; and no one should really have their lives dictated by an entity whose main purpose is to extract maximal profits, and not for social betterment.
In short, I think that many people who are making the pivotal decisions that will change the landscape forever are either clueless about the effects and reach of technology and thus wanting to ``force'' the issue into something they know, or scheming enough to capitalise on the uncertain times for a mad power grab to secure their position for the next twenty years.
Sunday, February 08, 2009
Auto-Tune and Pop Music, also Cher
First listen to this. Now read this article.
For reference, the lyrics are here:
For reference, the lyrics are here:
(fade in..then out...singing:) After love (repeat 12 times)
No matter how hard I try
You keep pushing me aside
And I can't break through
There's no talking to you
It's so sad that you're leaving
It takes time to believe it
But after all is said and done
You're gonna be the lonely one, oh
Do you believe in life after love
I can feel something inside me say
I really don't think you're strong enough now,
Do you believe in life after love
I can feel something inside me say
I really don't think you're strong enough now
What am I supposed to do
Sit around and wait for you
Well I can't do that
And there's no turning back
I need time to move on
I need love to feel strong
'Cause I've had time to think it through
And maybe I'm too good for you, oh
Do you believe in life after love
I can feel something inside me say
I really don't think you're strong enough, no
Do you believe in life after love
I can feel something inside me say
I really don't think you're strong enough, no
Well I know that I'll get through this
'Cause I know that I am strong
And I don't need you anymore
No, I don't need you anymore
Oh, I don't need you anymore
No, I don't need you anymore
Do you believe in life after love
I can feel something inside me say
I really don't think you're strong enough, no
Do you believe in life after love
I can feel something inside me say
I really don't think you're strong enough, no
Do you believe in life after love
I can feel something inside me say
I really don't think you're strong enough, no
Do you believe in life after love
I can feel something inside me say
I really don't think you're strong enough, no (fade)
Firmware Upgrade + News Anchors Gone Wild
In other news, Eirian just had a firmware upgrade. The interface is improved, the battery management modules are in place, and there's a whole bunch of useful shortcuts available to work with to avoid having to select things too many times.
And now for something different:
And now for something different:
Life and Fairness
It has been a long while since I last wrote here. Life has been treating me somewhat fairly (a rarity!) and so there's little to complain/think about. It is rather paradoxical, I think, that I only have the inspiration to write anything when I am upset at something, and not because I'm just happy at something. Perhaps it is just the way I have been wired up---I don't like harping on my successes but I keep revisiting my failures time and again to wonder why those were failures, and play the ``what-if'' game on them.
Life has been treating me fairly. Ida and I are still together, going strong, supporting each other despite our crazy school schedules. I'm not struggling with homework too much, being able to understand a little more of what I'm doing each day. The near-constant hanging out on #cslounge and with the people in real life puts me in good company of those who are fairly like-minded. Aikido practice, while mildly gruelling due to my rather unfit state, has been fun and fruitful; I think I'm starting to get the hang of how to move my body in a rather fluid way. Flute choir has interesting music to play, as does Kiltie Band---while I don't really identify that strongly with the music nor the people in these music groups, I respect their abilities and I respect the music, and try my best to do justice to the pieces that we play.
Soon I will graduate. Wow. That's rather sudden I think, considering that it felt not too long ago when I was agonising whether I could get into College/University or not. Well, that cycle is probably going to repeat itself again, when I start applying for graduate schools. Graduation puts me in a funny mood, on the one hand I'm glad that I'm more or less done with the busy-bee work and can finally do things that ``count'', on the other hand I miss the slightly less loaded relationships that I have with people over here. If these two get reconciled somehow, it would be awesome.
I am like a nomad. The only two groups of people that I identify with consistently are the Singaporeans, and the geeks. But that aside, I don't really identify that strongly with any distinct groups of people, at least from now. Perhaps all these travels to a faraway land have changed my perception on identity---the ultimate identity is one that doesn't exist, and that all other identities are likely to just be an excuse to exclude people. But isn't that the very reason why we have many of society's problems, that one group of people choose to not acknowledge the existence of another?
I am an activist. But I don't believe in civil disobedience and anything that gets you afoul of the law. I am a mathematical activist, always wanting to have change backed by solid proof within the axioms (law) of the system. I think that such activism is more productive than the blatant abuse of the law---the latter gets one into jail and makes one look like an idiot, no matter how good the platform may be. I am no Legalist---the law can be (and most likely to be) wrong in several areas and thus needs to be amended. But these amendments ought to be carried out through due process, rather than through [passive-]aggressive irrational activities. I believe in the concept of the moral mandate---if you do things ``by the book'', you gain the moral mandate, and with the moral mandate, you can sway people to your cause. The moral mandate sways people not because it is the ``right thing'' to do---it sways people because the manner in which you do it shows people that your ideas were well-thought of, and that they address a real situation. Many activists fail because they do not have the moral mandate; shock-advertisements and extremist perspectives are not going to win one the support that one desperately needs for one's goals.
And now, I am hungry. Heheheh... until next time.
Life has been treating me fairly. Ida and I are still together, going strong, supporting each other despite our crazy school schedules. I'm not struggling with homework too much, being able to understand a little more of what I'm doing each day. The near-constant hanging out on #cslounge and with the people in real life puts me in good company of those who are fairly like-minded. Aikido practice, while mildly gruelling due to my rather unfit state, has been fun and fruitful; I think I'm starting to get the hang of how to move my body in a rather fluid way. Flute choir has interesting music to play, as does Kiltie Band---while I don't really identify that strongly with the music nor the people in these music groups, I respect their abilities and I respect the music, and try my best to do justice to the pieces that we play.
Soon I will graduate. Wow. That's rather sudden I think, considering that it felt not too long ago when I was agonising whether I could get into College/University or not. Well, that cycle is probably going to repeat itself again, when I start applying for graduate schools. Graduation puts me in a funny mood, on the one hand I'm glad that I'm more or less done with the busy-bee work and can finally do things that ``count'', on the other hand I miss the slightly less loaded relationships that I have with people over here. If these two get reconciled somehow, it would be awesome.
I am like a nomad. The only two groups of people that I identify with consistently are the Singaporeans, and the geeks. But that aside, I don't really identify that strongly with any distinct groups of people, at least from now. Perhaps all these travels to a faraway land have changed my perception on identity---the ultimate identity is one that doesn't exist, and that all other identities are likely to just be an excuse to exclude people. But isn't that the very reason why we have many of society's problems, that one group of people choose to not acknowledge the existence of another?
I am an activist. But I don't believe in civil disobedience and anything that gets you afoul of the law. I am a mathematical activist, always wanting to have change backed by solid proof within the axioms (law) of the system. I think that such activism is more productive than the blatant abuse of the law---the latter gets one into jail and makes one look like an idiot, no matter how good the platform may be. I am no Legalist---the law can be (and most likely to be) wrong in several areas and thus needs to be amended. But these amendments ought to be carried out through due process, rather than through [passive-]aggressive irrational activities. I believe in the concept of the moral mandate---if you do things ``by the book'', you gain the moral mandate, and with the moral mandate, you can sway people to your cause. The moral mandate sways people not because it is the ``right thing'' to do---it sways people because the manner in which you do it shows people that your ideas were well-thought of, and that they address a real situation. Many activists fail because they do not have the moral mandate; shock-advertisements and extremist perspectives are not going to win one the support that one desperately needs for one's goals.
And now, I am hungry. Heheheh... until next time.
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
La Isla Bonita
Mmm... Alizée covers this Madonna piece.And why am I watching all these clips instead of doing work? No bloody clue.
And here are the lyrics to this sultry piece:
And here are the lyrics to this sultry piece:
(Spoken:)
Como puede ser verdad
Last night I dreamt of san pedro
Just like I'd never gone, I knew the song
A young girl with eyes like the desert
It all seems like yesterday, not far away
Chorus:
Tropical the island breeze
All of nature wild and free
This is where I long to be
La isla bonita
And when the samba played
The sun would set so high
Ring through my ears and sting my eyes
Your Spanish lullaby
I fell in love with San Pedro
Warm wind carried on the sea, he called to me
Te dijo te amo
I prayed that the days would last
They went so fast
(Chorus)
I want to be where the sun warms the sky
When it's time for siesta you can watch them go by
Beautiful faces, no cares in this world
Where a girl loves a boy, and a boy loves a girl
Last night I dreamt of San Pedro
It all seems like yesterday, not far away
(Chorus)
Ta-la-ta-ta-taa
(Chorus)
La-la-la-la-la-la-laaa
Te dijo te amo
La-la-la-la-la-la-laaa
Spoken: El dijo que te ama
Pa-pa-la-pa-pa pa-pa-pa-pahaaa
Aha, aha-ahaaa
La isla bonita
Ahaa, aha-ahaaa...
I Should Be So Lucky That I Can't Get You Out of My Head
Kylie Minogue, active in 1987? Holy crap...
Compare it with this:
Holy crap!
I should be so lucky that I can't get you out of my head.
Compare it with this:
Holy crap!
I should be so lucky that I can't get you out of my head.
Monday, January 26, 2009
Synchronised Swimming
Check this out. It is a clip from ``Bathing Beauty'' starring Esther Williams:Interesting charm there.
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Reminiscence
Looking at some of my old class mates on facebook evokes some rather strange thoughts. These people, whom I had once rubbed shoulders with literally while doing all the usual school stuff, have turned into people that are completely different from before. Is this what they call ``growing up'' then? Is this something that I should aspire to?
I highly doubt it. I like the way I am, not a part of the whole ``yuppie'' culture, not a part of the usual rat race that faces most people who choose a more mundane lifestyle. I like the way that I live, the carefree intellectual inquisition that I employ, the ability to look far and beyond what people have already done. I love to think not about money, but about big ideas, how things work, how things can be made even more efficient, how life can proceed in the splendour that was envisioned by the sages of old. I enjoy the thrills of the hunt for that elusive piece of knowledge, the knowing that I can do something that many people have tried to do but failed, the ability to triumph over my own intellectual shortcomings to be a whole person, the distances that I have gone, the sights that I have seen, the things that I have heard and the deeds that I have done.
I am not a sheeple, and I'm proud of it! If I cannot lead a life that I am proud of, why should I live on in the first place? Why then should I consume all those resources only to be a couch potato and not advance myself or the human race as a whole should my abilities grant it? But I am proud of the life that I lead---I do not say it out loud because I don't need to announce to the world of what I like, but here I feel that I need to say it out once to remind myself that I am a great person in my own right. I'm not as great as the Field Medallist or the Turing Award Recipient or even the Nobel Award Recipient, but I am great as it is for having done what I have done, living through what I had lived through, dealing with all my problems with sagacity and tenacity, and never backing down easily when an obstacle is thrown into my path, and to seek external help when I cannot deal with the problem alone.
I am damn proud of all 24 years of my life.
I highly doubt it. I like the way I am, not a part of the whole ``yuppie'' culture, not a part of the usual rat race that faces most people who choose a more mundane lifestyle. I like the way that I live, the carefree intellectual inquisition that I employ, the ability to look far and beyond what people have already done. I love to think not about money, but about big ideas, how things work, how things can be made even more efficient, how life can proceed in the splendour that was envisioned by the sages of old. I enjoy the thrills of the hunt for that elusive piece of knowledge, the knowing that I can do something that many people have tried to do but failed, the ability to triumph over my own intellectual shortcomings to be a whole person, the distances that I have gone, the sights that I have seen, the things that I have heard and the deeds that I have done.
I am not a sheeple, and I'm proud of it! If I cannot lead a life that I am proud of, why should I live on in the first place? Why then should I consume all those resources only to be a couch potato and not advance myself or the human race as a whole should my abilities grant it? But I am proud of the life that I lead---I do not say it out loud because I don't need to announce to the world of what I like, but here I feel that I need to say it out once to remind myself that I am a great person in my own right. I'm not as great as the Field Medallist or the Turing Award Recipient or even the Nobel Award Recipient, but I am great as it is for having done what I have done, living through what I had lived through, dealing with all my problems with sagacity and tenacity, and never backing down easily when an obstacle is thrown into my path, and to seek external help when I cannot deal with the problem alone.
I am damn proud of all 24 years of my life.
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
This Week...
Roughly 3--4 days since I last wrote something here. With justifiable cause too, I might add. Considering the fact that this semester requires quite a fair bit of writing/typing, it'd be little wonder that I'm not posting that much stuff here now.
T'is a weird week. Many pieces of homework due, and unlike the stuff that I usually do, this time round I have absolutely no idea if what I'm doing/handing in is actually right or wrong. It sounds really wonky indeed, but it is a fact. Most of these assignments are very flexible, in the sense that they are of the free-response type, and thus have no ``correct'' answer that can be spoken of.
There is a general feeling that I do not like people. Well, technically that is not quite correct---I do not like large crowds of people; talking to folks one-on-one is actually fairly pleasant, because you can actually focus on the person and focus on the conversation, as opposed to the round-robin-esque style of talking when there is a large group of people around. However, to make things somewhat easier for people to comprehend, like many things in life, I've decided to act a little misanthropic some times. It makes it easier for people, because they have an easily justifiable response. ``Oh don't mind him... he's always like that'' or even ``he's just weird, don't worry about him''. The more ludicrous your actions are, the more effort is required to convince people that there is a perfectly ``valid'' explanation, even though at the end of the day, the ``valid'' explanation can be as far away from the truth as the ``fact'' that the earth is flat.
And this week... it's just weird. 'nuff said.
T'is a weird week. Many pieces of homework due, and unlike the stuff that I usually do, this time round I have absolutely no idea if what I'm doing/handing in is actually right or wrong. It sounds really wonky indeed, but it is a fact. Most of these assignments are very flexible, in the sense that they are of the free-response type, and thus have no ``correct'' answer that can be spoken of.
There is a general feeling that I do not like people. Well, technically that is not quite correct---I do not like large crowds of people; talking to folks one-on-one is actually fairly pleasant, because you can actually focus on the person and focus on the conversation, as opposed to the round-robin-esque style of talking when there is a large group of people around. However, to make things somewhat easier for people to comprehend, like many things in life, I've decided to act a little misanthropic some times. It makes it easier for people, because they have an easily justifiable response. ``Oh don't mind him... he's always like that'' or even ``he's just weird, don't worry about him''. The more ludicrous your actions are, the more effort is required to convince people that there is a perfectly ``valid'' explanation, even though at the end of the day, the ``valid'' explanation can be as far away from the truth as the ``fact'' that the earth is flat.
And this week... it's just weird. 'nuff said.
Friday, January 16, 2009
Blatant Misuse of Words
Blatant misuse of words. People, you do not have a ``facebook'' or an ``internet''---these are not the correct terms for things that you are trying to convey. You do, however, can have a ``facebook group'', ``facebook account'', ``internet connection'', or even ``email''. And no, one does not ``send an internet'' because there is no such thing. And a group of ``anonymous people'' cannot have an identifiable leader.
And you do not ``MSN'' people---you send them instant messages. And there sure as hell isn't any ``texting'' going on---you are sending a text message over SMS. And once more, you do not ``facebook'' someone---you add them to your friends' list. Seeing a trend here?
You do not use ``word'' to type your documents---you use a word processor. One does not create an ``excel'' for their spreadsheets---they just create the spreadsheet. Finally, you do not ``powerpoint''---you create slides and present them.
Geez... what the heck is wrong with people these days?
And you do not ``MSN'' people---you send them instant messages. And there sure as hell isn't any ``texting'' going on---you are sending a text message over SMS. And once more, you do not ``facebook'' someone---you add them to your friends' list. Seeing a trend here?
You do not use ``word'' to type your documents---you use a word processor. One does not create an ``excel'' for their spreadsheets---they just create the spreadsheet. Finally, you do not ``powerpoint''---you create slides and present them.
Geez... what the heck is wrong with people these days?
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Drifting Off To Sleep
It does feel sort of strange to be writing here now, considering the fact that in reality, I don't really have much that I want to say here at this moment. Things in Austin were great, and now I'm back in the 'burgh, ready for yet another semester of the grindstone.
This is so strange... the feeling of an impending end of sorts mixed with some mild euphoria of triumphing over yet another phase in life that keeps me going on, step by step, little by little, forwards towards my zenith, before I decline to my nadir. Somehow, I believe that I'm supposed to feel stressed out, and yet an odd calm washes over me as I look forward with glassy eyes, lapsing to nightmares of failures and awaking to delight from the successes.
This is going to be my last semester as an undergraduate student. So many memories, so much pain, so much happiness... very mixed feelings, even though the end of the semester has not even drawn close. Yet another passing of innocence. The precocious child of the past is now in a state of semisagehood, being at the same time silly and wise. The fiery aggression that marks the the acts and deeds of myself have turned into an inner fire that burns strongly within and away from sight, only to be unleashed when the time truly has arrived.
And I am reaching what is probably the one-fifth/one-quarter mark of my entire lifespan in this world. Really sobering thought, that the 20+ years that I have lived is starting to become a significant fraction of the life that the stars have signalled to me. Shortness of life, the mortality of humans... a strange time to think about these, indeed, but I cannot seem to help it.
They entered my life, one by one, and some stayed on indefinitely, others lingered for a while and then go off to their merry ways, never to look back. She came to me in a dream, a dream that turned into reality when we were not looking, and blossoming into a kind of happiness that I never thought I could ever find before. It was love; I think that I have finally found my match.
The dark skies of the wintery night slowly part to reveal the warm glow of the moon overhead, with her light lovingly reflected by the wispy clouds that crowd near her beauty. Perhaps the road ahead is going to be rocky, perhaps the road ahead is one of hardness. But perhaps if she stayed with me throughout the journey, there can be happiness to be found, and strength to be discovered.
Will reality meet up with my eager anticipation, or is this only the mere delusion before the final awakening to a world that is devoid of emotions like love, care and concern? Do I even dare answer my own question or make the assumptions of the Worst Possible Outcome?
Dreamy eyes weary from a day's worth of classes trained upon a backlit LCD screen, trained upon the words that keep appearing as the fingers move according to their own volition. How dainty those typeset letters are! The sheer prettiness of the typography astounds even myself, considering that the letters are just simple monospaced ones, hardly like those expressive cursive styles so prevalent among gothic calligraphy. Pretty cursor too, though a thin non-blinking bar, deliberately set to be utilitarian and spartan.
The mind drifts in and out of consciousness, and wanders from thought to thought, as the words ebb and flow. It is late, that even my sleepy mind can tell, yet I cannot stay away from writing. A voice of my own, mimicking closely the life story of me, elucidations that I never thought to be too private nor secret.
My eyelids grow heavy with each paragraph, and my mind moans softly for restful sleep upon a comfy bed wrapped in a cozy blanket. My fingers, reluctant to stop, finally end their exercise upon the keyboard and ended this paragraph.
This is so strange... the feeling of an impending end of sorts mixed with some mild euphoria of triumphing over yet another phase in life that keeps me going on, step by step, little by little, forwards towards my zenith, before I decline to my nadir. Somehow, I believe that I'm supposed to feel stressed out, and yet an odd calm washes over me as I look forward with glassy eyes, lapsing to nightmares of failures and awaking to delight from the successes.
This is going to be my last semester as an undergraduate student. So many memories, so much pain, so much happiness... very mixed feelings, even though the end of the semester has not even drawn close. Yet another passing of innocence. The precocious child of the past is now in a state of semisagehood, being at the same time silly and wise. The fiery aggression that marks the the acts and deeds of myself have turned into an inner fire that burns strongly within and away from sight, only to be unleashed when the time truly has arrived.
And I am reaching what is probably the one-fifth/one-quarter mark of my entire lifespan in this world. Really sobering thought, that the 20+ years that I have lived is starting to become a significant fraction of the life that the stars have signalled to me. Shortness of life, the mortality of humans... a strange time to think about these, indeed, but I cannot seem to help it.
They entered my life, one by one, and some stayed on indefinitely, others lingered for a while and then go off to their merry ways, never to look back. She came to me in a dream, a dream that turned into reality when we were not looking, and blossoming into a kind of happiness that I never thought I could ever find before. It was love; I think that I have finally found my match.
The dark skies of the wintery night slowly part to reveal the warm glow of the moon overhead, with her light lovingly reflected by the wispy clouds that crowd near her beauty. Perhaps the road ahead is going to be rocky, perhaps the road ahead is one of hardness. But perhaps if she stayed with me throughout the journey, there can be happiness to be found, and strength to be discovered.
Will reality meet up with my eager anticipation, or is this only the mere delusion before the final awakening to a world that is devoid of emotions like love, care and concern? Do I even dare answer my own question or make the assumptions of the Worst Possible Outcome?
Dreamy eyes weary from a day's worth of classes trained upon a backlit LCD screen, trained upon the words that keep appearing as the fingers move according to their own volition. How dainty those typeset letters are! The sheer prettiness of the typography astounds even myself, considering that the letters are just simple monospaced ones, hardly like those expressive cursive styles so prevalent among gothic calligraphy. Pretty cursor too, though a thin non-blinking bar, deliberately set to be utilitarian and spartan.
The mind drifts in and out of consciousness, and wanders from thought to thought, as the words ebb and flow. It is late, that even my sleepy mind can tell, yet I cannot stay away from writing. A voice of my own, mimicking closely the life story of me, elucidations that I never thought to be too private nor secret.
My eyelids grow heavy with each paragraph, and my mind moans softly for restful sleep upon a comfy bed wrapped in a cozy blanket. My fingers, reluctant to stop, finally end their exercise upon the keyboard and ended this paragraph.
Monday, January 05, 2009
Safe Touchdown
Touched down, safe and sound. And now, to enjoy the sights and sounds of Austin.
That said, the flight over was not easy. The plane from Pittsburgh to Chicago [O'Hare] was delayed for at least 30 minutes, which meant that the time left between connections was shortened to no more than 20 minutes. And it didn't really help that the gate that we arrived in [at Chicago] was on one end of the `U' bend while the gate that we had to leave from was on the other end of the `U' bend. Needless to say, I half-ran/half-brisk-walked to the gate, and managed to get seated on the aeroplane with about 10 minutes to spare.
At least I didn't have to wait for the 1010hrs flight in the morning. That said, my legs now are dead tired, considering that just 4 days ago, they were subjected to [torture of] the Hatha Yoga ``Tree Pose'', and then about 3 days ago they were subjected to sub-zero temperatures at the First Night at Pittsburgh event, and then some urban exploration 2 days ago, and then the running/sprinting 1 day ago.
Damn my legs take a lot of brutal punishment. But then again, I like them a lot because they survive so well, even under such brutality. While the knees can be weak at times, and the thigh muscles are often strained (as are the calves and the shins), they still prevail, and allow me to accomplish seemingly impossible tasks, like walking for ridiculous distances without fail. Though my legs are rather thick in the thighs (and rump), I think that underneath it all is a strong set of muscles that work tirelessly so that I can get to places. Kudos to my legs!
Alright, enough of random nonsense, I will need to get a shower and then probably look for some food. Till next time.
That said, the flight over was not easy. The plane from Pittsburgh to Chicago [O'Hare] was delayed for at least 30 minutes, which meant that the time left between connections was shortened to no more than 20 minutes. And it didn't really help that the gate that we arrived in [at Chicago] was on one end of the `U' bend while the gate that we had to leave from was on the other end of the `U' bend. Needless to say, I half-ran/half-brisk-walked to the gate, and managed to get seated on the aeroplane with about 10 minutes to spare.
At least I didn't have to wait for the 1010hrs flight in the morning. That said, my legs now are dead tired, considering that just 4 days ago, they were subjected to [torture of] the Hatha Yoga ``Tree Pose'', and then about 3 days ago they were subjected to sub-zero temperatures at the First Night at Pittsburgh event, and then some urban exploration 2 days ago, and then the running/sprinting 1 day ago.
Damn my legs take a lot of brutal punishment. But then again, I like them a lot because they survive so well, even under such brutality. While the knees can be weak at times, and the thigh muscles are often strained (as are the calves and the shins), they still prevail, and allow me to accomplish seemingly impossible tasks, like walking for ridiculous distances without fail. Though my legs are rather thick in the thighs (and rump), I think that underneath it all is a strong set of muscles that work tirelessly so that I can get to places. Kudos to my legs!
Alright, enough of random nonsense, I will need to get a shower and then probably look for some food. Till next time.
Sunday, January 04, 2009
Radio Silence Again
So at this instant, I'm sitting in the Pittsburgh International Airport, waiting for my flight out to Austin, Texas. It is rather interesting, since the last time that I flew off to a holiday in the US was roughly two years ago, when I stayed with Mo over winter break in NYC.
That said, this means that I will be on radio silence for a bunch of hours. So, till next time.
That said, this means that I will be on radio silence for a bunch of hours. So, till next time.
Saturday, January 03, 2009
風をうけて
Damn, I'm hooked to this now, 風をうけて by 上戸彩:And here are the lyrics in Japanese:
The song is catchy, and the lyrics fairly meaningful. Hmmm...
《風をうけて》——上戸彩And the corresponding translation:
人ごとのような Rainy Day
いつも 曲がりきれないカーブで
わけもわからず 泣いてないで
持ちきれない荷物も
数え切れない夜も
ひとつずつ 手で握りしめて
嘘でかためた正義も いつも
夢ばかり語るブレーキも
疑いながら 歩いて 走って
断ちきれない思いも
持ちきれない願いも
ひとつずつ 絵にかいて眺め
繰り返し 笑うだけ
もう一人の自分のようで
嫌いと 辛いと 呟いた日々を
今から 飛び出し
※ずっとそそぐ風 もっと遠くまで
僕の足取りは軽く
日々に問いかける ずっと追いかける
太陽の光 浴びたままで
もっと届くまで もっと強くなれ
僕の道のりは長く
日々の追い風も 向かい風も
気にせず進んで 僕だけの明日へ※
うわの空に眺めて いつも
声に出さず語って
胸にすべて しまいこんで
理解できない時も 期待裏切る事も
ひとつずつ 描きかき消して
繰り返し そそぐ風
もう少し 話を聞かせて
描いた願いも 消えそうな日々を
今から飛び出し
(※くり返し)
Uoo 7色を描いて
朝日を語ってる
お決まりの 今日なんて
今から そっと
抜け出して みよう
(※くり返し)
A rainy day is like a personal affair(Lyrics and translation courtesy of JPopAsia.com).
There's always a curve that you can never turn around
Not crying, and not knowing why
Luggage that you can't take with you, and a countless number of nights
One by one, I grasp them with my hand
Justice is always hardened by lies
A brake that talks of dreams
As I question these things, I walk, I run
Feelings that can't be split, and wishes that can't be had
One by one, I picture them
I just smile again, like I'm by myself
From this point on, I'm going to jump into
These days that I murmur about being painful, and hating
The wind always goes furthur away
My step is light
I search these days that I always follow
Basking in the sunlight
I'll be more strong, until it reaches out even more
My path is a long one
The tailwind in these days, and the head wind
Move forward without a care, toward my tomorrow
Staring absent mindedly, I always speak without speaking out
Tucking it all away in my heart
When I don't understand something, and betraying my hopes
One by one, I make them and erase them
The wind moves on again, let me hear you talk a little more
From this point on, I'm going to jump into
These days in which it seems as though my dreams will disappear
The wind always goes furthur away
My step is light
I search these days that I always follow
Basking in the sunlight
I'll be more strong, until it reaches out even more
My path is a long one
The tailwind in these days, and the head wind
Move forward without a care, toward my tomorrow
Uoo, painting the rainbow, speaking of the morning sun
From now on, I'm going to secretly slip out into
The day that I've decided to have
The wind always goes furthur away
My step is light
I search these days that I always follow
Basking in the sunlight
I'll be more strong, until it reaches out even more
My path is a long one
The tailwind in these days, and the head wind
Move forward without a care, toward my tomorrow
The song is catchy, and the lyrics fairly meaningful. Hmmm...
Cheat Sheet to Life
Here's a cheat sheet to life:
- Live it.
- Do what you ought to do, not what you can do.
- Never regret.
- Look forward with anticipation, and look backward for wisdom.
- Learn from mistakes, yours and others.
Friday, January 02, 2009
Quick Summary
So, a quick summary of what I had written for 2008:And thus the grand total here is 331 articles, down from the 447 in 2007.
That's an average of 0.91 pieces of writing a day, compared to the 1.2 last year. I can't say that I wrote less than last year per se, because all these numbers do not take into account the number of words that were actively typed. There's the possibility that I'm writing more by word count, since the gross total of non-poetry writing is actually 205, which is marginally more than the 191 in 2007. And since essays/prose/rants tend to outnumber poems by sheer word count (the mean number of words per non-poem writing has an infimum of 400), it is most likely that I have written a whole lot more.
I have done several fixes the blogs. First off is the use of labels to highlight specific attributes of posts. Initially I wanted to use the labels to tag the contents, but realised that it was probably more futile than expected. Second is the switching to my own custom script to fix the formatting to aid in reading. I didn't like the way in which web browsers discard the end-of-sentence double spaces, and the staid quotes, and the fact that I had to memorise many useless entity numbers to type common punctuations like the ellipsis and the dash. I liked the readability of the text under edit mode, and thus created the script. Lastly, I've managed to bring myself to fix all the numbering problems in the archive of old poems, and the haikus, and even the stanza rambles.
2008 also marked the year in which I created my own information portal as a general-purpose website to store things that cannot be stored on the blogs. In fact, most of the writing for the year was channelled to that website, and the various term papers that I had to write, including the final report for my research project.
The upcoming goals for my writing would be to write more short stories and poems, and reduce the number of rants I have. Hopefully this time around, I am able to meet these goals.
Alright, that's all I want to say for 2008. Onward to 2009 we go!
That's an average of 0.91 pieces of writing a day, compared to the 1.2 last year. I can't say that I wrote less than last year per se, because all these numbers do not take into account the number of words that were actively typed. There's the possibility that I'm writing more by word count, since the gross total of non-poetry writing is actually 205, which is marginally more than the 191 in 2007. And since essays/prose/rants tend to outnumber poems by sheer word count (the mean number of words per non-poem writing has an infimum of 400), it is most likely that I have written a whole lot more.
I have done several fixes the blogs. First off is the use of labels to highlight specific attributes of posts. Initially I wanted to use the labels to tag the contents, but realised that it was probably more futile than expected. Second is the switching to my own custom script to fix the formatting to aid in reading. I didn't like the way in which web browsers discard the end-of-sentence double spaces, and the staid quotes, and the fact that I had to memorise many useless entity numbers to type common punctuations like the ellipsis and the dash. I liked the readability of the text under edit mode, and thus created the script. Lastly, I've managed to bring myself to fix all the numbering problems in the archive of old poems, and the haikus, and even the stanza rambles.
2008 also marked the year in which I created my own information portal as a general-purpose website to store things that cannot be stored on the blogs. In fact, most of the writing for the year was channelled to that website, and the various term papers that I had to write, including the final report for my research project.
The upcoming goals for my writing would be to write more short stories and poems, and reduce the number of rants I have. Hopefully this time around, I am able to meet these goals.
Alright, that's all I want to say for 2008. Onward to 2009 we go!
Countdown!
Okay, I know that this is sort of late, even by Eastern Time standards (i.e. it is almost the end of the day). 2008 passed by without much incident, much to my delight. Once more, I find myself heading down to Downtown Pittsburgh for the annual countdown (recall that I went there last year). Being the lazy bum I was, I managed to miss the entire parade, so the first thing that I went to see was a show by Bésame, a Latin American music quartet.
Here's another shot from the other side:
The fun thing about this quartet is the rather interesting mix of instruments---I have yet to see the appearance of a soprano saxophone in any small band (big-band style jazz has some parts for the soprano saxophone, but that's usually played by a player doubling in it), so it is rather refreshing to find this instrument here. That and the fact that a tuba is used to provide the beats, as opposed to other more ``traditional instruments'' like the cello or even the bass guitar. The members are also quite talented, since all of them could sing, in addition to playing their instruments. The range covered by their voices is fairly complete too, which makes it all the more interesting. The beats and rhythms are quite catchy, and the solo-bits by the soprano saxophone are just plain addictive, though I must say that the altissimo register was not used at all, probably due to the fact that the main purpose of the instruments were to accompany the singing.
And after the enchanting Latin American beats, the next group that I went to see was the Balmoral Highlanders.
The line-up this year was different from last year; there was a distinct lack of highland dancers. There seemed to be an emphasis towards promoting the pipers and the competitions, with the announcement of yet another competitive team while presenting the pieces. Also, one of them is a CMU frosh, which I find to be interesting:
Here's a picture of the more ``senior'' pipers of the band:
Notice that the location was still the First Presbyterian Church of Pittsburgh, as seen by the background.
After soaking up all that cultural music, it was time to hit the streets. Literally. The Highmark Central Stage was located off the Highmark building, which was on Penn Avenue itself. The location itself was more cramped than before, and the crowd was just a little on the overbearing side. Also, look carefully at this picture of the main stage:
Do you see the ``Free Hugs'' sign? I'm not sure if this was from the Free Hugs Campaign or if it was just some folks who want to spread the joy and cheer by their own initiative. Even though I felt that I needed a hug (I've not had one for almost a month!), I didn't want to squeeze through that throng of people to get some free hug, and thus I abstained. The band playing that night was the Fabulous Thunderbirds, and I must say that they sounded pretty good. They played till midnight, where the fireworks came on.
Unfortunately, I was a lazy bum... and was busy having fun with my War horn (same horn as the one last year) making a big noise. But here are two shots that I felt were not too bad, considering that capturing fireworks was something that was not too easy given zero set-up time.
And here's the other:
I know it looks funky, but I assure you, it was pretty darn good.
Compared to last year, this year's proceedings felt rather muted. I think it was because of the fact that last year was also the 250th Anniversary of Pittsburgh, which probably meant that there were more funds (and events) to commemorate the big event. But unlike countdowns and first nights elsewhere, the one in Pittsburgh was completely orderly---something about the family-friendly aspect of the event I think. The organising entity for the event was the Pittsburgh Cultural Trust, which pretty much ensured that all the activities involved were wholesome cultural events.
Which explains why I returned to the event one year later.
Here's another shot from the other side:
The fun thing about this quartet is the rather interesting mix of instruments---I have yet to see the appearance of a soprano saxophone in any small band (big-band style jazz has some parts for the soprano saxophone, but that's usually played by a player doubling in it), so it is rather refreshing to find this instrument here. That and the fact that a tuba is used to provide the beats, as opposed to other more ``traditional instruments'' like the cello or even the bass guitar. The members are also quite talented, since all of them could sing, in addition to playing their instruments. The range covered by their voices is fairly complete too, which makes it all the more interesting. The beats and rhythms are quite catchy, and the solo-bits by the soprano saxophone are just plain addictive, though I must say that the altissimo register was not used at all, probably due to the fact that the main purpose of the instruments were to accompany the singing.And after the enchanting Latin American beats, the next group that I went to see was the Balmoral Highlanders.
The line-up this year was different from last year; there was a distinct lack of highland dancers. There seemed to be an emphasis towards promoting the pipers and the competitions, with the announcement of yet another competitive team while presenting the pieces. Also, one of them is a CMU frosh, which I find to be interesting:
Here's a picture of the more ``senior'' pipers of the band:
Notice that the location was still the First Presbyterian Church of Pittsburgh, as seen by the background.After soaking up all that cultural music, it was time to hit the streets. Literally. The Highmark Central Stage was located off the Highmark building, which was on Penn Avenue itself. The location itself was more cramped than before, and the crowd was just a little on the overbearing side. Also, look carefully at this picture of the main stage:
Do you see the ``Free Hugs'' sign? I'm not sure if this was from the Free Hugs Campaign or if it was just some folks who want to spread the joy and cheer by their own initiative. Even though I felt that I needed a hug (I've not had one for almost a month!), I didn't want to squeeze through that throng of people to get some free hug, and thus I abstained. The band playing that night was the Fabulous Thunderbirds, and I must say that they sounded pretty good. They played till midnight, where the fireworks came on.Unfortunately, I was a lazy bum... and was busy having fun with my War horn (same horn as the one last year) making a big noise. But here are two shots that I felt were not too bad, considering that capturing fireworks was something that was not too easy given zero set-up time.
And here's the other:
I know it looks funky, but I assure you, it was pretty darn good.Compared to last year, this year's proceedings felt rather muted. I think it was because of the fact that last year was also the 250th Anniversary of Pittsburgh, which probably meant that there were more funds (and events) to commemorate the big event. But unlike countdowns and first nights elsewhere, the one in Pittsburgh was completely orderly---something about the family-friendly aspect of the event I think. The organising entity for the event was the Pittsburgh Cultural Trust, which pretty much ensured that all the activities involved were wholesome cultural events.
Which explains why I returned to the event one year later.
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